21.April.07

Chaos Theory

By: Abigail Corfman

 

Part 1:

 

“COCK-A-DOODLE-DOOO!”

 

Optimus started up and just avoided falling off his bed (the large metal slabs that the Autobots on the ark had somehow used as sleeping places). A loud crowing came from the hallway directly in front of his door. It was a very good impression of a rooster, but at the moment Optimus was too tired and annoyed to appreciate it. He had spent all of yesterday sifting through sector Orgon, a swamp, for a protoform that Rinox had detected there. It had turned out a blank and a total waist of time.

 

Optimus got up, still slightly groggy from his abrupt and rude awakening and slammed right into a tree. That woke him up, especially because there wasn’t supposed to be a tree in his room. But rudely disregarding any of the normality Optimus was used to a young sapling grew out of the metal floor in the center of his quarters. Fortunately banging into it hadn’t broken anything (the tree bent easily since it was young). Optimus considered it, shrugged and walked to the door. It wasn’t that bad, gave the room a nice natural look

 

The door slid open and he touched it. He ducked the predictably too low doorway and stepped outside. He had expected to find Rattrap pulling something or Cheetor in a playful mood. Maybe even Rinox having a problem with the com system.

 

He had not expected Depth Charge.

 

The stingray squatted on the ground in an unnatural position. Feet on the floor with both knees tucked under his chin. He looked up at the Maximal leader with an unreadable expression (partially due to him having no mouth). His head constantly twitched back and forth, it reminded Optimus of some of the small birds that used to nest in the Axalon’s rafters, sparrows he thought they were called.

 

“What are you…?”

 

“COCK-A-DOODLE-DOOO!”

 

Optimus winced and touched his audio sensor as if it might have been broken from the sheer volume. It wasn’t, but an echo of it resounded in his head. He watched Depth Charge for a few minuets, recovered, and restated his question.

 

“Depth Charge, what are you doing?”

 

He responded by repeatedly smashing his head against the floor and making clucking noises. Optimus advanced on him; concerned the disturbed ray was going to damage himself. As he touched him, Depth Charge jumped up with a loud “squawk!” and flapped his arms in an alarmed way. Then he sprinted down the hall still tweeting and flailing around.

 

Optimus stood there for a moment, considering what had just happened. The brooding loner of the team had gone through a mental loop and snapped. It was either a virus or some sort of guilt complex probably having to do with Rampage. Optimus viewed neither of the possibilities with much enthusiasm. He’d better tell Rinox about it. Rhinox would probably know what to do.

 

As he walked down the hallways Optimus noticed a few, how to put it… odd things out of the corners of his optics. Flashes of color, figures, things growing out of the woodwork, but they all disappeared when he turned to see them, if they were really there at all to begin with. He started to wonder if Depth Charge’s case of insanity was contagious.

 

Right after whirling around for about the tenth time on the short trek to the control room Optimus ran into Rattrap. “Tripped over” might be a better way of putting it. The rat had been sitting on the floor and gave a surprised half-squeak half-yell as he tipped over, sprawling onto the floor. Optimus had to kneel down to help him up due to the large difference in height.

 

Rattrap completely ignored the hand offered and Optimus along with it. He pushed himself back into a sitting position and closed his eyes, a soft humming noise came from him. The reaction bothered Optimus, but he had bigger fish to fry (so to speak) and needed to talk to Rhinox about Depth Charge. He tried to maneuver around but Rattrap was conveniently positioned so as to completely block passage.

 

“Rattrap, move.”

 

Rattrap did. Up. He showed no reaction to the order, but slowly and surely bobbed up into the air until he was about three feet above the ground and up to about Optimus’ waist where he stopped. Hanging there suspended in midair.

 

A few moments of silence later Optimus realized his mouth was hanging open and he snapped it shut so quickly his jaw hurt. He passed a cautionary hand between Rattrap and the ground, but felt nothing supporting him. He wasn’t hanging from anything either. After a few more cycles of befuddled staring Optimus realized that though Rattrap had followed the literal translation of his orders he had failed to become any less of a road block.

 

“Could you please move out of the way?”

 

There was a loud “pop” of displaced air as Rattrap vanished and another “pop” as he materialized back down the hallway. Optimus glanced back to see the rat still sitting cross-legged three feet up in the air. Then he hurried on to the bridge.

 

When he entered the ships control center the only thing Optimus could conclude was that the ship had been taken over by the color pink and lace doilies. White lace covered every flat surface and all the computers were painted varying shades of pink with little red and purple hearts spotted here and there. Blackarachnia stood in the center arranging a bouquet of flowers. Optimus entered a state of shock similar to his previous ones. Blackarachnia looked up from her work and noticed his entrance.

 

“Good morning!” she said enthusiastically. “How do you like it? Isn’t it lovely?”

 

Primal got out of his shock from the room and went into another state from Blackarachnia.

 

“What… did you just say?”

 

She waved a claw to indicate their general vicinity.

 

“What do you think of the new look? I found some simply darling flower printed wallpaper in one of the storage closest that I think would be simply perfect for the hallways. Unless of course the lilac turns out to be more blue then purple in good light, which it may. In which case I’ll have to chose another color for carpeting.”

 

“Carpeting?”

 

“Of course. I was thinking mauve or a deep red, but if the lilacs are too blue I may just have to make it a bit lighter. Hmm…”

 

Blackarachnia gushed a girlish enthusiasm that gave Optimus a strange feeling of vertigo. She had gone back to her flowers by the time he recovered.

 

“Do you happen to know where Rhinox is?”

 

“Over there somewhere,” She gestured vaguely to the opposite side of the room, “Make sure he’s not eating my flowers. I had them arranged perfectly.”

 

He nodded and walked away quickly as he processed the information.

 

“Flowers?”

 

He caught sight of two very large ears poking up from behind the table and briefly hoped none of Blackarachnia’s décor included living animals. Then Rhinox stood up.

 

There was no mistaking him, even with two huge floppy bunny ears, random patches of fur sprouting all over, and a dramatic color change. Optimus’ old friend stood up, holding a half-eaten flower stem and munching the other part placidly. He hopped out. His feet had been stretched out and turned into two huge rabbit paws. Blackarachnia yelled at him from across the room, sounding much more like her old self.

 

Rhinox (who hadn’t spoken at all yet, his transformation seemed to have left him mute) looked up in alarm and bounded out of the room. Blackarachnia muttered some distinctly ungirlish as she picked up the scattered bits of her creation.

 

Optimus checked the scanners out of reflex and noted that Sentinel was doodling pictures with the paint program. He decided to leave when the equipment on the desk began talking to him and the lighting started to randomly flip through various colors. The exit back into the base didn’t lead where it was supposed to and he almost walked out into empty air over the ocean before he checked himself.

 

The last two members of the Maximal team were both hanging about the main entrance. Cheetor appeared to be having a problem with gravity. He was falling up and lay calmly on the ceiling as he listened to Silverbolt rant about taking over the Predacons and Maximals and ruling Cybertron. Silverbolt started to laugh insanely at almost any provocation, the laughter reminded Optimus of someone but he couldn’t quite remember who.

 

He informed SB that he could HAVE the base and everything in it if someone told him what the pit was going on. Cheetor and Silverbolt looked confused. They informed him that they didn’t see anything out of the ordinary with the fact that Depth Charge thought he was a bird, Rattrap had suddenly developed magical powers, Blackarachnia had found a fascination with interior decorating (though Sliverbolt critiqued her color combinations out of spite), and impossible things had become commonplace overnight. Optimus said goodbye and left to go look for some transformer type aspirin only to discover the pills had sprouted legs and wandered off.

 

Blackarachnia had disappeared from the bridge when he returned and Rinox was munching on the leaves of her latest arrangement. He wagged an ear in Optimus’ direction but didn’t let the ape distract him from his meal. Optimus slumped into a large bright green armchair that was growing out of the floor and tried to find a logical explanation for what was happening. He didn’t succeed.

 

“You’ve got mail!” The computer chirped.

 

Well, it looked like at least something was still working, kind of.

 

“Play message.”

 

The computer buzzed for a moment.

