Beast Wars Meets Dungeons & Dragons

Disclaimer: Dungeons & Dragons is property of Wizards of the Coast, and all that stuff, la-de-da-de-da...

Rattrap and Cheetor are out exploring not far from the Maximal base. A storm brews overhead.
Cheetor: Don't you think we should head back? That storm looks pretty nasty.
Rattrap: Gimme a sec. I'm almost done mapping dis energon deposit.
The ground starts shaking. Lightning flashes, thunder rumbles.
Cheetor: Rattrap, did you eat too many tacos again?
Rattrap: Yeah, but I don't think dat's da problem. And if you tell anyone, I'll tell Dinobot it was you who messed up his bobble-head collection.
Cheetor: Fine, you win. (He turns around) What the spotted heck is that?!?
A swirly blue-purple portal has opened up behind them.
Rattrap: I dunno what it is, but I don't think it has anything ta do with tacos.
Lightning zaps the both of them, and they go offline. The portal sucks them in, and then disappears.

Rattrap and Cheetor are lying facedown, still unconscious, in a grassy field outside a medieval-looking town. Cows are grazing nearby. A fully instrumented orchestra plays peaceful music, but they are nowhere to be seen. Miss Special walks into the midst of the orchestra and beats everyone but the clarinets up, then leaves, laughing. The clarinets continue the music without the rest of the orchestra. Rattrap and Cheetor slowly wake up.
Rattrap: I’ll never eat tacos again.
Cheetor: That’s what you said last time. Where are we?
Cow: Moo.
Rattrap: Someplace with cows.
They get up and walk into town. The town is bustling with people. Some people are decked out in armor, others look shifty, and some look just plain weird and unhuman.
Cheetor: Hey, look! A tavern!
Rattrap: Maybe I can get some information and find out where we are. You wait out here.
Rattrap enters the tavern, which is a dark, smelly place, filled with suspicious-looking people. Everyone is rolling dice. The music changes to a drinking song, still  played only by clarinets. Rattrap spots a particularly nasty looking character wearing a cloak so his face and hands can't be seen. Rattrap walks up to the guy and signals to the bartender to bring them both drinks.
Nasty-lookin' Guy: You don't look like you're from around here.
Rattrap: (looking shifty as well) You could say dat. I need some information.
Guy: What kind of information?
Rattrap: First of all, who are you?
Guy: I am a sorcerer, and that is all you need to know about me.
Cheetor: Rattrap, the cow’s following me!!!
Cow: Moo.
Bartender: Hey no cows or kids allowed in here!
The bartender kicks the Maximals and cow out, along with two roaring drunks, one singing/yelling about how his Ogre-slaying blade has a +9 against Ogres, and the other proclaiming he is "Gallstaff, Wizard of Light". Nasty-lookin’ Guy follows them out.
Cow: Moo!
Cheetor: I hate that cow!
Guy: Follow me. I know of a place where you can go.
Rattrap and Cheetor look at each other and shrug. Nasty-lookin’ Guy leads them into a dark forest. The clarinets play a woodsy, frolicking tune. Rattrap wishes he had had a chance to drink his beer, but at least he didn’t have to pay for it. A ways into the forest, Nasty-lookin’ Guy stops, turns to look at Rattrap and Cheetor. He tries to dramatically remove his cloak, but he gets tangled up in it instead. He mumbles some foreign words, and the cloak bursts into flames. Guy starts running around, still wearing the flaming cloak, trying to find some way to put it out. While running, odd-sided dice fall out of his pocket. He grabs one, rolls it, and looks relieved. He finally takes the cloak off, rolls another die, and puts the fire out.
Cheetor: What was that all about?
Guy: FOOLS! I AM THE DREAD SORCERER SKAMKE!!!!
Cheetor: Wow, you must’ve gotten teased a lot at school- EEW! What happened to your eye and hand-- and your eye?!?
Skamke’s left hand and eye look mummified and ancient.
Skamke: HAHAHAHAHA!!! I POSSESS THE HAND AND EYE OF VECNA, THE MASTER SORCERER WHO CUT OFF HIS HAND AMD MUMMIFIED THEM, TO SHARE HIS POWERS WITH FELLOW EVIL SORCERERS!!
Rattrap: You can stop yelling now.
Skamke: Sorry.
Cow: Moo.
Cheetor: You stuck some guy’s mummified eye in your head?!? That’s disgusting!!!!
Skamke: (proudly) And I cut off my hand so I could put this one on. Now, BOW BEFORE ME, FOR I AM YOUR MASTER!!!!!!
Rattrap: (looks at Cheetor) Let’s blast ’im.
The draw their guns but Skamke stops them.
Skamke: Hey, where’re your dice? You can’t attack me without your dice!
