Connection 

Part Six

By: Starath (starathbot@geekgrok.com)

PG 13 (Language)

Author’s Note:  Well folks, this is it—the last fic in the “Connection” series.  For the final time, Beast Wars and its characters belong to Mainframe Entertainment and Hasbro (as much as I’d like to adopt Depth Charge now). I do not own the song “Do or Die” by Papa Roach.  Thankies to my brother for helping me with this part.   And once again, Landray Depth Charge, thank you for helping me with this series. 

              Dragging herself out of bed the morning after Depth Charge died took a maximum effort.  Christine had been up almost the entire night crying. Her parents had no idea what was wrong, other that she kept repeating “He’s gone” whenever they asked and then started crying again.  She didn’t want to go to school but went through her morning routine automatically anyway; barely awake enough to walk in a straight line.  Today she wore a black sweatshirt and black jeans, but underneath the sweatshirt she wore what she had nicknamed her “fishy shirt”, which was blue with a fish-scale pattern printed on it.  She wore it in memory of the friend she would never see again. 

            In all honesty she was a wreck.  Her parents suggested she stay home.  But she refused, saying:

“He would want me to go to school today.  I have gym class.  I won’t let him down.”

They didn’t understand what she meant, but they didn’t argue with the determined light in her tired eyes.  She said little to them afterwards and hardly spoke the rest of the day.  When a classmate in her gym class asked,

            “Hey, where’s Daniel today?”

She replied:  “He’s gone home.”

Her thoughts kept running through the battle from the night before.  She saw the whole thing played out within her mind, heard what was said and Depth Charge’s inner thoughts, all the way to the bitter end when they were disconnected forever.  His continuous comforting presence had been removed.   He was gone.  What hurt the most was that, looking back on the last conversation they had, she realized he was saying goodbye to her then.  And she didn’t catch it, letting him walk right out of her life!  This wasn’t the first time someone had done that to her.  But no, she was still naïve and trusting in people… that they wouldn’t leave her like that.  What was Depth Charge THINKING?!  If… If only… Sorrow easily shifted into anger and Christine barely kept herself from screaming in the middle of her second morning class.  If only you had tried to change your fate!  You had the choice! And what, didn’t you have enough guts to tell me goodbye?  WHY?  So I wouldn’t worry?  Damn it, if you weren’t already dead I’d KILL YOU! Instead of screaming she scribbled madly in her notebook hard and fast, so loudly the teacher had to ask her to stop.  Already close to the breaking point, she had to leave the room before she started crying.  When she returned ten minutes later, the blank mask that hid her toiling emotions was back in place.

During lunch she found a secluded place so it wouldn’t matter if she snapped.  Or talked to herself.  The connection she had with Depth Charge had been cut off, so once again she was alone with her own thoughts in her mind.  Never again would she have someone watching over her shoulder.  She had to stand on her own now and live off her own strength.  Although terrified, like a child who was lost from her mother for the first time, she assured herself that she could do it. 

“I can and will.  He taught me well enough to do so.  I won’t disappoint him, I won’t! It’ll be hard… but I can do this…. I just wish I… had been able… to tell him thanks…”

Her strong resolve crumbled as tears stained her cheeks and her throat grew tight as she started sobbing.  That idiot!  Why did he have to die?  I told him his fate wasn’t fixed!  There’s always hope!  He realized that at the very end, but by then it was too late!  I tried to help you, I did!  You weren’t a doomed soul!  You didn’t have to die with your enemy!  But you were so set on killing Rampage…Depth Charge… Maybe I can’t understand exactly what you’ve gone through, but there could have been so much more in your life!  You’re rough on the outside but you have a good heart… I just wish… you could have seen that too… Are you happy now, though?  Are you finally resting in peace? 

            “But why didn’t you listen to me…?” she whispered, “Why did you have to leave me without really saying goodbye?”

Alone!  I have my friends and family but I’m still alone! I’ll be strong for you… I’ll try… since you were for me…And I’ll always remember you.  Always.

