Part One:
Suffering another sleepless night, Optimus sat at his desk in his quarters in the early hours of the morning while most of the Maximals slept. His mentor’s journal laid in front of him while he carefully held his identification chip between his thumb and index finger tip. The commanding officer was still indecisive about listening to the Admiral’s deepest thoughts and secrets, but after another nightmare with the Vok, this was the best distraction he could think of.
Years had gone by since he last stood before Nexus Prime learning from him and all his wisdom under his apprenticeship and always eager to please him and work hard. He missed him dearly...
If Optimus and his crew survived this war on Earth and returned to Cybertron, Nexus wasn’t going to be there to greet him. He wasn’t going to be there to hear his stories or support him or meet his crew that made him who he was and saved his life. One might think knowing all of this would make it easier to listen to his journal without worrying about being judged by the author since he was no longer among the living, but because he had meant so much to Primal, it only made it much more difficult.
Taking a deep breath, he inserted the chip that Zodiac had given him into the slot on the side edge of the digital journal and pressed the button to activate it. It was now or never. Why keep resisting? Why keep doubting himself about what he may or may not hear? This was his father figure, his teacher, his role model. He trusted him. It was the last physical piece of Nexus Prime that was left in the galaxy, right there in front of him. “I’m ready now,” Optimus said quietly to himself as if he was speaking to the decorated war hero on the other side of his desk where many of his Maximals had sat before. “Let’s see what you can tell me, my friend. Maybe you can shed some light on some of my life’s mysteries and conspiracy theories...”
-----
With a sudden flicker of light, the journal came to life. This time it was in the hands of its intended recipient instead of the individual who had ultimately taken the admiral's life and then harvested his most prized possession from him. As well as his identification chip, to be used to better impersonate the aging warrior. Or at least so had been the killer's intention, only for him to discover that the chip was capable of unlocking parts of the journal that would otherwise have remained hidden.
The holographic version of Nexus Prime soon materialized from the journal's surface, the image a bit blurry at first before finally showing all the details of the admiral in his glory. "Is this thing on?," a voice then said as the holographic image appeared to lean forward towards something, perhaps a button, before the familiar figure made a sighing noise. "Technology..," the hologram muttered and then finally turned to face directly at the viewer.
His appearance was just as Primal remembered him, this holographic version of him obviously having been taped some time ago before all the torments that would eventually claim the famed Maximal's life happened. Although he still bore scars on his armor from his many battles, they were faded against the shine of his seemingly newly polished armor. "Guess I should have read the instructions a bit better... Ahem. So anyway.. My dear Optimus, if you are watching this journal I am more than likely gone from this world. Hopefully I got to live a long life and managed to create some real change for our kind, but only time will tell for sure I suppose." Nexus then paused, offering something of a smile to what he presumed would be his young apprentice now watching him. Indeed, Nexus had never really expected to live for as long as he ultimately did, given the nature of his duties. Soldiers like him rarely lived long enough to retire after all.
"Don't shed tears for me because I'm gone, Optimus, I've lived a good life and have already gotten to experience more than most Maximals ever do. Of course among those experiences have been a number of mistakes, but I suppose that's why I've decided to leave you this.. legacy.. as to help keep you from making the same mistakes I did. Not that I think you ever would. After all, you have made such astonishing progress since you first came to join my team." The hologram proceeded to chuckle, obviously thinking back to a time long ago when Primal had first showed up. He was so young and inexperienced, so eager to please.. Nexus had appreciated his intellect and often asked for his input on things that would come up, finding that his young apprentice helped him gain a new outlook on the world around him.
-----
When the journal illuminated, and Nexus appeared, Optimus almost immediately turned it off. Out of fear? Sadness? Was it too soon? But he stopped himself. After everything he had been through, the loss of some crew members, the battles with the Predacons, the encounters with the Vok, and Zodiac, this seemed to be the hardest thing for him to face to date. There he was, Nexus Prime, just as Optimus recalled him. His voice, his mannerisms, his chuckle. He reached toward the hologram with his right hand wishing he was real and that he could touch him. But his finger tips caused the recording to jump and flicker which gave him the reality check that it was merely a hologram and a memory. Nothing more.
Primal nearly smirked when he watched Nexus fumble with the technology at first. Sometimes he had trouble getting accustomed to it and Optimus, being younger than the Admiral and more adept to the new tech on Cybertron, had to show him how to operate it on occasions. But Nexus was a quick learner too.
Primal’s smile soon disappeared, however, as the tidal wave of emotions shook the core of his spark when Nexus focused his attention directly into the camera, seemingly staring straight at Optimus like he was really there. The more he spoke as though everything was fine, the more it pulled at his life force, and his orange optics started to water despite how much he fought the urge to keep the tears back.
A long life... that had been cut short. And Optimus hadn’t been there to help him. Instead, he had graciously - and foolishly - accepted his first exploration and crew and departed Cybertron leaving Nexus behind. Optimus placed his hand over his spark as if it would help ease the pain, but it didn’t. There was Nexus... He told himself to find the courage to keep watching and listening. He told himself that it would get easier... It was surreal to see him speaking as if nothing had happened, like he was still alive. But he was gone...
