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- Runner up for Silly and Sweet '03

Beast Wars Adventures: Band Time

By Starath

Finally, a blue and white swirly portal opened up. Starath came through, pulling on a huge cardboard box piled high with shiny metal and wooden objects. The portal closed while she continued tugging on the box until she reached a spot in between both groups. They all watched, wondering what in Primus she was up to now. 
"Phew! This thing's heavy." Starath looked up to everyone. "I'm glad you're all here. Oh boy this'll be fun!" She spotted Depth Charge. Walking to him, she offered her hand for a handshake. "Hi! I'm Starath. You're Depth Charge, right? I've heard a lot about you from Rampage. Nothing good though, I'm afraid." Depth Charge stared down at the small purple and silver robot with bright blue optics. He burst out laughing.
"T-this is Starath?! The one you're so scared of?? She's nothing more than a child-bot!! HahahahaHAHAHA!!" Optimus Primal ran forward, quickly apologizing for him.
"Please! He doesn't know any better! I tried to tell him that...."
"Appearances can be deceiving." Starath finished for him. She smiled. "That's okay. He'll just have to learn like the rest of you did."
"Don't be too hard on him," pleaded Cheetor.
"I'll do what I had to with the rest of you. Plug your audios, everyone."
The Beast Warriors quickly covered their audios. A few whimpered. Depth Charge was laughing too hard to notice. The music started.
"I love you, you love me; we're one happy family..." Depth Charge choked. As the song continued, his optics grew wide in terror. Staggering away, he tripped and fell on his back. The song stopped. It began again.
"N-noooooo!!" Depth Charge scrambled up and shot off into the trees, a billowing cloud of dust erupting from his path.

Starath clicked the little tape recorder. Turning to the other Transformers, she said,
"You guys can unplug your audios." They didn't hear her.
"Yo!" A few blinked their optics. Then lowered their hands from their audios.
"It's finished now." She assured them. There were sighs of relief all around.
"Rhinox, Dinobot, go get Depth Charge." Ordered Optimus. Both nodded and followed a disappearing trail of dust into the trees.
"At least he's far enough away so I don't feel his tainted fear." Said Rampage, glaring at Starath. Optimus shook his head and nudged Megatron.
"There are times I understand why she's a Predacon despite her happy nature. Only someone evil could play that horrible song." Megatron frowned.
"Yess. Well, in my humble opinion, Primal, there are two kinds of evil. There is the evil-genius evil, such as myself, and the strangely-insane evil, like Starath."
"Like there's a difference," snorted Terrorsaur from behind. Without turning around Megatron swatted him.

"What izz Ztarath doing?" asked Waspinator, watching her dig through the huge cardboard box with Cheetor and Tarantulas. She was leaning in so far she had to shout to be heard.
"Looking for the first instruments to be given out!"
"Um....Wouldn't it be better to take from the top?" Asked Cheetor.
"And do this the easy way? Come on, you know me better than th- WHOA!!" The box bulged as she fell all the way in.
"Oh slaggit! Hey! A little help here?"
"I say we leave her in there." Whispered Tarantulas to Cheetor. "In the meantime, I'm outta here!"
"Wazzpinator help!" The bug flew up and reached into the box. A bright flash made him stop. A few feet in the air, a yellow-orange portal opened. A frying pan came through, followed by a young woman. She landed with a thump. Immediately she jumped up, shaking the frying pan.
"TIM, you stupid computer!! I'm going to find the axe when I get back!" The portal closed in silent reply. Running her fingers through short dark hair, she grumbled, "I wonder where I am this time. Stupid computer...." She seemed to finally notice the Transformers staring at her. Adjusting a white shirt with the phrase, "EARTH IS FULL. GO HOME." and her shorts, she said,
"Hiya!"
Rattrap groaned. "Oh great, just what we need, another one."

"Heee-eeey, what's goin' on?" Starath's head popped out of the cardboard box. She scrambled up the side and fell to the ground. Dusting herself off, she spotted Rattrap's off-line body and the human standing over him.
"What happened to him?"
"He met with an unfortunate accident." The teenager shrugged. "With my frying pan."
Starath grinned. "A new arrival. Just dropped in?"
"Yeah. Another grand entrance by Lady Dementia, the Demented Angel." She smiled back. Everyone flinched. She growled, shaking her head. "It works here too." She eyed the purple and silver robot. "You're not a normal member, are you?"
"Nope! You can call me Starath. And I'm nowhere near normal."
Lady Dementia laughed. "Good, because that'll make two of us! "I'm used to dropping into the Beast Wars worlds. I've never seen you before, though. You probably make this world more interesting. What are you up to, Starath?" She told Lady Dementia the band idea.
"I'm about to dish out the instruments. Wanna help?"
"Well, it's not like I have anything else to do...."

