The VR’s Most Hilarious Quest

Scene 13

By: Lady Scale

INTRO: At Bad guy central, Voldemort^ARR has Sapphire’s^ARR mobile phone.

V: “People, I reveal to you the whereabouts of the Eye of Sargeras^ARR!” ::connects the mobile:: “Hahahahahahoa-hoa-hoa!-” ::almost falls backward:: “Let’s see now.”

[On the huge screen, Megatron’s^ARR face appears.]

V: -_-* “Well, there’s a megalomaniac in the middle of the picture. Remove it!” (the Death Eaters look at each other) “REMOVE THE T-REX NOW! It’s in the middle of the- Agh!” ::throws the mobile::

[The mobile hits the screen, making it literally fall apart.]

V: -_-() “Oh.” ::turns around:: “Now, we can’t let a girl and 3 robots ruin our plans for global domination!”

Optimus Primal^ARR: “Want a bet?”

[We see that the Maximal leader is tied to some kind of gismo, and Tarantulas^ARR is at a control panel next to him.]

V: <_< “A wager?”

OP: “I bet 5 $ that Rattrap is going to foil your diabolical plans and save the world.”

V: ::takes a remote:: “Heh. You’re overly spunky for a bot in your position.” ::pushes a button::

OP: (with a gismo tied on his hand) ::slaps self several times::

V: “Heah! How do you like that, Mr. Slap-yourself-in-your-own-face!” ::puts remote down:: (to T) “Give him a good slap once in a while.”

Tarantulas: ^|^ “My pleasure!” ::pushes button::

OP: ::slaps self::

V: “Now, I think I will head my bet. I’m going to unleash our most vicious operative!”

[A cage is lowered, and in it there was a Xenomorph Drone^ARR.]

{TM2 Db: A Xenomorph is from the Alien movies.}

Xe: *shrieks* ::tries to claw out::

Lucius Malfoy^ARR: ::pushes the buzzer:: *beep* “Ahem. Excuse me, the Xhenomorph is vicious by nature, but as memory serves, this one is really dumb.”

V: “Well, so are you.” ::opens the cage::

[The Drone pounces Malfoy.]

*slash* *roar* *slice* *shriek* *slash* *chomp*

V: ()-_0 “Uh… that’s a good boy…”

Xe: ::gets back in the cage:: *burp*

Lucius Skeleton: *beep* ::finger up:: “I withdraw my objection…”

Snape: ::is scared::

BACK SOMEWHERE ELSE: We see a Heroes4 map and on it, a really twisted line is drawn.

[The map slowly fades into the image of a forest where our heroes are going through on horseback.]

TM2 Db: “There are only a 20 miles till we reach the location.”

Sapph: -_- “Great…”

[We hear the gears of mechanics, then a Dragon Golem^ARR comes up, and riding it, where Blood Rayne^ARR, Cate Archer^ARR and Alice^ARR.]

{TM2 Db: A Dragon Golem is from the ‘Heroes of Might and Magic 4’ game, Blood Rayne is from the ‘Blood Rayne’ game, Cate Archer is from the ‘No One Lives Forever 2’ game, and Alice is from the ‘American McGee’s Alice’ game.}

Alice: “Hey! What do you know, it’s TM2 Dinobot!”

BR: “Hmm, funny meeting you here…”

TM2 Db: “Hi Rayne.”

Cate: “Would you like a lift?”

Megs: ::is already on:: “Alright! Yessss…”

RT: ::looking suspicious:: “Shore’ was ah lucky coincidence ‘yah showing up just now…”

BR,CA&A: ::look at each other with devil grins:: >:) “Yes. Wasn’t it…”

*Dum dum DUM!*

M: “Huh?”

BR,CA&A: O:)

RT&Sapph: >_> <_<

LATER: We see the dragon golem going down a path near some Fae Trees^ARR.

{TM2 Db: Fae Trees (and sprites) are from the Heroes of Might and Magic 4 game.}

[Lots of Sprites^ARR come out and dance around them.]

M: ::points:: “Check it out! Cornish pixies! Yeess-”

[The sprites start poking him.]

M: “Hey! Ow! Watch it!”

Tinkerbelle^ARR: *Ding-a-ling-a-ling!*

Translation: “For Freedom!”

LATER: We see the golem in front of a temple.

M: “Wow! What a fantastic view!”

