The Block

Writer's Note: I wrote this when experiencing a writer's block, particularly for my "Losing Face" series. It was also when my laptop was being used by the whole family, so I wrote it on paper for the most-part to keep myself entertained. It turned out to be quite fun!

Rampage clambered up the stairs with a scowl on his face. He wasn't often a happy bot, but right now he was in a very bad mood, even for a tormented criminal.

Without knocking, he all but kicked the door open and ducked into Sapphire's room.

Sapphire looked up from her laptop. She'd been reading fics on her bed when the maniacal crab stormed in.

"Rampage, where are your manners?" she asked calmly.

Rampage looked ready to explode. "I demand to know what's going on between myself and Myst!" he cried.

Sapphire frowned. "But I haven't finished the ser---"

"I don't care!" he interrupted. "One moment I want to kill her, the next I like her company. When are you going to decide what I feel towards her?!"

Sapphire shrugged. "I dunno. Temporary writer's block."

The words were like cold death to Rampage. No written character liked to hear those dreaded two words. If they were not being written in a fic, the characters were limited to wandering aimlessly through the mind of their controller. And Sapphire had a less than conventional mind, to put it mildly.

It turned out that another bot had been eaves dropping in on the conversation and before Rampage could react, Rattrap ran through his legs into the room.

"Did someone say writer's block?" he asked in a panic.

Sapphire sighed. "I did, yes, and can you keep it down? I don't want to alarm the other characters."

Too late. Rattrap's raised voice had carried all through the house and before long, every character Sapphire had been writing lately was bustling into her room, usually crawling through Rampage's legs. Sapphire envisaged the crabbot to be about 20 foot tall, but for convenience purposes he shank to about 8 when in the house. He still had to duck a bit, though.

Sapphire groaned at the expectant, nervous faces of the characters. She shut off her laptop with an exaggerated sigh.

Optimus noticed the implications of the action first. "Don't do that! You tend to write better on the laptop rather than with ink and paper."

"Yeah Sapph, your hand writing leaves much to be desired," Depth Charge commented.

"Ah shuddup. You wouldn't have said that if Grimloq hadn't already."

Depth Charge tried his best to smirk. "Someone had to tell you someday."

Megatron just fitted in the room and waved a dismissive hand in Depth Charge's direction.

"Forget such a triviality. The important thing here is that whatever block Miss Fire has, it is quickly removed."

"Yeah Sapphire, do you really have a block?" Cheetor asked, eyes wide and worried.

Sapphire felt sad to break it to them. "I think so. I mean, I had this tremendous rush, hence all the 'Losing Face' fics, and that co-written fic with LDC. But then I just hit this sticky part in 'Losing Face'...and now I'm battling to write."

"What scene is it?" Rattrap pressed.

"A Rampage and Myst scene."

Rampage recoiled in horror, while Depth Charge took the opportunity to accuse the crab of once again ruining his life.

"I should have known it was you! All you do is cause trouble and untold miseries for all who encounter you!" the manta bot fumed at Rampage.

"What? It's not my fault she chose to write me! I can't help it if I'm a fascinating but highly complex character to write!" he paused to beam with pride at those last few words. Depth Charge rolled his optics.

"Look, it's nobody's fault!" Sapphire interrupted. "It happens to all writers We get blocks and then we get creative sprees again. It'll pass."

"Pah! Dat's what ya said 'bout da last fic in da Uprisin' series, and dat block lasted six months!" Rattrap reminded. There was a collective gasp of horror.

Sapphire glared at them all, particularly Rattrap. "That was a fluke. I was busy with school and my interest in Beast Wars in general had faded at that time. Ever since then I've only had blocks that have lasted a few weeks, at most."

A comparatively skinny (human) arm raised up amidst the collection of metallic beings that cluttered her room. It waved a little frantically.

"Don't forget about us from your Charmed series!" Cole, the half-human demon reminded her.

"Shut up, fantasy fart! Us transformers take preference in da fic world!" Rattrap spat at the cornered man. Rampage looked ready to eat him.

