Two Years of Reflection

Author’s Note: All characters are property of their respective creators. Likewise, I belong to God, and I thank Him for that and for His will in my life and the gifts that he’s given to me that have come to show themselves in these past two years.

As I was looking at my schedule and noting the days that I would be working, my eyes fell upon the date February 14^th. Valentine’s Day. And it occurred to me that I have been writing the “Reflections of Life Chronology” for two full years. Within those years and the Chronology, I have done five series, one with ten stories, three with six, and the newest one, “Playing with Fire, Dancing with Flame” has a projected eight stories, of which five are completed and are splendidly shown here at BWINT.

So two years, eh? It’s been a long, strange journey to this point, beginning in August of 2002, when I was a witness to that awful crash, in which my father had been charged with vehicular homicide on the death of a motorcyclist. I had been too deep in grief to know that I had been suffering from that and a mild depression. I hadn’t known what was sapping away my zest and love for life. And then, of February 2003, I found a song.

Not many people have really listened to how this song-fic series has become what it is. Those who have, I thank you and I genuinely am grateful that you’ve been there for me. It was a story of healing, of re-establishing who I was. That I could only express myself through writing was in itself a sign. I couldn’t speak the words that could describe the emotions I felt. I wanted something to fulfill me, my soul, but I didn’t know what it was. I wrote another essay on my journey back. Of how I had gotten back up to the person I had been before the accident, so that I could grow further. And I believe that I have. That essay is called “Rising from the Ashes,” and is also upon this site.

Working with other authors for a personal, one-on-one story is always something that I enjoy. There’s something about connecting with another writer for either a collaboration story (I’m currently co-authoring a story called “Nightmare Revisited” with Starath, which I am personally both proud of and equally grateful that she liked the ideas that I had thrown out to her after reading a part of a chapter she had written, incorporating it with a few previous and following chapters), or for a story about another author and their favorite Beast Warrior.

Sapphire is always a joy to talk to and to work with. She has this little spark of joy that absolutely refuses to be smothered, and she has such a love for those around her that it always inspires me to try to capture her character in another story. Her devotion to this site is phenomenal, matched by only a few others who are able to do what she does, and even then, I haven’t seen a more well-rounded, media-packed, fan-friendly, and generally awesome Beast Wars site since Beast Wars Anonymous, all those years ago. I’d like to thank her for that devotion, not to mention for a listening ear when things just seemed to go wrong.

So I was more than delighted when she allowed me to write about her in the series I wrote about her and Rattrap, who soon enough became Ajax. One of the many Ajaxes that Sapphire is in possession of *smirks*. I am extremely thankful that my writing of her character and of Rattrap’s character came out so well, and that I was able to finish the series without any hitches, barring the fact that I couldn’t figure out halfway through how I was going to finish the dratted thing, and had started Starath’s story before finishing Sapphire’s. But I’m glad that it went over all right in the end. But overall, I feel that should apologize to her, as I had chosen the music and artist that the series would be set to, while all the other authors had chosen their own. Therefore, I’m sorry, Sapphire, even though I know you’re going to berate me and chew me out, saying that I chose rightly (and the lyrics and songs really fit the moods and all), and how I should shut up and start writing about the next author. So fine! I will! *grins, glomps Sapph*

Starath, as bright as her namesake, never fails to make me smile with some new story of what happened to her in college, what new trouble her infamous Chibis are causing, or just amusing stories of day-to-day life for her. Likewise, I try my best to tell her the same about me and the things that have made me smile. Sometimes, however, sad things are shared, as is to be expected, and we always encourage each other. Starath has been one of my oldest online friends, one that I can remember surfacing at Beast Wars Comedy and Fanfiction, along with a few others who quickly became fast friends and writing allies. She always critiques stories with the most wonderfully critical eye, saying what she would edit in ways that have land in just the right way. I’ve been pushed to become a better writer by her edits, and I thank her for all the time she’s put into reading small works that become wondrous writing pieces.

Her love for a certain tyrannical Predacon always confuses me, since I can never seem to get over his overbearing personality. Blarg. But regardless, if she believes that there is something good in him, I was willingly able to find a sort of grudging respect for the Predacon leader so I could write about him, hoping that I could write him into a romance that wouldn’t seem forced, strangled, and dragging him kicking into it. But with Starath’s character to even out Megatron’s, I think that they really could have been soul-mates, had Megatron really existed. Their opposites evened each other out, and the simple fun-loving way Starath deals with people would cause him to lighten up, while his sense of responsibility would cause Starath no small stress, even though she would listen to his reason.

I am also proud and happy that she chose the album and artist that she did. Linkin Park’s “Meteora” described the rough and often-violent tenancies that would quickly arise from a Predaconic romance. And the deep emotion of the lyrics showed that beneath a hard, harsh exterior, there really was someone under there, someone who really cared, who really wanted something good for the one he loved . . . and I could have cried a few times at the sheer brilliance and pure light that had found its way into the almost-dark series.

Hacker’s series, however, was a bit of a challenge. I wasn’t able to get the CD of the artist I was going to write her series to for over a month. Once I got it, I wasn’t all that able to get the ideas right, or in the right order. Depth Charge wasn’t that hard of a character to write a romance to, contrary to what some might think. I have written almost an entire series set in my Awn’néad universe about his relationship to his wife, then to Awn’néad’s mother, Sinead Flaherty-O’Rion. So I know how to write how he would act in a loving relationship after much trial and error on both my and his behalf!