Lady Dementia and Starath laid out the instruments in the grass in front of the cardboard box. Each Beast Warrior chose an instrument to their liking. Megatron picked up a black electric guitar, and Optimus selected the other, a red one. Inferno, Terrorsaur and Silverbolt got a triangle, slide trombone, and trumpet respectively. Waspinator snapped up a drum set, and Quickstrike offered to help him put it together. A shiny violin was taken by Rattrap.

"We're back!"
Dragging Depth Charge through the trees, Rhinox and Dinobot arrived after everyone was busy with their instruments. They paused when they saw Lady Dementia, and held on to Depth Charge as he tried to scramble away.
"Nooo! Don't make me go back, please! I never want to hear that song again, let me go, please let me go!! Must hide, must hide!" Dinobot and Rhinox dug their heels in as he struggled to get free. "Please! No! Evil song, horrible!! Horrible! Let me go, must hide from it, must hide!!" Lady Dementia raised an eyebrow. Behind her, Rampage laughed.
"Bwahahaha! Look at that, Fish Face blubbering like a baby! -Ulpp! Tainted fear!" She wrinkled her nose. Retrieving her frying pan, Lady Dementia beckoned to the two Maximals restraining the crazed raybot.
"Hold him still. I know what to do."
CLANG!
"Ow!" Depth Charge sat down hard. He rubbed a flat spot on his head. Glancing up, he saw Lady Dementia.
"Who the Pit are you?! And why'd you hit me? Owww..." He cursed loudly as he stood up. Then he saw Rampage on the ground laughing weakly. "X! I'm going to kill you!! Stop laughing!!" Depth Charge launched himself at his sworn enemy, and planted his face in the ground when the Predacon dodged him. He cursed again.
"He's back to normal." Announced Lady Dementia. Rhinox and Dinobot stared at her in shock. She tilted her head, gazing back.
"So that's what deer look like when they stare into headlights."

Starath gathered up the last of the musical instruments. She saw the three Maximals who had just returned.
"Hey guys, C'mere! You too, Crabcakes!" Rampage stumbled over, his face redder than usual.
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah. Just laughed too hard." Dinobot, Rhinox, and Depth Charge stood beside him. Lady Dementia leaned on the cardboard box behind Starath.
"Where's Tarantulas?" She asked.
"Probably out hunting something," said Dinobot.
"I hope he kills it first."
"Me too." Agreed Starath. "Anyway, you guys don't have instruments. Rhinox, try this french horn." She handed it to him. Rhinox wandered off, eager to figure out how it worked.
"Rampage, you can have-"
"I don't want one." He interrupted. "I'm a warrior, not a sissy."
"Don't you mean homicidal maniac?" Asked Lady Dementia.
He shrugged. "That too, but you make it sound like a bad thing." Despite his protest Starath laid an alto saxophone his hands.
"Try it out. C'mon, please? You may like it."
"Alright," he growled. Depth Charge had seen the other instruments and was ready to get something good like the rest. He didn't try to hide his disappointment when Starath gave him a small, orange narrow shaped tube, wider on one end than the other. A raised circle on top was covered by a thin paper.
"What's this?" He snarled.
"A kazoo." Answered Starath with a straight face.
"A WHAT??"
"A kazoo." Behind her Lady Dementia laughed. Depth Charge sputtered.
"Out of all the things you've given out, I get this?? By the Pit!"
Rampage chuckled. "What's the matter, can't you play one?"
"Be quiet, X," snapped Depth Charge. "Of course I can!"
Rampage grinned viciously at his mortal enemy. "Sure you can. But you've got such a big mouth you'd probably swallow it, hm?"
"YOU could eat a banana sideways, X!"
"Really. Then prove it, Fish face."
"I will! Just let me find a banana..."
'No, play it, you fool!"
"Oh. Alright, I will!"
Dinobot, Starath, Lady Dementia and Rampage watched Depth Charge try the small instrument. Inhaling deeply, he promptly swallowed it.

Rampage fell onto his back laughing. Depth Charge choked. A buzz came from his throat. It rose and fell in pitch as he tried to scold Rampage. He sounded like a bee caught in a jar. Starath and Lady Dementia laughed with Rampage.

The laughter faded as Depth Charge's exasperated buzzing stopped. Starath was the first to pick herself up. She walked over to the Maximal, ignoring his furious glare.
"Sorry Chargy, I guess we shouldn't have laughed at you....but I know how to fix you up. Lean down." Reluctantly he did so.
"Brace yourself," she told him.
THUD!
Starath punched him hard in the chest. The bright orange kazoo came flying out, and landed in the grass. Rampage saw it while attempting to stand, and collapsed with new giggles of evil glee.
"Stop laughing, you cretin!" Shouted Depth Charge, his voice hoarse from buzzing. "Or I'll make you!" The Predacon crab didn't hear him. With a frustrated growl, Depth Charge decided it wasn't worth fighting him and stomped off. Starath watched him go, then saw Dinobot.
"Hey, um, do you want to play an instrument?" The blue-faced warrior shook his head.
"No thanks, I've lost my appetite for it."