            The footprints from their first meeting were long gone with the melted snow.  Christine still remembered exactly where he stood though, talking to her that cold night over a month ago. She had come home from school twenty minutes ago but wanted to take her time going into the house to savor memories that would have to last her for life since she would never see Depth Charge again.  She reached out, touching nothing, but imagined feeling his warm smooth metal.  She sniffled, keeping a stricken face as she forced herself not to cry, but the words he spoke in her mind came unbidden along with fresh tears. 

You can fight to regain what you once had, a gift that I will never have the privilege of receiving.  What you did not have you have a chance to create.  You can do this.  You have the will for it.  You must simply take one step at a time.  That’s all.

            “I will, Depth Charge, I will.  You helped me take my first steps and I’ll continue on my own.  Thank you.”

Stepping back, she sighed and shivered in a breeze of chilly winter wind.  It eased her tired mind a little that at least she had said thank you, even if he didn’t hear her say it.  She started to walk out into the backyard where the large impact crater of Depth Charge’s first arrival still was.

            “Christine?”

Spinning, she saw her brother standing in the garage entry.

            “You realize that the trash isn’t going to talk back, right?”

            “I wasn’t talking to the garbage can.”

            “’Scuse me… the recycling can.”

Any other time she would have retorted with something just as sarcastic, but today she was too drained.  “Whatever…”

            “When did you meet him?”

            “Huh?”

            “You were saying ‘he’s gone’ this morning.  Him who?”

            “Someone who’s gone and never coming back.”

            “Could be, but you never know.”

            “No, he’s gone forever.”

            “Well that can’t be good, forever is a long time…”

            “Yes, it is.  But at least I knew him to begin with.”

            “That’s the important part, right?”

            “…Yeah.”

            “Well, since I’m not a fan of being an icicle, I’m heading in. I suggest you do the same, the cold’ll get to ya,” he turned back into the garage and left her to her thoughts.  Christine took a slow breath, watching him go.  Winter wind blasted hard at her again, but, undaunted, she stared into the backyard with a steady gaze. 

            “Goodbye, warrior.  May we meet again someday.”

The cold breeze blew in reply as she walked into the garage, carrying what sounded like a low laugh.  Her heart stopped and she spun around… only to see nothing.  Don’t do this to yourself, you didn’t hear anything, she thought, he’s gone. 

            After changing out of her school clothes Christine settled into her small green chair next to her bed and slipped one of the new CDs she had bought yesterday into her new portable CD player.  Doing homework held little meaning to her tonight, so instead she was going to drown out her thoughts and sorrow with some rock music.  This was the CD she was listening to the night before, but never actually paid any attention to when she started hearing Depth Charge’s last battle.  Outside night fell quietly, and she nearly fell asleep in her chair, exhausted from lack of sleep and crying too much in the past twenty-four hours.  Then a new song started and its first words immediately grabbed her attention:

Today I saw my hero fall apart

The one who taught me to be strong

On the outside I look fine

But on the inside I am dying…

My strength is overcome by pain

My love for you remains the same

The loneliness is setting in…

I have no one to free my sins…

It’s never too late to live your life

The time is now, it’s do or die!

It’s never too late to live your life

The time is now, it’s yours and mine!

It perfectly described the whole conversation she had with Depth Charge two days before!  Although she was sure she had cried enough to run out of tears they came once more as she listened to the song.   

Now it’s my turn to help you out

‘Cause you were there when I was down

It’s hard for me to see you this way

Losing all your sanity…

You helped me keep my dreams alive

Without you how will I survive?

            “But I tried to help you, yet didn’t do enough! And you did so much for me… Depth Charge…” 

It’s time for me to be a man

Now I finally understand…

            “I don’t understand, though!  Why didn’t you try to save yourself?  You could have!  You could have…At least you understood what I tried to show you…There’s always hope… but now you don’t need it anymore…” 

A knock came on her bedroom door.  Christine’s father poked his head in and his face fell when he saw his sobbing daughter.

            “Five minutes ‘til supper, okay?”

She didn’t hear him very well over the music, but she nodded anyway and stopped the CD player before the song could finish.   I already know how it ends…

            “Yeah Dad.”

            She hardly said a word to her family as they ate supper, which worried her parents further because usually she was full of stories to tell from the day and scarcely ever stopped talking so she could eat.  Tonight she kept her attention on pushing food around her plate, poking at it more than she ate of it.  She forced a straight face as well, refusing to give into crying again despite the frantic emotions and thoughts running through her head.  The meal seemed to stretch into eternity in silence only broken when someone asked for the salt or pepper.  Afterwards Christine helped clear off the table as her mother started to do the dishes. 

