The Sins of Cybertron

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una
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The Sins of Cybertron

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Got your attention? :lol:

The Sins of Cybertron

The Beast Wars has ended. Optimus and his crew finally reached home. With their mission done and Megatron gone, they experience peace for the first time. Though, peace never lasts long as Optimus gets plagued with visions of doom and horror. The Tripredicus Council ends up dead. The Pax Cybertronia is rip to shreds. Predacons start attacking. Optimus and his crew have to get back together to found the person responsible. Though, Cybertron isn't the planet suffering

_____________________________________________________________

Prologue:

The End?


“Hey! Ain’t that a sight for sore eyes!”

Rattrap jumped from his seat which was right next to the green, brown rhino, Rhinox. Everyone else joined him in his excitement as the metallic blue planet of Cybertron stamped itself onto through gigantic, glass view screen of the Autobot shuttle that they miraculously found by the help of the honorable clone of Dinobot.

For Rattrap, Rhinox, Cheetor, and himself, of course, seeing Cybertron washed away all of their homesickness which accumulate those three years they had been lost. When the crew first launched into space, they were all ready to explore new planets and find at least one planet to establish a prosperous civilian colony. But all those hopes and dreams were crushed when they were ordered to track down the Darksyde and recover the golden disk that Megatron stole. All the adventurous spirits they had waned down after one year and all their medical, scientific, military research, which was supposed to be passed on to the colony for defenses, geared towards their own survival in a war no one expected or wanted.

It was different for Silverbolt and Blackarachnia. Their stasis pods carried everything about themselves and until now their only connection to their home were holocrons and records. He was glad that those two lovers get to see the planet which gave them life.

“I just wished the others could have too.”

His somber thought was soon interrupted by a mumbled roaring above the hull of the shuttle. Banging sounds started again, reminding everyone that they weren‘t the only ones going home. Megatron was probably trying to break through those titanium bars…again Rattrap gave a metal pipe and threw it at the top of the shuttle.

“Hey! Quiet up there!”

Rattrap shouted irritably, “I told ya we should have slag that Dragonbutt.”

It was his idea that Megatron be brought back alive. In his view, death was the easy way out. Megatron deserved to pay for his crimes by the will of the people. The courts should decide. Besides, who were they to play God? They were just explorers…well…they were supposed to be.



A thin, steely satellite outpost was dead ahead starboard hovering on the corner of the planet’s orbit.

“This is Maximal Outpost Two. Unidentified shuttle craft, please identified yourself immediately.”

Optimus turned on the shuttle communications with a large grin on his face, “This is Optimus Primal and Axalon’s crew.”

“Axalon? You guys were reported missing. Switch to visual.”

Rhinox worked his magic on the slightly bigger buttons and levers trying to get visual confirmation. It worked showing a orange faced Maximal with a golden helmet and lighter tones of orange around his neckline.

“By Primus! What happened to you guys?”

“We had some very interesting experiences.”

He made sure to put emphasis on interesting.

“We also see that you are carrying some extra cargo.”

A smirk formed on the orange bot’s mouth plate, “Isn’t that the Predacon rogue?”

“Yes, it is.”

“Give me a nanoclick.”

The screen switched back to the view of Cybertron. Everyone waited anxiously until the same bot came back on.

“Here are the coordinates to a landing port and there will be a security force waiting to pick up that Predacon.”

The communication console beeped loudly as limelight numbers fell vertically down the black screen.

“And Optimus Primal…crew of Axalon…”

“Yes?” Optimus spoke.

“We received a message from the Maximal Elders…Welcome home.”

“All right!” Cheetor cheerfully jumped giving Rattrap, who was hollering around, a high five.

“Thank you. It’s glad to be back.”

Optimus calmly said but he couldn’t help the grin on his face. Rhinox couldn’t either as the shuttle moved forward towards the planet’s surface. Buildings and skyscrapers appeared gradually into their sights. Bright lights blinded the crew with different lustrous colors that shone from skyscrapers, buildings, and from the vehicle forms of diverse transformers going about their day…or night to be expect. The stars seemed to twinkle at them as they veered down at the landing dock which was loaded with security bots and surprisingly, the High Council.