Sapphire stood up, hands on hips. "Now stop this, all of you! You're only stressing me out, and that never helps me write." They immediately fell silent.

Sapphire chewed her lip in thought. Finally she said: "Maybe I just need a few days break to think scenes over. I've got a lot to get to. There's AST 2 as well."

There was another collective groan from them all. "Well that's bad news for all of us," Cole remarked unhappily.

"Not necessarily. The Beast Warriors should have appearances in the fic, and writing my friends with super powers might get me back into Charmed again, since that's all about powers 'n stuff."

"Waspinator just pleazzed to be written at all," the under-used character piped up.

"I don't know why she wasted her time on you," Rampage uttered cruelly.

Sapphire shot him a warning look and he snorted in response. "I need to eat," she declared. "Food equals energy, and energy equals the will to do something. With any luck, it'll be writing."

"That seems logical," Rhinox mused, remembering how tasty those beans were.

Sapphire had dinner. Pork chops, rice and peas. She shared a bit of the pork with Megatron while Rattrap was content to feast on the leftovers.

After dinner, she went upstairs to her room...and everyone followed. She sat back on her bed and took out a book, trying desperately to ignore the crowd of robots and the odd witch and demon staring at her. Finally, someone snapped.

"Well? Did the food help?" Cheetor erupted.

Sapphire lowered Douglas Adam's biography slowly and regarded the catbot coolly. "I'm still digesting it."

"Oh."

There was an awkward silence. Sapphire looked up at them all again. "Staring at me won't make my stomach digest any faster!"

They all, thankfully, took the hint and left her room mumbling.

The living room seemed a general place of congregation and it was there most of them wound up, not knowing quite what to do with themselves.

Rattrap tried to concentrate on what was on TV, but since Sapph's family could only afford four channels, his choices were painfully limited. Tarantulas whipped out his personal laptop and attempted to hack into the television network to 'illegally but discreetly' obtain more channels. Sapphire had warned him not to do that, but it wasn't like she was in the mood for writing a horrible scene for him to follow up on any threats.

Megatron sat at the table, drumming his fingers while trying to look thoughtful. Cheetor played cards with Waspinator and the Charmed gang, and Rampage stared out of the window at the fields, fantasizing about eating the many people who walked their dogs across said field. He'd have the dogs for desert. Optimus slumped on the sofa beside Rhinox and sighed dejectedly.

It was Myst who broke the uneasy silence.

"Being a first time, original character, I was just wondering what the general protocol is for when Sapphire has a writer's block. I hope this isn't it."

"Nope, dis is it," Rattrap said with a sigh.

"You can't be serious. You mean we're just gonna SIT here?!" she exclaimed.

"Hey, you'd better get used to it, sista! Cuz once she's finished wid' your series, you'll be a non-reusable has-been, an' all you'll do is sit around like Tourmaline or Emerald or Magnanimous, an' hope she feels like writin' a follow-up for ya one day."

Myst went silent at that grim prospect. She did NOT want to join the has-been character graveyard.

"I've got an idea!" Rampage suddenly spoke. It made an already on-edge Depth Charge poke his head out from the kitchen where he'd been making a tuna sandwich.

The crabbot whirled around from the window to face his fellow characters-in-jeopardy. "Why don't we stir up enough trouble, get so fidgety and unruly, become SUCH a headache for Sapphire that she just HAS to write us, to keep us under control?"

Had there been crickets in the house, they would have been chirping.

"Oh come on, it's not like we have anything better do to!" Rampage went on.

"Well, the idea does have merit," Tarantulas cackled, always eager to cause some form of chaos.

"Hmm...it might back-fire though, and Sapphire will write us all in unpleasant scenes just to punish us," Optimus worried.

"Better dat dan nuthin'," Rattrap muttered.

"The vermin is right," Megatron reluctantly agreed. "We shall all go insane if we do nothing for weeks."

"Too late," Cheetor uttered, but cowered a bit at the glare Megatron shot him.