 

“Non-visual or audio recording, text based. Displaying message incoming from Predacon base.”

 

Optimus leaned forward and read the note.

 

“To Anyone Remaining Sane in The Maximal Base

Come to the Predacon base as soon as you receive this message. The problems will not cease until Chaos is captured and processed. I require help in this matter and am willing to negotiate a temporary truce. Do not worry about being attacked, we are not…”

 

“MY FLOWERS!”

 

Optimus’ head jerked up, Blackarachnia had returned carting a huge roll of wallpaper (Since when did the Ark carry wallpaper?) and had caught Rinox reaching for another blossom. By the time he had pried her off of the half bunny (who was now cowering only half counseled under the table, fusing with another animal had done a number on his mental circuits too) Sentinel had gone back to doodling and the message was lost. He considered what to do as the com system started playing the national anthem.

 

Part 2:

 

Optimus had tried to get the message back up so he could finish it, but the computer wasn’t to be distracted and while he was trying to coax it back to cooperating the room was suddenly filled with green Jell-O cubes. This may sound humorous, but the group on the bridge almost suffocated before they were able to hack and blast themselves out. The noise of their escape brought the rest of the crew running. Optimus looked over his rather offbeat team.

 

They had all been altered in some way. For Blackarachnia, Silverbolt, and Depthcharge the change was mental. BA’s and SB’s personalities had been flipped over and turned inside out. Depth Charge just thought he was a chicken.

 

On the other hand, Rhinox and Cheetor had both under gone physical transformations. Rhinox was a rabbit fuzor and Cheetor was stuck to the ceiling. Rattrap had… well, Optimus wasn’t sure WHAT had happened to Rattrap. The rodent floated quietly in the middle of the hallway. He didn’t know what disturbed him more, the floating or the uncanny silence from the normally talkative rodent.

 

Strangest of all, no one but him found fault in any of this. He seemed to be the only one to view rhino/bunny fuzors and unexplained gravity defiance as an oddity. The group chatted with each other while they waited for their leader to do something. Blackarachnia droned about redecorating her quarters, Silverbolt muttered something under his breath. Optimus couldn't hear it but apparently the black widow had.

 

Blackarachnia responded by bursting into a violent fit of tears. Cheetor did his best to calm her down, but could barley reach her head from his position on the ceiling. Anyway, his best wasn’t good enough because she kept crying. Cheetor settled for glaring at Silverbolt, who shifted uncomfortably. Optimus, feeling ridiculous, gathered up Blackarachnia’s scattered flowers and gave them to her. She immediately cheered up and started making daisy chains.

 

After dealing with that Optimus rounded up Rhinox and Depthcharge, who had wandered off in different directions. After gathering everyone together again he made his announcement. Informing everyone about the transmission and that they were going to make a trip to the Predacon base.

 

“…Rhinox and, um (he considered the group again), Cheetor will accompany me.”

 

“Ultra gear!”

 

Cheetor jumped downwards and knocked into Rattrap (sending him sprawling) before falling back up. Rattrap yelped and tumbled down into Rhinox who jumped in surprise and sprinted away. By the time Optimus got back with Rhinox Rattrap was back up, Blackarachnia was bawling again and Cheetor’s look indicated it was, again, the wolf’s fault. Depth Charge was still a chicken. Optimus smashed a dent in the wall to get their attention and kept a firm grip on Rhinox’s ears to make sure he didn’t bolt again.

 

“Alright, that’s enough. While I’m gone the leader will be…”

 

The bots that would be staying behind were Depth Charge, Blackarachnia, Silverbolt, and Rattrap. Depth Charge couldn’t even talk so that put him out of the running and they way they were acting neither the fuzor nor the spider seemed likely candidates.

 

“…Rattrap, don’t do anything unless he tells you to.”

 

That was a safe bet. Rattrap hadn’t spoken to anyone since the world had gone crazy and the only sounds he’d made were yelps as he was knocked over that couldn’t even vaguely be interpreted as orders.

 

The trip to the Pred’s base was very taxing on Optimus’ already depleting reserves of sanity. Cheetor sat on the underside of his flight mode, but was in constant danger of floating off if he lost his balance. He almost did twice, once because of a particularly sharp turn and the second when they ran into a flock of flying fish. Optimus spent half the time worrying about what would happen if the cat did fall off and the other half herding Rhinox in the right direction. He got distracted by practically anything and had a habit of stopping to munch on clover or moss.

 

They finished the trip around mid-morning. Optimus landed a few yards back from the ship. He transformed and caught Cheetor as he started going up. Rhinox hopped from rock to rock avoiding the lava. The auto guns twirled wildly in an effort to shoot them but most of their nozzles had been tied into loop knots. A few others sprouted flowers.

 

Two of the Predacons were sitting outside, Quickstrike and Waspinator. The wasp had his head buried in a book and Quickstrike sat in a woven chair by a glass table, neither of which seemed to be affected by the lava. A large pink silk parasol was attached to the center of the table and the fuzor delicately sipped tea out of an old fashion cup a saucer. The snake head was the one doing the actual drinking, Quickstrike just brought the teacup up to his mouth from time to time to the illusion that he could eat anything through it. After a moment he looked up.

 

“Oh dash it all.” Quickstrike sported a very heavy British accent. “Maximals, and I just started my tea. Terribly sorry Optimus old boy but I simply CAN’T fight right now, four o’clock you know, teatime. If I wait to long it could get cold.” He motioned to his cup and called across the lava pits, “Oh Waspy? Be a chap and go destroy the Maximals for me. There’s a good fellow.”

 

“Wazzpinator is buszzy improving mind!” He went back to his book: “Quantum Physics.”

 

“E equalzzz MC szzzquared.”

 

“Ahh well. I suppose you can go in then. Mind Rampage, he’s in a particularly bad mood today. Cheerio! Predacons forever and all that.”

 

Optimus brushed past them carrying Cheetor under one arm, he didn’t feel like talking, especially not to insane Predacons. The cat complained about this but, Optimus didn’t feel like talking to him either. Rhinox accidentally stepped on Waspinator while making his way to the base.

 

The entrance to the Predacon home base was being blocked by Rampage. Under normal circumstances this would have been a serious problem deserving much planning and possibly a strategically retreat. However, these not being the normal circumstances Optimus took the simpler approach and walked up to him.

 

Rampage was sitting directly in front of the passage leading inside and looked up at them as they came. He watched them through one optic until the Maximals were directly in front of him. Optimus waited for a few cycles but the crab showed about as much willingness to move as Rattrap had previously.

 

“We’ve come in reply to the message sent to the Maximal base. Do you know what’s going on?”

 

Another few cycles, Rampage spoke.

 

“You are interrupting my strike.”

 

“Your what?”

 

“My strike,” Rampage explained, “As a symbolic act of my defiance to Megatron. I am disregarding his orders and preventing all contact from the outside world by standing as a testament to freedom from oppression and the right to hurt and kill everything I can get my hands on. No one will enter or exit the Predacon base until my demands have been meet. I will not move!”

 

“Doesn’t Megatron, like, own the other half of you spark?” asked Cheetor.

 

Rampage looked uncomfortable, “Well yes, don’t tell him about the strike. Dinobot is actually the one who keeps it and he hasn’t left his quarters since this morning.”

 

“Why?”

 

Rampage shrugged, “He grew fluffy pink hair all over his body overnight. Refuses to come out.”

 

Optimus decided he really had to find out what was going on and stop it. This was getting out of hand. Well, it had actually been out of hand that morning when Depth Charge woke him. Optimus thanked Rampage (it gave him an odd feeling) and let the crab get back to his strike. He walked around the base to find one of the other openings. Pointedly ignoring the stick speared marshmallows, which were floating over the lava now and turning a nice brown color from the heat.

 

On entering Optimus released Cheetor who fell to the ceiling and landed with a “THUD”. They made their way towards the control room. Optimus had been inside the Predacon base a few times before but was usually too distracted by impending disaster and danger to pay much attention to the layout. It didn’t help that the hallways constantly shifted and changed at random intervals. Finally they arrived at the control room.

