Page 1 of 1

Left Behind

Posted: Tue Mar 03, 2009 9:47 am
by Night-Hunter
This is just a story i can up with there is a little swearing but other then that its pretty good. Enjoy :)

Saber stood on the roof of her ship Sinai looking out into the distance, her right ear twitched when she heard movement from behind her. She looked to see Silverbolt and he stood beside her.
"What are you looking at?" The fuzor asked.
"Just looking at the beauty of this planet before we leave tomorrow." Saber said without looking at him.
"With Megatron and the Predicons gone expect for Rampage and Shadowstrike. it should be easy for us to take off tommorrow." Silverbolt said calmly.
"No, there is still one last battle that needs to be fought, this is only the calm before the storm." Saber said crossing her arms.
"How can you be sure?" He asked.
"During my stay here I learned that its better to ready for anything. Rampage and Shadowstrike will make their move tomorrow the only question is when." She said rather calmly.
Silverbolt looked at her slightly confused but shrugged.

Rampage walked out of the water once his hands were clean of mech blood, he chuckled to himself he was now free from Megatron's grip. He turned his head when he saw Shadowstrike land 15ft away from him from the build of his beast mode he guessed he could handle a lot of weight.
Shadowstrike went into his robot form he looked at Rampage and he could tell that the crab was thinking of some thing and knew that he shouldn't ask what it was he's tell him what it was. After several minutes of nothing but quiet Rampage walked over to Shadowstrike.
"Before we make a move we must first take out the she-spider. She's our first target once she's out of the way the rest of the Maximals will be easier to take out." Rampage said calmly.
Shadowstrike nodded and smiled.

Optimus found Blackarachnia in the control room. "Blackarachnia i want you to go on patrol but be careful."
The Transmetal 2 spider only raised an eye brow but shrugged. "Alright." She said then went into her beast mode then walked out of the ship. then walked out of the ship.
Saber watched the she-spider leave the ship she respected the spider but she was far to cocky for her liking. She ignored the urge to follow her and make sure that the spider wouldn't get hurt.
"Don't worry she can take care of herself." Optimus said coming over to her.
Saber remained silent but her gut feeling told her that some thing was going to happen this night but she kept it to herself.

Shadowstrike smiled then contacted Rampage. "The spider is on the move. She's heading north-east." He heard Rampage chuckle on his COM link.
"This is going to be easy." Rampage replied.
Shadowstrike continued to follow the spider when Rampage gave him the ok to attack, he dived bomb Blackarachnia and crushed her com link. "This is the last night you will ever see." Shadowstrike growled his teeth bared.
Blackarachnia went into her robot mode and went to attack but Shadow rammed into her and pinned her to a tree a hand on her throat. "You'll live to regret this, scales." She said trying to get his hand off her throat.
"I doubt that," Shadow said smiling. "But continue to struggle i enjoy it very much."
"Then you'll enjoy this you sick bastard." She said threw her teeth, she then closed her eyes for a few seconds and went she opened her eyes her once red eyes were glowing bright green.
"Oh no you don't." Shadowstrike growled then backhanded her.
Her head whiped to the side when he hit her. "You will pay for that scales." She warned.
"And how will you do that?" Rampage said coming into view.
"Crab legs. I should have known that you killed the other Predicons, but you made it look like Saber had done it." Blackarachnia growled.
"It was fairly easy seeing how she killed Duke/Hazard while she was in her 'black out rage' and i had the chance to see it happen." Rampage said smiling and walking towards then death in his emerald eyes.

Blackarachnia lay broken and bleeding at Rampage's feet. "Mmmmm your pain is lovely." He said after he cleaned her blood off his hands.
"You-you will pay.... for this, cr-crab legs. I-I swear it." She said threw the pain. She closed her eyes for a moment and when she opened then Rampage and Shadowstrike were gone. Painfully she lifted her right arm her wrist blades her broken she had no choice but to activate her distress becon and call for help.