Alright, where the Pit am I now?

The thought entered her mind so forcefully it startled her and she dropped the dirty bowl she was carrying.  It shattered on the ceramic tiled floor. 

Oh yeah, now I just have to…

            “Christine?  Are you alright?”  Her mother asked in concern, putting a pot into the sink to stand beside her daughter.  

WHOA! 

Shaking her head, Christine sputtered, “No.  I have to go to my room.”  I can’t be hearing him!  He’s gone!  Please no, now I’m going insane!  She sped down the hall without waiting for a reply and slammed her bedroom door shut.

DAMN it’s cold out here!

She stared at the beige colored carpet, pacing the strip between the window and her bed.  No no no.  He’s gone.  Don’t do this to yourself! He’s not coming back!  No matter how hard you wish and hope he is NOT. COMING. BACK!

I beg to differ, replied Depth Charge’s voice, sounding grumpy.  And why am I not coming back?

 Stop it!  He’s gone!  He can’t come back.  He died yesterday with Rampage.  I heard him!  I saw the battle! Our connection is gone now!

You heard WHAT?  Slag… you weren’t supposed to in case I didn’t come back… I’m not dead, alright?  I’m very much alive standing in your backyard FREEZING my skidplate off. 

 No you’re not!  GAH! Stop talking to yourself stupid, you can’t talk to him anymore!  It’s NOT him!  Damn it, I’m NOT going crazy!    

Of course not.  You’re already crazy, kid.  You and I both know that.

SHUT UP!  Stop talking to me!  You’re not real!  You’re dead! Damn!  I’m finally losing it!  Everything’s finally getting to me.  I could barely hold together for a day…  Take a breath, yes.  Take a breath.  You’re just imagining things.  It’s not real.  You’re just creating his voice since you want to hear him so badly again.  That’s all. 

Ha!  Not real?  You want proof?

            Screwing her eyes shut she stopped pacing, shaking hard to keep herself from screaming and bawling.  It wouldn’t be quiet, his voice!  Balling up her fists she yelled in her mind, YES!  Give me proof or go away and leave me in PEACE!

            A hard tap shook the glass of her window. She jumped and her eyes snapped open.  Depth Charge waved from outside.

            Surprise!   

            “HOLY FREAKIN’ SLAG!”

            Her winter coat flew off the chair.  The bedroom door swung open and she tore down the hall and nearly fell down the basement stairs.  She grabbed her winter boots, ran up the stairs and blew past her mother in the kitchen. In record time she had the boots and coat on and yanked open the sliding door.  She jumped over the railing of the deck and dashed around the side of the house. There he was!  Dim moonlight struck his armor and gave him a glowing aura, as if the spirit of the Maximal warrior stood there, not the living one.  Christine paused in her tracks, unsure, taking in the scene.  Was it really him?  She was afraid to go see, fearing that it was indeed just his restless spirit that had come to haunt her. Sadness set in.  He saw the sorrow in her face and shifted, changing the effect moonlight had on his armor.  He became whole, the real thing, smiling with his optics, stretching out a silver hand.  With a burst of speed she ran to him, and if Depth Charge hadn’t caught her she would have smacked right into him.

            “Hey kid!”  He laughed, “Miss me?”

            “Oh my God YES!”  She cried, and tears fell again, but this time they were from happiness.  “I thought you were dead!”

He gently set her on the ground and kneeled so they were eyelevel.  “Surely you didn’t think you could get rid of me THAT easily…” 

            “How—How did you…?”

               “Magic.”  He winked.

            “As always!”  Christine gave him a hug around his neck, sobbing in relief.  “I… I was s-so worried about you…”

            “Well, you don’t have to worry about me anymore.”

She then backed off with fury in her eyes and kicked him hard in the shin.

