Connection 

Part One

By: Starath (starathbot@geekgrok.com)

PG 13 (Language)

Author’s Note:  This series is based on real events that have happened to me in the past month and a half… not counting the Beast Wars part, of course.  But it’s nice to think one of the Beast Warriors would help me if they really did exist. To warn you, there is a little harsh language within this.  As always, the Beast Wars and characters belong to Mainframe Entertainment and Hasbro, while I belong to myself.  Special thanks to Landray Depth Charge for helping me with this series.

There she was again.  In his mind.  He could see her where she stood in her room, shaking with contained fury and sorrow.  He growled.  He was getting sick of seeing her all the time.  Why had she been connected to him?  What could he do about her troubles? 

I can’t do this.  I’m not strong enough.  I’m not like them.  Never will be.  Never never never!  Why should I try?  I’ll fail, I just know it!  I’m so scared… and no one can help me.  I’m alone…

He didn’t bother shouting at her to shut up; he tried that the first time he heard her inner thoughts.  She couldn’t hear him, and all he ended up doing is making his voice hoarse.  Besides, he had more important things to worry about.  He just wished he could figure out how to block her from his mind….

No no no!  I have to go into that room again tomorrow morning.  Don’t make me go in there, please!  I won’t be able to do anything!  I can’t even use BOTH HANDS!  Dammit, why can’t I just be like everyone else?!  Then I wouldn’t have these demons—

[Attention:  Protoform X detected nearby]

            Depth Charge’s head snapped up.  “Where?”

A missile struck him from the side, throwing him into a large sand dune.  Rampage’s cackling laughter filled his audios.

            “Right here, old friend!” 

Sand avalanched onto the Maximal, burying him completely.  It choked his filters while blinding his sight.  In the muffled darkness the girl’s inner thoughts spoke louder in his head.

I know I’m better than this!  I shouldn’t be scared!  I haven’t even really TRIED yet!  I shouldn’t care what others think!  I’m me!  Only I can fix myself!  But—but—I can’t!  I can’t do this…

            Rampage stepped back as Depth Charge emerged from the sand dune with a roar, shaking the grains from his body.  He shook his head, narrowing an optic mockingly.

            “You’re losing your touch.  You seem to be quite distracted these days.” 

            “Shut up, creep!”  Depth Charge whipped out his gun and shot the crab twice.  “I am never distracted when it comes to YOU!”

            “I beg to differ,” Rampage transformed into beast mode and launched himself at his mortal enemy with out-stretched claws.  He caught Depth Charge around the middle and threw both of them into the ocean.  “But you’re welcome to prove me wrong!  Bwahaha!”

 The water exploded as they made impact, opening up to swallow them whole.  Its surface churned and bubbled when they finally disappeared beneath the waves to continue the battle underwater. 

            Depth Charge gasped at the shock of hitting the water so hard but kept his attention on the horrible creature latched onto him.  As they sank to the bottom, he kicked Rampage and grabbed the claw around his middle when it loosened for a moment.  He forced it to release him and snatched the other claw as it flailed about in the water. Pulling the crab directly beneath him, Depth Charge slammed both feet onto his back and landed hard on him as they hit the ocean floor.  He pinned one of the claws down with a foot as he took out his gun and pressed it into Rampage’s head.

            “Die!”                   

            A brilliant flash ripped through the ocean, followed by a rumbling explosion.  Depth Charge flew through the water and burst into the air.  His world became dark as he fell and smacked into the earth flat on his back, skidding to a stop.  Panting hard, he stared at the out-of-focus sky.  He blinked.  A night sky.  It had been day a cycle ago!  Sitting up fast, he realized he was very cold.  The beach had become covered with several inches of snow.  Confused, he gathered a handful of the white stuff and stared at it. 

            “What the Pit…?”

There was no ocean, no beach, no huge sand dunes, no hills and cliffs where he had been fighting Rampage.  Instead he was sitting in a flat expanse of snow with pine trees dotting the area.  In front of him lights shined onto the snow from the windows of a yellow house.  Above him a nearly full moon gave an eerie glow to his armor as he sat in darkness, well beyond those lights.  Depth Charge rose to his feet, brushing off snow and gritty beach sand.  Movement past one of the windows caught his attention.  A human girl leaned up against a glass door as she forced on a stubborn boot.  He had seen her before, in his mind.  This was the girl he’d been hearing …. He smirked.

            “Maybe I can tell her to get out of my head now.”

