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The Tea Party: Part Two

Opening scene:

Sapphire is setting up a table. The table is situated under a big oak tree in a beautiful park with lots of trees and many different coloured flowers. 

The grass is green and soft, the sun is shining and there’s not a cloud in the sky.  However, it is fairly warm so that is why she has set up the tea table under the tree.  On the table there are scones, muffins, cake, ‘hottie hots’ (for Darkfire), crumpets, an ice cappuccino, tea and coffee.  Definitely coffee – she remembered Solar Blaze’s liking for coffee.  It’s a reasonably big table and there are seven seats around the table.  Oh, and special mention must go to the tablecloth.  It is a beautifully decorated tablecloth with prints of different flowers and butterflies and in the center, a picture of a salmon.  The salmon does looks a little out of place amongst the flowers and butterflies, but when Sapphire hand-painted this cloth, she wanted it to be eye-catching – and it certainly is because the salmon is a luminescent pink.  Anyway, Sapphire has now finished laying out the teacups and seats herself and waits for her guests to arrive.

She isn’t alone for very long as Joe and Rattrap and Megatron come over from the playground in the distance.  They arrive at the table and Joe reaches for a scone.

Sapphire slaps his hand and he withdraws it quickly.

Sapphire:  Not until the tea party has started, dimwit!  And they’re not for you anyway.

Megatron: Ah yes, I do believe you have invited friends and characters today.  Will Miss Darkfire be coming?

Sapphire:  Why do you care?  She’s not in my stories and she is some other Megatron’s girlfriend.

Megatron: Just curious, just curious….

Rattrap: *snigger* Yeah, right.

Megatron:  What’s that vermin?  Do I hear a touch of contempt and sarcasm in your voice?  Because if I do…

Rattrap:  So what if ya do?  I don’t care. You couldn’t hurt me if ya tried!

Megatron:  Want to bet?

Rattrap:  Bring it on!

Joe:  Muffins!

Sapphire:  Shut up all of you!  Go back to the playground.

Rattrap:  Aw!  Please, no, Sapph!  I don’t wanna go back.

Sapphire:  Why?

Rattrap:  Dere are some nasty kids dere dat pour sand in my joints and leave me up in da air when I’m on da seesaw!

Joe:  Yeah, they’re vicious little mites!  Pushed me down the slide when I wasn’t ready!  The bullies!

Sapphire:  Oh, you’re such wimps.  Well, if you’re too scared to go to the playground, go and feed the ducks.

All three of them glare at her.

Sapphire:  Okay!  Okay.  You can sit on the grass and eat a few scones so long as you keep quiet and stay out of the way.

Megatron:  Yes ma’am.

Rattrap: Of course.

Joe: *snort*

Sapphire:  Right.  Hey look, here comes Lady Venom!

Lady Venom is walking up the hill with Rampage.  The two are holding hands; mind you Rampage is flinching because Lady Venom’s claws are digging deep into his palm. 

Lady Venom:  Hello Sapph!  Rampage, say hello.

Rampage: humph.

Lady Venom squeezes his hand and he squeaks.

Rampage:  Hiiiillllooo!

Sapphire:  Um, hi!  Lady Venom, would you like to take a seat and have some scones?

Lady Venom:  Yes, thanks.  Rampage, go sit with the others on the grass.

Rampage whimpers in protest.

Lady Venom:  Sit! Or I’ll treat you to some more Barney and chicken soup when we get back!

Rampage quickly sits down next to Joe, who looks him up and down with terrified eyes.

Joe:  What the hell are you?!

Rampage:  A man-eating crab.

Joe nods and carries on munching a stolen scone.

Joe:  Oh.

Sapphire:  Lookee!  Here comes Darkfire! 

Darkfire skips up the hill with a big grin and looks about when she reaches the table.

Darkfire’s smile fades and she looks worried.

Darkfire:  Where’s Orli?

Sapphire:  He’s coming, and hello to you to.

Darkfire:  Oops!  Sorry Sapph and Lady Venom, I’m just so in love with the guy…I…

Lady Venom:  It’s okay.  I don’t understand but I’ll try.

Sapphire:  Aw, it’s cool, Dark!  Ever since you returned Orli, he’s done nothing but talk about you.  I think he likes you.

