Wash It All Away
By:
VampyerBA
Author's note: This fic happens shortly after Depth Charge enters the Beast wars. Blackarachnia is in her original form, as she always is in my fics (I hated the T2 form). I do not own Beast Wars. The poem in this fic was written by me. If you wish to use it, please ask. However, the song ‘wash it all away’ was written by the group Evanescence and I yet again, do not own it.
It was a very quiet and boring day at the Ark. Mostly everyone was either on patrol duty, or monitoring the boards for pred activity. Blackarachnia was doing neither though, not today. She was stuck sorting through the old files and framework of the ark. She was supposed to examine all of the older technology of the arks weapons and upgrade it. This was a very simple task to her, but time consuming.
“Why couldn’t Optimus put me on patrol today? Anything is better than this…” She said to herself. Her thoughts were interrupted when Rhinox entered the current room she was in, dragging a cart behind him. On the cart were thousands of files.
“What are those for?” the widow asked, quite curious.
“We were able to salvage these from the Axalon. All exploration ships have them. It’s records of every transformer on cybertron. In case we ever need to track someone down, such as we needed to find Megatron, we have these. They contain information on every transformer that exists.”
“Don’t tell me I gotta sort through those too!”
“Optimus doesn’t want anyone going through them. We just need a place for them to go. They’re strictly confidential. The only time we’re to go through them is if someone commands us to. Optimus says he trusts you’ll not touch them.” The last statement wasn’t really a statement…it was a plead. Rhinox wasn’t quite sure what Blackarachnia would do, but he hoped she would obey. With that he left the room.
A few more hours went by with Blackarachnia still updating the weaponry. But, every now and then she would glance back at the records.
“I wonder what it says about me…” She kept questioning herself. Finally, her curiosity took over her. She went over to the files. They were in alphabetical order. It took her awhile, but she finally came across her old name: Circe. A smile spread across her face. She remembered why her parents named her that. When she was just a child, she would always search for ways to get attention. One day, she started to sing to see if it would catch her parents’ eye. Not only did it work, but they realized that she was gifted with song. So they named her after the goddess Circe, who would lure men by her beautiful voice and would turn them into wolves, bears, or swine. Blackarachnia had forgotten all about her old name, and much more about her past life. As she picked up the file, she noticed how big it was.
“I didn’t think they’d have that much information in this thing…” She grew worried. All she thought would be in there was a name, a picture, and maybe a little background. But hers was pages long. She slowly opened it to the first page, and soon regret what she read. There were records of everything she had ever done. It contained every heartbreaking memory. The first pages didn’t have a whole lot. Just her marks in school when she was a teenager and a few teachers’ notes here and there. But as she flipped the pages, the information she read got worse. There were the police records…every thing she had went through were on these sheets of paper. She had forgotten it all when she arrived on earth. When Taranchulas reprogrammed her, it erased almost all of her memories. But they were all coming back to her now. Every smile, every kiss, every tear shed, every act of violence. Blackarachnia started to shake. Her emotions of hate and resentment were coming back. She was now remembering why she didn’t trust anyone, why she kept no friends.
‘I…I can’t let anyone see this, ever,” Blackarachnia trembled. With the file hidden behind her back, she left the room. She quietly crept through the Arks corridors until she reached her assigned quarters. As soon as she was inside with the door shut, she placed the records in a safe and locked it with a key.
“No one will find out, even if it kills me.” Blackarachnia backed away from the rusty safe and sat on her recharging bed. She hugged her knees closely to herself as she wept, remembering who she once was and what had become of her.
End of Part 1
Part 2
When Blackarachnia went into the control room early the next morning, she was greeted by an unpleasant look upon Optimus’ face. Blackarachnia just ignored it, and walked right past him.
“Blackarachnia, you didn’t finish upgrading the weapons yesterday. May I ask why?”
“I had other things to do,” said the spider, trying to avoid the subject.
“If you’re going to be a part of this team you have to help out. I understand that you are probably having a difficult time adjusting but…” Blackarachnia cut him off quickly before he could finish.
“You understand nothing! Whatever…I’ll finish upgrading the weapons now,” and with that, she left the room.
“Sheesh, what’s up her tail-pipe?” asked Rattrap
“I don’t know Rattrap, but I hope her attitude will soon change,” replied the leader.
That night when Blackarachnia was asleep, she dreamt of her life on Cybertron. It wasn’t really a dream though, it was a reoccurring memory. A memory that had haunted her for years.
She was all alone in her new home. It had been three months since she left, since she had seen his face. She had told no one where she was, afraid that he would find her. She still had the scars, the scars that taunted her each day. She was too scared to go out, too scared to leave the comfort of her home. What if he saw her? What would he do? She knew she couldn’t live this way forever. Soon. Soon she would leave the house. But not yet. She wasn’t ready for it.
Circe walked into the living room and turned on the TV. She flipped through the channels for several minutes until she found something she was interested in. It was a horror movie. She used to love horror movies. A few minutes into the movie, she decided this really wasn’t the kind of thing she should be watching. It was about a stalker, trying to kill someone he once loved. She quickly changed it. Circe put on a music channel and fell asleep.
Several hours later she was awoken by a door slamming in her house. She jumped up, shaking.
‘I could have sworn I locked the door…’ she thought to herself. Afraid of who might be in her house, she snuck into the kitchen. On her counter were her knives. Just as she was reaching for one, an arm wrapped around her and gripped her tight.
“Found you!” said an all too familiar voice. It was HIM. He knew where she was, and he wasn’t happy. He had her in a lock, she was facing outwards and couldn’t see him. His breath was hot on her skin, and she knew his intentions were not well.
