Drain of Lost Past

Drain of Lost Past - Act 2

Part 8

~ Uneasy Tears ~

Two weeks ago... Two weeks ago Felina had snapped enough to worry the whole Maximal crew. Not everyone had been able to see it, but those who had wished they had not. A few Maximals had taken turns trying to talk to Felina once they got her back from her hiding in the North, but she had refused to speak, either by shooting them out or just plain ignoring them.

In truth, the Maximals, Optimus first of all, were afraid she would not recuperate from this. Well… would she or not, at least, for now, she had accepted to speak for a little while.

"Do you think you're a good person?" Felina asked softly while stretching her hands over her knees and leaning back against the wall of the shower.

Rattrap raised an eyebrow and tilted his head to the left curiously, "Come again?"

"I don't think I'm a good person at all", she said in her daze, not listening to what Rattrap might have to say about the matter, "No, not at all", she made a soft smile, "I'm a hypocrite. Uh huh, I am! That I am, everyone guessed that one, uh huh!"

"Err..." was all Rattrap could say. He had no idea where his partner was going with this, so obviously she was still in this madness described by Gemini and Rhinox earlier. That definitely did not make him feel any better.

She closed her eyes and sighed. It lasted a few minutes where Rattrap even came to think that the cyborg had fallen asleep, but her lips parted slowly and her voice escaped her again.

"When I got here... the first thing I tried to do was scare you Maximals. That's why I attacked some of you from my pod. I hoped that you'd let the form inside die. And if I did come out, then I'd play the Robot Huntress everyone saw me as and maybe then you'd leave me alone or just get rid of me". She shook her head in a chuckle, the fluids running down her face as she did so, bright and colorful, not quite right for the mood that was being settled, "but Optimus kept on pushin' and Rhinox kept on tryin' t'show that I wasn't what y'all saw me as. Said they believed in me or some crap like that. Went on for months and months, y'know? Thought of you as a bunch of boy scouts, that's what. I hated you all for tryin' so hard. I hated Cheetor the most because he always believed and never held a fuckin' grudge against me. I nearly killed him off with my pod and he still smiled at me whenever we'd cross paths and asked me how my day was. Never even tried to judge me, nope! Just smiled and asked me about my day....", there was a pause where her eyes were still closed, and then she continued, "I hated Optimus because he kept givin' me chance after chance even though he was considering it might be best to let me go."

"The Boss Monkey? Ah don't think-"

"You're such a fool", she cut him off, and “I overheard Optimus and Rhinox talk about it many times. Don't get me wrong, I ain't holdin' it against them. After all, that was my goal from the beginning."

"Did she think we'd just get rid of her?! Big Bot wouldn't do that!", Cheetor's muffled voice came from behind the door.

"And that's not the Maximal way!" SilverBolt's voice came next.

"Shhh! They're gonna know we're listening!" now that was definitely Gemini.

"Will you keep it down?" Rhinox.

"Ow! Didn't need to hit me, Bozo!" Gemini's plea came again, and then it fell silent.

Felina looked over at the locked door, her head in a balance and her eyes halfway closed in her exhaustion. Rattrap had looked over at the door as well, then back at his partner. There were probably more of the Axalon's crew spying on the partners' conversation, but Felina seemed to prefer to ignore it and sighed, moving her head back against the wall and away from the fluorescent cascade.

“I don't think I was ready for what came next... nuh-huh, wasn't at all. Gemini... I was glad to see her, but I started worrying right away. I worried and well, I lost it for a bit. I always worried about her. Back on Cybertron, back on Earth, I would worry all the time. She never knew, I never told her, but I would worry. I guess it was the motherly side of me, the part I wished Alana had been able t'give me all this time..."

There was another long pause, this one far longer then the first.

"Uh... they're not talking anymore... Is that a bad thing?" Cheetor.

"SilverBolt, open the door" Rhinox.

Felina cleared her throat loudly from where she was, and the voices behind the door stopped. It probably also gave them the clue that both partners were still alive. She would have told them to go away, but their curiosity might become their downfall. In the end, Felina decided not to care, and if they wanted to hear what she had to say, then so be it.