"I say we do it," Rhinox declared as he stood up. It was a surprising thing for the usually calm, rational bot to say. "It's not like we have anything to lose."

There was a thoughtful silence, but soon a murmur of agreement rose up from the crowd.

"So how do we start?" Myst asked.

Rampage had a twinkle in his eye. "However you want to start! Go wild, let loose! Wreak...havoc..."

* * *

Sapphire was just getting to grips with Mr. Adam's complicated family history when she heard a worrying crash come from downstairs. It was followed by loud voices and the wrowr-wrowr-wrowr-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-kaaaaahhhh noise a cup makes as it spins on its rim before settling down.

She frowned. "What happened?" she yelled. The loud voices continued but no one seemed to be answering. She nearly settled back to her book when she heard: "Primus, no Inferno! The oven will do that just as well as your flame throw-ahhh!"

Sapphire leapt up from her bed, dropping her book (sorry Mr. Adams) and raced down the creaky stairs. She zoomed into her kitchen...and gaped.

Packed into her already very small (and now very messy) kitchen was Inferno, Depth Charge and Rattrap. All three were wearing aprons and Depth Charge sported a chef's hat. They were hovering over a tray of very burnt...somethings, and all three of them were looking at her expectantly.

"What the heck is going on here?" Sapphire asked.

"Inferno did it!" Depth Charge took the defensive.

Rattrap shrugged with a faint smile. "Eh, 'Ferny here just didn't have da patience ta wait fer da muffins ta bake normally."

"So that's what they were," Sapphire mused with a raised eyebrow. Then she turned angry again. "Who said you could make muffins, and what on earth for?"

"Aw come on, Sapph. Dey were for you! Like you said, food promotes energy, which promotes action." Rattrap smiled sweetly.

Inferno offered her the tray of charred muffins. "They're a little overdone, but you can probably still eat them."

Sapphire wrinkled up her nose and tried to politely refuse the gesture. "I'll...pass, thanks."

Before she could scold them further, there was another crash, this time from the floor below. As she raced down the second flight of steps, Sapphire began to realize the disadvantages of living in a triple-story; she couldn't keep an eye on everyone so easily. She was extremely glad her parents and sister had gone out for the evening to see a film she knew would give her nightmares...although her current situation seemed more nightmarish than any horror flick.

As soon as she left the carpeted stairs and hit the tiled floor, she smelt it. "PEE-YOO!" She blocked her nose from the foul odour and turned the corner to see the door to the garage open and, lying spilled open in the passageway, the trash can. Optimus was hunched over it, picking out things.

"Ugh, Optimus! What are you doing?!"

Optimus looked up at her, startled. "What, you didn't hear my loud 'pee-yoo'?!" she asked incredulously. She then paused to sigh. "What're you doing with the trash?"

Optimus sighed sadly. "I was hungry. You've neglected us so badly, you've forgotten to feed us."

"But you're imaginary characters! Things like that don't count! And if you'd wanted to eat you could eat something from the fridge in the kitchen."

Optimus shook his head rapidly. "Have you BEEN in there? It's a war zone!"

Sapphire found she had no argument against that, but before she could scold him for making such a mess her attention was snatched by hysterical laughter and an explosion outside. Sapphire paled. She rushed to the end of the hallway and found the door was unlocked. She pushed it open and stumbled into her tiny English garden. A very vehement Rampage was standing in the middle surrounded by what looked like a pile of...Rampage parts?

He was looking furiously at someone past her and she turned to her right to see Piper from her Charmed fic, smirking smugly.

"I swear," Rampage began, "if you do that to me one. more. time, I'll rip our your intestines and---" suddenly, Rampage exploded. Sapphire staggered back inside, shielding her face from little bits of metal crab that went everywhere. She couldn't hear out of either of her ears for a few seconds. She opened her eyes to see a pile of robot parts in the centre of the garden. Piper was almost on the floor laughing.

