Random chapter 2 a fic.

[xCubicZirconia]

I just randomly wrote this after seeing all of the 'people get sucked into BW fics' so...tell me if I should finish it? I was bored, half asleep, and just started typing it. I don't know where it's going. Probably isn't even going to go anywhere if nobody likes it. Don't flame me but if something sounds stupid, tell me how to fix it?


Lightning lit up the dark, stormy sky revealing a girl with long brown hair and a long black coat. With a camera in her hands, she was standing in the middle of the storm while listening to the tornado sirens that blared through the air.
"Hey! Charles! The funnel cloud is right over there!"
Her step father came running, a camera is his hands as well, "About time! Now, let's go back inside."
The funnel was moving away from their home, fortunately. Upon entering the house Zirconia was greeted by her hysterical mother and grandmother, who forced her into the hallway. Hours went by and Zirconia woke up in the hallway with her cat laying on her stomach, "Must've fallen asleep. They could've at least woke me up...oh well." She stood up, taking the cat with her and went to her room. It was still raining but the thunder sounded farther away. She assumed the worst of the storm was gone so put on her pajamas and cuddled up in her bed.

Firetruck sirens woke her up just before dawn. She jumped out of bed and quickly threw on some blue jeans, a black tank top, and some boots. She grabbed her light green jacket and threw it around herself.
"Station 30 please respond to a structure fire on Ashley Loop rd, involving a 10-50 PI."
"10-4." She heard the scanner before running out after hearing them call out the fire station most of her family were members of. She exited outside and looked past the church, that was located beside her home, and gasped. Flames lit up the night sky, turning it a deep blood red color, unlike the other fires she had witnessed during the day. She knew she shouldn't get near but naturally she ran to it, anyway.
"Curiosity kill the cat!" Her grandmother's voice filled her mind but she shrugged it off. They were asleep, anyway. Soon, her cousin went flying past in his ford pickup with his siblings and father following behind in the pontiac. She sat there from the church's porch watching for the several hours it took to get the fire under control and, eventually, put out. The wreck that had caused the whole thing was cleared up and the driver taken to the hospital. Her little cousin Katie was the one who found her, "THERE you are! Everyone was looking for you! We're cleaning up after the storm last night! Come with me to see if our special place is still ok!"
The preteen had asked Zirconia's parents, along with her own, permission to go down the trail in the woods to make sure their hang out spot was still there. The whole way there Zirconia and Katie found themselves climbing over fallen trees and pushing large branches off of the path. Something caught Zirconia's eye after moving one of the many branches. It was something sticking out of the ground, something a rusty golden color. Katie pounced on Zirconia and wrapped her arms around her neck after she knelled down to see what it was.
"The rain must've washed away the dirt around it."
"What is it?"
"Not....sure, yet." She reached a hand down and touched it.
Big mistake.
The only thing she remembered after that was a bright flashing light strike around the two then everything went black.

Cheetor was overly bored since the Predicons weren't active lately and patrol was boring. Needless to say his boredom vanished after something caught his eye, something near a huge tree he had taken cat naps in numerous times. He crouched down and made his way closer to the figure. When he noticed the figure wasn't moving he went into robot mode and knelled next to it. Then it hit him what it was.
"Cheetor to Optimus!"
"What is it Cheetor?"
"I found a human female passed out under a tree! She looks a little beat up!"
"A human female? Bring her back to base!"
The Maximal gently turned the girl over on her back and earned a groan from her. Her eyes opened slightly and she looked up at Cheetor who introduced himself, "Hi! I'm Cheetor, who're you?"
"My name...Zirconia..." Being half out of it, it didn't quite click that she was talking to a robot so said her name without thinking before passing back out.
"I better get her to base, fast..."

