1.April.06

Tree-Climber, Sanity and Friends

By: Blackbolt52003

It was an average day for Tree-Climber.

#1. Sneak out of the base just a bit after dawn and talk with the old she-squirrel.

#2. Go back to base and snooze until the alarm rings.

#3. Go track down Sourpuss and see what he and his crazy pals are doing (hopefully, the Macarena with Pickles on their heads!).

#4. Find out that they have energeon (aw…. no Macarena, no Pickles…. I love Pickles so why the slag don’t they have them?) And call Optimus for backup (not my fault, blame whoever is with me on the assignment!) but blow them away with Vaporizer gun with crazy look in optics when Optimus and friends arrive.

#5. Get scolded and do what normal bots would do. Go to sleep while Optimus is making one of his annoying speeches. That’s sure to be a riot.

#6. Head back to base with Silverbolt (Man! Who does that guy think he is? Lancelot? Uh, forget I asked, it’s a stupid question anyway…) and find some way to get that annoying voice of his about respecting leaders and such and such outta my head.

#7. Monitor duty. Zzzzz… Hey, I think I’m getting the hang of it!

#8. Go on scout duty. (Finally, some time to reeeeeaaaaaaaaally stretch my legs!)

But, just as she came back to base after #8 some weird vortex appeared in the sky. “Oooo…. Preeeeeeetty….” Tree-Climber said, standing up on her hind legs. She was in beast mode (Well, duh!) She still went on saying that as the vortex disappeared when a stasis pod fell from it and landed in the forest behind her. She still stared at where the vortex had been, still saying, “Preeeeeetty colours…. Preeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeetty colours… Preeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeetty coooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooolllllllooooooooooooooooooooooooooours-”

“SHUT THE FRICKIN’ SLAG UP!” a voice yelled. She turned and saw a twitching dragon behind her, twitching. Any normal bot could tell he was annoyed, but Tree-Climber wasn’t like any normal bot. She was herself and one of a kind, thank Primus for that.

“Hi. Are you an alien?”

“DO I LOOK LIKE A FRICKIN’ ALIEN?” He howled.

“No.”

“THEN I’M NOT A FRICKIN’ SLAGGIN’ ALIEN!”

“Sheesh, learn to shut up will ya? You’re giving me a head ache and you’re really annoying.”

“I’m annoying?” Then, he glared at her. “Are you Maximal or Predacon?”

“Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaxi-maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaal.” She said in a singy-songy voice. He twitched even more.

“If you’re a Maximal, you’re the weirdest one I’ve ever seen.” He muttered.

“PICKLES!” He jumped.

“#$&!” He swore. “WHAT IN THE NAME OF MY FRICKIN’ SHORT LIFE ARE YOU SHOUTING ‘PICKLES’ FOR?”

“I LOVE PICKLES! And you just reminded me of them.”

“Wha-?” he looked down. He was a red coloured dragon who certainly wasn’t the colour of pickles. “Why would I look like ‘Pickles’? Of all the Modern Day Earth information I know, ‘Pickles’ are certainly not the frickin’ slag red!”

“Because you’re as red as a tomato.” Tree-Climber said dreamily. “And tomatoes go in a hamburger, with ketchup and lettuce and meat and PICKLES!” He twitched even more.

“Just to let you know, you’re annoying me.”

“I know! Isn’t that Pickle-y great?”

“ENOUGH ABOUT THE STUPID FRICKIN’ PICKLES!” He practically screamed.

“Ok!” she smiled brightly. “Let’s talk about Mushrooms!” He twitched.

“Tree-Climber! Do not worry! I am on my way!” her COMM-link suddenly buzzed.

“Wazzup, bird-dog! Did’ja give Depth Charge a quick kick in the butt like I suggested?”

“What?” Silverbolt exclaimed. “I do not believe in harming my comrades. Besides, you will not be harmed when I get there.”

“Why will I be harmed?” she asked.

“Because Waaazzzzzzzzpinator wantzzzzz vacation!” Waspinator buzzed, coming out of nowhere, transforming.