Securely, they docked the Autobot shuttle and opened the hatch door that lead them out. The Maximal Elders, which consisted of Omega Prime, Maximus Prime, and Sentinel Prime, stood with pride and relief. Crimson robes each outlined in different colors of the preferred individual, which was blue for Sentinel, a darker red for Omega, and a white colored one for Maximus, covered their bodies with royalty and respect. Sentinel’s face, which was half-covered by his faceplate like the others, shows wrinkles, experience, and longevity. Sentinel Prime was the oldest Prime who took the position after his descendent, Optimus Prime, joined the Matrix. Omega was the middle one. He took over Ultra Magnus’ spot. The youngest one, Maximus, was given Prime status by Rodimus.

Rattrap stood near Rhinox with his arms crossed.

“I hate politicians.”

He whispered to his friend.

“Shut up, Rattrap.” Rhinox whispered back.

“Optimus Primal,” spoke Sentinel Prime, who cranked his neck like all the others to look upon the Maximal leader, “You have grown taller since we last met. I’m sure your report is going to be full of amusing stories.”

“You think this is over?!”

Megatron sneered, “You, Maximals, haven’t won yet!”

“I think it is, Cyberclaw!”

Optimus cocked his eyebrow at the name. Must have been his name before he changed it.

“It’s Megatron!”

A couple of security bots with taser rods came closer to Megatron, holding them like an X across his neck. Chains slithered around him in different places as a bunch of Maximals untied him from the hull and tightened the chains around him. Pulling him down, Megatron started to struggle when the chains lit up with electricity.

He growled in pain, “I will not be a prisoner of the Maximals!”

“Don’t worry, Megatron. You won’t!”

Suddenly, out of the darkness, three figures with enormous statues like the Elders but with a more mischievous glow to them worked towards them. It was the Tripredicus Council. All three ignored the snarls and sharp stares they got as they stood near the Maximals.

“General Seaclamp.”

Sentinel Prime nodded towards the general whose slender, humanoid form was coated with a silver body armor. His dark, bare head structure do a nod towards the Elder.

“General Cicadacon.”

He was more bulkier than Seaclamp. The two short, spiky horns that sat upon his head colored a dark purple sideburn on each side of his black plated helmet. A black chain around his neck carried down all the way to his torso holding up a emblem of a grotesque symbol of Predacon heritage. Exactly they all did.

“General Ram Horn.”

Long, razor sharp horns towered his auborn head which proportionally held them up with arrogance. His body was more heavy than Seaclamp’s but not as big as Cicadacon. He also wore a silver armor plated torso that went down to his feet and covered his arms.


“What are they doing here?”

Optimus asked towards Sentinel who ignored his question.

“He is a Predacon,” General Seaclamp cleared his throat, “Megatron will be tried by our laws and traditions. I can assure you all that he will be treated as a criminal and will be dealt with accordingly.”

“Yeah right, they probably get old dragon butt a promotion and send him where Predacons go to retire!”

Rattrap’s contempt didn’t faze the Tripredicus Council one bit.

“We will be honored to have the Elders and the Axalon crew be present at the proceedings,” General Ram Horn said, “so we can avoid incidences that can be blamed on distrust and doubt.”

“That seems fair,” Omega Prime rubbed his chin.

“Then let us proceed.” General Seaclamp snapped two of his skeleton-like fingers together. Two Predacon guards appeared from behind the council.

“Guards, assist the Maximals in securing the rogue.”

The Maximal security closely watched as the purple and white Predacons held down Megatron’s restraints.

Maximus stepped forward, “Wait, before we depart, we need to deal with some business with the Axalon crew. May we do that?”

“Of course and we apologize to the Maximal crew for Megatron’s deeds which may have caused lost or damage.” General Cicadacon adjusted the chain around his neck.


“We will transport Megatron to the Chamber and await your arrival.”

General Ram Horn motioned for the council and the guards to follow them into the darkness, leaving his crew and the Elders alone.

Sentinel Prime smiled at his team, “Debriefings will start as soon as we arrive at the Citadel.”

