The Optimus Hunter

[charade539]

<_<
>_>
*clears throat* Uhm...I wrote this forever ago...but it's one of the few Beast Wars fics I've done...so...enjoy.

The picture blurred and shifted, then became clear. It focused on Avalanche, who was holding a small microphone and smiling at the camera.

“Is it on?”

“I think so, wait…Yeah, it’s on.” Cheetor again unfocused and refocused the lens.

Avalanche smiled brightly into the camera and said in a hushed voice, “We have discovered the lair of the rare and elusive Optimus Primalus. I am now standing just outside the entrance, hoping to sneak inside and observe this strange creature.” She turned and fiddled with the panel next to the door, and it slid open. Ducking into a crouch, she motioned Cheetor to do the same. The picture wobbled slightly as he obeyed, then focused on her again. “We must be very quiet so as not to disturb it, follow me.” Still crouching, she half-hopped, half-crawled, through the entrance. Optimus was seated at his desk, going through various datapads, and apparently hadn’t noticed them yet. Avalanche turned to the camera and whispered excitedly, “As I suspected, the Optimus Primalus is here, it doesn’t seem to have detected our presence, I will try to move in closer.” She crawled around the desk, careful to stay out of sight.

Optimus glanced up once, and the camera jerked as Cheetor hid behind a piece of furniture, “Hmmm…” he muttered, and then went back to work. Cheetor refocused on Avalanche just as she reached the other side of the desk. She was about to whisper something into the microphone when Optimus spotted her. He jerked in surprise and spun in his chair to face her, raising an optic ridge. “What are you doing?”

Avalanche stared at him, horrified. “It’s spotted me!” She hissed into the microphone. The femme slowly began creeping away from him with exaggerated caution. “I can only hope the Optimus Primalus doesn’t consider me a threat…” she continued backing away, Optimus blinked.

What the? Primalus? “Avalanche, I demand to know what is going on.” Avalanche froze and stared at him, wide opticed.

“It appears to be hostile!” she reported franticly. “It must be highly territorial, I’m going to try backing out of its lair, perhaps it will let me go.”

Primal stood; he was starting to catch on… “So that’s your little game, is it?” He grinned and slouched over, hunching his shoulders. “Grrrr….”

“Eep!” The gold and white bot yelped and jumped to her feet, running for the door. Optimus made a flying tackle that took them both into the corridor. Cheetor scrambled to follow, the camera still rolling. He got there just in time to see Optimus dragging Avalanche down the hall by one leg. The camera shook as Cheetor tried to control his laughter. The poor femme looked petrified, but had still managed to hold on to her microphone. “I’m being kidnapped by the Optimus Primalus! Someone please help! Can anyone hear me? Cheetor! Stop laughing and hel-” She was cut off as Optimus unceremoniously tossed her into a supply closet and locked the door. The camera fell to the floor and there was a loud THUMP as Cheetor followed it, rolling with laughter. Avalanche’s voice could still be heard. “I appear to be in some sort of larder, I sincerely hope it doesn’t decide I’m edible! Cheetor? Can you hear me? Get me outta this thing! Cheetor?!” The cat picked up the camera and unlocked the door. Avalanche tumbled out, looking rather frazzled. “Cheetor! Stop giggling!” She demanded, and was promptly ignored. With a ‘hmph!’ she turned and stomped to her quarters, only to return a few moments later with an oddly shaped gun.

“Um…’Lanche? What is that?” Cheetor asked nervously. She favored him with one of her patented evil grins.

“I’m gonna catch us a specimen!”


Optimus was back in his office, chuckling to himself as he returned to his work. He sure showed them! He was about to pick up a data pad when…

*plit!*

Something splattered against the side of his head. Optimus blinked, and reached up to feel the area, his fingers came away lime green…
What the-?!
...paint?

*plit!*

Another paintball, this one orange, smacked against his shoulder.

*plit!* *plit!* *plit!*

He dove behind the desk as more paintballs peppered the wall. Why those little-! The Maximal leader peeked around the side of the desk…

*plit!*

…and was nailed in the face by a yellow paintball...

“Yes! Direct hit!” Avalanche crowed from her position just outside the door. Cheetor was having a hard time keeping the camera still, he was laughing too hard. Optimus growled and leapt over the desk, charging headlong at the smaller ‘bots.

“Eep!” Avalanche cried.

“Eep!” Cheetor agreed.

They both tore down the hall with Optimus hot on their heels.

Cheetor and Avalanche barreled into the control room and dove behind a console. Rhinox raised an optic ridge, shrugged, and returned to typing. Things like this had become the norm ever since the femme had joined their ranks. Optimus stormed in and looked around, and the green maximal barely held back a snicker. “Where are they?” Primal demanded, but Rhinox only shook his head, his shoulders shaking with suppressed laughter. Suddenly, Avalanche shot up from her hiding place, took aim, and…

*plit!* *plit!* *plit!* *plit!* *plit!* *plit!* *plit!*

Optimus was starting to resemble a tie-dyed shirt.

She just couldn't resist. "Like, peace. Dude!"

Primal growled and lunged for them. Grabbing Cheetor, the femme made a mad dash for the hall and....

WHAM!!

.....ran smack into Dinobot.

Her momentum was the only thing that kept her on her feet, Dinobot, however, wasn't so lucky. He sat up, rubbing his head, and looked up just in time to see...

WHAM!!

Cheetor...

WHAM!!

.....and Optimus.

With a groan, the mighty ex-Predacon warrior fell back to the floor, distantly imagining the various painful things he would do to that annoying femme when he regained consciousness...

[fizzybird]

Nice fic!
I kinda felt sorry for Dinobot when they all slammed
into him, until I read his treat towards the femme...
sweet! Will there be more?

[charade539]

I have no idea...I wrote this ages ago and since then have revamped Avalanche to the point I doubt she'll act like that anymore. If I'm lucky I can dig up something else.

[Sapphire]

That was a fun read, Charade! You write playful comedy quite well! I'd love to see more BW fic from you, if/when you find time.