"My god, Piper, what did you DO to hi---i---mmmm," Sapphire trailed as realization dawned on her. Piper was using her blowing-up-stuff power to blow up Rampage, and Rampage was using his regenerative powers to, well, regenerate. Said crab was doing just that and Sapphire watched as some of the pieces recollected while new parts grew around a single, floating spark. She shook her head, both in awe and in disbelief that her day was this bad.

Rampage formed completely and with a very dark scowl on his face. "Sapphire," he began calmly. "Make, her, STOP!"

Sapphire stepped cautiously outside still shaking her head. "What did you do to make her so angry, though?" she asked Rampage. She immediately regretted stopping to ask. Rampage's body tensed into a pre-lunge stance and a look of total wildness came into his eyes. "Never mind!" she cried and wheeled on Piper. "Why are YOU blowing up my second favourite character?"

"Second?!" Rampage bellowed. Sapphire chose to ignore him for the moment. Piper folded her arms across her chest, a faint trace of a smile there but her usual grouchy demeanour returned. "He called me a few names and then ate my entire collection of newts. They were for a potion I slaved over for weeks."

Curiosity got the better of the South African. "What potion?"

"A-um...er...." Piper suddenly looked shifty.

"An inspiration-divergence potion! I heard her say it aloud to one of her wretched sisters!" Rampage informed her crossly.

Sapphire turned to look at Rampage, confused. "A what?"

"The title's self-explanatory. She was trying to take inspiration you had for Transformer fanfic and divert it to..." he paused to shudder, "Churned."

"That's "Charmed", lobster!" Piper snapped and raised her hands to blow him up again. Sapphire grabbed them both and pulled them down, almost making the magical woman topple over. "No! No more blowing him up. Would you look at the mess in this garden?! And the landlord and lady are coming for dinner tomorrow, too!" At her own words, Sapphire buried her face in her hands in despair.

A call from above filtered through the smoky air to her ears. "Hey! Sapphire!" came a gruff, familiar voice.

"Whaa-aaa-aaat," was Sapphire's muffled groan.

"Inferno felt bad about the muffins, so he's trying fruit cake now. Isn't fruitcake supposed to burn before you eat it?"

Sapphire's face abruptly left her hands and she looked up to see Depth Charge's face peering down at her from the kitchen window. Little wisps of smoke were sneaking past him.

"NNNNO!" she screeched. "Not if HE'S the chef!"

The doorbell rang. Sapphire jumped and then flapped her arms about in a frustrated sort of chicken-dance.

"Shall I answer it?" Rampage offered.

"No! Last time you tried to EAT who was at the door."

"True, but then it WAS a salesman," Rampage reminded her.

Sapphire shot him a warning look that bordered on murderous. She turned back into the house and headed for the door. When she opened it she just managed to stifle a gasp. Two policeman were standing outside.

"Is this about the loud noises in my garden? Because I've fixed that," she rapidly explained. Her sentence was punctuated by a "boom" followed by an evil cackling.

The policemen exchanged quizzical looks. The brunette of the pair spoke to her. "No. We've received reports that you're getting extra television channels illegally. We'd like to take a look."

Several cogs turned quickly in Sapphire's brain. TV. Tarantulas. No you may not Tarantulas. Tarantulas acts like Tarantulas. Illegal TV. Tarantulas.

"What, ME HAVE ILLEGAL TV CHANNELS?! WHY, OFFICER! I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO DO THAT!" she said excessively loudly.

She held off the police from coming in for as long as she could, which was a further six seconds, and then she was pushed aside. They climbed the stairs. "YOU'LL FIND NOTHING UNUSUAL OR ILLEGAL IN MY HOUSE," she assured them noisily.

They came onto the small landing and stepped into the living room. Sapphire reluctantly followed them, taking the corner with dread.

She was briefly relieved to see no Beast Warriors or witches and demons in her living room. The kitchen door was closed, but little wisps of smoke occasionally crept out from under it. She'd have to worry about that later. She watched in agonized anticipation as the police checked her television for illegal channels. To her enormous relief, they turned around and said, somewhat apologetically: "Couldn't find anything suspicious on your set. Have you got any others?" She shook her head and swallowed with some difficulty. "No. You're...WELCOME TO CHECK UPSTAIRS!"