The Elders lead them to a grey shuttle, which was too small for him. Transforming to his jet mode, he followed side by side the shuttle and looked at his crew through the clear windows that let the bright fluorescents lights to shadow outside. Staring at Rhinox, he was thankfully to have that gentle giant on their mission. He would always turn to him for advice. Rattrap was difficult at first. The sarcastic rat really didn’t like the prospect of being a guinea pig to test out his leadership capabilities but throughout the Beast Wars, he soon grow to respect his orders and do them. Still, Rattrap would have complain anyway because that was just the kind of mech he is when it comes to impossible odds. Also there was those little arguments with Dinobot. Those two grudging became friends and…


Optimus coughed just to try to pack away a ton of emotion that had risen from the mention of Dinobot’s name. A honorable Predacon turned Maximal who eventually understood his destiny. Remembering his last words, Optimus choked up. Changing his mindset, he looked at Silverbolt. Half-wolf and half-bird Maximal was the most noblest person he had ever met so in fact that his love changed Blackarachnia, who now was following her Maximal roots and has been shown how life is truly lived. Cheetor started out as an energetic child and now has become a mature Maximal. He couldn’t help but remember those days when Cheetor will recklessly charge to battle just to prove himself. Sure at times, he was harsh but he just didn’t want him to get hurt. He would always tell the kid to be cautious and think before he would act, trying to set a good example for the kid. Rattrap would playfully say how much he sound like a dad to the little guy. He was. If he didn’t take Cheetor with him on Axalon, he would have been stuck on the streets. Seeing Cheetor all grown up made his spark leap with content.


A stadium-like building, which was covered in bright lights that stood out the blue smooth structure of the Citadel, appeared like the Earth‘s sun was rising. Glancing at the structure, he had to make himself believe that this was real. They were home. Used to the smell of the air provided by the trees and flowers covering Earth, he had to get use to the oily yet warm air that breathed around Cybertron’s atmosphere again.

That shouldn’t be too hard.

_____________________________________________________________

They moved his body onto a metal stretcher with titanium binds that nailed him to the bed. His struggling became futile as the binds were very smug against his wrists and legs. The Tripredicus Council smiled at him triumphantly. Defeated and theirs to do as they please. He lost the Beast Wars! He lost the golden disk and those Maximals stopped him from changing the future! The Predacons could be the rulers of Cybertron and the galaxy or at least the Maximals would have perished…erased from time just like their ancestors! Now, he was in the hands of suck-ups who would no doubt execute him. He wasn’t dumb. He was a rogue and he will not stop not until he gets what he desires the most over all than just the liberation of the Predacon race but for ultimate power. He will not get a trial. He will die because he is a threat but also because he knew the Tripredicus Council’s little secret.

Hovering in a lying position, Megatron could only see the stars lamenting the sky and the polished black prisoner ship that was going to lead him to his death. As the Maximal security bots placed him behind the force shield upright against the cell wall, they exited the ship with frowns on their faceplates, showing their distrust of leaving a criminal in the midst of his kind.

Taking a good look around, the cell room was reminisce of the one that black cat, Ravage, enclosed him in except the fact that this ship was bigger and thicker. A hangar door on his right slid up revealing the last three faces he wanted to see.

“A shame,” General Seaclamp shook his bald, disgusting head in disappointment, “You were one of the most brilliant commanders we had in our army.”

General Cicadacon stepped closer towards the force field, “This is how your career ends, Megatron. Not with victory but defeat.”

“If you could have seen what we were planning, you wouldn’t be in this predicament. It pains us to see such recklessness from a respected individual such as yourself.” General Ram Horn said with the same attitude as Seaclamp.

“I prefer death over kissing the skidplates of our enemy.”

“Well, at least we are giving you what you want.”

“No more of this pointless bickering,” Ram Horn swiped his hand across the air like a dagger, “Megatron already knows the real reason why he is being put to death, don’t you?”

“You’re not Predacons.”

They remained silent, giving him room to continue.

“I always wondered why Tarantulas wanted to the destroy the Ark but then it made sense when all of his records were falsified or deleted by you all. You thought your tracks were covered when you deleted all those files but there was one thing you all didn’t count on…”

The three seemed to stiffened as Megatron smiled, “His personal inquiries he left on his computer.”

Tarantulas’ lair was badly damaged by the explosion caused by the aliens that laid inside that Maximal, Tigerhawk. After he watched the Maximals left, he scavenged through the scheming spider’s computer. The computer itself was beyond repair but a part of the computer’s module was still active. Looking at the file through the computer on the Nemesis, he skipped the dribble and read all the important juicy parts which made Megatron intrigued yet angry. To think, the Tripredicus Council were not what they claim to be. It made him even more determined to kill them with his own hands. He was the only real Predacon here! How dare they rule his people! Vengeance would be upon them someday…

Ram Horn pressed a button on the console that was across from him, “Deathstrike, please enter.”