-----
“It’s okay,” the admiral continued softly while reaching out his hand as if he could use it to touch Primal’s face. It was as if he knew how Optimus would surely be feeling right now, lost and alone, while watching his mentor from beyond the grave. “I wish I could be there to tell you these words in person, and to give you a hug while doing it. And although I don’t know how I died, I know I must have gone while fulfilling some great purpose. Hopefully I didn’t go out as a whimpering old fool in my own recharging station,” he continued, reflecting on a life he still planned to carry on with for years to come. It was typical of the admiral to say something like that after all, not that he often if ever discussed the legacy he would leave behind.
However he was not getting any younger, and some day he would surely end up dead somewhere. Whether the cause was his own declining health, or in the battlefield, or by the will of the Council.. He didn’t make a habit of lingering over such thoughts normally, nor did he seem to find the topic especially saddening.
“I miss you, you know. It’s only been a week since you left for the flight training school, but it feels lonely here without you around. Don’t get me wrong. I have a good crew around me, but they don’t challenge me the way you do. And they always stop talking whenever I enter, only to salute me or something silly like that. You know I never liked the formality of the job, so I’m already counting down the days for when you return. Perhaps then we can take the Akira out for a trip, just the two of us. If you only would have asked, I would have been more than happy to teach you the mechanics of flying a large air craft myself.”
-----
Optimus shook his head at Nexus as if to tell him that his death had not been in vain, and he had a made difference for Maximals and Cybertron even if the High Council had kept most of it classified. Despite the circumstance and knowing the truth about his death, Primal almost chuckled at him mocking himself about dying as a whimpering, old fool. That was his sense of humor after all, which Optimus had to admit was a bit lighter than his own. But for a brief moment, he wondered what had gone through his father figure’s head when he eventually did meet his fate and the way it happened by Zodiac’s hand disguised as his star pupil.
A tear rolled down Primal’s cheek by that point. Nexus’s hand reaching out to him... His desire for a hug... Optimus remembered their last embrace as though it was yesterday. “I miss you too,” he said with another tear. “Primus...” Some how his words kept pulling at the “strings” of his spark. It only made him wish even more that he could see him again, that he could return like Nexus had hoped he would and keep challenging him, and keep working together, and make a difference for their planet and its inhabitants.
A tiny chuckle slipped out of his mouth when he mentioned his crew following the military protocol toward an Admiral’s rank because he knew how he felt about that, and that was how Optimus operated too; he didn’t practice those formalities. Then again, he wasn’t exactly a soldier, he was a scientist. But Nexus was always an inspiration to keep Optimus grounded and humble.
The Akira... It was gone now. Lost to the past just like Nexus. He hardly got to know the ship thanks to Zodiac. Then again, if it hadn’t been for Zodiac, he might not have ever had the chance to walk through it before it was destroyed. So, he wasn’t mad, but he was sorry to have lost the ship that Nexus had designed and brought to life in hopes of finding Optimus himself and his crew and rescuing them. But it was not meant to be.
“If only I had asked,” Primal repeated his mentor’s words and bowed his head in shame for his lack of courage in doing so. But there had been a lot going on that time as well; a lot of meetings, training, educating, and so forth. He should have made time for it instead of excuses.
-----
The admiral visual image smiled. It was a knowing smile, full of hope for the future of his son. The two of them may not have been related by mech fluid, but Optimus had more than made up for it with his spirit. There had been nobody that would have as much impact on the old admiral as him, nobody else he’d be willing to give up everything for.
“Yes, I know it’s a bit selfish of me to think that way. I’m well aware of your eagerness to have your own crew and vessel, and to be able to explore the vastness of space. Yet I still hope you will allow me to come with you on those trips. You see.. I plan to resign my position soon. I’m getting too old for a life on the battlefield, so it’s time to leave that part of my life behind.”
He paused briefly, clearing his throat before continuing.
“I wanted to tell you that when you first came to me with your desire of becoming an explorer. But as things were, I really couldn’t get a word in about the matter. You were so excited, I didn’t want to say or do anything that could make you second guess yourself.”
His hands folded softly in front of his abdomen and he stood there, looking quite proud but also stoic.
“I’m so proud of you, Optimus.. You really have no idea. Hopefully some day I can bring myself to tell you in person, when your path in life brings you back into mine. You have so many talents to tap into, and I know in my spark that you are leadership material. Hopefully by the time you get to hear me say this, you’ve matured enough and gained enough experience in the role to stop doubting yourself.”
That self doubt was likely the only thing standing in the way of Optimus' ambitions. Nexus had never doubted his capabilities as a leader figure, he had always encouraged him to take the chance and to lead his own way. Yes, the old admiral had many wins in his name, but he still had not achieved that peace on Cybertron goal he so desired. And he was getting a bit weary from the constant battling towards that goal. Perhaps some fresh insight in the form of someone younger could be the missing piece to solving the puzzle and to bring this cold war against the Predacons to a halt.