Darkfire:  Squee!  I like him too!!!!

Lady Venom:  Oh brother.

Solar Blaze, in her usual cool and calm style comes up behind Joe and taps him on the shoulder.

Joe swivels round, gasps, starts to choke on a piece of scone, gets up and jumps up and down and eventually collapses and rolls down the hill.

Darkfire, Lady Venom and Sapphire both turn to see why he did all that, and burst out laughing.

Sapphire:  Solar Blaze!  You brought your turtle!

Solar Blaze grins and pats her turtle on the head.

Solar Blaze:  There’s a good turtle!  Good turtle!

Sapphire:  I brought some lettuces just in case.

She takes out a lettuce but before she can tear off a leaf, he’s taken a big chomp and eaten the entire vegetable.

Sapphire:  Whoa!  Don’t you feed this thing, Blaze?

Solar Blaze:  Naw, he’s just always hungry.  He’s a strange thing though - he prefers meat.

Rampage makes a high-pitched gurgling noise and edges away from the giant turtle.

Solar Blaze:  Turtle, sit next to Rattrap and behave. 

Turtle sits down next to Rattrap, who eyes him suspiciously and munches slowly on a muffin.  The turtle stares at Rattrap.

Rattrap:  What you looking at?

By now, Kewlgurl has climbed the little hill and greeted everybody.

KewlGurl:  Nice place you got here, Sapph.  Ooh!  Scones.

Darkfire:  Ahhhhhhh…… Hottie hots!  Sapph, you remembered!

Sapphire grins happily to the sound of everybody munching.

Suddenly, her face lights up and she remembers something.

Sapphire:  Oh!  Ooh!  See that shed there in the distance next to that chestnut tree?

They all nod.

Sapphire:  I’m going over there to fetch something!  Be back in a moment.

Sapphire skips off singing ‘I am the Walrus’ by the Beatles.

Lady Venom notices how Solar Blaze is staring at Rampage, who’s sitting innocently in between Turtle and Megatron.  Solar Blaze licks her lips, and Lady Venom isn’t sure if she licking the cookie crumbs off her lip, or if she’s wondering what Rampage would taste like boiled and served with a splash of lettuce and some feta cheese.

She decides to shrug it off and happily munches on a muffin.

Solar Blaze snaps out of her trance and catches sight of Joe, who’s since clambered up the hill and it sitting next to Megatron, eyeing both Turtle and Rampage.

Solar Blaze:  Hey, Joe!

Joe gives her a terrified and demented look.

Joe:  Geeeet aaaway frooom me!!

Solar Blaze grins and points at Rampage.

Solar Blaze:  See that crab?

Joe:  He’s hard to miss!

Solar Blaze:  He’s the one who ate Jason.

Joe’s eyes get bigger, his jaw drops, he closes it, it drops again, he frowns, then half grins, then looks sick. 

Solar Blaze:  Mixed feelings?

Joe:  Tell me about it.

Rattrap:  Ahhhh!

All of them stare at Rattrap.

Rattrap:  Solar Blaze!  Yer Turtle just bit off halfa ma head!

Darkfire erupts into uncontrollable laughter. 

Half of Rattrap’s exposed bronze brain is missing, and Darkfire finds this very amusing.

Rattrap looks at her and sighs.

Rattrap:  I neva impress you.  My pain causes you pleasure.  I have a crush on you and dis is how ya treat me!  Da world ain’t fair!  It ain’t fair.

Darkfire holds her stomach and carries on laughing.  The other three look at her strangely.

Suddenly, there’s a joyful scream not more than a few meters away.

Everyone looks up.

Solar Blaze moans and hold hers head, Lady Venom burps and looks round, hoping no one noticed, Darkfire squeals with glee and a sudden wild looks comes into KewlGurl’s eyes.

Sapphire:  Look everybody!  Its Orlando and Elijah!

KewlGurl and Darkfire break into a sprint.  Darkfire jumps into a happy Orlando’s arms and Megatron lets out an audible mutter of protest.  Sapphire is holding a very weary looking Elijah’s hand but the two are knocked apart when KewlGurl grabs Elijah and kisses him all over.