            I hate taking out the garbage at night… who knows what’s out there… Megatron could be waiting for me for all I know… ha, ha, I wish. The Beast Wars isn’t real, as much as I’d like it to be.  I would really prefer NOT to sit in my room being all miserable, dreading tomorrow’s gym class, thank you so much.  At least being a Predacon would be fun; I wouldn’t have to face any of my problems at all.  Christine hopped around; barely keeping her balance as she finally slipped on her right boot.  She glanced at her mother who was reading in her favorite chair and shook her head.  Very few knew about the monsters she faced all alone.  Her parents weren’t one of the few. They expected her to do well all the time no matter what.  They wouldn’t want to listen to her problems anyway.   After zipping up her coat and putting on her gloves, she picked up the garbage bag and headed out the door. 

Rushing through the cold garage, she stood in front of the movement sensor in the driveway and waved at it until the outdoor lights flashed on.  Satisfied, she stepped over a large snowdrift and went around the house to the garbage can.  Little light reached the area, but it was enough to make her sure nothing could sneak up on her.  Allowing the lid to slam shut after depositing the bag, Christine gazed up at the stars and easily found the constellation Orion.  She always liked the blue star Rigel and had been thinking to give it a nickname like she had with the red star Betelgeuse.  She giggled, wondering if Megatron would care that she had named a star after him.

            “Probably not.”

            The cold winter chill was starting to get to her, so she took one last glance at the stars and turned to go back into the garage.  She stopped, her breath freezing in her throat.  From the darkness of her backyard two red optics stared at her.  Moonlight reflected off of the owner’s body, making him a pale ghostly blue.  She recognized him instantly. Depth Charge.  Depth Charge?!  He’s not supposed to be REAL!   Christine rubbed at her eyes, convinced she was seeing things, having finally gone mad.  There was simply no way…  But when she looked again, he was still there.  And he had taken two steps forward.

            “Holy freakin’ slag…” Christine backed up until she hit the house, swallowing hard.  He was still quite far away, but that didn’t make it any better.  He was HERE.  In the real world… That meant the Beast Wars had to be real too!  A dream come true! –But then why was she so scared that it felt like a nightmare?  This could not be really happening!  And why Depth Charge?  She never had paid much attention to him before.  It was always Megatron or Dinobot or Terrorsaur that she always imagined visiting her---

He’s getting closer, you idiot!  RUN! 

            Panic gripped her in icy claws and she spun away from the house, prepared to jump over the snowdrift and dash into the garage.

Wait.

            The command was not spoken harshly, but firmly within her mind.  Startled, she slipped on a patch of ice and landed in the snowdrift.  Heavy footsteps approached from behind and stopped.  Mustering up her pride and courage, Christine got up and dusted herself off before turning around to face him.  Depth Charge stood a few yards away but still towered over her. 

            “We need to talk, kid.”

            “W-we do?”  She squeaked.

            “Yes, we do.”  He shifted awkwardly, suddenly at a loss for words.  How would he say he’d been hearing her innermost thoughts and problems for a week?  He had been seeing through her eyes and watching her the whole time, too.

            “H-how did you get here?”  The girl broke the quiet.

He shrugged, searching for the right word.  He found it.  “Magic.”

            “Yeah, I’ll say.”  She managed a nervous giggle.   

An uneasy silence fell between them as Depth Charge debated on how to tell her what he knew.  Finally he decided to just get to the point.

            “I’ve been hearing your thoughts for a week, and it’s getting slagging annoying,” he began, “All your troubles and fear and doubts.  I’ve felt your terror and self-anger.  I’ve been able to see through your eyes and see you sometimes as well.  It’s been very irritating--” 

            “Y-you have?!” she sobbed, interrupting him. “Oh my God… I’m so sorry… no one should hear all that but me!”

He took a breath, annoyed at being interrupted, and crossed his arms before continuing.

“I’ve also heard your cries for help, even though you will not ask anyone out loud.  You do not wish to be alone, even though you want to deal with everything by yourself.  I have no idea why we became connected or how I was brought here, but for some reason I am here to help you now.”      

            “You’ve heard everything?” 

            “Yes.  Everything.”

Tears brimmed in her eyes.  “I’m so sorry that you heard all of that… these are my demons to fight, not yours!  Only I can do this alone!”

            “Yet you wanted someone to help you so badly I have crossed realities to… wherever this is.  You obviously can’t do this alone.”

            “But I must!  Only I can save myself!  I’m so sorry I bothered you, I didn’t mean to!” Her cheeks turned wet as she cried, “You have so much to worry about already, Depth Charge!”

            “How do you know my name?!”  He demanded sharply.