Light cast inside the room as a door hissed. Coming into his view was a hulking transformer whose whole body and head was concealed by a cloak.

“Give him the shot.”

A needle appeared underneath the cloak. Deathstrike, who was still not revealing himself, walked inside the force field as the bars retracted. Liquid oozed from the needle like poison.

“What is that?”

Usually, he loved needles when he was the one who held it but since he was going to be the one injected, he would like to know what’s going to be injected into him.

“This will keep you quiet and paralyze through the whole trip,” a feminine voice came from hulking transformer, “To make sure you don’t try to escape or other funny business.”

His eyes widened as the needle dug into him, releasing hot fluid into his circuitry. His spark beat multiple times before his optics begin to feel heavy. Blinking once, he saw lavender optics glow from the darkness of the hood Deathstrike hide in. A twinkle of mischief could be seen within them. As he blink one more time, he could feel warm air whistle to his ear.

The same voice called toward him, whispering.

“Evil triumphs.”

Everything went black.



______________________________________________________________________


The debriefings were short which was very surprising. Too surprising to be exact. Heh! Who cares? Debriefings were usually dull anyway and besides, he was itchin’ to see Cybertron especially those new clubs he saw advertised on their ride to the Citadel. He wondered if the “Skidplates Up” was still opened? Was his favorite waitress still there?

Exiting the interrogation room as he liked to call it, he saw his old buddy Rhinox playing on some data pad. Must be something scientific. Rhinox was not the bot who played around a lot. Maybe he could get Rhinox to come with him to the clubs. The answer was going to be negative he knew that but maybe Rhinox would forget his past experience…

Rattrap had to chuckle at the memory of an embarrassed Rhinox who wasn’t used to not-so-modest femmes. Old Big Green was scarred for life!

“What cha got there, Rhinox?”

Rhinox held up the data pad, “Renstar has offered me a position as a senior medical and science officer. ”

“Renstar!”

That was the most popular scientific and medical research faculty on Cybertron.

“Wow! Way to go, old buddy!”

He jumped on Rhinox and gave him a short noogie on his head which made his friend flinch as he playfully dug into his forehead.

“Where are the others?”

“Follow me.”

Rhinox lead him down the dark blue hallway. Passing many doorways, his buddy changed his direction and opened a door on his right which revealed a circular table. Around the table were the rest of his pals. Optimus was sitting next to Cheetor and Silverbolt and Blackarachnia were right in front of them. Rattrap and Rhinox quickly took the seats that were empty putting them next to Optimus.

“So Boss Monkey, when are we going to see Megs kick the bucket?”

“In a moment,” the voice of Maximus came from the doorway, “there is something we need to discuss.”

“What is it?”

Optimus watched as a very disturbed Maximus encircled all of them. His movements were frantic and strange.

“When you guys left prehistoric Earth, you left a Predacon named Waspinator.”

Rattrap was getting dizzy at the Elder’s walking around. He had to shook his head as his vision became hypnotized but the mixture of gray and white. Optimus noticed the bot’s nervousness and since he was the youngest Elder, he was prone to having panic attacks on anything.

“Waspinator didn’t want to be a Predacon no more and he made a promise that he would be good.” Optimus assured.

“All right…” Maximus wiped his forehead, “let me get you guys settle in the transport Follow me.”

As he rose up to follow his buddies, he felt a chill in his servos that made him shiver.

“Whoa…where did that come from?”


_______________________________________________________________________

The transport ship was already warmed up for them and Optimus was glad that he could ride inside this time. The Elders offered to give him a smaller body but for some odd reason, he declined. He didn’t know why he did but his spark refused to leave this body. As he entered the ship, the seats were few but more than enough for them to found a comfortable area. Cheetor was sitting alone. All it took was one step forward to make Cheetor changed his seat, sitting next Rhinox who was behind a talkative Rattrap.
The young lad didn’t even look at him and if he did, it was for one second of notice. He took a seat up front which for some odd reason made he feel a little isolated. Silverbolt was behind him, holding Blackarchnia’s hand. He saw what transpired there and laid a comforting hand on Optimus’ shoulder before he lead his beloved Blackarachnia to seats two rows down.