            “Ow!”  It didn’t really hurt, but the shock of it was enough.  “What was that—”

            “Don’t you EVER do that AGAIN, you HEAR ME?!  Don’t EVER run off to kill evil scientific experiments again!  I was worried SICK!  And you didn’t even say GOODBYE!  You DORKBOT!  If I had that sword right now I’d kick your skidplate!  I thought you were DEAD!  GONE!  FOREVER!  I CARED for you!  And this is how you REPAY ME? I’ve cried tears enough in the past day for you to SWIM IN!”

            “—Gah!  Okay okay okay!”  Depth Charge jumped up to dodge another kick from her, but she chased him wherever he went.  “Kid, I’m sorry, alright?  I didn’t know you heard the battle, so I thought I gave you no reason to worry!” 

“You dorkbot, you give me reasons to worry about you even WITHOUT that final battle!  You scared the freakin’ slag outta me!  I thought you were DEAD!”

“GAH!  Don’t kick me again!  I didn’t mean to!  I came back here as soon as I could!”

            “WHERE the heck have you been, anyway?!”

Before he could answer a car drove by, lighting up the area with its headlights.  They froze until it passed by and darkness hid them again.

            “That was close…” Christine said, eyeing him, and decided not to chase him anymore for now.  “But I don’t know how they could miss you….” Taking his hand she started to lead him into the backyard.  “We should continue talking back here, behind the house.”

            “I can walk on my own you know,” Depth Charge grumbled, but didn’t pull his hand away, secretly amused that she intended to lead him.

            “Yeah, but you don’t know where the guy-wires are that anchor down the radio tower back here.  You might hang yourself.”

            “Oh…” 

            They walked out into the back of the property just in front of the large pine trees that marked the boundary line between Christine’s yard and a farmer’s field.  The only light they had came from the stars and the moon.  She let go of his hand and folded her arms cross her chest, tapping her foot.

            “Alright, so WHERE have you been?  And HOW did you avoid getting slagged? Come on, speak up!”

Depth Charge looked to the ground, rubbing at the back of his head, shifting uneasily.  His usually confident voice came out unsure.

            “I’m still trying to piece it together… I remember staring into X’s green optics and finally realizing what you’ve been trying to teach me… And then a flash just before an explosion happened.  The next thing I knew I was in warm murky water, damaged but alive.  I swam to the surface to look around and saw lots of trees and the shoreline.  Then I heard a scream.  An old lady in a boat smacked me over the head with an oar and called out, yelling somebody’s name.  That somebody was a slagging alligator and it attacked me.”

            “Really?”  Christine’s jaw dropped in disbelief, and she found it hard to believe him.  “So, what, you wrestled the alligator? 

            “Strangely enough, yes…”

            “No way.” 

“Yes, I did! It bit me!  Look!”  He showed her his arm, which indeed had teeth marks gauged in the metal.  “I’m still pulling gunk out of my joints from being in that water, too.”

“Who won?”

“Huh?”

“Who won, you or the alligator?”

“Heh… It put up quite the fight, and the old lady hit me twice more on the head.  I was still disorientated from the sudden dimension shift and the battle with X, so I threw the gator on land and took off to find the open ocean. You could say it was a draw.”

“Dimension shift?  You mean, when you flash yourself from the Beast Wars world to mine?”

“Yes.  It’s what saved me from dying with X.  Because of our connection I ended up in your world, though not where you are.  I don’t remember flashing myself into your world, though.  It just… happened… a split-second before the massive explosion.”

“From what it sounds like you were probably down in Louisiana or Florida.  But if you were still alive, why did our connection cut off?”

“Probably because of the energon radiation in the explosion just before I flashed here.”  He shrugged. “Anyway, I found the ocean and… Well, I woke up in beast mode, settled onto the ocean floor. I had to rest and repair, although I don’t remember thinking I did.  Then I went back to the Beast Wars.  I found X’s body parts…. I can’t believe… He’s gone… and I can finally…” Depth Charge sat down heavily, clutching his head in both hands as he started to shake, relief choking in his throat so much he couldn’t speak.  Instead he continued in his mind in a weak voice that hardly sounded like him at all: 

I can finally rest!  No more hunting!  But now… now I hardly know what to do…

Yes you do.  Christine stood next to him and patted his shoulder.  You’ll start something new.