The voice trailed off a bit again, but the admiral soon gathered himself enough to continue.
“If you’ll let me guide you, that is,” he added, a bit apologetic for simply having assumed that is what Primal wanted. He was turning into his own bot after all. “But a fair warning, dear Optimus. As I’m sure you’ve come to realize by now, leadership is more of a burden than something to be celebrated. There’s going to be sacrifices you’ll have to make, and not every decision will be the right one. You’ll no doubt end up trusting the wrong voices whispering into your audio receptors, much like I did, but I’m sure you’ll pull through despite all these things. Because you possess qualities most others can only dream of, and you will prevail.”
-----
Nexus had been ready to resign? Not that it came as a surprise to Optimus considering his age, but knowing that now after knowing that he was fully prepared to find Primal and his crew and bring them home only to be stopped short and killed by Zodiac was heart breaking. What other plans did he have for his retirement before he was robbed of it? He may never know unless he expressed it in this journal.
That smile of his. It was so confident but warm. For a war hero, Optimus saw it many times. Nexus didn’t seem to have hardened over his years of leadership and his own losses and trauma. Primal felt like he was... He was older now, matured, and he always took everything that happened to his Maximals to heart. “Would you have even recognized me if you saw me now?” he asked out loud even though the Admiral wouldn’t answer back. Not just physically since his appearance was quite different now. Very different. Animal DNA mixed in with his Transformer mechanics, and a TransMetal appearance thanks to the transwarp explosion that his death had created. Both of which were virtually unheard of on Cybertron. But also personality-wise. Primal was not the same Maximal he was during his apprenticeship under the Admiral. Yet, he supposed he was still the same.
“I was excited,” he agreed with Nexus Prime’s hologram. “It was everything I wanted,” he admitted, even at the cost of being involved in such immoral and shady projects, which he deeply regretted. Did Nexus feel the same way? He wished he had told him all of this regardless of possibly causing him any self doubt. He would have wanted to hear all of it from him in person... But all he had was this digital recording. Well, it was better than never having the opportunity to hear it at all.
Proud? More tears gently and silently rolled down Primal’s cheeks and cross the scar that angularity stretched over his mouth. “When my path in life brings me back to you,” he repeated softly with some emotional anguish. Oh, Nexus... “I fear it was never meant to be...” And when he went on to mention Primal’s leadership potential, self-confidence and maturity, Optimus realized how right he was, about everything. At least he knew that he had made him proud, long before the Beast Wars had begun.
“Yes, you can guide me!” Optimus had nearly shouted as though it still mattered, but it didn’t. Well, not in the same sense. Of course he was more than willing to listen to his advice now after his death, but if he had still been alive, Primal would have welcomed his guidance. He had treasured his relationship with Nexus too much to ever leave it behind or ignore his wisdom.
As he went on to explain the burdens of leadership, Optimus agreed with him entirely. Had he known any of that ahead of time, he might have hesitated taking the Axalon. Then again, none of this was what he had in mind. To be in a war for survival against one of the most lethal and cunning Predacons? No, Optimus didn’t ask for any of it, but he was there without a choice, and he was doing his very best to make it through with his team. Giving up or quitting was never in his programming. Regardless, again, Nexus was right about it all. Yes, Optimus listened to the wrong whispers in his audio sensors, and now he had more unwanted whispering in his head. And, no, not every decision he had made was the right one. But there was no manual for a war like the one he found himself in. How would Nexus have handled it?
Primal finally nodded, wiped away his tears and repeated, “I will prevail. My Maximals and I will prevail,” he corrected himself. “I will finish what I’ve started. ...But I do wish you could be by my side...”
-----
As the first chapter of Nexus’ journal ended with more praise and reassurance towards Optimus, the holographic image seemed to flicker again for a moment before fading away. Still, there were so much more information left in the journal, much of which dealt with the admiral’s personal feelings towards his protégé but a lot also delved into the many plans Nexus had for the future, as well as his reflections on what he had done in the past. As much as Nexus had divulged to Optimus during their actual encounters, the journal also allowed him to say the things he was a bit uncomfortable talking about in person.
One such topic came up when the hologram suddenly reappeared as another entry automatically started when the journal was left on after the first chapter was over. And it was a more somber Nexus that appeared this time, his weathered appearance bearing witness to how troubled the admiral must have been when he made this entry.