Sighing, he felt the jerk of the transport leaving its landing position and smoothly flying upwards. Tilting forward, the screen that stared right of the aisle turned on with the face of Sentinel greeting them.

“The Tripredicus Council has announced that they are waiting for us at the courts. Regrettably, they have decreed Megatron for termination.”

‘What? I thought there was going to be a trial?”

“I’m sorry, Optimus. They have made a convincing argument about Megatron’s danger to Cybertron.”

“But isn’t that illegal? Wouldn‘t that bring serious repercussions?”

“I’m already here at their Tribunal. Maximus and Omega have reported that they too will arriving shortly. Safe journey, Axalon crew.”

A sharp static changed the screen back to black.

“Geez…da Maximal Elders are acting pretty weird here.”

Rattrap’s statement had truth. It seems like they all really wanted to get rid of Megatron. He was dangerous especially in his dragon body, but he had rights too just like any of them. Something was going on here. Something that they weren’t being told…

A hard jerk disrupted his thoughts. They were here already?

“We are being attacked!”

“A Predacon!” Rattrap faced the window next to him

Looking outside his own window, a small airplane attacked the side of the transport with long missiles. Screeching, the pilot was heard cursing under his breath.

“We have no weapons! I’ll out maneuver that bugger!”

Twisting and turning, the whole smooth ride became a bumpy one.

“Great, we are back home on Cybertron and already we are being attack!”

Rattrap complained. He was standing up when a hard knock front made his whole body go crashing to the back of the transport.

“Rattrap!”

He called out as the rat moaned.

“We are okay! He veered off. Whoa! Thank Primus this transport has more armor than dent.” The pilot’s high voice grew louder with joy and relief.

Those was a few moment of silence before their ride landed at its destination. As they all stepped out, in front of them was the Chamber of Courts. It appeared like a black castle, deformed into a somewhat spooky imagery. The Maximal Elders were in front of the entrance, itchy to get all of this over with. He did too. No matter how evil Megatron was, he had the right to a fair trial. He didn’t deserve it but that wasn’t the point. All he knew was Predacon executions weren’t pretty.

Entering the main hall, which was decorated in dark pallid and grey shades around the corners, the Tripredicus council were in their seats, which was upfront in separate podiums, overshadowing their prey of judgment…

Megatron.

_____________________________________________________________


A pounding headache greeted him as his mind and eyes awoke strained from their paralyzed state of sleep. Tilting his neck slightly, he realized that his neck was still stiff. Hands, arms, and his whole body was still paralyzed. He growled vowing vengeance on that Deathstrike and the Tripredicus Council! The sight of the Maximals and their pathetic Elders entering the room made him even more furious! Optimus Primal was staring at him with…pity! How dare he! He doesn’t need his pity! All the others especially the rat and the young one…gave him looks of disdain with satisfaction of his upcoming demise. He had to admit. There was no escape for him…no mercy.

“So this is how I die. Not with a bang but by the burning holes of misfit Maximals.”

Clearing their throats, one of the council members, probably Seaclamp, banged the sphere of justice against the pedestal twice as the Maximals found their seats in front.

“We are here today to see justice served against the rogue Predacon Megatron formally known as Cyberclaw.”

Cyberclaw…what a wrenched name. He was glad that he changed it to Megatron. Megatron was somebody yet least not a nobody like puny Cyberclaw. That individual died years ago. Dead. Gone. Forever erased!


“Because of what Cyberclaw put the Axalon crew…the lives of both Predacon and Maximal he has taken for his ambitions…we sentence Cyberclaw to death by injection,“ General Cicadacon said.

His body jolted, trying to made his arms from his bonds. He wanted to break Cicadacon in two! Struggling with more resolve, he felt his body loosen the restraints. Ram Horn saw this and ordered two guards to keep him still as a familiar transformer, Deathstrike loomed over him with the lethal injection of a substance created by the Maximals who didn’t reveal what they used to create this…liquid of destruction. All he knew was that green substance dissolved circuitry systems to dust in a mere nanoclick.

“Any last words before sentence is carried out?”

Seaclamp said slyly.

