11.Feb.06

Growing Up

By: Rainynight

Disclaimer: Must I again? Well, all right. Beast Wars belong to Hasbro and no profit has been made off of this fic. As if anyone would pay to read it.

Author’s note: For many years now I have been famous among my friends for not being able to write a tragedy. There ARE tragic moments in my stories and sometimes people even die. But there’s always SOMEONE alive in the end to live happily ever after.

So this fic was meant to be sad and dark. Halfway trough it I realized my friends are quite right. The closest I ever got to my original intention is this “kinda-sad-and-nostalgic-but-optimistic-in-the-end” piece of work. Enjoy. 

Syntia, this is once again for you. I simply can’t think of anyone more suitable to dedicate it to, you’ll see why. I’m counting on you, Rust and Kittar to fulfill Cheetor’s dream.

Our small shuttle is now making its way towards Cybertron. Towards the home we longed for and dreamed of.

We’re close now.

It’s been a long ride.

A long ride with not much to do and a lot to think of.

We were so ecstatic with joy when we flew off Earth! But it has worn off now and I feel so sober.

I don’t think it suits me to be sober. Or at least it didn't suit me when I first began this journey with Big Bot. A lot has happened since then.

While we were all busy surviving I had no time to think about that. But now that the Beast Wars are over there’s no escaping it.

I will miss that time on Earth or at least most of it.

I know it must sound crazy and I won’t be able to tell anyone on Cybertron. They won’t understand. So I have to say it here and now, before we’ve reached our home planet.

I will miss the Beast Wars.

I will miss our base by the waterfall.

I will miss all of the friends we lost. That’s understandable.

But for Primus’ sake, I will miss the Predacons too.

The Predacons from the beginning of the war, not the ones they became near the end of it.  

I suppose I knew we were at war right from the very beginning. But the truth is, I didn’t really feel it in my spark. It was all like a game to me. I was so naïve at that time. Yes, we fought. But our battles with the Predacons were sometimes even funny. For a long time nobody really died. I guess I secretly believed nobody ever would.

I came to actually know those guys we were fighting with. That’s the whole difference. In a real war you don’t usually get to know your opponents. But on Earth there was nobody else to know so we knew them.

How could we really kill each other?

How can you really kill someone when you know such little details about them? How can you believe them to be really evil?

There was Megatron with his megalomania and his speech problem and his rubber ducky.

And Scorponok who was a walking paradox. Can you believe there could be such a thing as a dumb inventor?

And Terrosaur with his screechy voice and constant attempts to overthrow Megatron.

And Tarantulas with his insane laugh and treacherous plots.

And Waspinator! Primus, Waspinator cannot even be commented on!

It all began with them.

But the rest of the Predacons that arrived later all had something funny to be remembered with too. Except maybe Rampage, he was just creepy.

I guess the war first became real to me when Dinobot died. It was, so to speak, the first missile that actually struck home.

Dinobot who would never really call himself a Maximal.

Dinobot with his strange manner of speaking and his even stranger code of honour. Dinobot with his constant complaints that we should annihilate the enemy, and his determination to defy Optimus’ orders.

(As if he were the only one. Sometimes I wonder if there was a moment in this war when all of us would listen to Optimus at the same time.)

And Dinobot with his pretended fierce hatred towards Rattrap. Which we all knew was just as fierce as they both pretended but much less a hatred than quite the opposite.

It was so comfortable to know that animosity was only a mask, a game, a joke. Maybe that’s what made me think the same way about the Predacons – as if they were mere playmates and when the war was over we would all gather and have a good laugh about it all.

And then they killed Dinobot.

It took me ages to realize he was really gone and not coming back. (If we don’t count his TM2 clone, that is.) I felt like some sacred relationship between us and them was destroyed. I know I shouldn’t have been surprised but I was.

It all got progressively worse from that moment on. I was forced to realize that this war was for real and it’s been getting more and more real ever since. Or else I’ve been getting “older and wiser”. If that’s what it’s like to grow up, I don’t like it one bit. Because that means that if bots stayed younger the world would be a much better place.

All the excitement I used to feel is gone now. There was a time when I thought about setting off towards the next great adventure as soon as we returned to Cybertron and got a little rest. Now I know we won’t. Our first great adventure turned into a nightmare.

Why couldn’t it stay the way it was at the beginning? 

Why couldn’t it be just a game?

Why couldn’t we all go home alive?

And still, after all’s been said and done, I cannot bring myself to hate the Predacons as a whole. Not after I got so acquainted with some of them.

I feel it should have ended differently. I feel there shouldn’t have been a real war at all. And you know what? When I get back to Cybertron, I’ll make it different. Hey, that will be my next great adventure!

The world shouldn’t be such a serious place after all.

Maybe I haven’t quite grown up yet. I hope I never will.