 

Optimus had thought after seeing Rhinox the bunny rabbit, Rampage the pacifist and Silverbolt the evil genius nothing else could possibly surprise him. It’s amazing just how wrong one person can be.

 

 

 

Part 3:

 

Optimus starred ahead into the room. Then he closed his optics, rubbed them, and looked again, it hadn’t changed. His shock was well based. For starters the lava had turned to jello, the hover board things the preds normally used to move around were racing each other around the room, and large multi-colored lizards appeared to be growing out of the walls.

 

There was also a huge, grumpy looking kangaroo who glowered at the computer it was working on. However, the most interesting of all this was the rooms last occupant who sat perched on a large throne in the center of the room.

 

“At lathhhht we meet again pwimal. Yethhhhhhh.”

 

A pint sized purple dinosaur glared at Optimus with all the authority of a care bear. Megatron was about a foot and a half tall, two feet if he stretched up on the tips of his clawed toes, as he was doing now. His body showed no trace of transmetal metal. He had abnormally large eyes and was kind of cute in a sick lizard like way. He held himself with a semblance of dignity that made him look even more ridiculous then he already did in this state.

 

“You have thhtumbled into my twap an’ now you thhhall pay for your foolishnethhh.”

 

Optimus was having a hard time taking anything he was saying seriously when the tyrannosaur hardly reached his knee, but experience told him that in whatever form, Megatron was still a potential threat. He narrowed his optics and assumed the “Responsible Leader” mode.

 

“Are you doing this?”

 

Megatron scrunched up his face into a confused expression.

 

“Wha?”

 

“This,” Optimus gestured vaguely around him to the lizards, lava, and the kangaroo who was now watching them with a look that might have been distaste, but Optimus wasn’t very good at deciphering kangaroo facial features. “Are you the one causing all this, this…madness?”

 

The exchange wasn’t going like the normal hero/villain conversation Optimus was used to having with Megatron. Aside from him, having turned into a toddler the dinosaur honestly didn’t seem to have any idea what Primal was talking about. He was just as unaware as all the other Maximals and Predacons, which meant he was either bluffing, not to blame, or had fallen victim to his own scheme.

 

Optimus considered what to do. Megatron was dangerous as long as he was alive and it would be wise to take advantage of his present incapacitated state. But then again what was he supposed to DO? Although Megs did happen to be a ruthless dictator, it was indisputably wrong to hurt a child. Fortunately the dilemma was solved rather quickly as a large red ant in an impeccably white apron strode in and scooped the tiny tyrant. Inferno then addressed Optimus.

 

“Greetings Maximal, I’m afraid I cannot BURRRN you right now. The royalty is cranky when he does not have his nap. I will go give the royalty his milk and put the royalty to sleep and then return to BURRRRN you.”

 

Optimus nodded his agreement to this course of action.

 

“Right,” he sighed. “Wonderful. The royalty needs his nap.”

 

“I’m not thhhleepy!”

 

Megatron screamed and writhed in the arms of his surprisingly strong lackey. Inferno managed to hang onto the mass of purple scales and claws. Finally Megatron’s initial tantrum calmed.

 

“Well, then I wanna bed time thhhtory.”

 

“Yes, my princess.”

 

“Don’t call me that!”

 

“Yes, my pri-OUCH-royalty.”

 

The ant marched out cradling Megatron in one arm while nursing the other which had tiny teeth marks on it. Optimus couldn’t help but smile, for the first time since this morning.

 

“Well I’m glad YOU find this amusing, ape.”

 

Optimus started slightly at the unexpected outburst from the previously silent kangaroo. The animal hopped off the hover board (which had sprouted white little wings and was starting to twitter and dart about erratically) and landed in the jello. It slipped and slid over to the doorway where Optimus was still standing. Optimus reached down and pulled it up to the walkway. It straightened and glowered at him as it had at the computer, sizing him up. Finally it shrugged in an “I guess this will have to do” manner.

 

“I assume you got my message?”

 

“Yes I did but…”

 

“Good.” It swiftly cut him off, “Then you know what’s happening.” It turned and leapt across the room to one of the computers that wasn’t melting, which seemed to be the popular thing to do at the moment. Optimus bounced after him, taking the longer rout over the Jello River.

 

“We don’t have much time. Reality is eroding at a faster pace then I expected so we only have a mega cycle until we reach the first crisis point. I don’t think Chaos has been able to find a way out yet, large signatures are still showing around the halls of the base but that’s no sure sign. It’s also possible those could be his trail, which leaves an uncertain energy level I won’t be able to find until…”

 

“Hold it!”

 

Optimus had given up on his odyssey across the jello and had transformed and flown the rest of the way making a skillful landing on the ledge beside the kangaroo.

 

“The message was destroyed before I got to read it all. If there was any explanation I missed it, but I would appreciate one, right now.”

 

Optimus hadn’t intended that last part to be a threat but it came out sounding like one.

 

“First of all; who are you?”

 

The kangaroo sighed, not annoyed but depressed, maybe even a bit wistful.

 

“Well I guess I should explain, this is, to some extent, completely my fault. Hmm? Name?”

 

It frowned at Optimus, slightly suspicious and more than a bit annoyed. Then it seemed to remember something and sighed again.

 

“Oh right, name. I’m Tarantulas.”

 

 

 

Part 4:

 

Optimus blinked, deciding he must have heard wrong.

 

“Tarantulas?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“But… You’re a kangaroo.”

 

“That would be correct. I suppose they choose Maximal leaders based on thick minded bravery as opposed to any form of intellectual prowess.”

 

Deciding to ignore the jibe Optimus again prompted an explanation.

 

“I’m getting to that.” Tarantulas turned back to the computer and pressed a few buttons, information cycled down the screen, “Have you ever heard of Chaos Theory?”

 

Optimus inclined his head slightly. “Rhinox mentioned it once. We were discussing our effect on the future.”

 

“It has to do with the inherent unpredictability of events. Basically it means that any one action, any one thing that happens will randomly affect the outcome of infinite other actions. The classic human example traces the cause of a windstorm on one side of the world to a winged bug flapping its wings on the other.”

 

Tarantulas glanced up at Optimus; he appeared to be following.

 

“Chaos theory is vastly more complex then that but I’m dumbing it down so you have some chance of keeping up. Or am I talking too fast?” He finished in a sickly sweet tone of voice.

 

“You aren’t. Please continue.”  Optimus replied calmly. Tarantulas frowned in vague annoyance at either the retort or the fact he hadn’t aggravated the Maximal. Optimus prompted him again: “What does this have to with what’s happening now?”

 

“I’m getting to that, don’t rush me.” Optimus nodded and sat on a large sofa that happened to be floating within arms reach.

 

Tarantulas continued: “Since my last attempt at killing you all I had to be discrete for a time and was rather at loose ends. No creative plots brewing, no new developments I could exploit, and it was too soon to come up with something new of my own. I had also recently finished most of my active experiments.”

 

“What does this have to do with Chaos Theory?” Optimus perched his elbow on the sofa’s armrest and leaned his head against it.

 

“Don’t interrupt. I discovered the human version of Chaos Theory while browsing through some of my old files.”

 

Tarantulas paused again, apparently considering the wisdom in divulging one of his scientific discoveries to a Maximal, Optimus Primal no less! After a few moments of thought he concluded it didn’t matter much seeing as the world as they knew it was probably going to end pretty soon.

 

“I created a machine to harness that power, to capture the core of chaos, the essence of pandemonium. A device capable of taking pure chance from the world and turning it into a useable energy source and focusing it into a ray of pure chaos, I made a gun that gathers and shoots out discord.”

 

“How and why?” Optimus asked simply, taking this revelation in stride. The claims Tarantulas was making were ludicrous; a tangible form of something abstract was an impossibility and a rather contrived one at that. But it’s hard to refute something staring you in the face.

 

“The why should be obvious.” Tarantulas pouted slightly as he spoke, Primal was being an awfully poor sport. How was it that his idiot of a leader always managed to coax dramatic tension out of a moment and yet he was actively boring the Maximal leader? Maybe it was the threat of imminent death, which always made someone a good listener. Tarantulas made a mental note to henceforth keep a gun handy when he ranted about something.