Later Lady Dementia asked Starath if she'd go on a walk with her.
"I have a lot of questions to ask." They followed the stream across the plain and into the trees.
"Go ahead, I'm sure you do."
"First off, why do you look like Terrorsaur?"
Starath sighed. "It's a long story. I came from the same dimension you're from, as a human. Before the Quantum Surge. I was captured by the Predacons. When the Surge came, I was in the main chamber with everyone else. I caught Terrorsaur after he fell from his platform, and then the Surge hit. I absorbed the Surge's material and some of Terrorsaur himself while struggling to hold onto him. The Surge passed, and I was in bad shape. But I saved Terrorsaur. I was very sick afterwards. I'll spare you the details. Then suddenly I was just fine. A few days later I noticed fine lines of purple and silver on my hands. When I asked Megatron about it, he told me I was turning into a robot. Because of some weird chemical reaction inside me. I had five days until I was completely a robot. What you see now is a result of those days. Thankfully I have a few differences from Terrorsaur, but he still likes to call me "Sis". I think because he appreciated what I did for him."
Lady Dementia blinked widely. "Have you been able to become human again?"
"Yeah. It took awhile though. That's how I met the Maximals. They helped me with it. So now I bounce between this dimension and ours, causing chaos in both."
"Wow. That's some story. Um, why aren't you human now?"
"I feel safer as a robot."
"Oh. Well, I've got a frying pan, and that's all I need here!" Starath laughed. "Which reminds me, why did you drop in with that?"
"Originally I was supposed to drop into the Beast Wars dimension I know and annoy," grumbled Lady Dementia, "But my evil computer TIM decided to dump me here. I was going to talk to a few bots."
"With a frying pan?"
"Yep. I have a strong suspicion that one...or two...Predacons swiped my chocolate. NOBODY does that without paying dearly!!" Frightened birds squawked and flew from the trees.
"I could help, I understand the value of chocolate." Offered Starath.
"I've gotta get back to my own dimension first," said Lady Dementia, "There's either mass celebration or hysteria over my disappearance."
"You'll get back, don't worry."
"I know," Lady Dementia stopped walking and sat down on a rock. "It's happened before. Um...next question. If Depth Charge is here, why isn't Optimus Transmetal Two-ed into Optimal Optimus? And why isn't Dinobot dead?" Starath leaned against a tree. She grinned.
"I kinda....prevented those things. I've screwed up the timeline a little bit. I couldn't prevent Tigatron and Airazor from being taken, though."
"Stupid Vok." Murmured Lady Dementia. "That's why I wrote this on my shirt." She pointed to the phrase "EARTH IS FULL. GO HOME." She sighed. "Okay, last question. Why exactly was Depth Charge so frantic when Dinobot and Rhinox brought him through the trees?"
"I played him a song."
"....Which one?"
"The Barney theme. It's how I discipline the bots."
"That's what I do too! Except I have them watch the show. Any kid show I can find. It's torture to them. Very effective discipline. Have you ever had them show up on your doorstep?"
"No. Luckily they haven't figured out how to work the portals. If they did, they could come through any time they wanted."
"Be glad they can't! Having robots running around the house is nuts!"
"I sure it is! Um, I think we should get back before they start fighting."
"Good idea." Lady Dementia stood up. "Really though, the stories I could tell you! Do you like mushrooms?"
"No..."
"Well, there was this one time....."

Tarantulas hung upside-down on some of his webbing, watching them go.
"Teheheheh, Megatron will be interested to know about the portals...."

Chaos reigned when the two friends returned to the Maximals and Predacons. Dinobot ran after Rattrap, who was using his violin as a bow to shoot sticks at the raptor. Waspinator was tangled up in the drum set he had attempted to put together. Megatron and Optimus looked ready to use their guitars to beat on each other. Quickstrike chased his cobra hand/head around, trying to catch it and the rainstick it refused to let go.
"Come back here, ya idgit!" Terrorsaur got slugged when he poked Megatron in the back of the head with his trombone. Depth Charge buzzed because he had swallowed the kazoo again. Lady Dementia turned to Starath.
"Yeesh, leave them for a few minutes and look what happens."
"Like little kids." nodded Starath. "But as much as I'd like to sit back and watch, we have one more thing to do."
"What's that?"
"Decide a band name. Can you help me restore a shred of order?"
"Sure." Lady Dementia retrieved her frying pan. She made her way across the grass.
"Rattrap!!" He stopped running at the bark of his name.
"Whaddya want?"
"Stop shooting sticks at Dinobot." Ordered Lady Dementia
"Why should I? It's fun and...." She had raised the large cooking utensil.
"Eh.....okay, I'll stop."