“You thought you could get away from me? No matter where you go, no matter what you do, I will always know where you are. And since you’ve been such a naughty girl, you’re going to have to pay!” With a free arm he quickly grabbed a knife from the counter and stabbed Circe in the abdomen. She screamed out in pain and fell to the floor. The bot started to laugh.
“Stupid little Circe. You never learned a thing from me did you? Well, you got what you deserved!” he spat at her, and left. Barely unable to breathe, Circe looked around the room, terrified of what happened. And than she saw the blood…and passed out.
Blackarachnia woke up, drenched in her own sweat. She had just re-lived her worst nightmare. Even after all of the counselling she had received after that incident, he was still haunting her. She wished she had never read the file. She was doing fine. She had forgotten all about him and what he had done. Yes, she was somewhat depressed and kept to herself, not ever really knowing why, but it was better than living in fear. She knew he couldn’t get to her with her being here, but the memories hurt too much. She couldn’t concentrate on anything any more since she read that file. He was taking over her, all over again. She couldn’t be alone, not tonight. After that dream, she couldn’t put her mind at rest. She felt like it had just happened. She got out of bed and put on some of her armor that she had taken off when she went to sleep. She looked over at her clock. It read 3:00 am. Silverbolt had gotten off monitoring the boards at 2:30 am. Blackarachnia wasn’t sure if he was asleep yet, but she would check anyways. She left her room and walked down a hallway before she got to his quarters. She knocked on the doors once, but there was no answer. She tried again, but this time she banged her pincers. She heard muffled noises coming from his room. This meant that he was asleep and she had woken him up. Silverbolt, with his fur slightly messed, open the door. He was surprised to see Blackarachnia at this time of night. Even though his eyes were not adjusted to the light yet and was having trouble seeing, he knew something was wrong. Blackarachnia had looked like she was about to cry; something he had never seen her do.
“Black…arachnia…are you alright my love?” He could barely finish his sentence. Blackarachnia leapt into his arms and held him tight. She felt so protected in his arms; she never wanted him to let her go.
“Bowser, I know it’s unlike you to break the rules and all, but could I stay here for the night?” Usually, Silverbolt would resist the temptation of letting her stay. He wanted to spend every moment with his beloved, but he also wanted to stay loyal to Optimus. But tonight, his heart felt for Blackarachnia. He didn’t know why she was so upset, but he wanted to comfort her as much as possible.
“Of course Beloved, you may stay the night.” The fuzor lifted Blackarachnia up and shut the door. He than placed her on his bed and lay beside her, wrapping his arms around her.
“Never let go. Please, just hold me,” she whispered into his ear. Within minutes, the widow was fast asleep. Silverbolt could tell she was exhausted. Blackarachnia hadn’t slept well in days. He turned over and shut his alarm clock off. He didn’t want it to go off in a few hours time and awake her. He would be sure to wake up at the usual time so no one would suspect anything. He would simply tell Optimus that he stopped by Blackarachnia's quarters in the morning and she wasn’t feeling well so she slept in. It was partly true. Blackarachnia wasn’t well. A little wet lie never hurt anyone, did it? Silverbolt thought to himself as he drifted off to sleep with his lover in his arms.
Silverbolt awoke that morning feeling refreshed. He looked to his side and saw Blackarachnia fast asleep. He was so content just watching her sleep. He had never seen anyone so beautiful in his life. He slowly got out of bed, careful not to disturb her. He looked over at his clock, and it read 10:00 am. He had slept in. Just as he was about to leave, there was a knock at the door. He opened his doors and found Rattrap standing in front of him.
“Bout time you woke up! Optimus would like a word with the both of ya’s.” said the transmetal rat.
“Tell him I will be right there,” replied Silverbolt.
“What about her?” asked Rattrap, now peeking in the room to find Blackarachnia fast asleep. Silverbolt stood up tall in front of him, blocking his view.
“My lady has not been feeling well as of lately and needs her rest.”
“Yeah, I’m sure she needs her rest if she spent the night with ya!” Rattrap nudged his arm into the fuzor's.
“Nothing happened Rattrap, I would never..” Rattrap quickly cut him off.
“I know I know. Your not dat kinda bot are ya? I was just teasin.”
“Does Optimus know?”
“That Spider lady was here all night? Yeah, he checked her quarters and figured she’d be in here. Da boss monkey does not look too happy bird dog. Heh, if I were you, I’d get ma rear over dere right away!” Rattrap then left to complete his duties for the day.
Silverbolt walked over to his bed, bent over and kissed Blackarachnia softly on the cheek. She stirred a little, but did not wake up. Silverbolt took one more loving look at her, grateful that they spent the night together and yet a little frightened of what Optimus would say. He than left the room to face the leader.
“Silverbolt, you know the rules,” was the first thing the fuzor heard when he saw Optimus.
“I know that you wish to spend more time with Blackarachnia, but overnight visits are restricted. It goes for all of the Maximals, not just you two. First, chances are if two Maximals are in each others chambers all night, they probably wouldn’t get a good enough rest for their duties the following day. And in your case, since Blackarachnia is a female, well…we can’t risk any….pregnancies.”
“Sir, it’s not like that. Blackarachnia…” Silverbolt paused. He didn’t quite know how to explain the situation.
“Blackarachnia needs me at her side. It is my job as her protector to comfort her when she may need it.”
“Hey, what’s going on with her anyways?” asked Cheetor, who was just entering the room.
“Yesterday she was on patrol duty with me. She was being really quiet. When I asked her what was wrong, she just snapped at me. She’s being really moody, even for her!”
“Yes Silverbolt, what is going on with your lady friend?” Asked the leader.
“I…I’m not sure. I’ve never seen her quite like this before, Maybe…” he was than cut off.
“Ohh so it’s okay to talk about me when I’m not around is it?!” Yelled Blackarachnia who had heard the conversation. She did not look happy. She was more hurt than mad, that Silverbolt was discussing her feelings. She knew that he was just trying to explain why she was in his quarters, but at the moment she didn’t care. They had no right to talk about her behind her back.