 

“Pure chaos is a powerful weapon, its majesty is displayed all around us.” He waved a stubby paw to indicate the general area, “Just think, if I happened to focus the power of this weapon on only the Maximal base it would render you all completely defenseless.”

 

Optimus shrugged. It struck him how much this conversation would worry him under normal circumstances. “If you have the resources, why not just make a large gun?”

 

Tarantulas sighed and groaned as if dealing with someone frustratingly simple. “Ugh, yes I could do that but where’s the fun in it? Boom, a big hole in the ground where the Maximals used to be. It’s much more amusing to see you all go completely insane.”

 

At this point Tarantulas was energetically pacing the small platform, explaining his genius made him too hyper to stand still and he had to expend extra energy. As a result he tripped over his oversized feet and onto the Jello. Optimus jumped down from the couch and helped him up; both flinched as the couch exploded into little green frogs, which rained down. Tarantulas cleared his throat and continued.

 

“As to how, the explanation for that is far to complex for you to ever even hope to comprehend. Come back when you have abandoned your pretense at morality and gotten your honors in The Mad Scientists School of Hard Knocks, then we’ll talk.”

 

“I get the general idea.” Said Optimus, sliding over and hoisting himself onto the ledge, and then helped up Tarantulas, who had half slipped, half tripped over his feet again. “You made a machine that focuses chaos. Thank Primus it didn’t work.” He shuddered at the idea of something like that in the hands of a Predacon, Tarantulas no less! “So, why didn’t it work? I can’t believe you’d intentionally unleash something like that on the whole world, including yourself.”

 

“Unleashed it on our whole reality you mean. Well, the fact is. Chaos in its purest form, or in any state, tends to be chaotic.”

 

“Really.”

 

“Your support warms my spark. When I started it up the machine backfired and exploded, releasing Chaos. The weapon itself looked rather like a large blaster with a number of dials on it.” Tarantulas made a few pitiful efforts to indicate the size with his paws, “Its function is to either draw the element of chaos out of chaotic situations or to unleash it.”

 

“Could you explain a bit about how this machine works? I find this very hard to believe.”

 

“Like I said you’d never understand the mechanics of it and I’m hardly going to give away all my secrets to a Maximal.” He glared at Optimus, but then mellowed back to his explanation. “Also, we don’t have the time. I have reason to believe that the piece of chaos I was using as ammo escaped and is causing this havoc.”

 

“How do you know?”

 

“I’ve met him.”

 

 

 

Part 5:

 

“Ah?” Optimus asked. “Him?”

 

“Him, her, it, I can’t tell. He doesn’t talk much, or at all.” Tarantulas turned back to his computer, the screen had warped itself into a mouth shape and was smiling at him. He growled and hit it. The computer promptly changed back. “He’s been running around the Predacon base all day. I’m confidant he’s still here. He’s somewhat self-aware, I think. I’ve seen him taunt Rampage. He wouldn’t be all too dangerous but he’s an impossibility.”

 

“An impossibility?” Optimus cocked his head at the spider gone marsupial and leaned against a console.

 

“Our reality can’t handle him. Things like chaos aren’t supposed to have physical forms; they aren’t built like normal things. So, just by being here, Chaos is altering life to suit him. We are life. We are being altered. All natural laws have to be rearranged, living beings changed, and all sentient life has to go insane.”

 

“If he’s is an impossibility how did he get here in the first place?”

 

“I brought him.”

 

“How did you bring him?”

 

“With the machine I told you about.”

 

“How did it do that?”

 

“I can’t tell you.”

 

SKRREEEECCCCHHHHHH, to vent frustration Optimus twisted the control station into a strange shape with one hand. Tarantulas smiled slightly pleased to see he was getting to Primal.

 

“All right, next question.” Optimus struggled slightly to get his emotions back under control, loosing his temper would not help, “Why wasn’t I affected?”

 

“I don’t know.”

 

Optimus blinked. Tarantulas wasn’t the type to admit that.

 

“Possibly,” Tarantulas allowed. “It was because you were asleep.”

 

“Why would that matter?”

 

“The alterations in reality started when Chaos was released. Your subconscious can’t go insane for you. You need to be awake. You weren’t affected first off. Neither was Inferno.

 

“Then again,” Tarantulas continued. “I see no reason you shouldn’t have been physically warped, since you were still an inert object. And it doesn’t explain why--you have spoken with your crew haven’t you? Do any of them see a discrepancy between this morning and last night?” Optimus shook his head. “I thought not. It doesn’t explain why both you and I retained our awareness that the current state of affairs is incorrect. I was awake.”

 

“Of course,” Optimus said. He had to be there to pull the trigger. “But why was I the only one not affected? If it was the middle of the night, wouldn’t most people be asleep as well?”

 

“No, only you and Inferno. Let me see…” Tarantulas typed something at his console, which appeared to be either crying or pouting, fortunately that didn’t affect how well it worked. “At the time Chaos got out Megatron was ranting to Dinobot about his latest scheme, Quickstrike was picking up Waspinator who was littered around a few of the hallways (that still counts as awake) and Rampage was pacing in his quarters thinking dark thoughts.” Optimus was about to ask another question but Tarantulas surprised him by continuing. ”At the Maximal base, Rattrap was playing a game while on Sentry Duty and Cheetor was watching him. Rhinox was getting food. I infer Depth Charge was out scouting and Silverbolt was in Blackarachnia’s quarters.” He grinned at this, “And we both know, whatever they were doing, it wasn’t sleeping.”

 

Optimus made a mental note to upgrade the Ark’s security system after this was over, if it ever was over. There was a pause in the exchange as Optimus digested this new information and Tarantulas watched the frogs hop around on the jello and one by one spontaneously burst into bloom. The peaceful moment was interrupted by the entrance of Chaos.

 

Have you ever tried to describe a feeling? Analyze exactly what it is that makes you laugh, or smile, or cry? If have you have you will understand to an extent the problems I have with describing Chaos. It was far more a feeling than something concrete, there was something wrong with it, an aura about it that Optimus positively felt. The air around Chaos twisted and squirmed, disturbed by the presence of something that shouldn’t be possible. Optimus understood and shared its discomfort.

 

It was hard to put down exactly what Chaos looked like because he constantly changed. From two huge red eyes to a cascade of greenish water weaving in and out of itself. It seemed to go back to a certain form, a thousand jagged shards of stained glass floating in air, more then once and tended to stay in it longer then the others. You can imagine it as that if you need to. Chaos came in through the roof, leaving a huge hole in his wake, plummeting down toward the jello; he preformed a few aerodynamically impossible moves and stopped directly in front of the two robots.

 

Optimus got the feeling he was being studied; though he didn’t understand how that was possible seeing as the thing didn’t have any eyes at the moment. Then Chaos threw back its head (it had a head at the moment) and laughed. The laugh was weird, but definitely masculine, Optimus felt as if he’d heard it before. He vaguely recognized it from somewhere else. Tarantulas was glaring at Chaos and grinding his teeth loudly. Optimus decided to try and communicate. He steeped toward the mass of swirling color.

 

“I am Optimus.”

 

Chaos shrieked, a long drawn out wail that flew up and down the scale from the very bottom to high C and turned into a howl somewhere near the end, and dived at the transformers.

 

Tarantulas yelled, mostly because Optimus had grabbed him and jumped headlong into the jello. Chaos flew in and utterly destroyed the wall behind where they had been standing. Tarantulas pulled his head out of the red goop and yelled some more. Optimus looked over the damage Chaos had done; there was another large hole in the wall and the part of the computer screen that hadn’t been sheered off had a sad frowny face on it.

 

“Is it supposed to attack people?”

 

“It’s not SUPPOSED to do anything, its not SUPPOSED to exist!” Tarantulas spit out the last of the cheery jello, “I expect it doesn’t like us because we’re sane.” He snarled at the place where Chaos had last been.

 

“I understand,” Optimus said. This pleased him. It was a novelty. “You seem particularly angry at it, is that for a reason?”

