21.Jan.06

Author's note: I make no profit, this fic may be considered a 'how not to do it' handbook for young parents, and it's supposed to be funny, so laugh. NOW!

;-)

Oh, and there is no explanation why characters here are as they are. If you really need one, just make it up.

The small favors

By: Syntia13

Megatron slumped on his throne, filling it with a liquid-like quality usually reserved for cats. He resembled a chewed on octopus at the moment. He leaned over and stared at the ceiling.

Happy thoughts, happy thoughts... Think something nice and easy, like overthrowing Maximal government, maybe... Or conquering the universe...

Just as he started to relax, something resembling a double-barreled gun was pressed against his chin. He groaned.

"Who are you? No, never mind. You can shoot me if you like. I don't care. Noo. I'm too tired to care."

The possibly-double-barreled-gun was withdrawn.

"And what might have possibly exhaust you so, Megatron?" awfully familiar voice asked. Megatron groaned again.

"What do you want, Primal?" he asked in exchange, not even bothering to open his optics.

"Excuse me if I'm wrong, but wasn't today your turn to keep an eye on DepthCharge and Rampage?"

"It was and it is. They're locked in a lower level."

"Not anymore."

Megatron suddenly sat bolt upright, optics wide in panic, and looked at the screen. It showed two cages hanging over the lava, battered and empty.

"Noo," he moaned. "They were there just a mega-cycle ago!"

"You didn't check on them for entire mega-cycle? What where you doing, catching up on your beauty sleep?"

"Try for yourself to control six little kids with only Scorponok to help!"

"I have four kids, two teenage femmes and Rattrap, thank you very much."

"That surely can't be-- TARANTULAS! GET DOWN FROM THERE!" Megatron suddenly bellowed and jumped to the air. Something resembling ball of purple yarn giggled and scurried away along the ceiling. It disappeared in a crack just before Megatron's hand grabbed it. The Predacon growled and landed.

"This kid gives me the creeps. I don't want to know what will grow out of him..."

His gaze fell on a cute ball of yellow fur toddling besides Optimus.

"Maybe you want to trade Cheetor for him?" he asked with sudden hope.

"Trust me, you don't want that. And may I remind you that you have two troublemakers to find?"

Megatron groaned.

Why did he have to remind me that?

"Tell me you know where they are! Tell me they didn't go after the girls again!" he begged. The latter was a frightening thought. Not because of a moral aspect of what four teenagers could do together, but because it could result with... *gulp*... more children!

"Your concern is touching, Megatron. No, you won't have to unglue DC from Black or Rampage from Airy again.

"It wasn't my fault! It was after midnight, and so it was your shift!"

Optimus sighed and rolled his optics. "Whatever. They have found another entertainment-- Cheetor, don't touch that!"

Too late. Cheetah kitten had already tangled himself into a shiny, bluish spider web, and before any of two adults could react, the proud web's owner scurried over from the shadows, leapt, and...

"YEEEEEOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!"

Megatron and Optimus tried futilely to shield their audios, while at the same time wrenching Tarantulas's fangs open to release Cheetor's tail. By the time they succeeded, it had swollen to the size of a small melon.

"Is this spider poisonous?!!"

"What did you say?"

"IS THIS SPIDER POISONOUS?" 
"WHAT DID YOU SAY?"

Primal gave up and concentrated on comforting the crying kitten, while Megatron was shaking and scolding a giggling mad tarantula.

After some time both sounds subsided. Megatron with a sigh dropped Tarantulas (he immediately disappeared inside the webbing), took a syringe out of subspace pocket and handed it to Optimus.

"What's this?"

"An antidote. That spider is poisonous." "Oh."

"So," Megatron said, watching as Maximal attempted to inject Cheetor. (Apparently, the cat had seen syringes before and didn't like the memory).

"You were saying that boy's have-- INFERNO, NO!" He lunged for the small ant-bot and grabbed him just in time to prevent him from falling into the lava pit.

"WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT STARING AT THE LAVA?!" he bellowed, holding Inferno high in the air. Inferno looked at him with big, soulful optics and his mouth shook.

"Oh no. Noo."

A drop of pearly oil flowed down the child's cheek, and he sniffed.

"No, no, don't cry..."

Despite the pleading, ant-bot did just that. Megatron groaned and hugged him close. "Don't cry, I'm not mad at you, hush, you just scared me, it's OK..."

Optimus finally managed to administer the antidote to Cheetor and suddenly realized that there was something missing. Didn't he come here with two kids?