"This Robot Huntress title... did y'think I just woke up one morning and sent an e-mail to the media to let 'em know that's what I wanted to be called: Fiona the Robot Huntress? Or Gemini the Robot Huntress?" Felina asked with a raised eyebrow. However, she did not care to wait for a reply and went on, "Sigma Corp. came up with it. It would be easier to identify the two assassins that way then just plain Fiona and Gemini. Sounded kinda like one of 'em American sitcoms like that anyway. Robot Huntress... now that sounds violent. Hunting is a cruel sport, so why not tag it to us? After all, we were just havin' fun blasting away your sparks."

She looked down and made a soft chuckle, "Don't get me wrong, I was young when they gave us that title, and at first, we both thought it was pretty cool. Cybertronians, even humans feared us. That gave us a green card to do a lot and work with the reputation we were given."

"Whatcha sayin'? All of 'em stories about ya slaggin' Maximals, Preds, Autobots and Decepticons were made up? Ah hardly believe 'dat one", he crossed his arms in defiance.

Felina shook her head, her gaze set ahead of herself as if she were in deep thought. Her voice came out more feeble then it usually was, loosing that sour intonation she always had; it sounded, well, so much prettier when she spoke softly like that - a voice you could trust because it was a completely different side to her.

"No, not quite... Not all false. When I begun this fight, as Rhinox told you, it was against Cybertronians in general. I did kill quite a few innocents along the way. I was angry and saw your kind as... well, a plague. Since the first Autobots crashed on Earth and woke up in the 1980s, your wars have involved humans somehow. I don't care what Optimus Prime said, I still think he could've tried to take his Great War elsewhere."

"Heh, Alley Cat? It was for the energon deposits the Decepticons weren't leavin', and ah don't see what it has ta do with you slaggin' bots."

Felina raised her hand up, "Lemme finish, I ain't done."

"Yeah well --"

Felina's fists crashed down on the floor next to her, splattering the rainbow like liquid, "For ONCE will y'jus' shut the fuck up and listen when someone's talkin' to you?! Can't be THAT hard! If y'ain't gonna at least try, y'might as well leave!"

Rattrap rose an eyebrow and uncrossed his arms at her outburst, "Eh..."

He expected her to grab onto the blaster and shoot at him but she only stared at him with a glare, awaiting his reply. It was a quick nod of her head toward him, meaning 'well?' that actually got him moving again.

"Da door's locked anyway..." he tried and shrugged, "Eh, ain't no way I'm gettin' out 'till 'Bolt decides to lemme free."

Felina took a deep breath and finally rose from where she was, pressing a button above her to have the liquid from the shower stop its flow. Standing straight, she walked out and let the remaining rainbow like substance escape her wired hair.

"That was my knowledge and belief from five years old until I reached the age of thirteen. By then I had acquired ways to hide my robotic limbs by holo projections on the right parts of my body so I wouldn't be detected. I had also managed to get enough knowledge in computers to hack through most systems, which is how I infiltrated a junior high school where I resided for a few months as a transfer student."

Rattrap shook his head, "Y'story doesn't make much sense. Y'energy signature would've been detected."

Felina made a suggestive grin, "Not if it had been erased."

"Heh!"

"It was temporary, but the government had a blast tryin' to get it back. Not to mention, they didn't start lookin' right away. They eventually did recover it, but it also opened my eyes. It was Sigma Corp. who detected my presence long before the government, and once retraced, well it was a bitch to get away. Y'heard of Protoform X, right? Fuckin' unstable, and one fuckin' lunatic too. Tore down the school while lookin' for me, killed a few hundred students along the way but... That's also when I realised my enemies weren't the Cybertronians themselves, it was Sigma Corp. There were two things Sigma Corp. wanted from me. One was for me to shut up about Alana's death. Apparently, I was the only witness, and Sigma Corp. couldn't risk being exposed y'know? The only way Rhinox escaped it was because he was a Sigma Corp agent and probably let 'em think he was on their side. GoldenFire may have been Cybertron's representative to Earth, but he was also a high-class president for Sigma Corp. If his image was soiled, so would Cybertron's. Sigma Corp could still go on though. At least, until I found a way to expose 'em."

Felina sat down on the bed, looking down while Rattrap leaned against the wall with his arms still crossed and a foot on the wall. He had yet to understand why she was telling him all this, even more why she was blurting that information to him rather then to Optimus or Rhinox themselves, but he kept his mouth shut for now. He had heard, long ago, about Protoform X tearing down a junior high school on Earth a few years before the insane robot would level up Colony Omacron - unfortunately for Rattrap, he had had the honourable pleasure of having front row seats to witness the destruction of Omacron, much like a few members of the Axalon, but no one spoke of it - but there was some information Felina was letting him know that he had never been aware of, and for good reasons as well.