            “It... It’s a long story.  I just do.  And I know about Rampage.  And the Beast Wars.” 

            “Hmph.  Fair enough.  If I can know about your thoughts, you can know about the Beast Wars and I.”    

            “Yeah.”  She sniffled, drying her eyes with her gloves.  He watched her, wishing she would stop crying.  Crying females always made him uncomfortable because he felt like he couldn’t do anything about it, and it brought back too many memories from the past when he came too late and couldn’t help the sobbing victim.  It made him feel helpless and frozen.  Depth Charge was all about action.

            “What’s your name, kid?” he asked, feeling foolish.  He’d been hearing her thoughts for a week but didn’t even know the girl’s name.

            “It’s Christine.”

Frigid arctic wind howled between them, chilling both metal and bone.  Neither said a word though as they looked at each other, sizing the other up.  A puny scrawny human.  A tall impressive warrior.

            “You’re bigger than I imagined you to be,” admitted Christine, examining him with wide eyes.  “A lot bigger.  Do you ever get stuck in places too small for you?”

            “No… I typically don’t worry about places I can’t fit within very well…”

            “Oh. Sheez.  You gotta be at least twice my height…”

             “I wouldn’t doubt it.”  Depth Charge shifted and his metal body creaked from the cold.  He went straight to business. “So what are you going to do about your problems?” 

Christine’s gaze fell to her feet where she kicked at an ice chunk and talked to the ground.  “I dunno.  They are demons I’ve been fighting for a long, long time.  Suddenly they’ve been thrown in my face all at once and I can’t find my sword.”

            “It sounds to me like you won’t even look for it.”

            “Yeah.  Probably.”

            “Something needs to be done about it.”

            “Yeah.  I know.”

            “Then why don’t you DO anything?”  Depth Charge already felt his patience straining, but held it in check.  “Why don’t you try?”

            “Maybe because I don’t want to fail?” she looked him in the optics, mixed emotions swirling in her eyes.  “Maybe because I am so afraid of failure I freeze so I can avoid the failure just in case?”  She started pacing then, back and forth in front of the Maximal.

            “That isn’t logical.”

            “I KNOW that!  I know it’s wrong!  But I can’t help it!  I go into a self-defeat spiral before I DO anything!”

            “Why?”

            “ I don’t know! Maybe it’s because, since I haven’t been able to use my left hand all my life, it is simply embedded within my being to believe I can’t use it?  I have no idea!  And the thought that I COULD learn to use it only came to me literally a few weeks ago!  I never even considered the idea that I could improve my abilities.  I’ve simply accepted my limitations and lived with them.”

            “You should improve your abilities.  It would be beneficial.”

            “Yeah, but why?  I’ve done just FINE with only one hand!  I can walk, talk, breathe, do math problems, write stories, make friends… I’m practically normal!  Just…”

            “Just what?”

            “I’m not like everyone else.  There are things I cannot do that others can.  Some of those things I will never be able to do.”

             “Condemning yourself like that will get you no where.”

            “Well, it’s the truth.  My left hand’s functions are not even up to that of a two-year-old’s.  Even if I did strengthen it and learn how to use it, it will never be up to what it’s supposed to be.  I admit I hate being part of the crowd.  I am perfectly willing to stand alone and apart from everyone else to do my own thing.  But this is unacceptable. Using both hands is something everyone should be able to do. I want to be normal in that way.  So people wouldn’t look at me funny when I do something differently.  So they wouldn’t have to notice and ask questions.  So people wouldn’t pity, look down upon me, or make me a target.”

            “Why do you care what they think?  You’re you, not theirs.”

            “I don’t care about a lot of what people pick out and poke at me for.  But this is different.  This has always been a cloud hanging over my head.  And I’m tired of it.”

            “Then we come to where we started.  Why don’t you do something about it?”

            “I TOLD you!  Because I can’t!”

            “Can’t or won’t?”

Christine fell silent then.  Depth Charge had pinned her with that one.  It was true… can’t and won’t were two different things.

            “Why did this become an issue now?  Why hasn’t this bothered you so much before?”  And why did you have to get me into this, he added silently.

            “Cuz it was thrown right in my face.  I told you that.  It was totally unexpected.  My health class… I thought it was just a textbook learn-how-the-body-works class.  But  no.  It’s an actual gym class too.  I haven’t done any physical activity stuff for almost two years.  And the whole point is to improve yourself… HA!  I’m so screwed up there is no way I’m getting fixed.  Negative thinking was never within my capabilities.  Sure, I’ve been pessimistic, but now I’m in this nice deep hole I’ve dug for myself over the last few years.”