Optimus was in the bridge when the computer started beeping, he pushed a few bottons and realized that it was a distress call from Blackarachnia. "Saber, Silberbolt, come to the bridge." He ordered.
Saber arrived shortly followed by Silverbolt. "Yes what is it, Optimus?" 'Bolt asked.
"Blackarachnia has activated her distress beckon. You and Saber find her." Optimus ordered.
Silverbolt only nodded then went into his beast mode and flew out of the base Saber did the same and ran after him she easily kept pace with the fuzor. She skidded to a halt her mouth hanging open. Blood was everywhere on the ground she followed the trail to find a barely alive Blackarachnia laying in a small pool of her own blood.
Saber went into her robot form and went over to Blackarachnia and held her hand and turned her head to see the shocked face of Silverbolt.
"No... dark poison of my heart." He said brokenly going to her side and taking her other hand.
The she-spider smiled a little. "I'm... sorry Bowser. I love...you."
Silverbolt gave Blackarachnia a pained smile. "I love you to, my love. And don't apologize, i should be the one who's sorry. I.. I wasn't here to protect you from those monsters."
"Blackarachnia thank you for vouching for me when it was Rampage who killed the Preds and framed me for it." Saber said her eyes filled with pain.
"No.... problem, Saber. You would.... do the same for me...." The she-spider closed her eyes for a second then opened them.
"Save your strength my love. Go into stasis lock." Silverbolt said.
"I-I can't i'm... to far... gone. Just hold... me, JoJo." She whispered.
Saber let go of Blackarachnia's hand and watched as Silverbolt held his love tightly but gently.
When Blackarachnia died Saber lowered her head for a moment of silence for the spider. It was broken how ever by the quietly crying of Silverbolt. She looked up and put her hand on his shoulder.
"C'mon, we have to take her back to base." Saber said gently.
'Bolt set his love down and stood up and looked at Saber tears in his gold eyes. Saber took him into her arms trying to comfort him.
"I'll get Rampage and Shadowstrike for this. I'll kill both of those damned monsters." Silverbolt vowed.
"Now isn't the time for revenge, Silverbolt," Saber said looking at him. "We have to get back to the base."
Silverbolt wanted to growl at her but didn't he simply picked up Blackarachnia's body and they walked back to the base.

"Did any one ever tell you that you play with your food?" Shadowstrike asked looking at Rampage.
Rampage only smiled. "No, i enjoy playing with my food. And i know you play with yours."
"Only for five minutes. You on the other hand would play with your target for hours given the chance," Shadowstrike said. "You didn't finish off Depth Charge for like four hours. I would have killed him a whole lot slower until be begged for-" His words were cut off when Rampage grabbed him by the neck and slammed him into a tree.
"Lets get one thing straight. Depth Charge would never had begged for it, you didn't know him like i did." Rampage snarled his grip tightening on Shadow's throat.
Shadowstrike tried to pull Rampage's hand off his throat but couldn't. "Al-Alright, Alright. M-my bad."
Rampage growled again before letting go of Shadowstrike's neck.

After burying Blackarachnia's body the Maximals said a few words only Saber and Silverbolt remained silent. They went back into the ship but Optimus pulled Saber to the side.
"I want you to keep a close eye on Silverbolt. The loss the Blackarachnia will be hard on him, keep him from doing anything rash and reckless." Optimus said.
Saber nodded and sighed she looked at Silverbolt he was still by the grave of his love.
Saber got up early in the morning to stand of the roof. "Today is the day. We're ready for you." She growled.

Posted: Tue Mar 03, 2009 8:43 pm
by Blazemane
This is a sad part of the story. You expressed the sadness well.

In terms of a technical critique, I'd just tell you to watch the way you structure your sentences. Not in general, because most of your sentences are good, but some things like this:
Shadowstrike went into his robot form he looked at Rampage and he could tell that the crab was thinking of some thing and knew that he shouldn't ask what it was he's tell him what it was.
First off, the changing into robot form and the looking at Rampage are two separate ideas, so they should be separated into two sentences. I think, if I understand the sentence correctly, that "he's" is supposed to be "he'd", but that's just a typo. Everyone does that. Thirdly, there ought to be a separation of ideas between "was" and "he's", either with a semi-colon or period. Lastly, and this is just minor, but perhaps the second "and" in your sentence should be further articulated just to make it flow better, or the "and" could be dropped and a new sentence could be made. So for example, you might say:

Shadowstrike went into his robot form. He looked at Rampage and he could tell that the crab was thinking of something, and also knew that he shouldn't ask what it was. He'd tell him what it was.

Or even:

Shadowstrike went into his robot form. He looked at Rampage and he could tell that the crab was thinking of something. He knew that he shouldn't ask what it was; he'd tell him what it was.

At any rate, good characterization of both Silverbolt, Blackarachnia, and especially Rampage. Good job on this.