“Well since you’re here now maybe you can enlighten us as to what’s going on?” questioned Optimus.
“It’s none of your slaggin business, monkey!”
“Blackarachnia, I do not appreciate that behavior. Look, we just want to help you.”
“Well maybe I don’t want your help. You couldn’t help me anyways, what’s done is done.” She had to stop. She was so enraged that she almost blurted everything out.
“I’ll be on patrol if anyone needs me,” and with that, she left.
“Man, I’ve had about enough wit these moods swings of hers. Theyse driving me crazy!” said a very annoyed Rattrap.
“She’s been this way ever since I showed her those files…” said Rhinox, more to himself than anyone.
“What are you saying Rhinox, you think those records have to do anything with it?” asked Optimus.
“I’m not sure; I did ask her not to go through them.”
“Listen to all of you! My lady asks for one thing, for you not to discuss her without her presence, and as soon as she leaves you converse about her. You should all be ashamed!” yelled an angry Silverbolt. He was concerned more than any of them about his beloved’s well being, but this would not solve anything. He already felt guilty about saying anything at all when she was not there.
“Silverbolt, I know you’re trying to defend her but her behavior has to stop. I’m worried for her. I really am. I know that something’s wrong. If only she’d just open up to us,” said Primal. If only she would open up. If only she would trust HIM enough to let him know what was going on. Silverbolt couldn’t understand why the love of his life wouldn’t explain to him why she was so down. She had the courage last night to come to him when she needed it. If only he could understand. If only he could help her. The wolf/eagle felt as if he were a newborn child, unable to do anything.
End Part 2
Part 3
It was early dawn and the sky was filled with colour. The sun had just risen and was awakening all the creatures in the land. The Darkside though, was quiet and still. Megatron, the Predacon commander, had just woke up. He was in his private quarters. His room was of course the biggest one in the base. Inside it, there was a recharging bed, a computer, a Jacuzzi, among many personal things of the leader's. Just as Megatron was about to leave the room, the computer alerted him of something near by.
“Computer, identify object,” stated Megatron.
“Object is Maximal stasis pod.”
“Where is it?”
“Pod is located on coordinates 14-0-7-9.”
Perfect, thought the dinosaur. It was in his territory, and close by. He radioed several of his troops.
“Quickstrike, Rampage, Dinobot. I need you to come with me. We shall have a new Predacon amongst us.”
It took about five minutes before the four Predacons reached the pod. The area they were in was quite dry and desert like. Most of the life forms that remained were bugs and snakes.
“Dinobot, will you do the pleasures of turning this Maximal scum into *ahem* one of us?”
“As you wish,” responded the transmetal 2. Dinobot started to type away at the pod's computer. At the right moment, he removed the Maximal chip and replaced it with that of a Predacon's. The scanners started, looking for a life form. It chose a vulture in the distance, eating away at the dead carcass of a snake. The pod opened and out came a transmetal bird. His wings were long and black and his claws were blood red and sharp.
“Greetings,” said Megatron. “I am Megatron your commander. You are a Predacon, like us.” The new bot looked at him and smirked.
“You must think I’m stupid don’t you? I’m not a Predacon.” Megatron scowled, ready to blast him.
“But, I like the sound of being one.” The leaders face now lightened.
“Heh, he’s pretty loud mouthed aint he boss,” said Quickstrike.
“Quiet fool. Now, what shall we call you?”
“Nightstalker is striking me at the moment,” said the newcomer.
“Excellent, yes. Now Nightstalker, why don’t you transform and give us a look, hmm?” asked the leader.
“Nightstalker, terrorize!” yelled the bot. As he transformed, his vulture head became his chest plate. He had a very similar form as Terrorsaur did when he was alive, except he was metallic. He had a big, muscular build and was about the same size as Megatron.
“Very good. I’d even say terrifying,” said a pleased Megatron.
“You think that’s terrifying? After I tear out his spark, you’ll see what terrifying is!” yelled Rampage.
“Uh-uh-uh,” chanted Megatron as he gripped the box which contained Rampage's spark. Rampage grabbed his chest and fell down in pain; waves of energon flowing over his body.
“Megatron, stop!” yelled Optimus, who was now at the scene with Cheetor, Depth Charge and Rattrap.
“Yer too late Tinhorns. This ones ours now!” shouted Quickstrike. Optimus turned at looked at the new Predacon.
“You don’t have to be one of them. We Maximals believe in good and-" right then the bot turned and shot a missile from his wrist at Optimus.
“There’s nothing good about this bot.”
“Oh fer bootin' up cold, not another one!” complained Rattrap.
Now, the Maximals and Predacons were engaged in battle. Dinobot was blasting Cheetor with the laser from his eye. He was hitting him dead on and Cheetor kept falling back.
“A little help!” yelled the cat in frustration. Rattrap, who was hiding behind a big boulder, jumped out and started shooting the raptor.
“I’ve got it kid, go handle the fuzor!” Cheetor did so, glad to get away from Dinobot.
Of course, Rampage and Depth Charge were dukin it out. Depth Charge had shot a few power launches from his chest at Rampage and was succeeding in damaging the crab. Nightstalker decided it was time to put his new skills to the test. He stepped in and started shooting missiles at the manta ray.
“Find your own battle. This one’s mine!” yelled Rampage.
“And you seem to be doing such a great job,” spouted a very sarcastic Nightstalker. Furious, Rampage pushed Nightstalker to the ground. He was going to shoot him when Depth Charge took the advantage and shot Rampage several times. Nightstalker rolled out from under Rampage, within reach of Depth Charge. He pulled out a samurai sword and stabbed Depth Charge in the shin. The manta screamed out in pain.