“It has been nearly five Cybertronian megacycles since the last time I slept,” the hologram started. Of course it wasn’t entirely abnormal for the aging admiral to go for long periods of time without sleeping, but he would normally try to keep such trivial concerns to himself. “But do not fear, for I will rest soon enough. There’s just a few matters I have to attend to first. For one those fools on the Council have decided to reopen projext X, despite my best efforts to persuade them otherwise. I read your reports on this subject and no, I haven’t forgotten your recommendation to disband the project altogether. Believe me, Optimus, there are few things I would rather do.. “
The hologram did not bring up another experiment he and his favorite pupil had spent much time and effort on, namely Zodiac, but in truth that wasn’t so strange when considering the effort Nexus went through to keep the horrific details of that experience from ever entering Optimus’ mind again. The admiral had felt so much guilt about that, but he genuinely felt it was the best option available to him. Optimus’ spark had been so pure, his mind so young and impressionable.. He didn’t need to have to worry about it, to visualize all the dead faces from the colony. And for all Nexus had been aware of at the time of creating this holographic recording, Optimus still remained blissfully unaware of the horrors that he’d seen.
The holographic version of Nexus had paused briefly after announcing the Council’s intentions of keeping Projext X going. He seemed deeply troubled by their decision. It wasn’t that he himself had been too involved with what happened with X as Optimus himself had actually been the one to oversee it, however Nexus had still kept a close optic on what was happening. It certainly wasn’t because he didn’t trust his protégé to do the right thing, but more so because Optimus had clearly stated to him that he felt uncomfortable with the experiment and as such wanted it shut down.
Nexus trusted Optimus more than anyone. He believed in his motivation, his opinions and judgement, and his sense of justice. His intellect and views on things had always been an inspiration to the now aging admiral. So when Optimus had confided in him that what he was being asked to do with X was wrong, Nexus had listened and tried to use his own influence to help disband the project altogether.
Unfortunately the Council did not agree..
They failed to see X as an individual with rights of his own and ignored the fact that these experiments were being done to him against his will. Nexus hadn’t known much about who X was before these experiments started, but he was aware that he had been living on Cybertron for some time before the Elders became aware of his spark’s genetic mutation and ordered Optimus to investigate the extent of possibilities that such a mutation held.
“I wonder if X is aware of his past life.. If he remembers who he used to be before we turned him into this.. thing..,” the hologram muttered, obviously feeling a sense of guilt for what they had done to this bot. “You mentioned to me once that the process of what was done to him is irreversible, so I’m really at a bit of a loss for what to do here. Wish you were here to give me your input, Optimus.”
The holographic version of Nexus sighed, a tired and weary sigh as he reflected on all the wrong doings the Maximals were guilty of in the name of peace.
“Did we go too far?,” the hologram asked while directly addressing the camera again. Of course he already knew the answer to his own inquiry. Yes, yes they did. The already fine line between Maximals and their Predacon counterparts had been blurred even more, both parties were obviously willing to go to extreme lengths to secure their own position.
-----
The Maximal leader grew thoughtful as the journal’s first entry ended. Although it was difficult for him to see all of this now, he was glad that he could.
As the journal paused between entries, Primal’s quarters were deathly silent. He sat at his desk with his elbows on top of it and resting his head in his hands as he took in everything his deceased teacher just said beyond his grave. He missed him very much... There were so many things that he never got to say to Nexus.
Optimus was almost startled when the Admiral’s image suddenly reappeared for the next recording. But his physical and psychological appearance was a stark contrast to the last entry. Nexus looked exhausted and sleep-deprived. Primal’s suspicions were confirmed when he verbally confirmed the reason behind his fatigue. Optimus briefly wondered if that was how he looked sometimes... The exploration captain shook his head at his comment. “You are resting now... sooner than you anticipated, I’m sure,” Optimus quietly muttered with sorrow. So, this occurred around the beginnings of Protoform X when Primal had expressed his concerns about the ethics of such an experimental project, not just to Nexus but to the Council as well, which had been noted and quickly swept under the rug, clearly. But because of Primal’s cooperation leading the experiment and for his excellent achievements despite X being a failure, he received his own vessel and crew. And he was quickly and quietly shuffled off of Cybertron along with his indestructible creation to never be seen again after chasing Megatron and the golden disk and ship that he conveniently stole. At least it brought him some comfort in knowing that Nexus Prime had supported him and his concerns. Unfortunately, they were both too late to stop any of it.
-----
A knock sounded on Primal’s door. It was a bit softer than what most of his crew members would do, as if the visitor didn’t want to disturb the occupant within. Zodiac stood quietly in front of the door, patiently waiting for it to open or to be sent away. He looked a little messy, his normally unruly dreadlocks hanging a bit more wildly than normal, and some slight discoloration to his face witnessed of recently having been in a fight. In normal circumstances his nanomachines could easily repair this superficial damage but as things were, he lacked any knowledge of their presence much less what they were capable of. So he didn’t use them.
On both wrists he carried tracking bracelets that had been modified to make sure he didn’t gain access to any equipment or areas aboard the Axalon that he had not yet been cleared for although the young male wasn’t fully aware of the extent of their function yet. He knew they kept him confined within the base, as he had managed to trigger the alarm on a few occasions already. It was always so chaotic when he did, even if it was by accident, since the Maximal security team would flock to his whereabouts and he’d get another stern lecture when it happened. But for the most part a majority of the Maximals avoided him like the plague, or they were very short with him if they did talk to him.