KewlGurl:  Handsome gorgeous darling baby!  I love you!

Sapphire:  Steady on, Kewl!  He’s just woken up and can hardly balance.  It took me ages to convince him to come out and if Tobey hears all this commotion, he’ll never leave the shed.

Solar Blaze and Lady Venom perk up at this.

Lady Venom:  Wait a minute; did you just say Tobey?  As in Tobey Mcguire?

Sapphire nods.

Solar Blaze:  And you’re keeping him in a shed?  Sapph! What’s wrong with you?

Sapphire shrugs.

Lady Venom:  This is not right.

She runs off to the shed and Solar Blaze starts digging in her pocket for a pen and paper.

Solar Blaze:  Go get him, Ven!  I want his autograph! 

In the meantime, Megatron has got up and has a painful expression on his face as he watches Darkfire and Orlando hold hands, giggle and kiss.

Rattrap is busy trying to fight off Turtle, Joe’s trying to handle sadistic grins from Rampage, KewlGurl has tackled Elijah who is blushing no end, Sapphire’s looking jealous and Dinobot’s arrived and wonders what the Pit is going on.

Dinobot:  What on Cyberton?!  Ugh.  Is it just me or did I come at a bad time?

Rattrap’s busy pushing away Turtle’s face.

Rattrap:  Lizard Lips!  Help me for cryin’ out loud!

Joe:  Would you stop looking at me like that!  Get away from me you ten-legged freak!

Rampage:  Jason gave me indigestion.  But I’m betting a slimy little worm like you will go down well!  Solar Blaze told me all about you, Joe!

Megatron:  Goodness!  Get your hands off of Miss Darkfire, MR. Orlando!

Orlando:  Tee hee!

Darkfire:  Get a life, Megs!

KewlGurl: ::to Elijah::  …And we’ll have a big house with lots of children and a big red Ferrari in the garage….

Elijah:  God help me.

Lady Venom:  Solar Blaze!  I’ve got him!  I’ve got Tobey!

Solar Blaze:  Oh!  Goody!

Sapphire:  KewlGurl!  I want to marry him and have his big red Ferrari! 

KewlGurl: ::almost strangling Elijah she’s holding him so tight::  Ah well.  Snoozers are losers!

This is all getting too much for Dinobot and he lets out a blood curling scream, which is so disturbing that is immediately shuts everyone up. 

There is a long, confused and rather stunned silence.

Rattrap:  ::whimpering:: Sooolllaaar Blaaaze…. Yer turtle’s nibbling on my leg!!!

Solar Blaze: ::staring at Dinobot with big eyes:: H-hold on, Ratface. I- I’m getting Tobey’s autograph.

Sapphire:  Dinobot’s got a point, girls and guys.  Let’s all sit down.  Hmm, let’s see….seven seats…..  There’s one for me, Solar Blaze, Lady Venom, Darkfire, KewlGurl Elijah and Orlando…

Solar Blaze:  what about Tobey?

Tobey:  don’t mind me.  ::spins a chair made out of web and attaches it to a tree branch, so that it works and hangs like a swing:: 

He sits down in his new chair.

Tobey:  I’ll just hang here for a bit.

Elijah stares at Tobey who looks strangely calm.

Elijah:  How’d you do it? How do you remain so tranquil?

Tobey:  Elijah, take a good look at my fans, and then take a fat look at yours.

Elijah looks at Lady Venom and Solar Blaze who are seated at the table and watches as Solar Blaze passes a plate of muffins to Lady Venom, who thanks her politely.

His gaze then drifts over to his right where KewlGurl is sitting with her legs crossed, wearing a very short mini skirt and casting flirting glances at him, he turns and looks at Sapphire who’s graining and staring at him.

Sapphire: ::to Elijah:: Do you realise that you have very blue eyes?

Elijah looks at Tobey.

Elijah:  I totally understand now.

Orlando snorts a laugh at all of this.

Orlando:  Hail the Wise Webman!

Lady Venom, Darkfire and Solar Blaze:  Hail the Web!  Go Web!

Tobey puts his hands together, bows and then shoots a vine of web and swings away.

Solar Blaze:  Thanks for the autograph, Tobey!

Lady Venom:  Yeah, thanks!