“Maximals, retreat!” Optimus lifted up Depth Charge and flew away with him as the Maximals took off.
“Well done Predacons! Now, back to base. We must teach our new comrade a thing or two about being a Predacon. Although I think he will do very well.”
At the Ark, Optimus had just gotten Depth Charge in the CR chamber.
“Man, that new Pred sure hacked up Depth Charge’s leg good,” said Cheetor.
“I’m going to take a wild guess and say that you didn’t get there on time,” remarked Rhinox, who was busy on the computer as usual.
“Yeah, were we eva. Dat guy had some moves. He was ugly as da pit too, I might add.” Rattrap's sense of humour could brighten up a bad situation, or sometimes, make it worse. Silverbolt then entered the room, back from monitoring the boards in a separate room. He looked around and could tell that the others had been at battle.
“Can I assume that much occurred while I was completing my duties?”
“A stasis pod fell today. Needless to say, we were too late,” replied Optimus Primal, looking down at his feet.
“The Predacons retrieved it?”
“Yeah. Mega bummer huh?” said Cheetor.
“Do not fret, my friends. Maybe this fellow will come around, as did I when I was not your ally.”
“I’m not too sure about that, Silverbolt. This bot wasn’t like you. You were always pure of heart, even as a Predacon. He seemed to enjoy being on Megatron's side. It’s unlikely that he’ll join our side,” said Optimus.
“Eh, we don’t need him. Da last thing we need is another guy wit a bad attitude,” stated Rattrap.
“Oh, and like yours is so great,” replied Cheetor.
“Hey! Who asked you?”
“Enough!” spat Rhinox. “We have enough problems without the two of you going off at each other.”
“Alright everyone, back to your duties. We’ll worry about all this later,”
Later that day, Blackarachnia came in from patrol. She was left alone all day with her thoughts. She was still torn up inside, and didn’t know how to handle her feelings. It had now been two weeks since she read that file and all she could think about was him: Artemus. That was his name. A name and face that wouldn’t leave her alone. She walked into the command centre, her thoughts still lingering throughout her mind. She saw Silverbolt, sitting at the table all alone. It was obvious that he was waiting for her. His duties ended hours ago, and he would be sleeping by now. Not to mention, that she was quite late in coming back. Her duties ended over an hour ago, but she needed some time alone. The expression on Silverbolt's face showed that he was concerned, yet happy for her return. He walked over to Blackarachnia and embraced her. His touch was warm and comforting to her. He leaned over and kissed the top of her forehead.
“How I missed you this day, my love.” This brought a smile to Blackarachnia's face; something she hadn’t done in weeks.
“You always know how to make a girl feel good.”
“Feeling better?” Of course he had to ask. She wanted to lie and say yes, but he’d soon see how miserable she still was.
“Can’t say that I am Bowser.”
“Blackarachnia, please,” he paused. “Tell me what is wrong.”
“I can’t.”
“But why?”
“I just can’t okay.”
“I must know what is causing the one I love so much grief. It hurts my soul to see you in such a state.”
“Drop it!”
“I know that is what you want. But, I cannot. My heart won’t let me do so. As long as we are together, I must make you happy.” Blackarachnia's heart sunk. She knew how much he loved her. She also knew that her secret would tear him up inside. As long as he loved her, he wouldn’t leave it be. There was only one thing to do: make him stop loving her. Blackarachnia sighed as she said the words that hurt almost too much to escape her lips.
“Let me make it real easy for you than. We’re through.”
“What..?” Silverbolt asked in disbelief.
“I can’t handle it anymore. You just won’t let it be. Every night you ask me what’s wrong, but you just can’t fit it through your thick skull that I can’t tell you!”
“Blackarachnia, I’m sorry. If you wish, I will not ask you again until you are ready.”
“That’s the thing. I will never BE ready. And you know that’s a lie – as long as we’re together you’ll always want to know, just as you said.” She let out a heavy sigh, not wanting to say anymore. “Being with me will just hurt too much.”
“Blackarachnia…”
“I’m sorry Silverbolt. It’s over.” Blackarachnia, not looking at Silverbolt, left the room. She didn’t look back once. Silverbolt watched the one he loved leave with his heart. He now felt cold.
At the Predacon base, Waspinator had just finished giving Nightstalker a tour.
“And there’z Wazzpinator's room. Smallezt in baze but very cozy. Bird bot want to see hiz own room now?”
“Well, I can’t see what else you haven’t shown me, bug,” said Nightstalker, coldly. Waspinator seemed hurt for a second, but buzzed on quickly, showing his new team mate his quarters.
“Thiz iz bird botz room. Uzed to be Taranchulaz.”
“Where is he now?”
“On hiz own. Doezn’t like uz. Wazzpinator glad. Wazzpinator hatez spider bot.”
“And I’m sure he was real fond of you.” With that, Waspinator knew he was no longer wanted. He left to go to his quarters. When he opened the door, he saw that a bot was in his room, gathering some remaining things. He assumed it was Tarantulas. The purple bot turned around and took a long look at Nightstalker.
“Ah, so you must be the new one whom I was too slow to get my hands on,” replied Tarantulas.
“What are you doing?”
“Just gathering a few of my devices that I forgot. Megatron doesn’t know I’m here.” Tarantulas gave Nightstalker a hard look. “Don’t bother saying anything to Megatron. It’ll do you no good.”
“Is that a threat?”
“Call it whatever you’d like. So, have any of the Predacons warned you about certain *ahem* Maximals yet?”
“Well, that Rampage creep keeps moaning about that Depth Charge guy. He sure seemed harmless to me out on the battlefield though.”
“Let me do you a favour.” Tarantulas grabbed a picture of Blackarachnia and passed it to Nightstalker. “Stay away from this one. She’s a witch. Many in this war have fallen for her charm. But don’t let it fool you. It’s all a game to her.”