Of course there were a few exceptions to this rule, but for the most part it was an accurate description of his life here aboard the Axalon. That's not to say that the Maximals didn't have other concerns right now, including the disappearance of one of their own. Zodiac only knew her by reputation, not actually having met the little fuzor Aurora in person. Well, that he could recall anyway. Alas his memories on most matters of his past still remained blurry at best. He found he possessed certain skills, yet he had no recollection of having been trained in any of them.
It bothered the young male a bit to be treated like an outcast, mostly because he didn’t know why. He still couldn’t remember most aspects of his former life, not since.. whatever had happened that now prevented him from leaving the confines of the Axalon. Whatever it was, he must have messed up bigtime to receive this degree of suspicion. It was almost impossible not to notice how the others would be talking amongst themselves, only to go silent and merely stare at him as soon as he came into view. He had tried apologizing for whatever it was he had done, but it didn’t seem to help matters any.
Oh, how he wished they would talk to him.. Tell him what he had done, who he was before, and why they were all so very blunt and distrustful towards him. On occasion the confrontations had gotten physical, which had been the case this last time as well. But despite it all, that wasn’t the reason he now found himself standing in front of Optimus’ door.
The leader was strict with him as well, very much so, but he was still always fair in his treatment. And for some reason Zodiac felt that he could trust him, that somehow Optimus could always save the day. The female, Whitegrazer, was another one that treated him with respect despite whatever he had done in the past. She genuinely seemed to want to help him, no matter what wrongs he must have committed before, and unlike most of the others she didn’t eye him with the same distrustful optics. Sometimes he’d go to her quarters just to have someone to talk to, someone willing to listen to him without passing judgement, yet she too was unwilling to shed much light on what had happened. In truth the young male hypothesized that he had made some terrible mistake during a mission, something that ended up costing the Maximals dearly. Perhaps even the life of one of their own. Something to warrant all the whispers and dirty looks, and the stricter than usual security measures he was forced to undergo.
He had no idea the truth was so much worse..
Whoever he was, whatever he had done, he knew something set him apart from those around him. He tried to place a digit on what it was, but he just couldn’t remember. So he had attempted to discover what he was good at to gain a clue as to what he could have been doing prior to his house arrest at the Axalon. As it turned out he had a rather unique skill set, as if he had been trained in a variety of different competencies. His skills ranged from marksmanship to computers, the latter of which he had noticed when he attempted to gain access to his records only to get caught in the act and swiftly banished to his room. Yet he was still no closer in unlocking the mysteries of his past, of who he was, and what he had done to deserve this.
Still waiting at the door, the male straightened out, trying to decide on the best approach to talk to his leader. Upon receiving no response, he knocked again on the door, a little bit louder this time. Unbeknownst to him, Primal was busy inside with his own demons, and likely didn’t hear him. Zodiac had almost left, but then made the last moment decision to simply enter the room to investigate.
He found Primal inside, staring at a holographic image of an elderly male. Zodiac didn’t recognize whoever it was, but he knew better than to ask. After all, he had just entered without being authorized to do so, so he merely stood still while waiting for Primal to acknowledge his presence.
“I’m sorry, sir, I tried knocking..,” he exclaimed in hopes of not getting into too much trouble again.
-----
As engrossed as Optimus was with his mentor’s recording, he never even heard the knocking at his door. But his head shot up and over at it when someone had let themselves in. Realizing who it was, Primal suddenly cut the journal’s recording short by turning it off. He immediately stood up and wiped away one last tear to clean himself up so he looked more presentable. “Zodiac,” he announced his appearance. “Sorry, I... No, it’s alright,” he assured the shape shifter’s apology for entering without permission. “What can I do for you?” Primal asked him as he remained standing behind his desk.
It was still odd and often even awkward to allow someone so dangerous to be freely roaming the Axalon even though Zodiac had no recollection of his life prior to what Megatron and Tarantulas did to “temporarily” erase it, or so he and Rhinox thought. But Optimus had a feeling this wasn’t going to be permanent, as much as he would have liked to have made it a better life for the pretender. Sooner or later though he would likely regain his memory, and he would remember why he was there, and all of his unique abilities, and what Optimus had done to him on Cybertron.
-----
The shape shifter entered Primal's quarters without making much noise, as not to disrupt whatever was keeping the Commander from answering when he first knocked on the door. Of course he was a tad bit curious what Primal was doing but at the same time he felt a bit awkward about intruding on his privacy. He simply didn't know where to go for the answers he sought, not with a majority of the Maximals treating him the way they did. Even some of the usually more friendly ones gave him the cold shoulder sometimes. Zodiac tried not to let it bother him too much, especially since he didn't know what he had done to deserve such treatment.
Inside the quarters he quickly noticed Optimus sitting at the desk, his attention completely focused on the object in front of him. The renegade only caught a brief glance of the hologram of the male Primal seemed entranced by, an elderly bot that seemed vaguely familiar to him even though his image didn't really trigger any memories. Then again there were a lot of things that seemed familiar to the young shape shifter even if he had no idea how he had obtained certain skills or knowledge. Or even what his basic functions had been that would have needed him to know these things.