Terrific.  She sounds like me. “And now you’re going to have to pull yourself out.  But if you don’t care what others think, why do you let their opinions drag you down?  And trying can always end up in failure.  It’s always a possibility.”

            “Because they’ll know I’m different.”  Christine spat out, pacing faster, “And they can do things I cannot.  Ever.”

             “Don’t think like that.”

            “Well, ya know what?  I do.  I’m pathetic.  I have to do things differently.  I’m not normal because I can’t do some things that everybody else can!”

            “So you’re mad at them and yourself because you can’t be ‘normal’.”

            “Yes.”

            “Are you insulted or intimidated by what they can do?”

Again Christine fell silent, pacing harder and faster.  Her silence confirmed the answer.

            “Why are you scared of them?”

            “I’m not.”

Depth Charge took a long breath, controlling his temper.  He wasn’t any slagging psychologist and here he was talking to a girl about her problems.  “Yes.  You are.  At the very least you resent them, and you are conscious of their eyes upon you all the time.  And it drives you crazy.”

            “Yeah, right!”

            “I’ve HEARD your thoughts, girl.  You are so stuck in your pit of  “I can’ts”… or rather, won’ts that you won’t try to prove yourself to them or yourself.”

            “I don’t have to prove myself to anybody!  I don’t care what they think!”

            “Well, you must or you wouldn’t fear failure so much.  And you’re so used to saying “I can’t” that you simply have lost the will to do anything at all!”

She stopped pacing and stood right in front of him.  Around the corner of the house, the outdoor lights flicked off.  Moonlight cast their shadows across the snow now.

            “ I NEVER give up!  Never!  I don’t know how!  I will get through this somehow; it’s just this one THING!  I just freeze, panic whirling in my mind, filling up with doubt and worries and fear!  And I have to keep it contained!  No one can hear me scream when I cry “I can’t!”  I know it’s wrong Depth Charge, but I can’t help it!  I’m all alone!  But I must be, for only I can fix myself!  But… but…”

            “But what?”

            “….Maybe I don’t want to be fixed in this way.  And stay miserable, since I’m so used to it.  Even though I know it’s wrong.  I like my pit of despair.”

            “No!” His firm and loud statement made her jump.  “You know you can’t stay this way.  You need to change.  It would be good for you.  You must and you WILL.”

            “Well, I can’t.  Ha.” 

To the Pit with my temper! This girl is impossible!   “No.  YOU WILL.  You have that will within you!  USE IT!”

            “Depth Charge, you don’t know what this is like!  You’ve never seen people doing things you can’t, right?  I mean, basic things everyone should be able to do?  And just sit there, having thoughts you know are wrong but no matter what you do all that happens is they get louder and stronger?!  My health class is going to be HELL!  Because I’m scared of failure!  Because I think I can’t!  Because they can do what I cannot!  They are normal.  They don’t have the battles I have.  They don’t sit there nearly in tears.  They have confidence in their physical abilities.  I do not when it comes to my damn left hand!  It’s a curse!  I hate the weight room at school.  I hate the fitness room at school; with its damn weight training machines that I can’t use even if I DID try.  I hate having to sit there while my teacher has to figure out what to do with me, something special and different from everybody else! I’m weak!  I’m pathetic!  But I know saying that is WRONG! I want to try but can’t! No matter what I do…” She trailed off and stared at the ground. 

“I know what it’s like,” he said softly.

            “No, no you DON’T!” she shrieked, kicking snow in his face, “YOU can use both HANDS! You haven’t ANY idea what it’s like to watch your brother playing catch with a baseball with your father knowing you could never do it the same way!  I hate it!  It’s horrible!  I’ve had ENOUGH!  To hell with this!  To hell with the whole damn WORLD!”  Christine let loose a howl of agony and anger, flailing and kicking in the snow, completely out of control.  Immediately Depth Charge caught her and pulled her against him gently but firmly, holding her there until she stopped thrashing. When she realized she couldn’t move anymore under his tight grip, anger became sorrow and she cried, burying her face into his side.  He felt her shivering, but it wasn’t from fury. Through the fabric of her gloves and jacket he could feel that she was chilled.  She had been staying out in the cold winter wind to talk to him without complaint.  Carefully he folded his fins around them to block the icy wind from reaching the girl and kneeled on one knee to protect her further.  Slowly her shaking stopped but sobs still trembled through her body as she kept crying tears held back far too long.  When her sobs quieted to silent weeping Depth Charge spoke within her mind:
 I have seen worlds fall apart and nothing could be salvaged from them afterwards. I have stood there while it happened and I was unable to do anything at all. I know what it’s like to not be able to do something.  Believe me, I do.  What I have lost I will never see again, but I do my best to do everything I can to make sure nothing precious gets lost ever again.  I fight to keep what little I have left.  You can fight to regain what you once had, a gift that I will never have the privilege of receiving.  What you did not have you have a chance to create.  You can do this.  You have the will for it.  You must simply take one step at a time.  That’s all.