“WASPINATOR!” She exclaimed. “BEWARE THE MUSHROOM!” She threw a pickle at him. The wasp slipped on it when he landed on the ground (don’t ask me why he didn’t see the pickle and DON’T ask me why he landed on the ground, he just did).

“Mushroom?” blinked the red dragon. “But you threw a pickle.”

“I know. But,” she pouted. “It’s your fault for telling me not to talk about pickles any more. Wait! I just said it. Pickles. There, I said it again. Pickles. Hey, lets see how long I can say ‘Pickle’ in one breath!” She took a big breath, not seeing that the dragon was twitching uncontrollably now, Waspinator doing the same thing.

“Picklepicklepicklepicklepicklepicklepicklepicklepicklepicklepicklepicklepicklepicklepicklepicklepicklepicklepicklepicklepicklepicklepicklepicklepicklepicklepicklepicklepicklepicklepicklepicklepicklepicklepicklepicklepicklepicklepicklepicklepicklepicklepicklepicklepicklepicklepicklepicklepicklepicklepicklepicklepicklepicklepicklepicklepicklepicklepicklepicklepicklepicklepicklepicklepicklepicklepicklepicklepicklepicklepicklepicklepicklepicklepicklepicklepicklepicklepicklepicklepicklepicklepicklepicklepicklepicklepicklepicklepicklepicklepicklepicklepicklepicklepicklepicklepicklepicklepicklepickle-”

“Hey!” she suddenly said. “I don’t think I counted right... That means I have to start over.”

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Waspinator and the dragon yelled in unison.

“FURBY!” she said suddenly, hugging a little furby that was sneaking away. “HOW’S MY FAVOURITE FURBY OF THE FRIENDLY FORTUNATE FOOD-EATING FUZZY FEROUSIOUSLY FANTASTIC FURBY FAMILY?”

“In heaven, living, when you didn’t see me and now in hell, dead, now that you did.” Choked out the furby.

“Wow.” Whispered Waspinator to the red dragon. “Dragon-bot, Waspinator not knowzzz that squirrel-bot can say allz that.”

“I know.” Agreed the dragon. DINGDINGDINGDINGDING! Someone actually agreeing with Waspinator? GET OUT THE RECORD BOOKS! HEEEEEEEEY! WHERE ARE THE RECORD BOOKS? “And my name is Mitch, not dragon bot. I was human and now look at me!” he showed his wings and tail.

“Dragon-bot was fleshie-bot?” asked the bug wide-eyed, er, wide opticed.

“IT’S MITCH YOU FRICKIN’ BUG!”

“Mitch?” asked Tree-Climber, absentmindedly letting go of the furby who rushed to the nearest Tree-Climber shelter. “Why were you in a stasis pod?”

“My dad the scientist said it was a bed.” Snorted Mitch. “Some dad he was.” My god… How gullible can a human be? Er- don’t answer that…

“Where’s your bed now?”

“It’s NOT a bed!” growled Mitch but he pointed at an open crashed stasis pod. “Have you even got any sanity?”

“Sanity?” Tree-Climber blinked. “Who’s Sanity? Is he a friend? Is Sanity a food?”

Mitch put his head in his claws. “Heaven help me…”

Tree-Climber said nothing but merely pushed him into the open stasis pod and slammed the door on him (or whatever it’s called…). She pushed random buttons, listening to the sound and apparently making ‘music’.

Waspinator, seeing her have so much fun decided to join on in. But, after a few more pushes of the buttons and some pounding from the dragon/human inside the stasis pod flew up into the atmosphere and disappeared.

“Aww…” Tree-Climber pouted. “No pretty lights this time. Only boooooooooooring gray…” She waved good-bye to Waspinator and ran back to base, apparently forgetting about Silverbolt.

“Tree-Climber, where’s Silverbolt?” Rhinox asked. She shrugged.

Meanwhile…

“Help!” yelled Silverbolt, pounding on the elevator inside the current Maximal base, which was, in fact, the Ark. “Get me out of here!” Then, a pause.

“Please,” he said meekly to no one in particular. “I have claustrophobia…”