Tests, Quiz's, Robots and Killers Oh My!
Pt.5. Rampage is introduced to Brittany Spears
By: Lady Venom
Note: I claim no rights to Rampage or the Beast Wars. Nor do I claim
rights to any of the authors mentioned in this story, and I don't even want to
touch Brittany Spears! But I own me, my apartment (until a check bounces) and
anything else not copyrighted!
I walked down the hallway, and could hear cursing from the bathroom as my new
houseguest tried once again to fit in the shower. Having a beast mode that was a
water crustacean required him to have a ready source of water for when he got
too hot. And I thought he was just always out looking Depth Charge out there.
I knocked on the door, "You okay in there?" I couldn't suppress my
giggles. The first time I had found him in there was comical. His crab legs were
caught in the curtain rod and his horn things were tangled up in the curtain
itself. We had to buy a new shower curtain because he'd ripped the old one to
shreds every time he got in there.
"This isn't humorous!" I laughed harder, knowing he could feel my
mirth. Opening the door I peeked in, and stared in shock.
"How on earth did you manage that?!"
Rampage had wedged himself squarely in the rectangle shower stall that
substituted for a bathtub. With his crab legs at the breaking point against the
wall, his arms locked at his sides, the water running full blast over his body
(and it was ice cold I might add) and for some reason that he still won't tell
me, his feet weren't touching the floor. He had wedged himself up in the air,
and was now stuck.
"Did I ask you to come in here?" He glared at me. He actually glared
at me and refused my help, I shrugged. Fine, if ol' crabby wanted to stay stuck
in the shower then let 'em. He can deal with Michelle or Cheets when they get
home and want to use our only bathroom.
I leaned up against the door, watching him squirm, literally. He only managed to
get himself stuck further. I tried my hardest to look stern, but I
couldn't help the smile that tugged at my lips.
"Are - are you sure you don't want any help with that?" I offered.
Another glare, some more shifting, and then; "All right, fine."
Rubbing my hands together, I approached him. "Have you tried
transforming?"
"Yes, but I stopped because I didn't think you wanted a bigger room."
Oh, crap.
"Uhh, well are those things detachable?" I said, pointing to his legs.
"Or can they at least fold up?"
"No."
Umm, well, what could work?
I clapped my hands, "I got it. Stay put I'll be right back!"
"Where the slag am I going to go?" I heard him call out after me. Good
point.
I grabbed what I needed from the kitchen and ran back. "This should
work!" I began to pour some of the oil around his segmented legs, moving
them the few millimeters that they could to cover them with the oil. When half
of his body had been covered, and nothing left in the bottle, I stepped back.
"Okay, that should do it! Try to move forward."
There was a second hesitation as he grunted against the strain and then: pop! I
had a free crab!
"Now what?" He wasn't as happy as I would've been.
"I'm covered in oil, now how do I get clean, because I've had it with your
miniature cleaning instruments!"
MCI? Heh, I like it!
"Well, besides the pool, I don't know where else to take you. It's way too
cold for the ocean."
"Pool? You have a pool?"
I glanced at him, still trying to think. "Yeah, just down the street at a
hotel. I have forty free passes." I realized what he was thinking.
"They'll
never let me in there again if I bring you! You're covered in oil and you'd
totally destroy the pool!"
He tried to give me an innocent look. Which is just about as scary as his smile.
I mean, I didn't think his eyes could go that wide!
"Alright, alright! Just please stop looking at me like that! Let me go grab
my swimsuit, maybe the hot tub is working."
Once outside I became aware of just how huge Rampage actually was. There was no
way he could fit inside the small two- door car of mine. So I was thankful that
the hotel was only a five minute walk away from the apartments.
We walked into the main lobby, I went to the front desk, waved my pool pass, and
was given the electric card to get me inside. For a pool, they really shouldn't
give out anything magnetic - especially the way anything technological just loves
me.
"Alright, there's the pool, there's the sauna, and behind those large
plastic curtains is the hot tub. Which is where I'll be."
He nodded and went toward the pool, I moved aside the large plastic curtain that
keeps all the heat and steam in and slowly crept into the tub. Mmmm...I love
swimming, but this is soo much better. I heard the curtain drawn aside and I
opened an eye, thinking Rampage wanted something. Instead I watched as another
woman walked up beside me.
"Hey,"
I nodded and waved. Talking gets in the way of simmering, so I hoped that she
got the hint.
"Your boyfriend is quite the swimmer."
My what? I looked out through the window that adjoins the pool and hot
tub and watched as Rampage lapped the large pool, never missing a stroke. Man,
he is fast! I settled down again as he started on lap teen something.
"He's not my boyfriend."
"That's good to hear."
I opened my eyes again to see her better. She was probably my age or a year or
so older. And way too bright blonde hair (the color belongs on Storm!) Very
thin, and wearing a tiny little blue bikini. And she was 'perky'.
"Uh, why?"
"'Cause. Now he's fair game."
Catty much?
"Uh, listen. You don't want to go after that one. He's not your type."