“Pretty girl,” said Nightstalker, staring at the picture. “You must have really had something for her if you still have this photo.
“That picture is just a reminder of how creations can go horribly wrong. Consider yourself warned.” Tarantulas then disappeared through the corridors. Nightstalker still had the picture in his hand and he studied it hard. He was mesmerized by the picture; by her beauty. He put the picture in a slot in his armour. He then heard someone knocking on his door. He walked over to the big metallic door and pressed the code that opened it. In front of him stood the red ant-bot called Inferno.
“The royalty wants me to inform you of your tasks for tomorrow. You are to wake up at eight a.m. to monitor the boards in the main hall. At noon you are to go to scout patrol at coordinates 13-6-0-9. Your tasks of the day end at eight p.m. The royalty does not have patience for those who are late.”
“Yeah, yeah. Tell him I’ll be there on time.” He then closed the door on Inferno. About a half hour later, Nightstalker left his quarters. He walked down the now quiet halls of the Darkside. Everyone was asleep except for Quickstrike who was monitoring the boards.
“What are ya doin up at this time a night?” asked the fuzor.
“Can’t sleep.”
‘Ah, I got ya. Hard being in a strange place 'n all. But don’t ya worry. Ya’l feel better once ya kick a few maxi’s kiesters!”
“I’m sure I will. Tell me, if you will kick strike, what do you know about the Maximal…Blackarachnia is it?” Quickstrike stopped to think for a moment.
“Ohh…Sugarbot. She’s one pretty lady that one…she was mine before that two faced Silverbolt came into the picture!”
“So, you two dated?” Nightstalker questioned, not believing that Quickstrike could ever get someone with so much beauty.
“Well, I wouldn’t exactly say we dated. But we sure had somethin that’s fer sure!”
“I see. Well, I will see you tomorrow, Quickstrike.” Nightstalker walked out onto the balcony, that overlooked the lava pit that the base was located over. The heat was intense, but not too intense for him. Nightstalker removed Blackarachnia's picture and stared at it once more.
“So you are here, Circe. After all these years, I’ll have finally found you again. And once I do, I’ll make sure you will regret ever having even coming online.” Nightstalker threw the picture of the widow into the lava. He watched the lava slowly eat away at the photo until it was no more.
End Part 3
Part 4
Blackarachnia awoke with a heavy heart. She felt so much guilt for hurting Silverbolt. All he had done was love her, and what did she do? She ripped out his heart and stomped on it, without explaining why. What hurt her the most was how she did it, she acted like she didn’t care, although deep down inside she was crying with every word. It was for the best though, wasn’t it? She had probably succeeded in making him hate her. Yes, it was for the best. If he found out about her past, it would hurt him too much, as well as her. But, it couldn’t possibly hurt more than it did now. No, she couldn’t think these thoughts. No one must know. She got out of bed and went to the command centre to hear what her daily tasks would be. When she entered the room, all were present except for Silverbolt and Depth Charge. All of the Maximals were giving her cold stares, except for Cheetor who was trying to hide his contentness. Rattrap was the first to speak up.
“Ya just had to crush his spirits didn’t ya, ya Predacon scum bag!”
“How would you know?”
“I ova heard ya little conversation last night. I decided it’d be best for Bolt that I told everyone so no one would botha him today.” Blackarachnia was furious. Who in the pit did he think he was? It was none of his business; none of any of their business.
“We need to talk Blackarachnia. I won’t take no for an answer this time,” said Optimus.
“Get out of my way!” Blackarachnia headed for the door, but Optimus blocked it and there was no way for her to get around the huge bot.
“You are not leaving this room until you explain yourself.”
“Why I got rid of Bolt? He couldn’t keep up with me okay? He was too much of a good guy.”
“That’s a lie and you know it. If you thought he would be nothing more than a fling you would of never have joined our side.” Optimus was no fool. There was just no tricking him. He would never let her leave until he understood. Until they all knew. Maybe it was time for it to come out in the open. It was time for them to know the horrible truth of what had happened to her back on Cybertron, all those years ago. She started to feel guilt. Guilt that she had not just showed Silverbolt the file last night. Then none of this would be happening.
“You want to know the truth? I’ll show you the truth…move!” She shoved Cheetor aside who was blocking the way to her quarters... When she reached her room she removed the file from the safe. It hurt just to touch it, knowing what was inside. When she entered the command centre again she threw the file on the table in front of Optimus. He picked it up and read the name in the corner.
“Circe?”
“That was my name before I entered this war.”
“You read your file?” asked Rhinox, upset that she didn’t follow his requests.
“Unfortunately yes. It’s brought back a lot of memories. I had forgotten them all…they were erased from my memory. But now they’re back and now I can’t think straight.”
“You want us to read it?” asked Cheetor, curiosity now pulling at him. Blackarachnia knew it had to be done.
“Yes, read every word. But don’t say I didn’t warn you. And…show Silverbolt. He deserves to know more than anyone.” Optimus now stood aside, as Blackarachnia left the Ark. She couldn’t be there when they read it. Optimus slowly opened up the file. Every Maximal present read the file; the pages that made their hearts feel sorrow and guilt that they had bothered the poor girl for the truth. Yet, not one had judged her, like she had expected.
It was early evening when Silverbolt returned from his duties. He would have been there earlier but he started his tasks late. He slept in about 2 hours, not wanting to even leave his bed. All day he had been thinking about Blackarachnia and how she had broke his heart. He replayed what she had said to him the previous night at least a thousand times, and each time it hurt even more than the last. When he got inside of the Ark, Optimus was still standing in the control center. He handed the file to Silverbolt.
“You need to read this.” Said Optimus in a low voice.
“What is it?”