TM2 Db: “Unless you’re in the audience who’s been staring at a dragon’s behind for about 30 seconds…”

[The dragon golem stops at the entrance of the ruins.]

M: ::rubs hands together:: “My destiny awaits… Oh yesssss….”

RT: “I guess this is our stop…”

Cate: “Enjoy the rest of your adventure, people.” ^_^

RT&Sapph: >_> <_<

LATER: We see the interior of a temple, where our heroes are looking down at the pool of lava and wondering how to get through it.

M: ::gets to the obelisk in the middle of the room and takes the eye stone from it:: “Hold it. This is the Eye of Sargeras? This ordinary stone?!”

[While Megatron keeps cursing, the others see the obelisk being lowered into the floor.]

TM2 DB,Sapph&RT: 0_0

M: “I’ve been ROOKED!”

TM2 Db: -_@() “This should happen…”

RT: “Great going, Megs…”

M: “I demand satisfaction! Oooh Yessss! WHERE’S MY HUMONGOUS ROCK?!?!!”

*SQUISH!*

[He got his rock alright…]

TM2 Db: ::pushes the rock off him::

M: (Is now Megapancake)

Sapph: ::takes the stone from him:: “Hold it. This looks like a puzzle piece!”

RT: “Eh?”

Sapph: ::goes to another obelisk and sets the stone in the big puzzle::

*Click!*

[Darts suddenly start flying through the room. TM2 Dinobot keeps dodging them, while Rattrap uses a rusty shield to protect himself.]

RT: ::looks back at Sapphire:: “Any time now!”

M: ::blows on his thumb and he inflates:: “Are we rich yet?” ::a dart hits him and he deflates::

Sapph: ::rotates the puzzle::

*Click!*

[The obelisk gets lowered, a panel on the wall opens up, and a ramp is lowered over the lava. They all watch in awe.]

M: ::has huge emeralds in his eyes:: *_*

[There it was! the Eye of Sargeras in all it’s splendor.]

M: “Whoohoo! I’m rich! I’m wealthy! I’m financially secure!” ::runs towards it::

RT: “’Ey! Megabutt, get back ‘ere!” ::runs towards him:: “Don’cha dare!”

M: ::Is held in place:: “Hey! I’m the hero here, I should get all the money! The babes too, but we’ll discuss that later… Yesss…”

RT: ::drops him::

M: “Oof!”

RT: ::picks up the emerald-like stone::

M: “Careful. Careful with my gem. Easy…”

RT: (the gem started to glow in his hand) *blink* “’wat ‘da?-“

*ZAP!*

TM2 Db&Sapph: 0_0

RT: (is now a chibi) O_O “Douh!”

Sapph: =^.^= “OH MY GOODNESS! WHAT A LITTLE SWEETY!!” ::glomps him::

RT: >< ::tries to break her death grip::

TM2 Db: -_@ “Ugh. Alright, change him back.”

M: ^_^ “Why? Yesss…”

[We see a red ‘spot’ that just appeared on Megatron’s head.]

TM2 Db: *-_@ ::is ready to use his laser-monocle:: “Now.”

M: “Alright. Alright. Bloody pictures…” ::sets him back::

RT: ::shakes head:: “Gimme’ ‘dat.” ::takes it and sets it in a subspace pocket::

M: -_- “I liked you better as a chibi…”           

RT: “Thanks.”

?: “How sentimental.”

[They all look in the direction of the voice. It was Cate Archer with Blood Rayne and Alice next to her.]

Cate: “Now. If you’ll just hand over the gem-“ ::She pulls on the zipper of the costume, and is revealed to be… Voldemort:: “-Immediately!”

BR: ::pulls on the zipper:: (It’s G1 Megs.)

Alice: “My turn!” (pulls the zipper and it’s the Xenomorph) “Groul! Hisss! Roar!” *fart*… “Sorry…”

TM2 Db: (is breathing in a gas-mask)

Sapph: (is holding her nose) 0_-

V: “Now! Hand over what I’ve come for!”

RT: “I knew it was you all along.”

V: “Oh. You knew it was me, didn’t you? Correction, I’m actually-“ ::tries to reach for the zipper over his head:: “Ugh.” ::tries again:: “Grrr. Hold this.” ::gives Rattrap his safari hat, which he drops it intentionally:: “-I am actually-“ *ziiiiip* (it’s Optimus Primal) “Primal.”

