Into Darkness Fell His Star

By: Silver Spider

PG13

‘We read that we ought to forgive our enemies; but we do not read that we ought to forgive our friends.’

~~ Cosimo de’ Medici 

They say ‘let bygones be bygones’ or ‘forgive and forget.’ Let me tell you something; it’s not as easy as it looks, especially after what I’ve lived through.

You see, most tend to think that ‘betrayal’ and ‘treason’ are the same thing. They’re not. Treason simply means to defect to the other side of a political or military conflict. One can commit treason and remain a riotous person with solid, sound morals. Betrayal is a whole different story. An human from ancient earth, Kim Philby once said that ‘to betray, you must first belong.’ My translation of this is that one must have close friends and family who they love and trust. If there was no trust to begin with, where’s the betrayal?

But I’m getting ahead of myself here. First, let me explain the reason for this little philosophical chat. I’m sure you’ve heard of a bot named Shifter or Tarantulas, as he calls himself these days. If you haven’t, you’re lucky. If you have, you’ll agree with me when I say that the bot is one slag suckin’ bastard. He’s a sadist to the most extreme degree. I’m not going to recall the graphic details of everything he put me through. I don’t want anyone’s pity, and many of you already know most of it. If you don’t, once again, good for you. Sufficient to say that the word ‘hatred’ doesn’t begin to sum-up what I feel towards that son of a bitch. Now if you can, just for a nanoclick, imagine that there’s someone who has hurt me even more.

* * * * * * * * * *

I was dead. Not buried-and-in-the-ground dead, but dead nonetheless. I guess it’s kind of like being in stasis lock, or maybe like being asleep. Yes, that’s better: I was asleep. I was asleep, and I was dreaming.

At first there was nothing but darkness. Emptiness that threatened to consume my body and spark completely. Sometimes I thought the darkness wasn’t so bad, other times it felt like hell itself. Then the dreams came, and they were nightmares. I dreamt of a dark ship, a lab that would make Dr. Frankenstein shake in his boots, and a monster who had the nerve to call himself a scientist. Other images floated into my mind. Once in a while, I would dream of horrible things: torture and violent rape. Dante never imagined this in his Inferno. The nightmare lasted so long, I couldn’t tell the difference between the dream world and reality.

It seemed like the dark dreams would last forever, but finally there was a light in the most unlikely form. The turbulent sea of my dreams calmed, its powerful fire quenched. The darkness was over, but it seemed that I was still dreaming. There were some things I knew I needed to remember but couldn’t.

Finally, I awoke. I awoke to what appeared to be a greater nightmare than my dreams. I awoke only to find out that my nightmares were in fact a reality, and that one of the few bots I truly cared for was responsible for them.

* * * * * * * * * *

Believe it or not, there’s a point to this story, and it’s not just that Tarantulas is an asshole, although that’s very true. The point here is that allowing yourself to care for a person can sometimes set you up for great disappointment. The people you love have the greatest power over you. They can hurt you the most. That’s why it’s much easier for me to deal with Tarantulas than my own brother.

The first is simply a piece of slag. I’ve always seen him that way from the moment I laid optics on him. I don’t care about his fate, or why he committed all those atrocities. In the end he did what he did for his own sick and twisted purposes. He is a sadistic bastard, it’s as simple as that. Even if I don’t deal with him in life, he’ll get what he deserves after death. Such is fate.

My brother is a much more complex case. He was a soldier in a war, thus directly responsible for the termination of countless lives, and he has committed treason on numerous accounts. The fact that he is my brother makes it even more painful. I care deeply for him, thus his betrayal cut me deeper then any energon blade ever could. He hurt me more then anything Tarantulas did, and that’s why it’s so hard for me to forgive him.

But who am I to talk? I have done questionable things in my time as well. No, I can’t blame everything on Tarantulas and his slagin’ shell program, although he did play a significant role. However I had free will as well as a set of morals I chose to ignore. See, that’s another thing I greatly admire about my brother; he always knew who he was. Whatever symbol he wore, whatever leader he answered to, he always knew who he was without any screwed up programming to dictate his actions.

I suppose in the end it all comes down to this: Yes, my brother, who I’d loved and admired all my life, did betray me in the worst possible was. Yes, logically I should hate him and treat him with the same contempt and disgust as I do the poor excuse for a scientist who physically violated me, but I can’t bring myself to that. Because whatever happened, I can’t think of him as evil. Despite everything, he is still my brother.

* * * * * * * * * *

Taratron, big brother, you took care of me when I lost everything after Helm’s Deep. You were there for me through the Inferno as well as my years in the academy. You taught me how to fight and how to stand up for myself. You taught me courage and strength of will. All of this makes you my brother, and for all of this I love you.

Big brother, I forgive you.