22 January 2006:

I started this series over a year ago and feel a deep sadness in finally finishing it.  Of course, I'm glad that it panned out as well as it did, albeit very differently from what I originally had planned, but after pouring so much of my passion, time and energy into it, there is a certain sense of loss I experience at finally putting the pen down for it.

I never imagined it would grow to be so popular and I am truly grateful for all the support my friends and fans have shown me.  It really spurred me on when I was feeling uncertain about it.  I will be the first to admit that this series was a tremendous learning curve for me.  I think you can tell by comparing the manner in which I wrote the characters in the earlier fics to how I wrote them later on.  Myst changed so much over the course of the series, as did Rampage.  While Myst grew up towards the end, finally realizing the power of the choices she made, Rampage evolved as a character.  This was partly due to my understanding of him improving as the series went along.  Rampage is an exceptionally complex character to write, because there is just so much to him.  As I mentioned in "Containment", this series was inspired by the episode "Transmutate" in which we saw a softer, deeper side to the maniacal crab portrayed to us in most episodes of Beast Wars.  I wanted to explore that side of him, while still putting across a believable image of him.  I didn't get it entirely right, but I don't think I got it terribly wrong, either.  If anything, the 'Losing Face' series displays close to the full range of the characteristics that make up the tormented soul that is Rampage.

Perhaps the most difficult thing about this series was keeping up with all the complicated emotions of the main cast.  The intensity of Depth Charge, the bitterness of Rattrap, the uncertainty of Myst and the soul-searching of Rampage.  There was a lot going on in the heads of those four and there were times I really thought I'd bitten off more than I could chew!

A few notes on the characters:

As a rogue femme, Myst ran the risk of being a Mary Sue from the start.  I don't think she turned out as one.  Because she was so incredibly fickle, I think she remained fairly unpredictable and, hopefully, interesting.  Myst was the person who lost face at the end of the series.  When she started out, she put on a brave, "I can do it without your help!" front, pretending to be immune to morals and emotions and stating that she was and always had been completely out for herself.  That had been true to a point, but her arrogance at thinking she was above what other bots were prone to was what ultimately caused her greatest confusion.  She did not expect to fall victim to morals when she found out about Rampage's past, and she really didn't expect to find she had feelings for him despite it.  She was harassed by her conscience for the latter half of the series and her indecisiveness was what endangered her the most.  I suppose it would have been more realistic for her to have died by it, but from about "Killing Me Softly" I had the ending that you've just read in mind and wanted to at least try to stick to it (I have a habit of changing my mind about the direction of a series halfway into it).  While I can't say that Myst is a likeable character, I do think she is a memorable one.

Tarantulas was one of the most entertaining bots to write.  I will admit I take great pleasure in writing a bot flailing eight legs in terror.  But more than that, I enjoy writing Tarantulas as the spanner in the works, the overlooked and underestimated threat working under everyone's noses.  He can add so many twists and turns to a story that he's simply a delight to have around and to this day remains one of my favourites to write.

Rattrap has always appealed to me as a character with a lot of history, some of which obviously influences his behaviour toward certain things.  He has a deep hatred towards Predacons which I think was borne out of a bad experience, or several, that he had never quite gotten over.  I think he harbours more pain than he lets on.  He gives off the impression that he lost something dear to him to Predacons and he never will be able to treat them the same as Maximals. His attitude towards Myst was testament to this bitterness, although she didn't give him a lot of reason to like her.  I was planning on exploring this side to Rattrap more during the series, but got caught up with all the other subplots going on.  I regret not following up on this plan, but perhaps I can in another fic or series.  I think he really shines towards the end of the series, when he has to put all his complaints aside to help out a devastated Optimus.  While he can act immature and careless, Rattrap still possesses wisdom and strength, both of which he drew upon in "True Colours".