It’s still sinking in, though… X is dead… and I’m not… I fully expected to die with him! Yet I was saved!  Why?  Somehow it doesn’t feel right!  It doesn’t! I have no idea what to do now…  After… after I saw X’s remains I went back to the Maximal base… The look on their faces when I showed up… He managed a chuckle and his shaking subsided. They thought I was a ghost, for Pit’s sake… This is how a ghost must feel, at least… so lost… and alone…

“But you’re not alone.  You have friends like me to help you.  I told you, you’ve got a friend for life in me.”  Christine spoke aloud, “And you won’t be lost forever.  You’ll start a new future and you’ll never have to look back on the time you spent hunting ever again.  There is only pain in the past.  Now you can find happiness again.”

“There isn’t all pain,” He found his strong voice again, looking up at her.  “The something that’s been nagging at me…. It’s hope.  And… you showed it to me.”  The sorrow in his red optics gave way to the kind light that made it look like he was smiling, and before she could move Depth Charge caught Christine and pulled her into his lap.

“I knew you must have been good for something other than being an annoying kid!” he declared, giving her a gentle-but-rough noogie.        

“Aaaahhh!  No!  Not again! Leggo! Depth Charge!”  Squirming she tried to get free but couldn’t break his iron grip.  He laughed and let go after a moment and gazed up at the stars dotting the sky above them.  

“Hmm…”

In one smooth motion he carefully picked Christine up, arose from the ground and put her on his shoulder.  She squeaked at his sudden movement and wobbled, clinging to his hand to stay balanced.  Turning slowly he searched the sky until he found what he wanted.

            “Hey kid, see that star right there?”  He pointed to the northwest at a faint star hanging by itself in the inky blackness.  

            “Yeah?”

            “That’s Cybertron.”

Her eyes grew round.  “Really?”

            “Yeah.  That’s where I’ll be from now on.”

            “You’re going home?”

            “Yes.  I can’t spend much more time here or I’ll miss the ride.  Although Optimal seemed understanding, the rest are eager to get going.  And they want an explanation, too.”

            “So you’re going to tell them about me?”

            “Of course.”

            “Will they believe you?”

            “If they don’t it’s their problem.”

            “Heh…” Christine leaned against his fin, trying to ignore the immense sadness that threatened to take over.  He was going to leave her.  She squeezed on his hand and he squeezed back gently.  I’m going to miss you, she told him. 

Yeah, I’m going to miss you too, he replied quietly.  I’m not going to forget you anytime soon; you can count on that.  You’ve got a good heart.

So do you.  She smiled when he turned his head to give her a questioning gaze.

Really?

Yes.  It’s buried, but it’s there.  

Her winter coat shifted in the winter wind and slapped against his shoulder with a tiny clink, interrupting their silent conversation.

            “Oh!”  Remembering what was in her pocket she searched it and pulled out a stone.  She put it in his palm. 

            “It’s not much, but some proof.  I found this the other day and thought about giving it to you.  It’s an agate. They’re kinda rare; you can only find them in certain places in the world. See how it’s rough on the outside, but when you turn it over to the broken part, it’s so beautiful inside?”

Depth Charge did so and nodded.  “Yeah.”

            “It’s just like you.”  She hugged him around the neck again.

            “Aw… thanks kid.”  Genuinely touched, he carefully stowed it away in a compartment in his arm.  “I’ll keep this safe.” 

A long silence fell between them as they stargazed together, taking the moment to enjoy each other’s company for the last time.   Christine pointed out Orion to him again, reminding him of the blue star that held his name.  

“Depth Charge?”

“Hmm?”

“Why do you think we were connected?”

He answered without hesitation.  “To help each other.”

“Yeah.  That’s what I think too.  But will the connection go away since we’ve done that?”

“Probably.  We can’t stay connected forever.”

“But will I ever see you again?”  Christine’s voice cracked as she fought to contain fresh tears.

“Can’t say.  I have a new life to start and you have yours to continue.”

“Yeah… but you’re my friend…” She sniffled, then shivered in the winter wind.  Depth Charge felt her shaking and gently lowered her to the ground, letting her hug his arm.  She held onto it tight, fearing that if she loosened he might disappear.

“That you are, and for your friendship I am grateful.  I haven’t known kindness in a long, long time.  Thank you for reminding me what it is, and bringing hope back to me.  I’d forgotten what it was.”  He patted her head with fatherly affection.  “And don’t worry kid, I might keep an eye on you.”