Primal quickly turned off the hologram when he noticed he had company, leading the renegade to stop in his tracks since he didn't want to get yelled at again. But fortunately the commander didn't seem upset with him, even though he did catch the quick motion of the leader's hand as he wiped away a tear. Zodiac didn't ask, though, he never did. He may have been curious but still knew better than to push his limits around one of the very few that seemed to accept his presence. For the most part he had behaved quite appropriately since he first gained awareness in the Axalon's medical bay. He remembered Primal talking to him then with several of the other Maximals gathering around him, all with quite serious looks on their faces. But he hadn't been able to answer their questions then since frankly he couldn't remember what had happened prior to that, and his condition really hadn't changed since.“Zodiac,”
Sure, once in a while he saw glimpses of events that must have taken place flash through his mind. Or perhaps they were dreams? He couldn't really tell. Honestly, they were probably dreams as many of them were quite violent in nature. When he slept it was even worse. The nightmares that haunted him rarely let him stay asleep for long.. And then there were those weird whispers.. They compelled him to draw symbols sometimes, which now decorated a large chunk of one of the walls in his chambers. But he had no idea what they meant, he didn't know what any of it meant.
More often than not, Zodiac kept to himself since a majority of the Maximals avoided him anyway. He spent much of his day doing research, well, what he could gain access to anyway since the bracelets he wore on his wrists effectively locked him out of accessing much of the data base. What had he done to make them distrust him so? Yes, he admittedly did cause a bit of mischief at times, like attempting to hack into the computer system before he was caught and promptly disciplined with even more restrictions, but nothing that could possibly warrant those looks they gave him and all the whispering that would always stop the moment he came within earshot.. Right?
Zodiac's expression was an apologetic one, but he refrained from saying anything more as he made his way closer to the desk. In many ways the loss of his memories and the subsequent treatment by the Maximals had left him feeling like he owed them a great deal, yet he had trouble with expressing how he truly felt a lot of the time.“Sorry, I... No, it’s alright,”
He turned around when he reached the edge of Primal's desk and hoisted himself up to sit on it, allowing his feet to dangle as he folded his hands in his lap. It was almost as an afterthought that he peered over at the open chair that was right next to the desk and he then promptly slid off and took a seat in the chair instead.
"I continue to have trouble sleeping," Zodiac responded while twiddling his thumbs. "And I'm sad to report that I'm still having some trouble fitting in with the rest of the Maximals. They seem.. weary.. of me. I was thinking maybe it would be better if you could allow me to leave the base for a little while, so maybe they can work through whatever these issues is all about."“What can I do for you?”
He avoided naming any of them in particular, especially the one he'd recently gotten into a physical altercation with.
"I just don't understand," he continued, his voice a little more quiet. "I can't remember who I am much less what I've done, but whatever it was it must have been serious."
Peering out from underneath the dreadlocks covering his face while his head was tilted forward like this, Zodiac finally brushed them aside. He sounded quite broken as he spoke, and certainly acted much less confident and arrogant than what he had been like before he lost his memories.
-----
“Yes,” Optimus had answered the hologram. “We went too far. I shouldn’t have...” His voice trailed off as he shook his head at his own disappointment and shame. “I wish you were here to give me yours,” he said referring to his input and opinions that he had greatly valued while hanging his head. And, no, as far as Optimus could tell, Rampage didn’t know anything about his prior life. But as Nexus stared directly in the camera, it felt so real to Primal, and that was when another tear had escaped his optic sensor when Zodiac had knocked on his door and entered his quarters. Nexus and Optimus could have done so much good together on Cybertron. They were two peas in a pod. They would have been a force to be reckoned with to correct the wrong doings. Now, it was just Optimus. It was a lonely thought. Of course, he had Whitegrazer and Rhinox by his side, but they didn’t have the popularity status or the political insight into the corruption that Nexus had. As it just so happened, the very bot who took his mentor away from him, was the one standing in his Vok-engraved room right now with him whom he was harboring from Megatron and Nemesis so that they wouldn’t kill him. What would have Nexus said to all of this? Was Optimus being disrespectful and spitting on his grave, so to speak?
Primal watched the shape shifter rudely sit on his desk instead of in the chair when he hadn’t even offered him a seat, but Zodiac hadn’t been taught any of that kind of etiquette, so Optimus let it slide. And, as if he was reading his mind, Zodiac then shifted to the chair across his desk instead.
“Is it due to nightmares? Or is it something happening to you that’s physically preventing you from getting rest?” the Maximal leader inquired, like aches and pains or whatnot. He tried hiding how much different Zodiac was acting toward him now. Although it was much more preferable than him trying to murder him and his Maximals, this was a whole other side to Zodiac that he never thought he’d interact with. Could this have been the bot he was always meant to be before he was tortured, experimented on, and trained?