            Christine sniffled and shifted so she could look into his face.  His optics showed her what his face did not, that he grieved silently for all that he lost and felt her pain.  But within that sorrow was the solid light of determination that always kept him going to right past wrongs. She had that light too, she just needed to find it buried under the fear and resentment.  She then realized she was no longer so cold, but warmed by the heat and strength of Depth Charge’s body and sheltered from the winter wind. 

            “Do you really think so…?”

He nodded and spoke aloud. “Yes.  Definitely.”

            “Heh.  I guess so long as someone thinks so, that’s the important part.”

            “YOU need to think so too, kid.”

            “Yeah.  I know…”

            “All the support in the galaxy doesn’t matter if you don’t believe in yourself.  I can’t do everything for you.”

            “I know, Depth Charge.  I know.  It’s… just all the panic and apprehension before and after the whole thing.  When it gets down to it and it’s staring me in the face, I’ll do it.”

            “I’m glad to hear that.”  He released her from his grip against his side and stood up, but kept his fins folded around her.  “You probably should go inside now.  It’s getting a little chilly even for me.”

            “Are you going to try and go back to the Beast Wars?”

            “In theory.  As for you though, no more talking in my head, you got that?  Tomorrow you should just walk into your gym class without any troubles. Pay no attention to what others can do.  You’re not there to put on a show for them, so they aren’t watching you like you think they are. Don’t worry about what you can’t do, focus on what you can do and build on it.  You’re stronger than you think, kid. ”

Christine nodded.  “Yeah, I know…  I’ll try not to bother you anymore by accident too.  Umm… hey, take a swing at Rampage for me, okay?”

            Depth Charge allowed himself a small smile, then uncurled his fins.  “I’ll see what I can do.  Hopefully I won’t see you again, so have a nice life.   See ya.”  With a small wave he left her and disappeared into the darkness of the backyard.  

            Light footsteps crunched on the soft snow as they approached him from behind.  They stopped and a quiet shaky voice spoke.  

“…Hey, uh, Depth Charge?”

A few minutes later he stood over the spot where he had landed from the sky, and he still had no idea how he was going to get home.  He broke his distant gaze on the stars and turned to face Christine, who had followed him into the yard.  She jumped back at his sudden movement with wide eyes, still wary of him.  Depth Charge’s optics appeared to smile when he tried to look friendly, or at least non-threatening.

            “Yes?”

“I… uh, want to show you something.” She pointed southeast into the sky.  “Do you see those three stars in a row right there?”

He looked and nodded. “Yeah.”

            “Below the farthest one on the right, there’s that bright blue star.  See it?”

            “Yeah.”

            “Well, its name is Rigel, but I’ve been meaning to give it a nickname.  I hadn’t thought of one until now.  I think I’ll call it Depth Charge.”  She smiled nervously.  “Is that okay with you?”

He blinked, then slowly smiled and gently patted her head.  “Yeah kid, that’s fine.”

            “Yay!”  she squeaked, bouncing.  Her hand was dwarfed by his as she took it from her head to shake it.  “And thank you, sir.”

            “No problem.  Just keep your head up and you’ll be fine.” He paused, then added with a wink,  “Don’t make me come back here again.”

            “I’ll try not to.” She let go, nodding.

            That was the last thing Depth Charge saw before the snow flashed a brilliant white.  The sky above him turned blue and the sun blinded him momentarily as he felt himself falling, falling, falling…. And hit the ocean with a massive splash.  A watery world filled his vision as he slowly sank to the bottom, touching ground lightly on both feet.  Startled fish darted away from him as he surveyed the area. 

            “Ah ha, there you are!”

Rampage approached him from the side, hands upon his hips.  “I thought you had run away!”  He cracked his neck.  “Nice shot, by the way.”

            “As if I’d ever run away from you, freak,” Depth Charge snarled, “Now where were we…?  Oh yes!” he ran at his mortal enemy and connected a good solid punch into the crab’s face. “For Colony Omicron!!”

END PART ONE