“Blackarachnia's past records.”
“I cannot,” just hearing her name hurt.
“She wants you to. It’s what has been bothering her. She read her file and it brought back a lot of painful memories for her. She thinks it’s time for you to know the truth.” Silverbolt stared down at the file. He felt if he read it he would be invading her privacy. But, she had wanted him to read it. He couldn’t read it here though. He needed to be in private. He took the file to his quarters and locked the door behind him. He sat on his hard metallic chair with the file still in his hands. For several minutes he just stared at it, too scared for what he might read. He outlined the title “Circe” with his fingers. He knew this had to be her previous name. He decided it was now time. He opened it and read on.
School Records
As Circe is about to graduate, I know she will do very well. She has worked harder than most of the other students in the senior class. She excels greatly in the field of science. Her over all percent is 90%. She is always cheerful and encourages others. I wish the best of luck to her.
Music Teacher
Year one: Circe is an overall pleasure to be around. She has an amazing voice and a talent for writing. I know that one day she will succeed greatly.
Year two: When Circe returned this year, she was different. She kept quiet to herself and didn’t want to share with the class. When I asked for the class to write a poem on how they feel about life she handed in a disturbing piece which I will never forget. After that, she never returned to her classes. I have attached the poem below.
Ferocity and morbid darkness
Is all you’ve shown this ebullient soul
She’s given you all of her being
Although your malicious ways never change
Besetting her of her very life
Prolonging the pain
Empathy of your twisted ways
She stood by your side
Servile and pure
These qualities of this young girl
Are turning cold and abysmal
This entanglement she dare not escape
Too credulous to see your presumptuous acts
Immeasurable is the number
Of the tears she’s shed for you
This once lively woman
Is always lugubrious these days
She longs to know if you’ve been true
But you simply prevaricate
She’s trying to vanquish her demons
Seeing the light slowly fade to black
You can’t understand her enigmatic ness
So you horrendously shatter her dreams
Adamant that she deserves it
Leaving no precaution in all that you do
Punishing she for loving so
You’ve now manifested the situation
All can now see her agony
The lunacy in your head has become quite clear
She’s becoming disenchanted towards you
Mayhem going throughout her head
Withstanding to let you win
Lethargic and all worn down
Although she appears nonchalant and strong
How much woe and abandonment
Can one bear before the breaking point
Through the years of dismay and unloyalty
She’s now ready to cave in
This predicament won’t last any longer
Soon you’ll be regretting the acrimonious things you’ve said
As well as the way you obliterated her soul
Because today…
Today she leaves
At the back of this page, there was a spot for a CD titled “Circes music” but the CD was missing. Silverbolt knew she had removed it, not wanting anyone to hear it. He continued reading on.
Police Records
-unit Circe ordered a restraining order on suspect due to threats
(3 months later) – Victim was found in her house, badly wounded.
-Will need to be hospitalised for several weeks. Foetus did not make it.
-Circe will need a therapist and prescribed drugs to help with her loss.
-suspect (father of child) was arrested today, with a lifetime sentence for attempted murder.
Self defense Instructor
-Unit Circe joined classes today. Has shown a great interest yet she is very quiet
-Over the past 6 months, Circe has opened up and is improving greatly. She has a skill for the martial arts.
-It has been a year since Circe has joined and she has mastered all of the self defense skills I have taught her. She is the best in her class. Her spirits are well lifted since she first joined.
- I have suggested to Circe that she sign up for the Axalon crew. I believe she would make a fine addition to the group. She has the scientific knowledge, and if anyone was in trouble, her martial; arts skill are superb. Circe really deserves to get away for awhile. She agrees with me and is interested. I believe she will do great on the exploration cruise.
Silverbolt's jaw was left hung open. She once had a child. This is why she kept the file to herself. She didn’t want him to know. Often he spoke to her of having children one day, and she knew it would hurt him to know that she once conceived some one else’s baby. She was thinking of him the whole time, and was being completely unselfish. She had known he would be jealous and wanted to spare his feelings. Yes, he was a little upset. He thought that when they returned to Cybertron they would get married and have children of their own. It would be different since she had once conceived a child already, but he wasn’t that selfish. He’d get over it. How couldn’t she see that? Silverbolt now became enraged with anger. His beloved was once so happy, so gifted, and excelled in everything she did. And this mech, if you’d call him a mech, destroyed her spirit. How could anyone lay their hands on a femme? How could anyone kill an unborn child; one so innocent? Silverbolt became confused with all the feelings he was having at once. He needed to find Blackarachnia. He needed to tell her that he still loved her and what had happened in the past didn’t matter to him. More than anything, he wanted to hold her in his arms. Silverbolt left the Maximal base, in search for the one he loved.
End Part 4
Part 5
Blackarachnia walked across the barren land It was now evening and the moon was full. She wasn’t sure where she was going, nor did she care. Suicide crossed her mind several times on this walk, but she wasn’t that selfish. If she had made it this far, she wouldn’t let Artemus win now. She mindlessly walked across the rocky ground.
“Hello, my sweet.” She heard a voice from behind her. She turned around and saw a new Predacon.
“Didn’t you know it’s not safe for a lady to be alone at this time of night?”
“So you’re the new pred. Let me give you a welcoming present then.” She started shooting him from her spider legs. He rolled swiftly out of the way, unharmed.
“Nice try. You’re pretty quick.”
“You too,”
“And even more beautiful than the last time I laid eyes on you.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I recall the last time I saw you was in a court room, when they convicted me of being a killer.”
“No…”
“And you told them you wanted me in jail. That you hoped I’d rot in a cell.”
“You!”
“That’s right, it’s me Circe.”
“It’s Blackarachnia now.”
“And I Nightstalker.”