It was really early in the morning for anyone to come to Optimus with these kinds of observations, but since they were both wide awake due to their own dark nightmares, he might as well make the most out of their conversation.
“It’s going to take time, Zodiac,” he told him when he brought up the others who were always avoiding him. “I need you to be patient with them. And in the mean time, I can speak with them and see what I can do to ease their concerns.” He couldn’t just outright tell Zodiac everything since it would compromise all of the work they had accomplished so far with the pretender suffering amnesia, so he tried a diplomatic approach to it instead. And hopefully that would buy Primal some time.
“I’m sorry, Zodiac, but I can’t let you wander beyond the base yet. I know you don’t understand, and you have complied willingly to everything we’ve asked of you to which I’m very grateful, but it’s a very complicated situation. I just need you to trust me.” He watched him move his dreadlocks out of his face as the shape shifter sounded defeated.
-----
"It's nothing physical that's ailing me," Zodiac confirmed after a brief pause. "If anything I seem to be in much better physical shape than I should be. That's actually one of the things I wanted to ask you about.. I managed to override the lockout mechanism of the medical scanner in the sick bay by activating it in simulation mode, thus granting me access to my own medical record from that day I woke up there."
He slowed down for a moment before adding, "Don't ask me how I knew how to do that.. I really don't know. Guess I must have known a thing or two about computers back in the day."
Taking a breath before continuing, he then said; "Anyway, the point I'm trying to make is that I shouldn't even be alive. The damages I had sustained were not compatible with life, and the scanner had picked up that most of my systems were in the process of shutting down when something happened."
He changed his position slightly in the chair, obviously feeling a bit uncomfortable discussing this with anyone. Why wasn't he dead? And what had happened to leave him in such critical condition in the first place? And more importantly.. why couldn't he remember??
"I'm well aware of Rhinox' amazing talents, but surely even his magic has their limits?"
It was clear that the shape shifter had a lot of doubts about everything that had occurred. To top it off, he just wasn't getting along with a majority of his supposed team. The Maximals.. His home, right? After shaking his head, he then let out an exhausted sigh. He was probably imagining it. After all he didn't really feel different in any way, but then again how would he know what normal felt like if this is how he'd been his entire existence?
"I just don't know.. ," he mumbled. "I do have recurring nightmares that are preventing me from getting much sleep. But I really can't make much sense of them. It mostly consists of flashes of images and some odd whispers that I just can't seem to shake. Maybe I'm just going crazy," he said, speaking a little louder again.
"That would be easier to accept if I knew why they hate me so," the other male stated rather bluntly. "But nobody seems willing to talk to me about it, so I can only speculate what I must have done."“It’s going to take time, Zodiac,”
He lifted his head ever so slightly to allow his gaze to lock with Primal's, trying to read his emotional state and his thoughts as they were. And frankly a part of him was almost a bit fearful of what truth he might learn from the commanding officer.
"My actions, whatever they were, resulted in someone dying, right? Who was it? A member of the crew?,"
he then asked to get his worst suspicions confirmed. For all he knew he had in some way been responsible for the little fuzor ermine disappearing, but that was another topic the Maximals around him refused to discuss with him.
For someone who had killed on multiple occasions, only rarely hesitating before doing the deed, Zodiac now seemed troubled by the fact. Whether it was due to his own guilt for whatever he had done, or the fact he couldn't even remember it, he really couldn't tell. Of course he merely presumed he had made some foolish last moment decision which had resulted in one of the Maximals dying, he couldn't fathom having deliberately made attempts on their lives or having murdered someone in cold mech fluid. Yet he often found himself thinking his mindset was a little different.. somewhat convoluted in a sense.
When Optimus went on to explain he would talk to the other Maximals, Zodiac fell silent again for a few moments. He then seemed to perk up a bit, even putting on a hint of a smile. "I would appreciate that greatly," he told the commander, sounding quite sincere as he did.
"Although if you go see Rattrap in his quarters, could you possibly drop this off for me?," he asked, his smile taking on a bit more of a sheepish grin while handing Primal what appeared to be a pin-up calendar from Cybertron from the era before the Axalon had departed for Earth. It was a token he had helped himself to while visiting Rattrap's quarters, unannounced of course, and not necessarily even because he liked the females depicted in it or anything. It was merely a little fun trophy he had snatched for himself, although it certainly didn't fit into his own mostly barren quarters that he had been assigned.
"I would sneak back in there but it seems his quarters is now listed among the restricted access places I'm not allowed to go near now."
It was clear Zodiac had been invading Rattrap's privacy in his own personal room and had helped himself to a couple of items as souvenirs, this one in particular being something he felt Rattrap was bound to notice sooner or later. But the rodent wasn't exactly a member of his fan club either, so he hadn't quite figured out a good way to return those borrowed belongings.
His somewhat teasing tone quickly faded when Primal then addressed his request of being allowed to set foot outside the Axalon.