What could he say? Could he yell out vengeance! That he would rise again? Beg? He shivered at that thought. Yet there was something he did want to say but it was just to Optimus…yesss!

He cleared his throat and stared straight at the Maximal leader. Primal saw his gaze and looked down on him.


“I die here as a true Predacon fighting against the oppression of the Maximals.”

He gave a smirk of pride and accomplishment even if he really didn’t complete his main objective.

“But before I entered the Pit, I just want you’ll to know that evil is everywhere. There will always be a Megatron. I may die here but there will always been someone who will take my place. I will die a martyr!”

He narrowed his purple eyes like fire at Optimus’ bright green ones, “And remember this…I will haunt you….I WILL haunt you…”

Those four words sunk in towards the crowd but all of them seemed to discard his statement but Optimus didn’t. His eyes will widened. Megatron gave a huge grin to himself. That was the reaction he wanted because the four words were really directed to him. He wanted his face to torment Optimus even after his demise.

“Mind games are the best weapon to use on the enemy.”

“Deathstrike, inject the shot into his fuel system.” Cicadacon commanded, rolling his eyes.

The shot dug into his neck introducing a fire to his fuel system. Smoke busted out from his mouth as he painfully coughed up a green substance. The same green substance he saw earlier in that needle. The death wasn’t quick like those mongrels said. Sparks of fire burned his dragon form with a bite. His whole body spazzed like his own systems were electrocuting him. Growling as he could feel the fire reach his spark, his eyes quickly turned black as night and his body froze. Dark red dragon changed into a dark grey, void of beauty or grace.


Megatron, the great leader of the Predacons, was no more.



____________________________________________________________


Disgusting.


Brutal.


His systems seem to turn at the sight of his old nemesis’ body so twisted and covered in the smelting of his own circuitry. No pleasure came from the death of Megatron. He knew that the Elders, the Tripredicus Council, and even his crew probably thought that he deserved it. No argument from him but there was no joy. Was he feeling sad for Megatron? If their situation were reversed, Megatron would be celebrating, probably mocking and humiliating his body for his own ego. But Optimus would not stoop to that level. Though, the four small words kept echoing in his head.

“I will haunt you.”

Something about that made him edgy. Primus, Megatron’s whole speech made him anxious.


“That was brutal!”

Maximus Prime stood from his seat with rage, “You gave him too much. That was over the legal limit.”

He was the only one making a fuss.

“We apologize.” Seaclamp closed his eyes with a solemn tone, “His form was impenetrable. We had to change the size of the needle. Besides, measurements are not always accurate.”

Maximus Prime gave Omega and Sentinel a look. He wanted some backup but they weren’t giving it. Sighing in defeat, he knew that he made a moot point without facts. Walking with his hand on his face, he exited the building leaving a heavy silence.

“Deathstrike, take the body to the designate resting place. As for all of you, the Tripredicus Council again apologize for the death or harm to the Pax Cybertronia treaty.”

Ram Horn raised his hands along with his body. Optimus and his crew raised as well as the Elders followed his lead.

“Judgement has rested. I wish the Axalon crew and warm welcome and hope that Cybertron hasn’t changed too much for you guys.”

Rattrap muttered something inaudible to Optimus’ sensors. Something that wasn’t very nice from the sharpness of his tone. Guards with silver plates over their faceplates holding staffs watched them carefully as they exited through the tan doors that opened from both sides.


His crew and him were all outside, making a small circle except Cheetor.

“Where’s Cheetor?”

“The Elders are talking to him.” Rhinox answered.

Optimus looked to his left and spotted Cheetor with the Elders. The others all followed his lead in eavesdropping on the conversation but they were too far for any of them to hear anything. By the flustered look on Cheetor’s face, the conversation wasn’t a very good one at least from young one’s view. Waving the Elders off, Cheetor walked away from the Elders and joined their little circle.

“Cheetor, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing, Optimus.”

That was a lie but he wasn’t going to press him. Maybe he would tell him later.


A silence like the night sky overcame the group. It didn’t come to anyone’s mind that this was the end of the road. He glanced at Rhinox to Cheetor to Rattrap to Silverbolt and Blackarachnia as they all did the same. For three years, they all lived, experienced joy, and experience sorrow together. Through trials and tribulations, they had survived and with that survival, a bond has been shared. A bond like family.