“It can’t be you were locked away---"
“In a maximum security prison? Well I got out. And when I heard you were joining the Axalon crew, I knew it would be my last chance to find you, and make you pay.”
“Make me pay?! Do you have any idea what you put me through? What you did to my daughter?”
“Our daughter.”
“You dare call yourself a father!” She ran at him and karate kicked him several times in the chest, causing him to fall back.
“I see you’ve gotten stronger.”
“I took training.”
“As did I,” Nightstalker got up and grabbed his samurai swords. He swung them back and forth at her. Blackarachnia kept trying to duck out of the way, but he was so fast. He slashed her right arm and she yelled out in pain.
“You dare strike a woman!” yelled Silverbolt who had just seen what had happened from the sky. He landed in front of Blackarachnia.
“So, this is the poor fool you’ve trapped in now Circe huh?”
“You sir…are you the one that has caused my lady so much grief?”
“Your lady? She was mine before she was yours, doggy!” Silverbolt shot several of his feather missiles at Nightstalker. Nightstalker winced in pain. He pulled out a bullet gun and started shooting dozens of bullets at Silverbolt. The young wolf stood ground for a few seconds, determined to protect Blackarachnia, but soon collapsed. It was too much for him. Mech fluid was dripping from his chest plate. Nightstalker now stood over top of Silverbolt, read to finish him off.
“Don’t worry. I’ll take real good care of her.” He lifted up his sword ready to kill Silverbolt, but Blackarachnia grabbed him from behind and had his sword now across his neck. A very similar position to the one he had her in years ago.
“Am I still weak?” she asked breathing hard from anger. He tried to get out of her grasp but she tightened the sword.
“After all these years of torment…you still come back for me. Haven’t you caused me enough grief …enough pain? It’s one thing to want me to die….but you had to kill her! You sick piece of slag!” She spat at him.
“Gotta hand it to you Circe, you sure have changed. You’re stronger now. Maybe even good enough for me finally. What’d you say? Give me another chance Circe?”
“Circe’s dead…you killed her long ago. Now it’s your turn to die!” With that, she pulled on the sword as hard as she could and decapitated her once lover. Covered in her stalkers mech-fluid, Blackarachnia fell to her knees crying, Silverbolt had never seen her cry. He crawled over to her, as he was unable to walk. He wrapped his arms around her as she laid her head on his chest. Silverbolt held tightly, wanting to keep her comforted.
“Shh, it’s alright my love. The nightmare is finally over.” They held on to each other for a few minutes before radioing Optimus to come and get them.
It was the end of the day and all of Megatron's troops were back from completing their tasks. All but one.
“Where is that bird? Computer, tell me where Nightstalker is!”
“Unit Nightstalker is offline.”
“No! Who has done this?”
“Unit Blackarachnia has destroyed unit Nightstalker.” Responded the computer in a monotone voice. In a way, it felt as if the computer was taunting him.
“Well then, he mustn’t have been as strong as we assumed he was if she destroyed him. And, there is always next time.” Megatron bellowed out his evil laugh and it was heard all throughout the base.
Back at the Ark, Silverbolt had just emerged from the CR chamber. Rhinox was repairing the CR chamber next to the one Silverbolt was in, for it was down and not working.
“Feeling better?” asked the green bot.
“It appears so.”
“You took quite the beating.”
“Yes, if it weren’t for my beloved, I would not be here now. Where is she, Rhinox?”
“In her quarters. She’s been in there since you got back. You might want to check on her.”
“Yes, I was just thinking the same thing, my friend.” Silverbolt left the room and started walking down the Ark's corridors. He stood in front of Blackarachnia's door for a few moments. He didn’t know if she wanted to be disturbed or not. Just as he decided he was going to knock, something stopped him. Music. He heard music from her room. As soon as he heard the voice he knew it must have been the CD from the file. The one she kept hidden. Her voice was so beautiful, but the words pulled at his heart.
You hold the
answers deep within your own mind.
Consciously, you've forgotten it.
That's the way the mind works.
Whenever something is too unpleasant, to shameful for us
to entertain, we reject it.
We erase it from our memories.
But the answer is always there.
(Can't wash it all away)
(Can't wish it all away)
(Can't hope it all away)
(Can't cry it all away)
The pain that grips you
The fear that binds you
Releases life in me
In our mutual
Shame we idolize
To blind them from the truth
That finds a way from who we are
Please don't be afraid
When the darkness fades away
The dawn will break the silence
Screaming in our hearts
My love for you still grows
This I do for you
Before I try to fight the truth my final time
We're supposed to try and be real.
And I feel alone, and we're not together. And that is real.
Can't wash it all away
Can't wish it all away
Can't cry it all away
Can't scratch it all away
Lying beside you
Listening to you breathe
The life that flows inside of you
Burns inside of me
Hold and speak to me
Of love without a sound
Tell me you will live through this
And I will die for you
Cast me not away
Say you'll be with me
For I know I cannot
Bear it all alone
You're not alone, are you?
Never... Never.
Can't fight it all away
Can't hope it all away
Can't scream it all away
It just won't fade away, No
Can't wash it all away
Can't wish it all away
Can't cry it all away
Can't scratch it all away
(Can't fight it all away)
(Can't hope it all away)
Can't scream it all away
Ooh, it all away
Ooh, it all away
But the answer is always there. Nothing is ever really forgotten.
Because I'm tired of it too.
Because I'm tired of it too.
Because I'm tired of it too.
Because I'm tired of it too.
Because I'm tired of it too.
Silverbolt let out a heavy sigh. Hearing that song broke his heart. He decided it was time to interrupt her thoughts. He knocked on the door.
“Blackarachnia?”
“It’s open,” she replied. She was sitting on her bed, hugging her knees. He closed the door and sat beside her.
“I heard the song. Was that you?”
“Yeah, that was me. A long time ago.” Silverbolt was looking at her with sad eyes.