 

“Well, no. It just exploded in my face, turned me into a kangaroo, warped the reality I live in and IT STOLE MY LAUGH!”

 

“I’m not understanding you again.”

 

“That, that THING.” Said Tarantulas as he got his emotions under control, “Laughs like I used to and now I can’t!”

 

“How…”

 

“I don’t know and I DON’T CARE!” Tarantulas lost his cool again, “I JUST WANT IT BACK NOW!” The tirade was justified, any mad scientist worth his or her salt was able to spontaneously start cackling at any provocation.

 

“Calm down.” Optimus advised. “Do you know how we can stop this?”

 

Tarantulas collected himself, again. “Actually, I do. But it will prove challenging in the least. Go find the Maximals you came here with and meet me outside. I may be a bit late.”

 

“What are YOU going to do?”

 

“I am checking on Inferno and Megatron.” Tarantulas didn’t seem inclined to explain further so Optimus went off to find Rinox and Cheetor, as he left he overheard Tarantulas musing to himself, “I wonder how Chaos would have affected Inferno had he been awake. How can you go insane if you already are? Then again from what happened to Rampage…”

 

 

Part: 6

 

Locating Rhinox and Cheetor was surprisingly easy. The cat was waiting just outside the entrance to the control room, and all Optimus had to do to find his head technician was follow a clear trail of chewed on equipment (Rhinox was apparently trying to find out if the Predacon base was edible.). Once he’d found his troops Optimus braved the maze of tunnels to get out. After what seemed like a megacycle of wandering around he just picked a direction and tore down wall until they reached fresh air.

 

Tarantulas was already outside, perched on a rock and completely ignoring Quickstrike who was trying to make small talk over tea. Waspenator was nowhere to be seen but the book he had been reading lay on the ground, ominously charred. Tarantulas jumped up when he saw them, which proved to be unwise since he immediately tripped over his own feet and landed in the lava. Optimus was afraid he’d seen the end of the Predacon and his only chance to turn everything back to normal when Tarantulas broke surface again and awkwardly paddled over to the land. Optimus helped him out.

 

“Lava’s cooled down to room temperature. Chaos effect,” the kangaroo answered the unasked question. “I don’t think you should bring him along.”

 

The indicated “him” was Cheetor who was lounging in the shade of the underside of the base. “Why not?” Primal turned back to Tarantulas.

 

“He’ll be a liability. You’ll be concerned with the danger of him floating off and not operate to your full capacity while we work on containing Chaos. Also, he is unbelievably annoying so I won’t be working to my full capacity either.”

 

Cheetor was reluctant to stay at the Predacon base, but finally agreed to stay when Optimus phrased it as “Keeping an eye on the Preds” and convinced him it was an important mission. Tarantulas had similar complaints about Rhinox but Optimus decided the ten-ton half bunny might come in handy. Tarantulas raised a few questions about Optimus’ own sanity, but was duly ignored.

 

The trip to Tarantulas’ lair (which, as it soon turned out, was where they were going) was surprisingly short and uneventful save for when it rained red and green tissue paper sheet. One of the scarlet ones flapped into Optimus’ face and there were a few bumpy moments before he regained sight. The Maximal leader was able to carry Tarantulas and Rhinox, but with a serious speed impediment and had an awful sore back afterwards.

 

--------------------------------------------

 

 

“We’re going to save our reality with a vacuum cleaner?”

 

“It’s not a vacuum cleaner,” insisted Tarantulas, sounding as if he was trying to convince himself of that as well, “It is a highly advanced piece of equipment that I designed as a containment unit. I’ve reinforced it. Chaos shouldn’t be able to escape from it again.”

 

Tarantulas bounced over to Rhinox who was sniffing some delicate glass equipment. Optimus looked around; Tarantulas’ lab seemed virtually untouched by the madness for some reason. Optimus was more surprised at himself and how quickly he had been able to get used to the anarchy on the outside. Now this normal room with no flying fish, exploding frogs or jello seemed rather off. Too quiet.

 

His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of glass shattering and Tarantulas screaming at Rhinox. The fuzor panicked and ran, overturning tables and destroying months of delicate work in his fright. This, understandably, aggravated Tarantulas even more and he yelled even louder (he would have chased Rhinox but he wasn’t quite used to moving in the kangaroo’s body).

 

Eventually, Optimus caught Rhinox and decided it would be much easier for them and the bunny if he was contained, Tarantulas voted for bashing his figurative brains out against the wall but settled for using a length of some of his thickest webbing as a leash. They went back to the vacuum.

 

“It’s not a vacuum,” Tarantulas opened the front. In side was a series of glass containers that looked like Christmas lights (Optimus tactfully didn’t mention the resemblance). They were attached to a thin metal slate covered in wires, buttons and all sorts of gadgetry, which was in turn connected to the bottom of the vac… um, highly advanced piece of equipment, the place through which you normally suck waste. “I adjusted it after I sent the message to you. It wasn’t very challenging. I worked off the design of another device, the bottom half will suck Chaos in when you flip this switch and distribute him into these containers. When he’s separated into pieces he probably won’t be able to continue altering our world.”

 

“Probably?”

 

“It should work,” Tarantulas said, though he sounded troubled. “It managed to contain chaos before. We should probably try to weaken him a bit before we use the container. To be safe.”

 

“As it is an invention in and of itself, I suppose I should give it a name,” Tarantulas said getting back on track.

 

“Hoover.” Optimus said examining the machine again.

 

“Hmm?” Tarantulas was more perplexed then annoyed, “Why?”

 

“That’s what is says on the side.”

 

“That was INTENTIONAL! I meant to put that there!” Tarantulas snatched his invention back while glaring venomously at Optimus who wasn’t quite sure what he’d done wrong this time, “I put that there because it’s NAMED Hoover, but IT’S STILL NOT A VACCUM CLEANER!”

 

“I didn’t say it was. Calm down.”

 

“I AM CALM!”

 

“Take five deep breaths and tell me without screaming. Rhinox, let’s go.”

 

Rhinox had by now gnawed through the webbing and happily bounced after Optimus. Tarantulas trailed behind muttering, thinking dark thoughts, and occasionally tripping over his feet.

 

Part 7:

 

“Chaos has left the Predacon base.” Tarantulas informed the general area around him as he moved Hoover back and fourth. The blinking lights flickered on and off and made soft beeping noises. As Tarantulas moved it the lights started blinking faster and the noise got louder until all the lights lit up at once. “Ha! Got him. Chaos is moving away from both bases in what seems to be a totally random direction.”

 

“That thing’s a tracking device too?” Optimus inquired incredulously, pointing at the vacuum-like contraption.

 

“M’hm,” Tarantulas nodded, “not very advanced though. It’ll take a while to zero in on Chaos.”

 

“Then what will we do? After finding Chaos.”

 

This question gave the scientist pause.

 

“Then it’s your turn to think of something.” Tarantulas replied evenly.

 

------------------------------

 

“Tarantulas, Rinox, stop moving. You’re going to tip me over.”

 

“Tell your techie to stay on his side! Go away! Shoo!”

 

Optimus sighed as the two geniuses squirmed around on his back and went back to examining the scenery. It was actually quite pretty. The ground here seemed to be made out of psychedelic glass. Vibrant colors twisted and warped beneath the surface, creating strange kaleidoscope-like pictures. This was much nicer an area then the swamp of exploding frogs they’d gotten out of just a while ago. Exploding frogs seemed to be becoming a reoccurring theme in this insane world.

 

Optimus grunted and dipped slightly in his flight as Rinox leapt from one of his wings to the other to get away from Tarantulas who had apparently been trying to push the fuzor off. After righting himself and giving his passengers a short lecture on flight safety the Maximal leader let his mind drift to his strange surroundings again. He noticed something strange in the distance. A bunch of large black discs were floating toward them. The things were high above them at the moment, but descending fast.

 

“Tarantulas,” Optimus said hesitantly, “Look up.”

 

“What do you want no…” The mad scientist trailed off, not bothering to finish the question that was null and void anyway now that he’s spotted the discs. They looked and moved like Frisbees, only thinner and were coming in very quickly. After a few cycles they both came to the same conclusion. Tarantulas was the one to voice it.