KewlGurl:  Come back soon Tobey!  I think you’re hot!

Solar Blaze scowls at KewlGurl.

Solar Blaze:  Ah great, now he’s never coming back.

KewlGurl:  Sorry, cant help myself.

They dine and speak normally for the next ten minutes.  It’s very peaceful other than the occasional smooching noise as KewlGurl gives Elijah a smackeroo on his cheek and he sighs wearily.  Time passes and its eventually time to go home.

Lady Venom:  Well, I’m stuffed.  I’ll be going now.  Thanks for the scones, Sapph.

They all say their goodbyes to Ven and she gets up and rounds up her Rampage.  As she walks off they hear her say:  Did you have fun playing with the others, honey? 

Rampage:  My tummy feels funny….

Solar Blaze picks this up and looks around for Joe, who has mysteriously disappeared.

She also notices that Rattrap is missing, and her Turtle is looking suspiciously fatter than when he came.

Solar Blaze:  “I’d better be going now, Sapph.  Turtle looks a bit ‘fed up’, if you know what I mean,” she says with a rather serious face.

Sapphire:  See you around, Blaze. 

Darkfire:  Ciao!

KewlGurl: ::dreamily as she’s gazing at a nervous looking Elijah:: Buh-bye.

Solar Blaze looks at them, shakes her head and leaves with Turtle.

Darkfire and Orlando are discussing their favourite types of music, KewlGurl is flirting with Elijah and Sapphire’s looking depressed.

She looks around and notices Megatron hunched over in the corner despondently.

Sapphire:  What’s eating you, Megs?

Megatron glares at Sapphire and she notices suddenly that Turtle must’ve nibbled on his leg, because a big chunk is missing.

Megatron:  Oh sod off!

Sapphire looks away guiltily.

KewlGurl:  Well, we better be going.

Sapphire:  We?  Who’s we?

KewlGurl:  Elijah and I!  I mean, if you don’t mind me borrowing him for a while.

Elijah gives a desperate look at Sapphire, mouthing ‘no!’

Sapphire:  Awwww, all right!

Elijah shoots her a look of betrayal, then shrugs.

Elijah:  Well, KewlGurl, you can’t be worse than Sapphire.

Darkfire erupts in laughter and KewlGurl smiles flirtatiously at Elijah.

KewlGurl:  Ooh hoo hoo!  We’ll see. 

Sapphire hands Kewl a pretty little red packet marked with gold letters: Elijah.

Sapphire:  It’s my Elijah carrier bag!  :::grabs Elijah and somehow manages to squeeze him in there::  It’s a compact and secure way of carrying your Elijah so that he doesn’t get lost.  Bring him back tomorrow, sane, if possible.

KewlGurl:  I will!  Although no guarantees about the latter.

Sapphire and Dark wave her goodbye.

Suddenly, Orlando looks at Sapphire seriously.

Orlando:  We have to go.  I mean, I have to go with Darkfire.

Sapphire:  Why?

Orlando and Darkfire giggle insanely.

Sapphire:  Never mind.  Just don’t do anything ridiculous.  I’ve never seen half human- half transformer children and I never want to.

Darkfire looks excitedly at Orlando.

Darkfire: Heeey, that’s an idea!

Sapphire gags and shakes her head violently.

She pulls out their chairs, stands them up and turns them around, giving them a little push.

Sapphire:  Okay, be gone now!  See y’all later.

Darkfire and Orlando wander off and Sapphire is left to contend with the mess on the table.

Sapphire:  ::yelling in the direction of Megatron:: Hey!  Prune face!  Come help with the dishes!

Megatron glowers at her, gets up and helps clean up.

Sapphire:  Mad tea party, huh?

Megatron *while picking up the remains of a scone*:  Yesss.

Sapphire:  You know what I got planned for next time?

Megatron: *sighing* No.

Sapphire:  Next time…we’re all going to….

Megatron:  Oh spit it out!

Sapphire:  Disney World!

Megatron:  Primus HELP us all!!

Sapphire:  And I’m gonna take you and Dinobot on the Tower of Terror, and then Elijah and I will go in the Love Tunnel, and there’s this cool water slide that I know Rampage will just love….

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