"And the second reason?" Rattrap finally asked.

A sad grin came upon Felina's lips. She seemed to swallow hard so she would not show her emotions, but for once, she was having a hard time concealing her feelings, and when she looked back at Rattrap, she seemed devastated with disbelief as if she did not even trust her own words.

"I was their lab rat. Didn't want to lose an escaping subject. I was worth a lot of money after all."

Rattrap showed a heavy frown, his arms uncrossing slowly.

Felina made a cynical smile next, looking back down with her hands folded on her thighs, "Oh, don't look at me like that. Don't tell me y'didn't know. It's so obvious..."

"Eh...."

"How d'y'think I was created, Rattrap? Do you think I was born normally? Reality check! A Transformer and a human can't mate to have a child! Are you dunce?"

There was another uneasy silence, "I saw it... when I hacked into Sigma Corp.'s main computer... Alana was pregnant with me but the foetus was conceived in the labs of Sigma Corp. There had been two attempts before me. The first one died at birth. It was a little girl they named Stacey. The second turned out being a vegetable, so they kept him in the lab and made experiments on him. His name was Clark. Me? I was healthy and smart because of the experiments made on Stacey and Clark. IQ was higher then average; I was a good-looking baby, and had no brain complication so they sent me home and called it a success. Stacey and Clark were never even mentioned to the media. I only found out because me and Gemi looked... Also, when I reached the age of ten, I was supposed to die because of an assault on the Ambassadors, namely Alana and GoldenFire. That assault meant me disappearing and going back to Sigma Corp.'s labs. A few years later, Alana would get pregnant with an even better child. Me? I'd remain in the lab for experiments on my growth."

Rattrap scratched his head, "Ah dunno what ta say... Ah ain't too good at 'dis stuff..."

"I figured as much", she sighed and trailed off as if there was more but couldn't let it out yet.

There was another silence. Heavy shuffling at the door was heard, whispering as well. The Maximals on the other side were still listening in, but hearing nothing, they were probably getting nervous again. This time around, it was Rattrap who broke the silence, pointing at the bed Felina was sitting on and at the old style cd player by her side.

"What's 'dat s'posed t'be?"

She looked at him oddly, then down at the small artifact. "A cd player. Nothin' to it", she said sharply.

"Heh, whatcha listenin' to?"

She made a faint chuckle, "Don't think y'could handle it."

Rattrap rose an eyebrow, "Try me."

Felina shrugged and handed him the headphones. One way or another, he would have gotten to them and would have listened to her music just to annoy her. At least doing it willingly meant no fighting, and she was in no mood for arguments.

"Here", she told him, "be my guess."

Rattrap took the small device and looked over the two foam speakers carefully. They were old, and had a bit of tape holding them together. Nowadays, a small device stuck inside the ear that was barely visible had long replaced headphones. He handled the small machine carefully while looking at it like he was afraid his simple hold on it would have it break. Finally, with a shrug, he put it over his head and set the foams near his hearing gears.

He pressed the play button and the music began, at first a little odd, then a soft piano chime came.

Felina sniffed and moved her head back as if she was looking at a bug crawling on the ceiling. She had a soft, sad smile on her face while she stretched her arms forward like she was a teenager talking to her friend during a sleepover.

"I used to love that song", she said softly, "Dad would put it on for me every night after mamma would have given me a little chat. She was a good woman, Alana."

The sound of the piano remained soft despite the heavy thuds of the base, which came regularly as if someone kept dropping something heavy. Already Rattrap was cringing at the music - it was not his style at all but every note of this piece seemed wrong - and when the singer, a woman with a soft mother like voice, began singing, it seemed to amplify that feeling of wrongness coming from this.

'You lie, silent there before me.

Your tears, they mean nothing to me,

The wind howling at the window,

The love you never gave,

I give to you,

Really don't deserve it,

But now, there's nothing you can do.

So sleep, in your only memory

Of me, my dearest mother...'

Felina kept her gaze fixed on the ceiling, "I didn't understand the lyrics because I was too young", she continued, her voice breaking from time to time, "It was such a soft and beautiful song; relaxing and sweet. I'd fall asleep to it most nights, and would wake up when Alana would shut off the radio... only sometimes, she would turn it off in an alarmed state, like there was a bomb in the radio or somethin'...."

