Problems writing BW fan fiction and how to solve them

By: Rainynight

Disclaimer: Hasbro owns the Beast Wars, I make no profit.

A/N: I know, I know. But an author has to write something really silly from time to time. I want to apologize in advance to all authors who actually use these concepts. I really LOVE your work! I’m just making good-natured fun.

“I don’t get it!” Rattrap said one sunny morning. “What’s so special about writing fan fiction?”

The other beast warriors stared at him. They had been in the middle of a fight but since they fought everyday anyway and it was getting a bit boring, they lowered their weapons and gathered around the rat.

“What do you mean ‘What’s so special?’” Optimus exclaimed. “The fun, the excitement, the power of creativity!”

Everyone blinked.

“You are not okay, nooo.” Megatron shook his head.

Optimus looked a bit embarrassed but stood his ground.

“I’m telling you, it IS a lot of fun!”

“How do YOU know that?” Dinobot asked.

If Optimus could blush he would have.

“Well… Err… I’ve been trying to write myself.” He finally blurted out.

The Maximals gaped at their leader in shock and Tarantulas started laughing maniacally, followed quickly by the rest of the Predacons. Optimus glared at them.

“Can Waspinator see what monkey-bot written?” Waspinator asked hopefully.

“No, you can’t because I haven’t written anything yet. I only said I was trying to write. I’ve been encountering problems the whole time!”

“It’s because you lack talent, yesss. I write without trouble. Especially poetry.”

It was time for the Predacons to stare.

“Oh yeah?!” Optimus grumbled at Megatron. “Then why don’t you help me?”

“Hey, I have an idea!” Blackarachnia shouted. “Let’s all help Optimus write his fic!”

There was a pause while everyone considered the suggestion.

“Slag it, why not.” Depth Charge said finally, putting away his gun and sitting on a nearby rock.

“Err… Aren’t you busy trying to kill me?” Rampage asked in surprise.

“We can get back to that later.”

“Oh… OK.”

The crab settled himself on the ground. The others looked between the two enemies, shrugged and followed their example. 

“So, Big Bot, what’s your first problem?” Cheetor asked.

“Well, it’s lack of female characters for romance fics.”

“Hmm, yeah.” Blackarachia said thoughtfully. “I WAS going to sue the scriptwriters for gender discrimination. There’s only two of us and that’s counting Airazor who, my apologies, is about as sexy as a tree. That’s probably why Tigertron likes her. (Luckily, both Tigertron and Airazor were off somewhere saving the environment.) So, you’re right, there are not enough decent females.”

Rattrap, Quickstrike and, surprisingly, Dinobot nodded seriously. 

“I agree.” Dinobot said. “You can write Silverbolt/Blackarachnia or (sigh) Tigertron/Airrazor. But you’ve gotta be really good to make a decent fic out of these.”

“Hay!”
Blackarachia punched him.

“Are you insulting my lady and my relationship with her?” Silverbolt demanded.

“No. It’s a very nice relationship. That’s what’s wrong with it. It’s booooring. It was interesting while you had problems but that’s already covered in the show.”

“What about dis: Stasis pod crashes on Earth. It contains an attractive femme. It can be either a total stranger or someone’s long lost or supposedly dead lover.” Rattrap suggested. “Readers are not usually fussy about the explanation of how that lover got into the pod.”

“OR,” Depth Charge cut in, “it can be an attractive femme with a spaceship. Then she can get us back to Cybertron.”

“ Or your story could be set in a time before the Beast Wars. In this case Cybertron or whatever planet you’re on provides a variety of love interests. Only problem is, you have to figure a way to get rid of them before the Beast Wars begin. The opposite faction killing them off is a popular way.” Rhinox said.

“No, listen to this!”  Dinobot joined in enthusiastically. “A human girl somehow ends up in the BW universe via some kind of freak accident and hooks up with her favourite character despite difference in age, size, culture, not to mention species. Don’t worry, readers never ask how this is possible.”

“Eh, what’s with you and humans?” Rattrap asked. “I mean, we already know you’re ready to die for them but…”

“Hey, Optimus!” Rampage called. “If you’re very desperate to write romance and don’t want to use any of these suggestions you can still… err… do your best with what MALE characters you have. Just remember to mention the rating of your fic.”

There was silence. Depth Charge gave his enemy an odd look.

‘I REALLY hope you’re not hinting at anything!” the ray said horrified.

Rampage raised his optic ridges and smirked.

“No!” the ray shouted.

The crab laughed.

“No, not really. But it was worth seeing your face.”

The others giggled while Depth Charge mumbled death threats.

Click here for part two

A/N: OK, so how’s this?