"Oh," I heard splashing as she moved closer, "And just what is
his type?"
I opened my eyes, and had to stop myself from
growling. "Not. You."
She giggled and leaned back again. "Whatever you say."
I heard the plastic move aside as another person entered the room.
"Is everything alright? You seem extremely upset."
Damn empaths!
"I'm fine."
I heard him stand still for a minute, probably wondering about the Barbie beside
me and finally leave. I heard a splash as he jumped back into the
pool. Man, is that all he does? Standing I leaned over the edge to get out of
the hot tub and maybe go for a dip in the pool. But my leg got caught up in
something and I fell the rest of the way down, flat on my face.
"Oh dear, are you all right?"
After removing my butt from the air, I stood up and
glared at her. That little- little- oh!
"I'm fine." I smiled through clenched teeth, grabbing my towel from
one of the chairs I made my way out to the pool. I deposited the towel on
another chair and was about to jump in when I heard a splash beside me. I looked
over to see that Barbie had 'slipped in' the pool and was trying to get crabby
to help her.
I watched as he easily maneuvered around her flailing body and continued with
his laps. Not even flinching. I grinned down at her as she stopped and
pouted. She went over to the ladder and stood at the edge of the pool, preparing
to dive in. I moved my towel and sat back, glad to have a show.
"Excuse me sir,"
"His name is Raphael." I offered. She glared at me, matter of fact, so
did Raph.
"Excuse me Raphael but I was wondering if you could show me how to
dive?"
He stopped his laps and stared at her, then to me. I merely shrugged. Hey,
if the Barbie wanted lessons from a killer, let her.
"Fine, hold on."
Untold pounds of dripping wet metal toward over her, and all she saw was a cute
man in wet shorts. Fluffball.
"First, bend over," He instructed, making sure to stay away from her.
"Like this?"
I snorted, yeah if you want to touch your toes.
"No, a little higher."
"Like this?"
Oh Goddess, can her voice be any more annoying?
"Maybe if you helped me?"
It can.
I watched as he moved over and positioned her the right way, and I felt a
possessive feeling come over me as he helped her. Oh, sure the first time he
meets me, it's killey, killey. When he meets an innocent fluff ball hardly even
worth his time, he stops to help her!
I watched as she successfully dived into the water. And I ignored the
glance sent my way by both human and crab alike. Standing I had had enough and
ran toward the pools edge.
"CANNONBALL!"
Okay, so it was immature, and I was a little brutal when I 'accidentally' kicked
her in the shins. But
hey. That was my killer crab she was flirting with!
What a tick! Did I just say my crab?
D'oh! I went to the ladder and climbed out, grabbing my towel I went for the
sauna. Besides, the pool was way too cold anyway after simmering for a good
fifteen minutes. Lying down on the top board, I watched for a few minutes
through the small window in the wooden door as Rampage 'helped' Barbie with some
more swimming lessons. Breathing deep I closed my eyes and felt myself relaxing
in the warm, steamy goodness.
Poke. Pokepoke. I swatted the fly away. Poke. Pokepokepoke. Damn
bug was big. I reached out and slapped it. And my hand connected painfully with
metal.
OW! Owie?
"I thought you were sleeping."
"Got any more astute observations Watson?" He stared at me for a
second, obviously this crab didn't know about anything human.
"Don't worry, you'd be more of a Sherlock person. He was addicted to Heroin
and Opium."
He shook his head and threw my towel at me. "Come on we're leaving."
I grinned nastily, "Why, was the little Barbie too much for you?"
He held out a card with a phone number on it. "Lady Venom, what's this? And
what does it say?"
I took the card, the writing was pretty bad, but I deciphered it to say, 'Met me
at 55 MacNeil Drive at eight tonight?'
I looked back over at the curious crab, "'Page did you say anything, or
imply at all that you would like to see this woman again?"
"No! All I remember is that she said it would be fun to do this again
sometime, and I said yeah right, in your dreams. And then she squealed and gave
me this."
"I smacked my forehead. "Crabby, you just made yourself a date with
this fluff ball."
He balked, "I did no such thing! I would not go out with her if she had my
spark in a cylinder filled with razor blades!"
Hooboy. "Did she mention what you would be doing?"
"Yeah," Another curious look. "Who's Brittany Spears?"
The BS concert tonight! Hmm, maybe this could turn into my favor? I am in
no way a fan of her, and quite frankly I think her initials spell out her
singing. But, I am one who doesn't let go of grudges easily. And he got
off kinda easy with Richard Simmon workouts.
"Rampage, I think you got your self a date!"
He stared at me wide eyed, "I don't bloody well think so!" Heeheehee!
He's copying me.
"I think you are forgetting about the first day you showed up. You do
remember that, don't you?" He did, I know he did, and probably wished he
didn't.
I linked arms with him as we left, "Crabby, tonight
you meet Brittany Spears, live in concert!"
That's it, what do you think? Come on, I live off of reviews people, so don't
keep me waiting!
Email Lady Venom at: lady_venom_bot@hotmail.com