Conversation With My Characters.
Me: Basically, I decided to chat to my characters. I have taken Lady Dementia’s advice to never make my characters stronger than me. They still lurk in the depths of my mind and so far haven’t jumped out. They get pretty lonely talking to each other, so I decided I’d talk to them instead of blocking them out of my head. Yes, I am still that powerful! I still have enough control. I am like the chairperson in a debate…er, well you know what I mean. Anyway, I type very fast so I can type what they say as they say it. Let’s start.
Me: Hello idiots.
Rattrap: Who you callin’ and idiot?!
Me: I knew that’d get a conversation going. Guys, introduce yourselves for those who don’t know you.
Optimus: I’m Optimus Primal.
Megatron: How bland! You call that an introduction, Primal? Ahem. I am the mighty, incredible, magnificent Megatron.
Optimus: Isn’t it Major Megatron?
Megatron: Shut up you fool. I’m a colonel now!
Optimus: So.
Me: Quiet you two. Give the others a chance.
Rattrap: I’m da rat. Not A rat, DA rat. Name’s Rattrap.
Cheetor: I’m Cheetor!
Megatron: Oh brother….
Tourmaline: Hey there. My name’s Tourmaline. I’m sexy and available.
Rattrap: No you’re not! Available that is.
Tourmaline: Oh! It’s so sweet that you care!
Me: I’m beginning to wish I had never made you two meet!
Rattrap: Yeah, well, at least you didn’t write like some fic authors do. You know, in da first fic in da series, a stasis pod crashes, out jumps a gorgeous babe and in da same fic, a character (particularly Chopper Face) falls in love, marries and has six kids wid’ dis newbie!
Me: True. But you’ll find the writers of those fics got a lot better throughout their series. Anyway, anyone else care to join in the conversation?
Kismet: Is Diamond here?
Me: She’s asleep. And no, don’t go infesting her dreams you wicked robot, you!
Kismet: Ouch. I’m leaving.
Rattrap: Who’s she?
Me: Never mind.
Joe: Wazzup, people!
Me: Oh, my headache just worsened!
Rattrap: Heya Joe! Howzit goin’, my man?
Tourmaline: Hello Joe.
Joe: Hey. Um, can we go to The Realm of Insanity? I hear it’s a bar for authors and characters!
Me: Yes, it is, but it is for Beast Wars characters and human authors. You’re a human character so you don’t count. Too bad! Mwa ha ha!
Joe: Crap.
Me: Don’t swear! You always swear!
Joe: That’s bull sh*t!
Me: That’s so corny. I mean, what’s with the line: “Urine tests p*ss me off” anyway?
Joe: You wrote it!
Me: ……
Megatron: This conversation needs some intellect. Who watched the film Evolution when Te-
Me: Don’t say my real name! Call me Sapphire.
Megatron: Uh, yesss. Who was awake when Sapphire watched Evolution?
Rattrap: I was. That film rocks!
Joe: Really? I thought it a bit unrealistic.
Rattrap: You ain’t never seen a Gitrix, have you?
Me: Were any of you guys listening when I read Lady Venom’s Prologue?
Tourmaline: I was. She sounds SO cool. I can’t wait to have her in the series. Sapph, when are you going to co-write with her?
Me: When I find time. Hey, Rattrap. You haven’t met the new TM Blackarachnia I introduced in The Lilac Horizon pt 1, have you?
Rattrap: Thank Primus.
Me: Check this picture of her Henisha
drew! *Shows him picture*
Rattrap: Whoa! Talk about a makeover! I still hate her livin’ guts, though.
Megatron: Hmm.
Optimus: What was that Megatron?
Megatron: Go eat a banana, Primal.
Me: I hope you all realize that I’m going to be very busy sorting out the missing BWA fics in upcoming days, so I probably won’t have much time to write you…
Joe: What?! Find time! I can’t go on living like this in the
dark corners of your ugly mind!
No!!!
Must – be –
written! I need a cigarette! Sapphire, think up a cigarette for me to
smoke!
Me: Nah. I want you to quit.
Joe: !?!!!
Me: Yup, you’re going cold turkey. Anyway, Henisha’s working on a title page for the Uprising series.
Joe: Will I be in it?
Me: Shut up Joe. She hates you.
Joe: *Sniffle*
Me: Uh, Lady Venom like you.
Joe: Lady Venom,
you RULE!!! *Sends an
e-kiss*
Me: Dodge it, Lady V!
Tourmaline: Sapphire, are we all going to die?
Rattrap: Tour, ya speak my language!
Me: I’m thinking about it.
Megatron: You probably won’t kill the vermin. You like him, for some reason.
Rattrap: I have dat effect on women.
Me: Watch it, buster. Actually, I probably wouldn’t kill Dinobot. I adore that guy. Where is he anyway?
Rattrap: *cough*
Optimus: Uh.
Megatron: *Whistles*
Me: What have you guys done?
Optimus: It involves a plumber, a reindeer and a doorknob.
Me: ….
Rattrap: ANYWAY, ta change da topic, I was wonderin’ what I’d look like as a TM2?
Me: No can do.
Rattrap: Why?
Me: I think you look too cute in this form. *Gives his toy a smooch*
Rattrap: I empathize wid dat toy!
Megatron: What’s THAT?
Me: What’s what?”
Megatron: That thing on your table. Beside the laptop you’re typing on.
Me: Why, that’s a season one toy of you.
Megatron: Is not!
Optimus: Is!
Megatron: Did you see what she did to your toy, Primal? It involves lipstick, a tutu and a halo.
Optimus: ….
Me: Okay guys. That’s enough. This conversation thing sucks. You have my permission to go and hang out at the Realm except you, Joe. And stop sulking.
Joe: I’m not sulking. I’m playing cards with myself.
Rattrap: Da first sign of madness.
Joe: Rattrap, you are a rat. What kills rats? Rat traps. Your name therefore implies that you are suicidal. Therefore I say to you, go play in the Quantile traffic.
Rattrap: Ooh. Ouch. Dat was a good one Mr Smarty Pants.
Cheetor: Who watched Tomb Raider?
Me: I’d better end this. Goodbye!