 

“They’re aiming for us.”

 

This fact made clear Optimus readied himself for evasive maneuvers, just in time too. The black things were in fact headed straight for them. They hailed around the trio, ranging in size from the width of large dinner plates to small ponds. Optimus dodged quickly from side to side. They weren’t that hard to avoid, they moved rather slowly in fact. The problem was that there were so MANY of them.

 

“ACH!” Tarantulas objected loudly to being hit head on by a bed sized flying black thing. Optimus made a sound of surprise as he bobbed up due to the sudden loss of weight. Rinox didn’t make any noise but watched the kangaroo disappear into the black disc and then watched the black disc float calmly down to the ground as angry Tarantulas noises emanated from it.

 

The cascade of whatever-they-weres stopped almost immediately and Optimus turned and flew down low over the black circles, which had all settled down onto the ground, to look for Tarantulas. Optimus landed by the black thing with complaining noises coming out of it and deposited Rinox on the ground beside him. Rinox landed on another, larger, black thing and promptly disappeared from sight save for the tops of his white rabbit ears. Optimus blinked in surprised, but Rinox quickly reappeared. Coming back onto solid ground with one big hop. Optimus moved over to the dormant disc lying on the ground, but it wasn’t a disc now, it was a long, shallow hole.

 

Turning back to Tarantulas Optimus shook his head. “You’ve discovered a new way to fall into a hole.“

 

“I didn’t fall into the hole,” Tarantulas objected. “The hole fell into ME.”

 

“Actually it fell on you.”

 

 “GET ME OUT OF HERE!”

 

The request proved problematic. The hole Tarantulas was just deep enough to prevent Optimus from reaching Tarantulas and it wasn’t wide enough for the ape to fit down. Tarantulas tried leaping to grab hold of Optimus’ hand, but he wasn’t used to his new body just yet so the results of his efforts were just short of disastrous.

 

Optimus sat and considered what to do. He was slightly tempted to leave the Predacon, but he needed Tarantulas’ help to get rid of Chaos. Besides, the scientist was still holding Hoover. While calculating how long it would take him to go to the Maximal base and come back with a length of rope Optimus realized he was approaching this incorrectly. If he took the practical approach any number of things might go wrong. The Maximal base might be full of jello by now.

 

If he got the rope, it would probably turn into a snake. On the way back he might get attacked by giant polka dotted butterflies or the world might twist itself up and he wouldn’t even know where this place was anymore. Reality wasn’t stable here and he couldn’t depend on things to stay the way they were or to act the way they were supposed to. To function in an insane world you had to think like a lunatic, or at least think outside the box.

 

Optimus got up and poked around the edges of the hole. He smiled as it peeled off the ground. He heard Tarantulas yell as the floor of the hole tipped sideways beneath him. Optimus quickly finished peeling the hole off of the ground and flipped it over. When Tarantulas didn’t come out he shook it a little and hit the other side a few times. (The other side of the hole was pitch black, but solid. It had the texture of rubber and acted like that particular substance as well.) After a few sound smacks he heard a faint yelling sound that quickly got louder and louder until tumbled out of the upside-down hole onto the ground. He lay there for a few cycles.

 

“What just happened.” Tarantulas asked, not moving.

 

“You fell out of a hole.” Optimus helped Tarantulas up and handed the limp hole to him. The kangaroo examined it, prodded it a bit, and then dropped it back on the floor.

 

“A very interesting experience, this. Let’s go, we may not have much time.” He whipped Hoover around trying to get a bead on Chaos again.

 

Optimus went back to looking at the hole Tarantulas had discarded. He decided to experiment. He stretched it out and was somehow pleased to see in expanded and grew as he pulled and became smaller as he squished it, though it always remained perfectly round. He also noted the depth of the hole depended on how wide it was. The wider the stretched it the more shallow it became and vice versa.

 

“Got him!” Tarantulas announced for the second time this chapter. “Let’s go.”

 

Optimus folded the thing up and put in one of his storage compartments, you never knew when you were going to need a good hole.

 

-----------------------------

 

Part 8:

 

“Left. Left. More left. A little more to the left… Too much! Too the right. Right. More right… Okay, now a 180 degree rotation.”

 

Optimus didn’t question the sudden change, but turned and headed in exactly the opposite direction. Chaos had this irritating habit of teleporting from place to place, which made it hard to follow. If not for Hoover he and Tarantulas would have lost the non-corporeal entity a long time ago. Fortunately enough, the tracking device (which was NOT a vacuum) didn’t seem to be affected by the general insanity so it’s form was constant.

 

“Left. Left. Little more left. There perfect! No, not perfect. Right. No now left. Left. Lef… um.”

 

“Um?” Optimus invited his guide to expand.

 

“Chaos appears to be here.”

 

“You mean right on top of us or below us?”

 

“That would be the logical conclusion.”

 

“Hold on tight.”

 

Optimus abruptly twisted in air and dived steeply. A fast moving rainbow of intense color sliced through the air where they had just been. Leaving a jagged rip in the empty space as it passed. Optimus cut off his engine and let gravity do it’s thing, transforming and shedding his passengers just before landing and consequentially sending Rhinox and Tarantulas tumbling to the ground, but they quickly righted themselves. Tarantulas managed, at great effort, to stand and Rhinox scurried off to try and hide somewhere on the open plane of green glass they’d landed on.

 

Chaos alighted opposite them, hissing as the hundreds of colorful shards that made up its general shaped locked together into a somewhat feline form and leapt at the transformers. Both Optimus and Tarantulas managed to dodge and the giant cat shattered against the ground turning back into shards.

 

“Tarantulas, terrorize!” Metal shifted against metal as Tarantulas’s beast mode exploded out in the transformation sequence. The end result looked rather strange. Tarantulas was colored light brown mixed with silvery robot parts, he kept the oversized kangaroo feet (which might make actually moving a problem), but his hands were replaced with large red punching gloves. His mouth was a speaker, frozen in a triangular smile. However, the intelligent and angry look in the narrow optics belied the slightly goofy exterior. Reminding anyone who glanced his way that they were NOT dealing with Captain Kangaroo.

 

Optimus used the short time it took Chaos to recover to ready his shoulder cannons and as the concept turned he let loose with a barrage of… bubbles. A rapid stream of colorful bubbles flowed from the once deadly weapons and bobbed off into the distance.

 

This shook him. He’d been changed. This wasn’t some whimsical alteration on someone else, something had entered into his own systems and altered how he worked. Suddenly, everything seemed more real.

 

The disquiet didn’t distract Optimus enough to lower his defenses and he pivoted to the left to dodge Chaos’s next pass. He wasn’t used to fighting like this, dodging and weaving were tactics more suited to small bots, but something told him that it would not be a good idea to touch the whirling mass of jagged color.

 

However, it might be necessary Optimus acknowledged as he watched butterflies pour from the front of Tarantulas’s pizza cutter, which had remained basically the same throughout it’s owner’s transformation (Except for the butterflies of course.). Chaos twirled and started giggling like a maniac. Tarantulas didn’t have time to be indignant about the fact that Chaos was using his voice again because Chaos quickly swooped in and bowled him over. Then it returned to circle Optimus.

 

The Maximal leader turned as Chaos circled him, so as to remain facing the anomaly. There was a long quiet as they faced each other, broken only by occasional yells coming from over where Tarantulas was trying to get up. But apart from that it was quiet. The sun, now a pleasant shade of green, beat down upon the barren expanse, a frog exploded in the distance. Then Chaos attacked.

 

With a really, really big mallet. Chaos solidified part of itself into that form and promptly started forcefully swinging it around. Optimus deflected the enthusiastic assault with the shields on his arms and pivoted again. Then, at a total loss as to how else to counter attack, he took a calculated risk and grabbed Chaos.

 

It didn’t work very well. There was a strange numbness in his arm as he touched the creature and Chaos reacted by simply twirling away. That was irritating, how was he supposed to damage it? His internal computer buzzed softly.

 

“Connections to the upper dextral appendage have been cut off and that segment is no longer being detected.”