“So…” Rhinox ended the silence, “I guess this is it.”

“I suppose,” Cheetor said with a sigh.

“It’s so strange. I kinda got used to all of you.”

Optimus nodded his head, agreeing with Rattrap. Then he smiled.

“It’s not the end. We can still keep in contact with each other.”

“Yeah, that’s right. Besides, we need to show bird-dog and she-spider Cybertron in all its glory!” Rattrap perked up.

“We will be honored if you’ll do.” Silverbolt took a small bow with one of his bright smiles.

“Yeah just one little request,” Blackarachnia pointed her finger up in the air and twisted towards Rattrap, “don’t let rat-face here be our tour guide.”

“Hey!” Rattrap exclaimed.

“Silverbolt told me, Rattrap.” Her hands on her curved hips swerved side to side.

“Blame a rat for having fun.”

“Sometimes you have way too much fun,” Rhinox said with a smirk.

Rattrap hold out the palm of his hands at the couple, “It’s not like they haven’t had that fun before.”

Optimus, Cheetor, and Rhinox laughed as Rattrap got a double smack on his head from the couple.

Rubbing his head, he jumped in between Rhinox and Cheetor with his arms around their necks, “Well, before we do any of that, we could visit that crummy diner you like so much, Rhinox. All drinks on big rhino here.”

Rhinox gave him a hard stare, “You’re buying this time!”

“What?”

“Don’t tell me you forgot that I bought last time?”

Rattrap patted Rhinox’s shoulder, “Me forget? I was hoping you would.”

“Sounds good.”

Optimus grinned as this could be their last get together.

“Well, let’s go!”

Cheetor said in a hurry. He transformed into his beast mode, “Last one to the transport is buying next time!”

Flames busted from his jet rocket as his legs started running forward.

“Geez…” Rattrap rolled his eyes, “I thought he grew out of that game. Come on, guys! I drink a lot!”

Silverbolt and Blackarachnia at first didn’t move a muscle but when the spider suddenly started running, Silverbolt wasn’t too far behind. Optimus just shook his head along with Rhinox.

“We better make sure they don’t run into trouble.” Rhinox said as he started running.


Optimus just walked. As the artificial lights brightened the sky, his mind seemed to feel peace for the first time in three stellar cycles. Megatron was gone and they were home. Just as he gazed up at the sky, he put his hand over his spark for remembrance of the comrades he lost…Tigratron…Airazor…Dinobot…Depth Charge and for the stasis pods he failed to protect from Megatron.

Thoughts of what he was going to do next was put on hold. He better get to that transport. Transforming to his jet mode, he blazed through the wind catching up with his comrades…his family.



************************************************************

I will take any criticisms on the story because I like to improve my writing. So don't hold back.

Next Chapter- Six Years Later
Last edited by una on Thu Oct 29, 2009 2:42 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Unread post by Blazemane »

Wow.

This... felt good to read. The Beast Wars quite often seemed like they would never end, and seeing the end result of that war for the Maximals, and their feelings of relief and triumph are really neat to read.

As are Primal's regrets about those lost on Earth.

Was Cheetor telling the Maximal Elder's off? That would be cool... I wonder what's going on with them anyways.

Really, this is good stuff.

A few technical things. First, off, dialogue should generally be accredited to it's speaker in the same paragraph that the dialogue is written in. It maintains continuity.

So for example, instead of saying
“Any last words before sentence is carried out?”

Seaclamp said with the hint of sly.
you would say:
“Any last words before sentence is carried out?” Seaclamp said with the hint of sly.
In reference to this specific sentence, "sly" is not a noun, so you might want to use it as an adverb or adjective. So you might say:
“Any last words before sentence is carried out?” Seaclamp said slyly.
or
“Any last words before sentence is carried out?” Seaclamp said. His voice seemed sly.
Secondly, ellipses should generally have a space between them and the next word.

"Take... out the trash." as opposed to "Take...out the trash."