'Here's a lullaby to close your eyes.

[Goodbye]

It was always you that I despised.

I don't feel enough for you to cry

[oh well]'

"When I would go to bed, daddy would come in and put on my favourite song. It was the only time he would actually be nice to me. He'd smile and kiss me goodnight. I liked to think he cared. In the end, he was just havin' fun mentally torturing me. I guess he wanted t'see how I'd react... I was just an experiment after all..."

'Here's a lullaby to close your eyes,

Goodbye,

Goodbye.'

She made a soft giggle and lowered her gaze, her wired hair falling over to hide her features, "I dunno if it was intentional, but it would cover up the constant fighting mom and dad would have after. That was when the cameras weren't lookin'... I found out later, when Gemi and me hacked into Sigma Corp's computers, that 'cause I was growin' up faster then usual, they were plannin' on makin' that accident and my fake death happen much earlier. Mom... she didn't take kindly to that. I guess she ended up gettin' attached to me in the end. She wasn't supposed to from what I heard... She was an actress... But it didn't work as planned..."

'So insignificant, sleeping dormant deep inside of me,

Are you hiding away, lost, under the sewers,

Maybe flying high, in the clouds?

Perhaps you're happy without me...

So many seeds have been sown in the field,

And who could sprout up so blessedly,

If I had died I would have never felt sad at all'

There was again that soft giggle that came from her, but her emotions took the best of her and Rattrap clearly heard her hiccup; she also began stuttering more then usual, "S-See, that's somethin' Rhinox couldn't tell you when he told his story when I got here b-because he d-didn't know. When mom began threatening to let people, R-Razorshell i-i-included, know w-what Sigma Corp. w-uh-were u-up to, daddy... daddy, he flipped. Uh huh, h-h-he f-fl-ipped... a-and t'was t-too late to do anythin'."

'You will not hear me say 'I'm sorry'

Where is the light, wonder if it's weeping somewhere?'

Rattrap took off the headphones but the music and its awful words still rang through the foams. A heavy frown showed to him but he remained quiet for now. As he had said earlier that he was never good with these situations. If he spoke even a single word, it would end up being the worst thing he could have said and he knew it. It was always like that, so he had learned to stay quiet.

'Here's a lullaby to close your eyes.

[Goodbye]

It was always you that I despised.

I don't feel enough for you to cry, [oh well]

Here's a lullaby to close your eyes,

[Goodbye]'

Felina took a deep breath, her hair still concealing her features from Rattrap's view, "W-when they got h-here... I thought... I thought I could play a little family game... T-thought I could l-live the fairytale I a-always wanted t'be p-p-part of a-all my life... M-Muh-aybe i-it would work... it could have... c-could..."

'Here's a lullaby to close your eyes.

[Goodbye]

It was always you that I despised.'

Felina's shoulders twitched, and then her whole body began trembling while her hands turned into fists. Three drops of oil from her tears came crashing down on her fists and thighs.

“B-but h-hey, d-duh-on't w-w-worry 'bout muh-e, Flat Nose... I j-jus' got n-nuh-o l-luck... F-Foolishly t-thought t-they had c-come f-for muh-e... T-Thought they l-luh-oved me... W-Wanted mommy t'be ruh-eal... A-And d-daddy to c-c-care... J-Jus' a bit... just.. j..."

'I don't feel enough for you to cry, [oh well]

Here's a lullaby to close your eyes,

[Goodbye]'

Rattrap pinched his lips together and put the headphones back down on the bed. His hand rose with hesitation, unsure on how to react to her sudden outburst. He stopped himself, looking at her, and finally brought his hand down on her trembling shoulder.

"Eh... look Alley Cat... I'm... eh..."

'Here's a lullaby to close your eyes.

[Goodbye]

It was always you that I despised.'

Suddenly, Felina burst out crying. She did not seem to care for her reputation any longer at this point. She moved her head against her partner's chest, her fist slamming down desperately on the silver metal with little to no strength.

"Dammit! DAMMIT ALL TO HELL!" she cried, "I needed 'em to b-b-be there a-and b-be o-okay! I w-wuh-anted t-the fairyt-tale to h-h-happen!"

'I don't feel enough for you to cry, [oh well]

Here's a lullaby to close your eyes,

[Goodbye]'

Rattrap's hands carefully wrapped around her trembling shoulders, "..."