"She seems healthy, as far as humans are concerned. She should wake up soon." Rhinox had placed the girl on a medical-like table and went back to the computer he had been repairing. Cheetor stayed close to the human with Optimus, wanting to ask questions once she was awake. It was around that time when Blackarachnia and Rattrap entered the room, "-why I hate going on patrol with you!"
"Eh, I don't much like going on patrol with you either, Legs." The rat bot saw the human on the table and took a double take, "What's that?"
Depth Charge, who had been lounging in the corner was the one to answer him, "It's called a human."
"I know that! I mean, where'd it come from?"
"It is a she." Blackarachnia walked past the two and studied the girl.
Surprisingly, her eyes opened and she sat up. It took her a minute to get situated before she actually looked up. Rhinox stood back up, "Good, she's awake."
Cheetor knew what was coming before anyone else. Her eyes grew big and she screamed, jumped off the table, then ran out of the room into one of the hallways.
"What was THAT all about?!"
"She saw your face, Rat. Anyone would scream at that."
"Alright, she-spider. You keep on and-"
"Shut up, Rattrap!"
Optimus sighed, "I knew that would happen. We need a way to approach her without frightening her."

Zirconia refused to stop running, even if she didn't know where she was going or, more importantly, where she was to begin with. She found a small section in the wall and sat down in it after she was sure she wasn't being followed. Trying to gather her thoughts, she suddenly remembered her cousin, "Katie! I need to find her!" with that she bolted back up and jumped into the hallway...or rather someone. She fell backwards onto the ground then looked up to see a blue robot that resembled a sea creature.
"What the pit-" He didn't even get to finish before she screamed once again, which alerted Cheetor who was right around the corner.
"Depth Charge! What did you do?"
"I didn't do anything! Shut it up!"
Silence. She had stopped screaming.
She didn't move but rather stood there looking as if she was in shock, which intensified when she saw a cheetah round the corner. Cheetor pranced up to her and spoke, "Hi! I was the one who found you! Remember?"
She nodded and Depth Charged just snorted before turning around and walking away. Cheetor turned back once he was gone and spoke again, "Your name is Zirconia, right?"
He received a nod.
"Can you talk?"
"Uh-huh..."
"I'm not going to hurt you so you can relax."
She visibly relaxed somewhat and managed to get out a question within her shock, "You said your name is Cheetor?"
"Yep!"
"I thought I was dreaming that..." She scratched her head, nervously before jumping back up, "Katie!"
"Katie? Ack-!" Cheetor was startled when she jumped up in front of his face, "My cousin! Did-did you see a girl with black hair, about this tall," She held her hand up to just below her chest, "About as pale as me with a book bag?!"
"A what bag? No, I didn't. Maybe you should ask Big-bot?"
"Who?"
"I'll take you to him and everyone else but you have to stay calm, we won't hurt you, ok?"
".....Ok."

[Blazemane]

Seems well done to me.

The sentence structure seems nicely put together, although some repetitive word use can make it read... awkwardly at times? I mean, really, it's a matter of perception, but for example

Cheetor was overly bored since the Predacons weren't active lately and patrol was boring.

This sentence seems like a run-on sentence if you consider the phrase "and patrol was boring" to be another idea. The way my mind works, I thought it was, since another word, "bored", was used earlier in mirror to "boring". However, I see that it is not a run-on, since "patrol was boring" is actually another reason why Cheetor was overly bored (that is what you intended right?).

So, you might, for example, write "tedious" in place of "boring".

Cheetor was overly bored since the Predacons weren't active lately and patrol was tedious.

Hmm... even then, it kinda' hits me strangely, so we might use a word to directly indicate that the tediousness of the patrol was another factor in Cheetor's boredom.

For example,

Cheetor was overly bored since the Predacons weren't active lately and because patrol was boring.

Anyways, I'm just going over the concept of one sentence in length, so I really should emphasize that you did do a good job on this story.

It is quite imaginative, and I enjoy the friend interaction that has already been established between Zirconia and Cheetor. It seems logical. Cheetor is the most kid-like at heart.

...Katie's with the Predacons, isn't she? Hee hee hee...

[xCubicZirconia]

*hug* Thank you for being honest with me (and being nice about it at the same time) ^_^ I tried to make my reaction as real as possible but it was hard...since I've never met any robots before in another world...or past. Even though I love DC I would probably freak out if I got stuck alone with him ^^;

My grammer is bad as well. To make things worse, my laptop is missing an enter button and the i button is starting to give out ^^;;;;;
Katie might scare the Preds x3