 

That would explain the numbness. Optimus thought to himself, glancing down at the stump that used to be his right arm. Extensive battle experience dulled the horror of loosing a limb somewhat, but it was still very painful and pain is distracting which is probably why Optimus didn’t move fast enough to dodge Chaos again.

 

 

 

Part 9:

 

Rabbits are not the kind of creatures you’d expect to have war cries. Mostly because they just aren’t the type of creatures you’d expect to go to war. Thus Optimus wasn’t quite sure what that high screeching sound was until Rhinox collided with Chaos, sending both the fuzor and the figment tumbling to the ground where Rhinox proceeded to stamp Chaos into little pieces with his sizable feet.

 

Optimus leapt up, he must have fallen down before and not noticed it due to the distraction of suddenly not having a right arm. It was very… distracting. He spotted Tarantulas a few yards away, still attempting to stand on the slippery surface. He traversed the area between them with three large strides and pulled the Predacon to his feet.

 

“Use Hoover,” he ordered

 

Tarantulas nodded, hefted Hoover and flipped a switch on the back. There was a sucking sound and everything started getting pulled toward the device. Chaos was being pulled back, but so was Rhinox. A flock of flying fish swooping overhead suddenly arched down and zoomed in their direction. The ground in front of them pulled itself up in clumps and arched toward them. Even the sky seemed to be straining down to the ground, all of the cosmos was shifting and slowly descending towards Hoover.

 

“This isn’t supposed to be happening!” Tarantulas yelled over the grinding sound Hoover emitted as it worked. The flying fish were sucked in, one of Hoover’s lights blinked on and off and they were gone. Tarantulas tried to move Hoover so that it didn’t suck up the ground or the sky, but wasn’t having much luck. Chaos was moving backwards frustratingly slowly and Optimus worried that they’d absorb the whole world before the anomaly they were aiming for. Tarantulas’ thoughts seemed to be moving along the same lines because he slowly began to move towards his prey. Shorting the space between them in tiny, careful steps.

 

With a small cry of distress Rhinox was ripped from the ground and flew backwards. There was a loud “shloop”ing sound as he disappeared inside and two lights blinked on.

 

“TURN IT OFF.” Optimus roared as one light flickered and went off. Tarantulas, needing no further incentive then the fact he was probably destroying the world and an enraged Maximal who was about three times his size yelling at him, did so. The world immediately snapped back to where it was supposed to be and Chaos shot off into the sky.

 

Tarantulas sighed with a mix of relief and resignation and turned to see Optimus who was looking at him with an “if I weren’t a responsible and fair Maximal leader who advocates peace and non-violence you would be dead by now” expression. Tarantulas responded by explaining what happened.

 

“Hoover is set to suck up Chaos, but since he’s affected our entire reality apparently Hoover assumes everything is Chaos, which it is, and tries to absorb and destroy it. We need to corner him and absorb him.”

 

“Where. Is. Rhinox.”

 

“Just a moment.” Tarantulas searched around Hoover and pressed a button labeled “REVERSE” on the side. Hoover made a straining sound as if trying to cough up a hairball, then it bulged and spit out Rhinox onto the ground in front of them. Rhinox blinked in vague confusion. Hoover shuddered and deactivated itself. Optimus knelt to see if Rhinox was all right. He was rather shaken up, but still in one piece. Optimus was surprised Rhinox had come to his rescue. Somewhere deep inside his twisted mind his old friend must remember him. The idea gave Optimus hope, scant, perhaps misplaced hope, but hope all the same.

 

Optimus turned his attention back to Tarantulas who was trying to coax Hoover back to life.

 

“What about those fish things? Why didn’t they come out?”

 

“Hoover was built to absorb and process Chaos. He absorbed them and processed them. Fortunately for both of us we caught your technical officer before all of his lights blinked out and he was completely dismantled.”

 

Optimus didn’t respond to this for a moment, but eventually spoke on a different subject: “What do you suggest we do now?”

 

“Well.” Tarantulas considered. “Based only on observations. Chaos appears to ‘cancel out’ sane organisms, exemplified by what it did to your arm, but can be affected by insane ones or at least ones that it’s infected. Given that we should probably go back to base and get one of the infected transformers to trap it so Hoover can absorb it.”

 

Optimus mentally went over the status of his crew and the Predacons he’d seen. Blackarachnia, Depth Charge, Megatron… No one looked particularly promising. “Let’s go.”

 

“What, we don’t get a ride?”

 

“I just lost my right wing We’re walking.”

 

------------------------------------

 

The Predacon base was closer so they went there first and stumbled headfirst into a disaster. Optimus and Tarantulas landed in front of the base and appraised the situation as they approached.

 

It seemed the Maximals and Predacons were attempting to do battle. Silverbolt had probably provoked it. In light of his personality change he seemed like the type to disobey orders and usurp his commander. Frankly, Optimus didn’t really mind. The fuzor stood on a small mound eerily chuckling for no apparent reason.

 

Quickstrike was still having tea, but Blackarachnia had joined him and they chatted merrily. Rattrap was still silently floating in mid air, which was even eerier then Silverbolt’s laughter, and hadn’t changed since Optimus had last seen him except that now he was covered in lace doilies. Blackarchnia and Quickstrike seemed to be using him for a tea table. The she-spider was adjusting the doily on his head, trying to figure out what position it looked best in.

 

Cheetor sat on the ceiling just inside the Predacons base where he could see what was happening but wasn’t in any danger of floating off. Little pieces of Waspinator made their was back into the base, the head mumbled something about how the world hated him. Some things never changed.

 

Rampage and Depth Charge were the only ones doing anything that vaguely resembled fighting. Rampage sat cross-legged on the ground as Depth Charge leapt around him, clucking aggressively and pecking at him every once in a while. Rampage didn’t seem to be reacting to this, but as Optimus and Tarantulas neared them he surged to his feet. Expecting the worst Optimus brought up his shoulder cannons, belatedly wondering how much damage bubbles would inflict on the immortal crab. Fortunately, the worst didn’t happen.

 

“Please take this interpretative dance as an expression of the deep emotions of hate, anger and frustration I harbor toward you.”

 

Optimus relaxed, but only slightly, as Rampage twirled awkwardly past him with Depth Charge on his heels, stubbornly continuing his attempt to peck his arch nemesis to death.

 

“This is profoundly surreal.” Tarantulas said, shaking his head, “Is everyone here?”

 

“Dinobot’s probably still in his quarters.” Optimus replied, frowning, “But I don’t see Inferno or Mega…ah!”

 

A sharp pain shot up his leg and Optimus looked down to see the mini-tyrant latched on to his foot. The baby tyrannosaurus had sharp teeth and a surprisingly strong jaw. He was obviously trying to say something, but his mouth was full. Megatron considerately released Optimus’ foot in order to gloat.

 

“Now I have you white where I want you Pwimal. Yethhhhhhh.”

 

“Hello Megatron.” Optimus picked up his own arch nemesis so that he didn’t try to bite him again. Megatron almost fit in the palm of his hand, “Where’s Inferno?”

 

Megatron scrunched up his face into a scowl, “I’m not thhhhhleepy!”

 

“UNHAND HIM!”

 

Inferno stormed out of the Predacon base brandishing his flame-thrower and glaring at Optimus. The Maximal leader obediently deposited Megatron and Inferno promptly scooped him up and looked at Optimus resentfully, holding his leader protectively away from the ape.

 

“If you try to harm Megatron I will hurt you.”

 

“I wasn’t!” Optimus assured him. “And I promise you I won’t.”

 

Tarantulas snorted at Optimus’ tone and looked at Inferno oddly. “You called him Megatron.”

 

“That is our leader’s name.”

 

“And you’re acting rational.” The scientist laughed and turned to Optimus. “He’s gone sane.”

 

“What?” Optimus asked.

 

“It’s probably due to the chaos effect. Out of all of the infinite changes that could have occurred in his psyche, sanity was the one that took hold. Chaos has a sense of irony.”

 

“What are you talking about?” Inferno frowned, trying to hold Megatron still.