Waspinator was completely unplanned.  He just sort of fell into events and, surprisingly, worked very well.  From the responses I got, most people seemed really happy about his role in the series.  He doesn't get a hang of a lot of attention in fan fiction, or at least not much aside from being used as canon fodder or comedy, as he was in the show.  Waspy has always stuck in my mind as a survivor and someone who was really determined to achieve his dreams, so I treated those qualities in him seriously.  

Depth Charge is in some ways a complex character, although I think I understand him the most out of all the major players in the series.  He's burdened with a huge amount of pain and anger and that is simply irresistible to a writer of serious fiction.  While I like him as a character, and to many he's a rough hero, he is to me a very flawed and distraught character.  The spotlight really fell on him from "Mystery Solved" onwards, detailing the internal battles he was constantly plagued with. He is one of those characters doomed to unhappiness.  There is nothing left for him apart from Rampage and one gets the sense that he'd be at a loss once he'd destroyed him.  This is why I killed him off at the end.  I was so impressed and moved by the final battle in "Nemesis" that I didn't want to stray too far from that.  I repeated that battle in a different setting and with different factors contributing, but I still felt that I had ended it the right way by staying true to the show.  There is one point I want to make about the ending.  In "Nemesis", Rampage taunted Depth Charge into a fight he might or might not have thought he would win, but either way it didn't matter.  With Megatron out to destroy the Autobots with a warship as his tool, Rampage really didn't have anything to lose.  His very existence was on the verge of being wiped out and he had nothing left to live for.  That's part of the reason *I* think he let go of that blade.  He'd endured nothing but pain and suffering in his short existence and dying really didn't scare him.  He knew it would take out Depth Charge, too, and that to him was the final amusing twist in the long-played "game" between them.  In "True Colours" Rampage had gone through an entirely different set of events before that point.  He had escaped his imprisonment, he had found friendship, he was curious to explore this newfound thing and restart his life as a free agent.  Things were going pretty well for him and he had wanted to see where he was going with it all.  It wasn't that he feared death, he just didn't want it to happen just yet, which is why he put up such a fight with Depth Charge.  He knew then that he was going to be constantly hindered by him unless he destroyed him, so for the first time in the series, he was just as driven to kill Depth Charge as the raybot was to kill him.  It was the ultimate climax between the two and I felt it was just that they both got what they truly sought, which was peace.

I know from past experiences where I've written open endings and haven't concluded everything, that people are going to wonder what happened to those left.  My answer is simple: it's up to you.  I felt that I had gone as far as was necessary when I reached the ending, and that whatever followed was insignificant to the major plot and theme of the overall story.  You could interpret it that Inferno made it to shore, that Rattrap and Optimus explored the now accessible Nemesis and found either the parts or information that they needed in order to get off the planet, and that Waspinator and Myst would continue to survive using the facilities of the Darkside.  I won't be writing any more to the series, so you can come to your own conclusions if you like.

I very nearly gave up on this series while writing "Lost Touch".  I faced a tremendous writer's block and anxiety as a result.  I'd realized then where I'd gone wrong in writing some of the characters and lost all confidence in my ability to write them at all.  I'm glad that I managed to overcome this, because "Lost Touch" turned out to be the fic in which everyone was most IN character, as a fellow fanfic writer pointed out to me.

All in all, this series has been an incredible experience for me and I'm glad that I undertook it, even if it had me pulling my hair out at times.  I again want to thank all my readers for their support, feedback, crits and compliments.  Special thanks goes to Starath, Varyn and Lady Dementia for their in-depth reviews, to Miss Special, my fantastic friend and editor, to Joshin Yasha for her unwavering enthusiasm, to Syntia and Yana for their nagging me to finish, Juditangelo for her art (the watermarked background) and to Everblue, Lady Venom, Dannn and Amber Dawn for their feedback.  You've all given me such confidence and I can't thank you enough.

I have put together a list of songs that fit the different stories (and in some cases the entire series) very well, which inspired me and helped me write.  You can check them out here, complete with lyrics.

As always, any feedback is welcome and appreciated: malachite157@yahoo.com