“I guess it’s time I explain a few things huh?”
“Maybe it would be best that you did.”
“I’ll start by explaining what you read in that file. When I was in school, I was a good kid. I studied hard, got good grades, took music lessons. Life was good. Then, the summer after I graduated, I met Artemus.”
“Nightstalker?”
“Yeah, him. I met him at a fundraiser. There were a bunch of performers raising money, I don’t remember what the cause was now. Anyways, Artemus was hired to play guitar to go with my songs. After the concert, we started talking and we seemed to get along well. We soon started to date. Everything went good for the first while. He treated me with respect and took me out often. When we were together for about a year, we moved in together. That was my first mistake. That was when he started to get controlling. He had to know where I always was. Jealousy got the best of him. One night he took me out to a party and that’s when the violence started. I saw one of my old friends, who just so happened to be a guy. We were talking for awhile. Artemus saw this, grabbed my am, and announced that we were leaving. He waited until we were outside to confront me. He started to yell at me, saying how I was all over my friend. When I tried to tell him that he was just seeing things and he was just an old friend, he called me a liar and he hit me. I was in shock for a few weeks. I never thought that he would physically hurt me. I tried to convince myself that it was an accident- that he only did it because he was intoxicated. But, things started to get worse. He started to insult me. He wouldn’t let me go out anymore. The only thing he let me do was go to my singing lessons. Soon, the hitting turned into shoving, and the shoving turned into punching. I thought I deserved it; that I had done something terribly wrong. The truth was, the guy was sick in the head. He got a kick out of feeling powerful. I couldn’t concentrate on anything anymore, not even my music. And when I did write music, it was all depressing. Then one day, I decided I’d had enough. He was trying to get intimate with me, if you’d even call it that. I told him to get away, but he wouldn’t take no for an answer. He…he raped me Silverbolt. And that was something I never wanted to go through again. But, I was too much of a coward back then. For several months after, I continued to let him hurt me. He would go out at night, with other women sometimes, and I would stay home and cry. I had been feeling sick for a few months and I needed to know what was wrong. When he was at work one day, I went to the doctor. They ran several tests on me, that day, I found out I was pregnant. Four months pregnant. The day he raped me was the day I conceived a child. That was it. I had to tell him. I was so foolish I thought that he would change when he found out I was with child. Was I ever wrong. When I told him, he said it wasn’t his. He called me names and said that I must of cheated on him. He punched me, and gave me a black eye and left me there all alone. I couldn’t risk loosing my baby. I packed up my things and left that night. I hid in a shelter for about a week until I found my own place, far away from Artemus. I didn’t tell anyone where I was going. I couldn’t risk it. I was seven months pregnant when he found me. He was so mad at me, he wanted me to hurt more than ever. He stabbed me in the abdomen, killing my child. He was so sick, he made it so that I would live but my daughter would die! He wanted me to feel the pain each day. When I recovered in the hospital, they asked me if I knew who did it, and did I ever tell them. They found Artemus, and took him to court. They found him guilty and put him away for life. As he was being dragged to his cell he looked at me with the meanest eyes I’ve ever seen and he said he’d get me. After that event, I moved back in with my parents. I was so depressed, I had lack of judgment. I started to hang out with people I would have never even considered before. I became a drug addict. After about a year my parents couldn’t handle me anymore so they sent me to a rehab centre. I saw a psychiatrist for about six months before they let me out. I didn’t know what to do with my life. All I knew was that I wanted to be safe. I wanted to know how to protect myself in case I came across someone like Artemus again. So, I started to see a trainer. I was with him for over a year. He taught me all the martial arts skills that I know now. After I was done my training, I heard about the Axalon exploration ship. They needed members with self-defense skills and a scientific mind. I had both. I figured I had nothing better to do so I joined. And that’s how I’m here now.”
“Blackarachnia, my love, I am filled with such guilt. I should have let you come to me when you were ready to tell me all of this. I am regrettably sorry.” Silverbolt hung his head in shame. “I would be lucky if you could ever find it in your heart to forgive me.”
“Oh Bowser. You did nothing wrong. I’m the one to blame here. I’ve kept my feelings inside for too long. And you know what? There’s something else I’ve wanted to tell you for a long time.”
“And what is that?” Blackarachnia lifted his head up so that he was looking into her eyes. She held onto his hands softly.
“Silverbolt, I love you.” Silverbolt's whole face smiled when he heard those words. “I know I should have told you a long time ago. I’ve always felt it. I just…never wanted to put my heart on the line. But, I know you. You are the most kind, gentle person ever.”
“I always knew deep in my heart that you loved me. But to hear those words escape your lips make my spark soar.”
“I thought I had lost you forever. I…I didn’t mean to be so cruel. I just didn’t want you to get hurt.”
“Oh, you will never loose me, beloved. I shall be yours forever. Never again worry about what I may think. Whatever comes up, we shall get through it. And we shall pass this dark stage. Know that no matter what shall come our way, I will never leave your side.” They shared a long, passionate kiss. When they finished, Silverbolt cupped Blackarachnia's face with his hands.
“Blackarachnia, stay the night?” he asked.
“Oh, what happened to obeying Optimus’ rules?” Blackarachnia teased, now smiling.
“I think I can be flexible. After all, we are in love.”
Circe: meaning witch-goddess, seductive. The female goddess who lured men with her beautiful voice.
Artemus: meaning of the moon. The god of the hunt.
Authors thanks and dedication: I have a few authors whom I would like to thank for helping me out with this fic. First off to Zucca. Thank you so much for helping me choose a name for Blackarachnia when she lived on Cybertron. I couldn’t have found a more perfect name…it helped with so many of the themes in my fic. Sapphire, thanks for the help on editing my fic. You have always been such a help and a great friend!