RT: 0_o “Big Banana?”

M: *shrug* -_- “Saw that one coming…”

OP: “Look in your spark, Rattrap. You know it’s true.”

M: 0_0

RT: o_o “No… Iht’ can’ be true…”

OP: ^_^ “Your right! It isn’t!” ::pulls the zipper:: *ziiiip* (it’s Autobot Jazz^ARR with a basketball)

{insert hip hop music}

Jazz: “Let’s do some drills.”

RT: 0_o, o_o, o_0?

M: ~_0 ::scratches head:: “This doesn’t make one whip of sense… Nooo…”

Jazz: *ziiip* (it’s Voldemort again) “Heh heh! Who’s laughing now?”

*we hear crickets*

V: “Well, I suppose no one. NOW HAND IT OVER!”

RT: “No! Ferget ‘dat, man! Yer’ evil!”

V: “Ah thanks.” ::goes around:: “Now let’s show this overbound garbage muncher, who’s been hired sometimes, been mistaken for, a thing or two!”

Xe: *growls*

G1M: (his fusion cannon pops up on his arm)

V: (to RT) “Now. Have you ever been disassembled in one place and reassembled in another?”

G1M: ::aims his cannon, and shoots at TM2 Dinobot, Sapphire, Rattrap-::

M: “Oh no you don’t! Noo-“ *ZAAP!*

G1M: ::shoots at Voldemort too:: *ZAP!*

[They all disappeared, G1 Megatron looks at his fusion cannon satisfied, then puts it back and looks at the Xenomorph.]

Xe: ::hisses and growls at him::

G1M: *Ziiip!* (it’s a Xenomorph queen)

Xe: “Ooooo!” ::comes back with chocolates and a gold ring in a velvet casing::

Xeq: ::comes back wearing a brides dress and holding flowers::

[They ‘kiss’ and then rub each other’s ‘noses’.]

AT THE BAD PLACE: In a transport warp, we see that the zapped are appearing… only different.]

V: “Hahaahahaha- hoa- Hwoops.”

[TM2 Dinobot’s got Megatron’s body, teeth and Rattrap’s feet; Sapphire’s got TM2 Db’s eye monocle, tail, and Megatron’s feet; Rattrap has TM2 Db’s teeth, and Sapphire’s hair; Megatron has TM2 Db’s arms, and Sapphire’s feet; and Voldemort got TM2 Db’s body and Rattrap’s arms and incisors.] (…O_o…)

V: “Aht’ dought’ah fixe’dat. Gash’ ah have tah do evehrytin’ myself aroun’ ‘ere!” ::pushes a button on a council::

[There was a bright light, and everyone was back to normal.]

V: ::checks teeth:: “Ah. Good.”

RT: -_-* “You.” ::grabs him::

V: ::grabs a remote, struggles with the rat and pushes a button:: “Henchmen!”

[While G1 Megatron and Galvatron go to get Rattrap, Primal, all tied up, appears on the huge screen.]

RT: ::lets go:: o_o “Big ape!” ::is caught::

Sapph: 0_0

V: “Ah, so this is the remote that works.” (back to Rattrap) “So. This, my friend,-“ ::pushes button:: (the Hogwarts Express^ARR, going at to speed, is shown on the screen) “-is the evil Hogwarts Express of death, which is not good news for your friend.“

[Screen goes back to Optimus, and we see that he’s surrounded by dynamite, which Carnage is lighting up.]

OP: “Don’t worry, Rattrap, I got out of worse predicaments than this one!”

V: “You see. If the Hogwarts train of death doesn’t stop him, then those 100 pounds of TNT will! Not to mention the 3 ton anvil daggling over him! And-” 0_o “-hey! That’s the Blade of Doom, I didn’t order the Blade of Doom! It’s overkill! GET RID OF IT!”

[Carnage gets the huge knife off the set.]

V: “Now. If you want to have your ‘friendship’ intact, I will have the Eye of Sargeras NOW!” ::holds out his hand::

RT: ::looks at the screen::

OP: “Don’t worry, Rattrap! I’m fine!” ::tries to blow the fuse out::

Sapph: ::shakes her head in the no fashion::

RT: ::gives the wizard the gem:: “Ya’re ah sick guy, ‘yah know ‘dat?”

V: “Ah, get used to it.” ::looks at his prize:: “My preciouuussss…”

RT: “What about Prih’mal?”