They pull their triggers, but nothing happens.
Cheetor: Uh, Rattrap, got any dice?
Rattrap: No, I traded them for tacos. Slag!
Skamke: HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Cow: Moo!
The cow rolls a die and charges Skamke, who rolls a die and dodges. Suddenly, a jaguar bursts into the scene and pounces on Skamke.
Voice: Nice job, Bjørn!
Skamke: (his face in the dirt) No! You can’t do this! I am the Dread Sorcerer Skamke! I possess the Hand and Eye of Vecna! You can’t do this! Dread Minions, attack!
Various creatures enter the scene: two Owlbears (bears that look like owls), an Ogre, Dire Rats, a Displacer Beast (a big, hairless cat-type of thing with six legs and tentacles), and several Goblins. They begin to surround Rattrap and Cheetor (rolling dice as they go), but are stopped by three mysterious strangers: two short women and a tall guy. A woman tosses Rattrap and Cheetor two bags of dice. Rattrap takes one bag and Cheetor takes the other: each bag contains six dice: a twenty-sided die, a twelve-sided die, a ten sided die, an eight-sided die, a six-sided die, and a four-sided die.
Stranger: Roll the twenty-sided one until you get a roll over fifteen! Then shoot something and roll the twelve-sided one!
A slow melee ensues. There is much dice rolling, and many disappointed looks, but still other happy looks (sometimes someone rolls a twenty-- double damage!) The Displacer Beast proves to be the most trouble, but soon everything is dead, save Skamke, the strangers (jaguar included), the cow, and the Maximals.
Skamke: Waaaaaaaahhh! But I have the Hand and Eye of Vecna! I'm supposed to win!
Female Stranger 1: Actually, you have the Hand and Eye of Harry, the guy you dug up last week.
Male Stranger: What should we do with Skamke?
New Voice: I will fry him with the rest of you!
All three Strangers: Oh, no! A Red Dragon!!!!
Rattrap: Red Dragon? They're da little ones, right?
Male Stranger: I'm about as large as his toe.
Rattrap: We're all gonna die.
Female Stranger 2: (excited) Oh, goodie! (turns to Male Stranger) Then you can try your new revival spell on them!!!
Female Stranger 1: Sorry. Not this time.
She rolls a die, mumbles some words, and morphs into a very large Silver Dragon, flattening the forest in the process. The clarinets, getting bored with playing music according to the mood, play a happy jazzy piece with a good beat. Cheetor fights the urge to dance. The Red Dragon shows itself, and the dragons fight. Female Stranger 2 rolls dice for the Silver Dragon, and Skamke rolls dice for the Red Dragon (can you imagine dragon-sized dice???) The Silver Dragon, being far superior, turns the Red Dragon into char. The victor returns to her normal self.
Female Stranger 1: Oh, yeah, I forgot! We haven't introduced ourselves! I am Svetlana, the Elven Druid. (She gestures towards the jaguar) This is my animal companion, Bjørn.
Bjørn: Purr.
Male Stranger: I am Bearing Atreides, a Human Wizard-Cleric-- a Necromancer, to be specific.
Female Stranger 2: And I am Fira, an Elven Rogue.
Cheetor: How come Bearing gets a last name?
Fira: (rolling eyes) Because he made one up when he generated himself--
Svetlana: Fira! Watch what you say!! (trying to cover for Fira) Fira's had a little too much to drink. You know how Rogues are. (whispers to Fira) We're real people, got it?
Cheetor: We do?
Fira: I did not drink too much!!
Rattrap: (trying to fit in) I am Rattrap, a uh... Robot Warrior?
Cheetor: (following Rattrap's lead) And I am Cheetor, another Robot Warrior.
Cow: Moo. 
Cheetor: And this is a cow.
Cow looks pleased. Bjørn looks hungry.
Svetlana: (eyeing them suspiciously) I have heard of no Robot Warriors. (draws scimitar) Explain yourselves!
The swirly purple-blue portal opens nearby.
Rattrap: Oh, look at da time! Gotta run!
Rattrap drags himself and Cheetor through the portal. They wind up in the exact spot where they got, ummm... abducted? Whatever...
Rattrap: Yep, that's the last time I'm eatin' tacos.
Epilouge: When they recover from their Dungeons & Dragons ordeal, Rattrap and Cheetor try to start a D&D troop. They convince Dinobot to be the All-Powerful Dungeon Master, but he keeps sending them evil dragons when they are still on the first level, and kills them all. That takes all the fun out, so the troop breaks up. Besides, you can't do anything cool like morphing until, like, the fifth level.

The End. (until I get around to writing a sequel)