“Really?”  She instantly brightened. 

“Sure.  Somebody’s got to make sure you stay out of trouble.”

“It’s not my fault when it finds me!”  She said with a small laugh, then pulled his arm closer.  “And thank you for giving me confidence and new strength.  I’ll always remember what you taught me.”

“I didn’t give you anything.  You had it all along, Christine.  I just showed you the way.”

 “Just as you always had hope.  You just had to find it again.  Hey… Can I be a robot again?”  She gave a hopeful look when he blinked at her.  “Please?  One more time?”

“I don’t know…” He teased, eyeing her thoughtfully, pretending to debate it with stern consideration.   

“Pleeeeeeaaaaasse?”  Christine let go of his arm and bounced up and down.  “I wanna fly again!”

“I could just throw you…”

“No!  Not like that!  Pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease Depth Chaaaaarge?”

Watching her bounce, he shrugged, “Oh, alright.”  He snapped his fingers.

            In mid-bounce Christine became the small purple and silver femmebot and she shot upwards with a squeal of joy.  Floating down with a huge grin she hovered just in front of Depth Charge.  After a moment she squeaked and launched herself at him.

            “TACKLE GLOMP!!!!!!!”

            “—GAH!”  He promptly fell over when she hit him.  “Sneak attack!  I should have known!”

            “Heee!  Squishy fishy Depth Charge!”  She chirped happily, sitting on his chest much like Tigger does to Winnie the Pooh.

            “I am not!”

            “Are too!”

            “Am not!”  He sat up on his elbows, meeting her optic-to-optic.  “I’m a robot.  I’m not squishy.”

            “Are too!”  Giggling, she took the opportunity to poke his nose.  Depth Charge yelped, covering his face.

            “Argh!  Now you’ve done it!  I’m going to explode!  Run kid!”

            “No you’re not!” 

“Run, I tell you!”

            “I’m not moving!” 

The two friends stared at each other for a moment, a mischievous glow shining in his optics.  Since Christine was a robot again he could afford to be a little rough with her now…

            “You can’t say I didn’t warn you!”

Before she could react he had her pinned down and started a wrestling match.  She wiggled out from under him and pounced on his back, making him face-plant into the ground.  Growling playfully, Depth Charge reached up to grab her around the middle and sat up, bringing her over his shoulder hanging upside-down.  Latching onto his arm she held on tight and no amount of flailing could get her loose.  He managed to pry her off after discovering she was ticklish.  They tumbled across the yard kicking up dirt and brown grass, laughing and yelling at each other.  Eventually they separated and laid on their backs looking up at the stars, exhausted but still laughing.    

            “Heehee… Oh man…. He’ll never believe me when I tell him this…”

            “Who?”  Depth Charge asked, turning his head to look at her.

            “Heh… Oh… my friend down in Florida… I told him about you after we fought in the Beast Wars world, even though I don’t think he believed me.  He happens to use your name as his nickname, by the way.  He’s one of your biggest fans.”

            “Really?”

            “Oh yes.”  She nodded, grinning. “Too bad we can’t go see him.  It’d be SO much fun to have him meet you.  The look on his face would be priceless.” Her smile faded.  “But you have to go home soon, don’t you?  Back to the Beast Wars, I mean?”  Getting up she walked over to him and sat down in a spot between his fin and side, her blue optics dimmed with sadness.  Depth Charge sat up and hugged her against him gently.  Yes, he did have to go back.  But he didn’t want to.  Not yet.

            “Which way is Florida?”

END!  ^_^

Author’s final note:  There you go everybody!  I hope you had as much fun reading it as I had writing it.  I learned a lot about myself while writing this, and I hope you guys learned a few things too.  Never give up on anything.  You are all strong in your own way.  Unfortunately an invisible friend can’t magically appear to show us, so it’s up to each of us to somehow find that strength for ourselves.  Also, we are not governed by any fate or destiny other than what we make for ourselves.  Never accept things as they are or MAY be because you can change it.  Please let me know what you thought of this series!  And I may write an epilogue of some sort in the future, so keep an eye out for it! ;)