Starath helped Waspinator out of the mess he had created out of the drum set. Depth Charge stood off to one side, sadly buzzing. Waspinator shook himself when he was free. Depth Charge impatiently buzzed to Starath.
"Izz Fish-bot Wazzpinator's long lozt couzzin?" The bug asked.
"No, he just has a kazoo caught in his throat. Hold still, Depth Charge."

Waspinator ducked as the orange kazoo flew past his head. Starath moved her attention to Lady Dementia, who was explaining to Optimus and Megatron that their guitars weren't giant fly-swatters to hit each other with.
"Hey! Is everyone here?" Shouted Starath. "We've got something important to do!"
"Everyone except Tarantulas," growled Megatron. "The treacherous spider."
"I'm here!" Tarantulas exclaimed from the trees. He stepped up to the tyrant.
"I... um...have something to tell you."
"Alright, but it better be good." Megatron waved Optimus and Lady Dementia away. "We'll join you later."

The Beast Warriors gathered in a circle. Optimus cleared his throat.
"Ah, Starath, there's been something I've been meaning to ask you...."
She grinned at him. "Yes?"
"Um....where exactly did you get all these instruments?" The other warriors nodded, having the same question in mind.
"I borrowed them."
"From where...?"
"There was a whole room full of them, just lying around."
"Oh. Is that all."

- At Joe's Music Shop, the next dimension-

Two men stared into an empty room. One flailed his arms.
"I'm tellin' you, Joe! I saw a robot came in here with a huge cardboard box and TAKE all the stuff! The drum set, the guitars, even the kazoo! I ran straight to you!" Joe crossed his arms.
"Then disappeared into thin air. Without a trace."
"Yes!!!" Joe eyed his friend.
"Buford, have you been drinking again?"

"We need to decide a band name," said Starath, "Any suggestions?" A flood of names followed.
"The Cowboys."
"The Fireballs."
"The Monkeys."
"That's been taken already, Optimus."
"Oh."
"Da Rats."
"Zugar and Honey."
"Hmmm....honey... that's not a name I like the taste of."
"Shut up, Silverbolt."
"The Pussycats."
"The Crabcakes."
"Hey!"
"The Rubber Band."
Silence resulted from Starath's suggestion. She blinked.
"What?"
Lady Dementia tapped her foot, thinking.
"The name shouldn't appeal to just one bot." She pointed out.
"So I guess that rules out 'The Tyrants.'" Megatron walked up to the group with a wide grin. Starath looked up at him warily.
"What are you so happy about?"
"Oh....nothing."
"Yeah right."
Lady Dementia snapped her fingers. "I got one! What about 'The Rock 'em Song 'em Robots'?" The loud "No!" nearly knocked her over.
"Sheesh, well I thought it was good!" The Beast Warriors grew quiet, looking at the sky or ground for inspiration. Black Arachnia broke the silence.
"How about....'The Cybertron Bot Band'?" There was a murmur of agreement.
"Good thinking, Black," nodded Rattrap.
"So we agree on that?" Asked Optimus.
"Yeah!"

The rest of the day passed by uneventfully, except for when Rampage startled everyone by playing a beautiful rendition of "Fields of Gold" on his alto saxophone. The Maximals and Predacons doubled their efforts to learn their instruments after that. Starath threatened to take away Depth Charge's kazoo after he swallowed it again. Waspinator had dubbed himself "The Drum Bug" and was happily pounding away on the drums. Lady Dementia tried to get him to stop because he was giving her a headache. Which was why she didn't hear her name being called.
"Lady Dementia!" She spun around when she thought she heard it. A yellow-orange portal stood open. Starath waved her to it. Grabbing her frying pan, Lady Dementia ran to the portal.
"I told you you'd go home." Said Starath.
"Thanks for the good time, I had fun!" She smiled, ignoring the flinch.
"TIM's not going to hold this portal open forever!" Called a voice from the other side.
"I'm coming, Tarantulas! I hope we meet again! Later!" Lady Dementia disappeared into the portal. Her voice was faint as it began to close.
"Tarantulas, do you know who took my chocolate?"
"Megatron."
" I did not, treacherous spi-"
CLANG!
"Oww!!"
The portal vanished.

- At the Predacon base, that night-

Terrorsaur, Quickstrike, Rampage and Waspinator continued their interrupted game of Poker from the morning. Across the chamber, Starath sat at the radio and visual scanners.

A muffled splat came from Megatron's quarters.
"STARATH!!!!"

She fell out of her chair laughing.

Quickstrike watched her for a moment, then shook his head. "Here we go again."