Make sure to make words which are meant to be plural, plural. And, I do like the way you wrote internal thought with these characters without ever actually resorting to first person, and rarely even dialogue, but make sure your reader can determine who is thinking what. For example:
The Tripredicus Council smiled at him triumphantly. Defeated and theirs to do as they please. He lost the Beast Wars! He lost the golden disk and those Maximals stopped him from changing the future! The Predacons could be the rulers of Cybertron and the galaxy or at least the Maximals would have perished…erased from time just like their ancestors! Now, he was in the hands of suck-ups who would no doubt execute him. He wasn’t dumb. He was a rogue and he will not stop not until he gets what he desires the most over all than just the liberation of the Predacon race but for ultimate power. He will not get a trial. He will die because he is a threat but also because he knew the Tripredicus Council’s little secret.
Is this all written from Megatron's perspective, is there some perspective from the council, or does it switch between both?

And for one final technical matter, make sure to keep your tenses consistent. For example, in the above paragraph, you say "He was a rogue[/i] and he [/i]will[/i] not stop.", or "He will die because he is a threat but also because he knew the..."

I think, because your story is written in past tense, you should probably change any inconsistencies to match past rather than present. So you might say "He was a rouge and he [/i]would[/i] not stop.", or "He [/i]would[/i] die because he was a threat but also because he [/i]knew[/i] the..."

At any rate, I notice your previous name for Megatron is the same one you used in here:

viewtopic.php?t=1157

Nice use of continuity.

And on one final note, somebody really oughta' knock some sense into Rattrap for wanting to take everyone... where he does.
I understand... you are, after all, a predacon.

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una
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Unread post by una »

Blazemane wrote:Wow.

This... felt good to read. The Beast Wars quite often seemed like they would never end, and seeing the end result of that war for the Maximals, and their feelings of relief and triumph are really neat to read.

As are Primal's regrets about those lost on Earth.

Was Cheetor telling the Maximal Elder's off? That would be cool... I wonder what's going on with them anyways.

Really, this is good stuff.

Wow! Thank you.

A few technical things. First, off, dialogue should generally be accredited to it's speaker in the same paragraph that the dialogue is written in. It maintains continuity.

So for example, instead of saying
“Any last words before sentence is carried out?”

Seaclamp said with the hint of sly.
you would say:
“Any last words before sentence is carried out?” Seaclamp said with the hint of sly.
In reference to this specific sentence, "sly" is not a noun, so you might want to use it as an adverb or adjective. So you might say: “Any last words before sentence is carried out?” Seaclamp said slyly.
For the dialogue, I was always told to do it that way but I see I did them both. I'll just go with yours.

"Sly" I better change that now. Hehe :lol:

Make sure to make words which are meant to be plural, plural. And, I do like the way you wrote internal thought with these characters without ever actually resorting to first person, and rarely even dialogue, but make sure your reader can determine who is thinking what. For example:
The Tripredicus Council smiled at him triumphantly. Defeated and theirs to do as they please. He lost the Beast Wars! He lost the golden disk and those Maximals stopped him from changing the future! The Predacons could be the rulers of Cybertron and the galaxy or at least the Maximals would have perished…erased from time just like their ancestors! Now, he was in the hands of suck-ups who would no doubt execute him. He wasn’t dumb. He was a rogue and he will not stop not until he gets what he desires the most over all than just the liberation of the Predacon race but for ultimate power. He will not get a trial. He will die because he is a threat but also because he knew the Tripredicus Council’s little secret.
Is this all written from Megatron's perspective, is there some perspective from the council, or does it switch between both?

And for one final technical matter, make sure to keep your tenses consistent. For example, in the above paragraph, you say "He was a rogue[/i] and he [/i]will[/i] not stop.", or "He will die because he is a threat but also because he knew the..."

I think, because your story is written in past tense, you should probably change any inconsistencies to match past rather than present. So you might say "He was a rouge and he [/i]would[/i] not stop.", or "He [/i]would[/i] die because he was a threat but also because he [/i]knew[/i] the..."
I always had a tendency to do that. I write my stories in past. I didn't realize until now that how that paragraph could be two people talking. It was supposed to be Megatron's internal thoughts.


At any rate, I notice your previous name for Megatron is the same one you used in here:

viewtopic.php?t=1157

Nice use of continuity.

And on one final note, somebody really oughta' knock some sense into Rattrap for wanting to take everyone... where he does.

Yeah, I just couldn't think of a name so I just used the one I already made up.

Again, thank you! I'm glad you enjoy it.

Just to let everyone know all my chapters will go under this thread!
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