"I wuh-was countin' o-on 'em... on 'em t-to make it o-okay! M-Make me okay! I I wuh-anted it t-to happen! Wuh-y?! What d-d-did they have t-to guh-ain in t-their reports with this?!" She raised her head and gripped at his shoulders tightly. Her eyes stared into his, "W-Why d-did Sigma C-Corp. h-have t-to send 'em here?! WHY!?" She lowered her head against Rattrap's chest again, the oil like tears staining his own metal, "I cuh-can't t-take it... it h-hurts... h-hurts... J-Jus' once... whu-anted t-to b-be happy... Just... once..."

'Here's a lullaby to close your eyes.

[Goodbye]

It was always you that I despised.'

"..."

"I... I don't wanna p-play a-anymore... N-Nuh-o more... no more playin'! Duh-on't w-whu-anna p-play it!… No more....", her cries turned into whispers, "I'm t-tired o-of pre-tendin'... t-tired of.... p-playin'... h-hurts... to much...."

I don't feel enough for you to cry, [oh well]

Here's a lullaby to close your eyes,

[Goodbye]'

"Uh... I...", Rattrap attempted moving his hand through her hair carefully, "Sorry, Alley Cat... I really am...."

(Fena's strong and she'll get out of this! She'll get out of this and you'll see how she's so much stronger then any of us has ever been!)

".... uh huh....", she breathed, "s'okay... y'c-can stay q-quiet... duh-on't m-mind... jus'... d-don't leave y-yet.... p-please... d-don't wanna be a-alone... n-nuh-o more...."

Rattrap nodded uneasily, "I ain't goin' anywhere", he confirmed her softly, "Stayin' right here."

"Thank you...."

On the other side of the door, Silverbolt sighed with both regret and relief. Somehow, perhaps they had managed to bring Felina back, but at the same time; the speech she had made in there had affected him. Had they misunderstood both Felina and Gemini all along? Felina had been playing a role all this time? Could it be true? Well the scene happening on the other side of the door seemed to indicate so, yet...

"Computer, unlock the door and erase voice recognition."

[Acknowledged.]

Rhinox's shoulders fell heavily, his large hands by his side. He felt guilty for what he had missed years ago; guilty he had not been able to save Alana when she had been in danger all along; guilty he had not seen GoldenFire's game from the beginning. Fiona had always seemed a little troubled despite her sweet and angelic ways. Something had always been a miss. Now, Rhinox saw the full picture clearly, but it hurt even more. However, at the same time, it was a relief to know the full story.

Gemini bit down on her lower lip, and with Cheetor's help, stood from her crouched position, "I guess we should leave them for now..." she said.

Cheetor made a reassuring smile, "I said it, Fena's a strong girl. I'm sure she'll be back with us in no time. Right, Rhinox?"

Rhinox nodded, "Uh huh..."

Cheetor patted the large robot on the shoulder, "Hey, look at it on the bright side: Fena and Rattrap are finally getting along!"

That had the positive effect on Rhinox. A cornered smile appeared to his lips, his features gaining a more joyous expression, "I guess you're right", he admitted. He made a few heavy steps forward and looked over his shoulder at Gemini, "Still want to work on Sentinel?"

Gemini nodded and smiled, "Sure! Don't worry, she'll come out when she'll be ready, okay?"

"I know."

Cheetor crossed his arms and smiled. Silverbolt returned the smile, and both Maximals followed Rhinox to the command centre.

For now, the worst had passed.

For now...

End of Drain of Lost Past

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Authors' note: Drain of Lost Past is the fan fiction that myself (Maria Sunderland) and Kidcat, edited the most. Most of the parts (especially in Act 2) were fully re-written to make more sense and well, be overall better. ;) It was fun to work on this again and definitely brought old memories back to us.

This part, Part 8 - Uneasy tears, was re-written twice, which can be noticed not just because of the change in writing and dialogues, but because of the song that was changed as well! The first song used for this was "You'll See, by Madonna". Worked well at the time, which was oh... 8 years ago or so? O_O lol Then we re-worked on the fanfics two or three years later, and the song changed to "Full of Grace, by Sarah McLachlan". Back then; we never emphasized the fact that GoldenFire had been cruel to Fiona all along. In fact, it's something we've been working on for this version only.

So now, the song is called "Room of Angel”, by Akira Yamaoka and Melissa Williamson, which worked wonders with the current theme.

Hope you enjoyed, and stay tuned for more! :)

Luv,

Maria and Kidcat