"Rhinox?"

"What?"

Of course.

"Rhi, leave that computer alone."

"I'm playing"

"You play more than enough at home, leave it"

"I wanna play," a small bot gritted his teeth and frowned. Optimus hesitated. It was almost impossible to wrench the kid off the keyboard when he was in this mood...

"Let him," Megatron said tiredly, coming from behind, with Inferno clinging to his chestplate. The little ant wasn't crying anymore, but looked ready to continue the moment he got separated from his protector.

"You said that DC and Rampage--"

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

Two small bots came in, pushing at each other. Megatron put a hand to his face.

"What is it this time?"

"He cheated!" a brown bot complained immediately.

"Did not!" a gold one immediately protested.

"You did!"

"I did not!"

Few more pushes, and they landed on the floor in a swirl of fists and shouting. Megatron tried to put Inferno down to attend to a new crisis, and ant started sniffing again. Megatron hugged him hastily, and, having no hands to deal with the problem, he went for the volume again.

"NO FIGHTING IN THE CONTROL ROOM!" Two opponents separated and gaped up at him.

"Go outside! Din, no sharp tools. Quick, no poison or cheating. Go and play tag or something!" There was an edge in his voice, and the two disappeared as if by magic.

"But don't you dare to go further than second lava circle!" Megatron called after them as an afterthought. "And I don't want to see any dents when you come back!" Those two never lost an opportunity to wrestle, and he was getting sick of cleaning and welding scratches!

Megatron closed his optics and took a deep breath. Hopefully he’d gain an entire five cycles free of interruptions...

Just in case he glanced at the screens. Thank the Primus, Terror and Waspi were still recharging after their sickness, Scorponok dozing by their beds. They'd somehow got into the pantry yesterday, and got hold of entire bowl of energon candies. When their circuits started to overload... let's just say, the sight wasn't pretty. Megatron had only just finished cleaning, before Optimus dropped by. And that reminded him... He shut his optics again.

"DC and Rampage. Yess. What have they done this time?"

Please, please tell me they just argued and beat each other unconscious, I can't deal with anything they did together!

"Well, nothing much, they just found one of Rattrap's energon drinks stashes."

Megatron opened his optics abruptly. Deep inside them gleamed the madness.

"The Rat has energon drinks stashes?" he hissed.

"Sadly, yes. He has a distillatory hidden somewhere, but I can't find it despite my best efforts, and he refuses to destroy it himself. Anyway, our boys found one of his hideouts, raided it, emptied it, trashed it and set it on fire, I'm not quite sure in what order. Now they are laying at point 2-4-6/6-3-9, recharging. It is still your shift, Megatron, so you deal with it. I want them to be sober when you bring them to me tomorrow!"

Megatron set the last of piece of equipment in place, and nodded, satisfied. Then he looked at two limp, tied down figures laying on the ground. They were starting to stir, and quiet moans told him that, indeed, they had been drinking too much and were now paying for it. But they would pay even more, oh yessss.

Megatron waited till the teenage-bots woke up fully and then he pressed the switch.

DepthCharge and Rampage screeched as five spotlights flooded the clearing with merciless light and a voice bellowed:

"WHAT DID YOU TWO THINK YOU WERE DOING?!!!"

After they struggled, moaned and yelped...

After they cursed Megatron's line down to the fifth generation...

After they begged him to stop the yelling...

After they’d sworn to never, ever, to touch the drinks again...

And never to even look at the femmes...

And never to break out when he locks them up...

And never even breath without his permission, only please, please stop...

He finally turned off the lights, stopped the shouting and cut their bonds. When they managed to get up, mainly by clinging to each other, Megatron in a very quiet and very calm voice asked them, was there any of the stuff left.

No, no, they swear, there was nothing left, what they hadn't drunk they spilled, and what they didn't, they burned, but it was an accident, please, don't touch that switch, we're sorry...

And they wouldn't know where any other of the rat's hideouts might be, would they... and that switch is sooo faulty, it can turn with a mere stroke...

Quick exchange of looks.

Err, no? No, definitely no... no don't, there is one more, don't yell...

"So you know where one more of rat's stashes is," Megatron repeated quietly, putting his hands on the boys' necks.

They looked extremely worried.

"Yes," they whispered meekly.

Megatron closed his optics in silent prayer.

Let’s praise the Primus for the small favors...

"Good," he said. "Now you will show me exactly where."