V: ^_^ “Ah. He’s waiting for a train.”

RT: ><* “WHAT?!!” ::tries to get him but the cannon guys get him first::

V: “Where’s Morgana?”

[On cue, she comes in.]

V: “Alright. Here is the Eye of Sargeras.” ::gives it to her::

Morg: “Ah ha.”

V: “Now go put it on the satellite! GO!”

[She goes.]

M: “Oh no you don’t! Yessss!” ::goes after her::

[We see Morgana that comes off the lift, gets in a Sith Infiltrator^ARR, and jets off. Beast Wars Megatron gets on 6th level Nova^MP spacecraft mode, and jets off after her.]

{TM2 Db: A Sith Infiltrator is from the Star Wars movies.}

Darth Maul^ARR: (was under Nova) ::sets down the nr. 14 wrench:: “What the- Hey!”

[We see the S.I. go into space, while Nova hits a tower of the Bad guy Castle, and then goes after her. We zoom in, and we see Megatron driving.]

M: ^_^ “Hah! You won’t see that transmetalised clone being the hero here!”

TM2 Db: ::pops up:: ^_@ “What’s up, dad?”

M: 0_0 … -_- “You’re despicable…”

[We see the two spaceships chasing each other. When Nova gets close to the S.I., we see Megatron and TM2 Dinobot acting like two motorcyclists.]

TM2 Db&M: >:)

{Insert motorcycle sound}

Morg: ::sees them:: 0_o

[They try to outrun each other, but Nova keeps getting in front of the S.I.]

{Inset clown car beeps}

[The S.I. tries to side-hit Nova, and she shakes. TM2 Dinobot pushes a button, and on the side of the ship, a mechanical hand with a key pops up and scratches the paint on the S.I.]

Morg: >.<* “Ingrates!” ::pushes the force-field button::

[A huge boxing glove pops off the side of the S.I. and punches Nova who steers out of control.]

TM2 Db&M: O_O 0_o o.- -_< o_0 >_> >.< o_O

BACK TO THE CASTLE: Voldemort is looking out the window.

V: (to Sapphire and Rattrap) “Your friend’s efforts will prove to be futile!” ::picks up some toys off a table and ‘mimes’ them:: “You see, this is the Sith Infiltrator, and here is the satellite!” ::connects them::

Sapph&RT: (are tied up) >_> <_<

V: “When the ship reaches the satellite, it will transmit a beam that will turn everyone in the VR but me into mindless slaves! Now, get them away!”

RT: “Hey, don’cha tink ‘ya’ll get kinda lonely, just wachin’ guys pick ‘deir noses?”

V: “Ah. Lonely? I suppose I’ll have some intelligent companionship.” ::looks intently at Sapphire::

Sapph: 0_o()

V: “But I prefer someone with more ‘Oomph’. I prefer… Simona!”

[A shield is pulled up to reveal a startled Simona who was putting up her make up.]

Sapph&RT: 0_o o_0

V: ::gets next to her:: “Hello, Simona.” ^_^ “We’re a cute couple, don’t you think?”

Si: ^_^() … >_>

V: “Now! Take those future idiots away, and lower the stupidity shield!”

[The shield gets lowered while the girl and the rat are taken away.]

IN SPACE: We see the satellite slowly transforming.

[In the S.I., Morgana sets on the auto pilot, kicks back and relaxes.]

{Clown car beep}

Morg: o_0 … <_<

[On the side of the ship, we see Nova’s starfighter mode again, and in it, TM2 Db is gesturing to a map that he’s asking for driving directions.]

Morg: ::making a ‘how’ gesture::

TM2 Db: ::gestures for her to slide open the side window::

Morg: ::slides it open:: “Those males have the worst sense of direction…” ::is sucked out:: “AAAAAAAaaaaa!!...”

TM2 Db: ::looks back at Megatron satisfied:: ^_@

M: “Well what do you know. She fell for it. Guess I owe you 50 $...”

[We view under Nova, and see Morgana hanging on to the ship.]

[We see the empty Sith Infiltrator attracted in a magnetic field and get caught into the claws of the satellite that turned out to be…-]

M: 0.0() “Uh… Did you order a satellite?”

TM2 Db: O_@ “I don’t even have cable…”

[The satellite turned out to be Unicron^ARR, only he was a whole lot smaller now.]

End of Scene 13