"For Pete's sake, lass! Stop shouting," one of them finally admonished.

Sapphire nodded and when they had disappeared up the second flight of stairs, she flopped onto her sofa, exhausted. Her family only had one TV, so they weren't going to find anything up there. Hopefully. Maybe.

She was the tiniest bit embarrassed for shouting and looking like such a fool, but she was more relieved that it had paid off. Tarantulas had obviously uninstalled whatever TV channels he had "acquired" in the nick of time. The police came down the stairs looking weary and disinterested. "All right, we're content there's nothing illegal going on here. Although that bang we heard was---"

"The lawnmower. It keeps backfiring. I had one of my friends mow the lawn for me today since I'm allergic to grass and my parents have gone off for the evening."

The policemen regarded her with a mixture of worry and wariness. "Riiiight," the blonde one said slowly. They bid farewell to her and left her in short-lived peace.

Sapphire closed her eyes and breathed deeply. It took her a second to acknowledge that she had breathed in smoke. Her eyes flung open. "Inferno! Are you burning another cake?!" she roared. She stormed over to the kitchen and threw open the door. To her surprise, she saw Phoebe and Paige in the kitchen concocting....something, in a pan on the stove. They turned to look at her with innocence.

"You're not making an inspiration-divergence potion, are you?" Sapphire asked tiredly.

"What? No. Although it's an idea..." Paige trailed. Phoebe slapped her arm lightly. "Nah, we're making a potion to vanquish a demon," Phoebe said.

"What demon?"

"That big purple guy who was at the TV a few minutes ago."

Sapphire slapped a hand across her forehead. "That's not a demon. That's Tarantulas!"

"Well he has little horns on the side of his head and he bears a striking resemblance to an arachni-demon. Look!" Phoebe grabbed the Book of Shadows and shoved it open under Sapphire's nose. The page displayed a drawing of a gruesome purple monster with green eyes and eight purple legs extending from his back. Sapphire had to agree there was a startling likeness.

"Yes, well, it's not going to work on him because he's a robot! Now would you clear up this mess because my parents will be back and---"

"Ewww... Cheetor just threw up all your fruitcake on da rug, Ferny," came a Brooklyn-accented voice from behind.

Sapphire considered screaming at the top of her lungs but managed to calm herself enough to catch wind of what was really going on. She turned out of the kitchen and faced a group of Beast Warriors. There was a slightly green-tinged Cheetor, Rattrap observing what Cheetor had thrown up, Inferno looking upset, Megatron looking disgusted, Depth Charge with a blackened chef's hat, Rampage still growing a missing arm and Myst, calmly reading the newspaper in front of a TV that was playing a channel Sapphire was sure she didn't have five minutes ago.

"Okay," she said loudly. Immediately she had everyone's attention. "I KNOW what you're doing."

There was an expectant silence as all of the Beast Warriors looked at her curiously. Optimus, Cole and Piper emerged from downstairs with inquisitive faces.

"And it pains me to say it has worked," the 19 year old ended. "I'm going to go upstairs and write a fic with ALL of you in it. Capisce?"

Smiles broke onto most of the characters faces, but it was Waspinator, who suddenly appeared from behind a toppled sofa, who asked the burning question. "All of uzz? But how will fleshy-bot write a story with all of uzz in it?"

"Oh I'm sure I can think of something," Sapphire leered enigmatically. The slightly mischievous expression on her face changed into one of anger. "And where is Tarantulas?! Because he is SO in for it!"

All at once, everyone pointed to a spot in the corner behind the curtain. Sapphire could see two quivering gold feet poking out beneath them.

That night, after everything had been cleaned and tidied, (which she had personally supervised everyone doing) Sapphire sat at her table and switched on her laptop. She opened up her preferred writing program and stared at a flashing black cursor on a blank white screen. After a few minutes of pondering, a title came to her.

"A fanfic with all of them in it," she muttered aloud. With a small smile on her face, she typed: "The Block".