Complied to everything? Yeah, for the most part. But as things were, the Maximals were the only ones Zodiac knew of. He had forgotten all about Nexus, Megatron, Cryotek.. all of them. So right now he didn't know of anywhere else beyond the confines of the Axalon. So he had no reason to defy whom he presumed were his team mates when they wanted to place certain restrictions on his movements around the base, merely figuring that they had a valid reason for doing so.“I’m sorry, Zodiac, but I can’t let you wander beyond the base yet. I know you don’t understand, and you have complied willingly to everything we’ve asked of you to which I’m very grateful, but it’s a very complicated situation. I just need you to trust me.”
"I trust you," Zodiac eventually said after contemplating Primal's rejection for a bit. "I may not remember anything, but I'm certain you are the reason I'm still alive. And for that, I'm eternally grateful to you and the rest of the team." He forced himself to smile a bit, however the disappointment he must have felt at having his request declined was still quite evident on his features.
"And maybe some day you'll trust me enough to tell me what happened."
-----
Nothing physical? That was a relief. If he was beginning to realize the kind of nanotech that he had control over on his entire body, then Optimus was going to start growing more concerned about Zodiac. He was so used to him being deceitful and manipulative that he still didn’t feel as though he was being completely honest with him sometimes. Maybe it was just Primal being paranoid. But if he was wrong, and this was his plan all along, someone was likely going to get hurt. Or worse.
Optimus raised a brow at the pretender when he admitted to snooping around the medical records, or more specifically his own from the day he regained consciousness in the Axalon after the brutal attack. A split second of worry crossed the Maximal’s optics before he narrowed them slightly at him accusingly for overriding the security. Then he immediately sounded as though it was out of his control, confessing that he didn’t know how he could do it but just did it. So, some aspects of his previous life and training were starting to emerge. It was a little sooner than he had hoped.
Primal studied him shifting uncomfortably in his chair as he continued to explain his findings and thoughts before Optimus needed to actually answer anything. He took the opportunity to do so when he brought up Rhinox’s miracle work. “He is my oldest friend, and his abilities continue to exceed any bot I have ever known. He brought me back to life,” Optimus decided to share to show him just how astonishing the engineer’s work could be. “I was blown apart in this planet’s orbit, and he was able to resurrect me.” Surely, that was impressive. It also took Whitegrazer’s help, but he opted to leave her and her unique abilities off of Zodiac’s radar. Hopefully that was enough to settle his curiosity about his survival without Optimus having to spill the beans about his nanobots.
“You’re not going crazy,” he assured him about his nightmares and whispers. But I might be, he added in his head implying that he was probably insane to think that this would work and that he could save Zodiac from destroying himself with his hatred and revenge.
The leader’s expression softened a little more when Zodiac lifted his gaze connecting it with his own as he proclaimed his suspicions on why everyone “hated” him so much. It obviously bothered him, which was interesting. How truthful should Optimus be...? “You weren’t successful,” he began answering carefully while also confirming how serious his actions had been. “I was your target.” He deliberately left out the rest of his crew, and how close he cane to killing them more than once, especially the youngest Maximal under his leadership, Aurora, and Whitegrazer, whom he had a relationship with. But that should be enough to tell Zodiac how twisted the situation was and why the Maximals gave him their cold shoulders. It also left out his attempt on Megatron’s life, the loss of his own crew, and much, much more. Time for that later though, if It ever came to that. What was far more interesting to Optimus was the indication of remorse or guilt behind Zodiac’s inquiry. This was a good sign though. It gave him hope for the renegade.
The Maximal Commander nodded to his thank you for offering to speak to the others, but his expression dropped to disappointment when he showed him the calendar that he had stolen from Rattrap’s quarters. If Rattrap knew about this, he would be livid and probably force his hand to give Zodiac to the Predacons. It was like the shape shifter stealing Rattrap’s alcoholic beverages all over again, which hadn’t gone well before. Taking the calendar, Optimus proceeded to scold him for his actions. “This is unacceptable, Zodiac. Stealing and entering someone else’s private quarters is not going to earn anyone’s trust, including mine. This is a serious invasion of privacy.” He shook his head and sighed. He didn’t care if it was a result of him getting bored while be stuck inside the Axalon day in and day out. There was a holodeck he could take advantage of with his imagination, sense of adventure and even sparring. His antics here were immature, and he should know better. Primal gave the calendar back to him and said, “You will return this to Rattrap and apologize to him. He has been through enough in the last couple weeks, and it this will only add to his distress.” That’s where his trust and honesty would begin with the others. He had to learn that there were consequences for his actions, especially since he thought it was humorous. “And it better not happen again. Do I make myself clear?”
The leader was later taken aback when he said he trusted him. He hoped he was being sincere. But it was much easier for him to Optimus than it was for Optimus to trust him even though it was because of a past that Zodiac wasn’t even aware of right now. “Someday,” he assured Zodiac, whether he had a choice in the matter of telling him everything or not. It was probably inevitable regardless.
(( Part Two is coming shortly, and then I'll open the topic for posting...))
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