See, it was Hacker’s fault, really. She just . . . man. *laughs, winks* Nah, just jokin’. It’s hard to capture the author’s character, especially when you’ve been out of touch with the author for over three months. But it ended up working all right in the end, and I finally was able to get things done. There were scenes that I was writing that I wanted to cry at because they were just so real, and there were parts that I wanted to just make last forever, but . . . some things have to last only for so long. Everything that has a beginning has an end . . . but who is to say that said ending is really not another beginning? I guess that’s the real reason for the entire chronology. That even though something that seems too good to be true must end, it really is a beginning to a new chapter in our lives.

And in writing Hacker’s series, I was finally able to tell about the crossing-over that the Warriors would go though to become human. It was something new, and I’m glad that I was able to write it through Depth Charge’s perspective. It was also the first time that I had all the authors and their favorites together in one story. Having heard from another author how she would like to see more of that, and less of the scrutinizing eye upon her, solely, I guess that I’ll be continuing that. It was fun, awesome, and really a great challenge to have each and every Warrior and the authors that loves them all in one spot. And it seems that there’s a kind of special smile that I have to smile when I think of everything that would have to be going on when those kind of gatherings would occur.

And thus this brings me to my latest series, and one that has been late in coming. Miss Special and her Inferno. Originally, and unfortunately, I had planned (and said) that I would write hers after I had written Starath’s. I had forgotten those words over some very rough months with school and every issue that going to school causes. Including being grounded from my computer until the rat-hole I call my room was cleaned. And I apologize profusely for being late in writing this series. However, that could very well be a double-edged sword. If I had not had so much time to think about different characters, and how they would all react to the authors in different situations. And so I had enough time to figure out how Inferno would react to a romantic situation.

It wasn’t pretty.

*grins* No, really, I would think that on some level he would be able to identify it, but then he wouldn’t think it to be either necessary or even advisable. But he would end up being persuaded, won over, and would turn out to be a complete sweetheart. I managed to almost capture what the relationship would have been in “Stolen Virtue,” but somehow it still fell short of my expectations and wishes, and I didn’t know why. I still don’t know why. Inferno is a puzzling character who I still don’t quite understand all the time. It takes a lot of patience and searching the character’s complete personality, and even then it was hard to write about him.

Something else that was a pain in the neck for me to do was get that blasted album. I wasn’t able to find the time to get to Borders (those of you who don’t know, that’s one of the major bookstore chains in the US) or to get a ride or plan a trip to the music stores in the mall. Thus, frustration set in when I wasn’t able to use all me free time wisely. But I managed, and once “Corporate America” was bought, oh, man, was I grateful. The music choice was perfect, with a sort of careless affection laced though it by the singers of the band Boston. They love what they do, and it shows so perfectly in how they perform. That’s the kind of affection that was needed in this series. Something without rules or restrictions, without care of whoever was watching or listening, and with the want to just continue. Truly, it was a great choice, and I applaud Miss Special for showing me the light!

As of now, I have just finished the fifth story, “Cryin’.” I will not tell the story right now, but there is so much . . . well . . . simply amazing purity and emotion that have seemed to weave themselves through and around my words, binding the story into a ball that literally had me tear up and almost lose all control when I did the immediate edit after completion. One scene in that story (I almost wrote “movie”! How interesting, ne?) always grips my heartstrings and gives them a vicious yank. That’s when I know that I had hit on something beautiful. And it seems that I have, and I am thankful for the patience that Miss Special has given me, since I’m working five days a week and the library is over a mile down the road, and winter isn’t a time to be biking anywhere. So I have to walk everywhere, and that takes more time, and is painfully slow to get to places. Plus the winter storms . . . yeah. It’s a tough time to be without transportation.

But as I ever have, I will persevere, spend my time wisely, and get as much sent out to people as humanly possible.

So. You’ve heard how I love talking and writing with the main authors in my life. What you haven’t heard is how I love being able to utilize the gift of writing. Those who have it adore it. Those who wish for it sometimes succeed in reaching their dreams. Some don’t. The same is said for artwork. And for every other gift in this life, whether literary or otherwise. Some can sit with an instrument for an hour, and teach themselves seven chords and a song. Some can write out a poem with perfect rhyme scheme and the perfect amount of syllables. Some can write a short story that will have people crying at the end because of the sheer beauty or the raw emotions portrayed. Some have the gift to learn languages. Some can draw a perfect portrait of a person in fifteen minutes. Some can sing. Some can change their voice to speak differently, in any variety of different accents. Some have the now-more-rare gift of being such a shining ball of hope, love, and acceptance, helping others laugh through their pain.

Some can be all or none of the above, instead having a gift that isn’t mentioned, or can’t be described.

But at BWINT and over these last two years, I’ve met one person of each type. And I thank you for helping me through rough times. I thank you all for just being there.

And I thus dedicate the entire “Reflections of Life Chronology” to my mother “Meara,” all the authors who I have written or will write about, and to all the wonderful people at BWINT for past and future help. I hope that you will enjoy these stories as much as I have enjoyed writing them.