 

“That or it could be that Chaos’ insanity cancels out normal insanity.” Optimus offered. He was getting used to the type of logic needed to decipher the new laws of their universe.

 

“I would appreciate it if you didn’t speak about me as if I wasn’t here.”

 

“Possibly,” Tarantulas agreed, ignoring Inferno, “But I think this gives rise to something of greater concern…”

 

Apparently Inferno had had enough, he brought up his flame-thrower and let loose with a torrent of fire. Optimus pushed Tarantulas out of the way and expanded the shields on his forearms to protect himself from the flames. He apologized when the ant calmed down.

 

“It’s fine.” Inferno replied. “I just don’t like being ignored. And it happens so often.”

 

“What were you saying?” Optimus asked as he helped Tarantulas back up.

 

“Before I was rudely and violently interrupted.” Tarantulas addressed Inferno, “I was pointing out that despite the fact that you were asleep and immune to Chaos’s immediate effect as it infected our reality, you’ve still been affected. It’s taken a while, but it happened and from this example it appears that Chaos will eventually get to all of us. Stated plainly,” he said, turning to Optimus, “we’re slowly going insane. We now have a time limit.”

 

 

Part 9:

 

There was an uncomfortable silence. After a while it got up, stole one of Quickstrike’s teacups, and wandered off.

 

Optimus watched it go. “What was that?”

 

“It was a toffing berk, that’s what it was,” Quickstrike said, hoarding the rest of his cups on his side or Rattrap. “These things are bloody valuable.”

 

“It was a physical manifestation of an incorporeal concept,” Tarantulas said, training Hoover on the trail of footprints the silence left behind. “Like chaos. The situation is becoming worse.”

 

Optimus nodded. Then he closed his eyes and walked away.

 

“Wait!” Tarantulas objected, starting after him. His voice was strained. A little frightened.

 

“Where are you going? We have work to do!”

 

Inferno blocked his way with an arm. Tarantulas looked at the ant, startled. He still didn’t think of Inferno as anything more than a mindless lackey with possible potential for a science experiment.

 

“I think he wants to be alone,” Inferno observed. He sounded pleased with himself. He could empathize. And draw conclusions.

 

Tarantulas teetered, watching Optimus walk away, trapped between being frightened at being left alone and disgusted with himself and his desire for company. He didn’t want to be alone right now. He’d been alone for hours after Chaos had escaped. Optimus was the only thing that responded rationally in the entire world and he hadn’t realized how comforting that was until now.

 

Optimus stopped walking, turned, and stared contemplatively at the side of the Predacon ship. Tarantulas felt himself relax. Then he hissed in disgust.

 

-

 

Optimus was becoming concerned about his own reaction to the morning’s events. Or rather, his lack of reaction. He wasn’t alarmed. He wasn’t even off balance. At worst he was exasperated. It all seemed like a strange dream. Not particularly a bad one. He was more relaxed than he’d been in days. For the first time the constant danger of a Predacon attack was gone, and along with it the palpable dread of one of his crew dying.

 

He should still worry about that, he supposed, but it seemed like such an unlikely, distant problem in a world where lava was room temperature. The world was so absurd. It was hard to take it seriously.

 

Except his arm hurt. The place where his arm should be hurt. A sort of echo of pain. He touched the stub. Would CR chambers work here? Ha.

 

He wasn’t sure what he was doing. Helping a kangaroo save reality. It sounded silly to think it in summary like that. Things had been so simple all morning. It was very much like a dream. He tried to wake up.

 

No. He hadn’t really expected that to work.

 

“Optimus!”

 

That was Tarantulas. Optimus turned out of his thoughts. As he did, he heard:

 

“Big bot!”

 

coming from somewhere behind him and above him. He’d started running even before he’d turned completely. It was reflex.

 

Black Arachnia was enraged, throwing pieces of Quickstrike’s tea set at a hastily retreating Silverbolt. In response, apparently, Cheetor had launched himself from the awning of the Predacon base and engaged his rockets. Instead of jet propulsion, he got pale pink smoke and now he was floating frighteningly quickly into the sky.

 

Rhinox thumped to the ground. It looked like he’d leapt to try and catch Cheetor and failed.  Optimus leapt, transformed, gunned his rockets, and fell. Landing hard on the ground, pale pink smoke winding lazily out of his thrusters.

 

Who could fly? Depth Charge was insensible. Silverbolt had disappeared. Rattrap! Rattrap could float!

 

“Rattrap!” Optimus roared. “Get him down!”

 

Rattrap responded immediately, shedding doilies with one precise movement. He pointed at Cheetor. The cat froze in place. He drew his finger down toward the Predacon base. Cheetor glided smoothly down and under the awning, arching about, trying to understand what was going on. Rattrap released him and he bobbed back to the ceiling.

 

Tarantulas goggled at Rattrap. Optimus hurried over to Cheetor.

 

“Sorry,” Cheetor said, in anticipation, as soon as Optimus was within speaking distance. “That was dumb.”

 

“If your rockets had worked, it would have been a fine idea,” Optimus allowed. “Cheetor, I need you to be more cautious now. If you get separated, we may never be able to find you again.”

 

“Right,” Cheetor said, paws in, ears down, tail curled around his feet.

 

Optimus examined Cheetor, curled up very compact on the ceiling. It really wasn’t safe to leave him like this, but what could be done? Nothing that couldn’t change or grow legs and walk off.

 

Tarantulas was walking toward him, holding one end of a strand of webbing (Optimus wondered how he produced the stuff now). He had looped the other end around Rattrap. Tarantulas was towing the rodent, who was still floating three feet off the ground.

 

“We can use him to stop Chaos,” Tarantulas explained. “He doesn’t have to touch it, so he won’t be in danger of being sucked in and processed. Because that would be such a shame.”

 

-

 

Optimus left Inferno in charge. He was a Predacon, but he was also the only other rational and physically sound transformer on the planet. And he had already proven himself and exemplary babysitter. The ant was extremely unsure about taking a position of command. He kept glancing at Megatron, who was taking a nap, as if in hope of guidance. In the end, he agreed.

 

Optimus brought Rhinox again. Tarantulas complained, but Optimus quietly insisted. Despite his altered state, Rhinox had proved himself still useful and Optimus found his friend’s presence comforting.

 

“Fine,” Tarantulas growled. “Let’s just go.”

 

He consulted Hoover. “North. This way.”

 

They went. Perhaps it was just the change of perspective, going from a bird’s-eye-view back to the ground, but the world seemed to have gotten stranger. The landscape changed rapidly, sometimes while they were standing on it, and didn’t do recognizable forests or plains anymore. Optimus saw a patch of tree-like things, but they looked more like brown pillars and when they got closer he saw they were covered in fur.

 

“Which way now?” he asked.

 

“Still north.”

 

A star fell. Stars fell. There was a little rain of them. It was very pretty, like being inside of a firework. They felt like snowflakes, only with more momentum.

 

“Still north?” Optimus asked.

 

“I will tell you when we need to change direction,” Tarantulas informed him tartly. Then he softened. He was confused too. “It doesn’t seem to be moving.”

 

“That does make it easier for us,” Optimus said cautiously.

 

“Yes,” Tarantulas said slowly. Suspiciously. “We’re almost there. Is the rat ready?”

 

Optimus looked back. Rattrap was cross-legged and floating with his eye closed. He didn’t look ready. He looked asleep. Optimus fell back to walk beside him.

 

“Rattrap?” he asked.

 

Rattrap didn’t respond.

 

“Any cycle now we’re going to see something called Chaos,” Optimus told him. “I need you to stop it from attacking us and draw it toward Tarantulas. Can you do that?”

 

Silence.

 

“Rattrap, answer me when I speak to you.”

 

“It’s moving!” Tarantulas announced, adjusting his grip on Hoover. “Toward us.”

 

Optimus scooped up Rhinox and towed Rattrap quickly away from Tarantulas and his dangerous vacuum, stowing them behind a square green something that might once have been a rock, as far away as dared, given what he knew about Rattrap’s range. Tarantulas planted his feet and waited. Then he started and turned to look at some space directly behind Optimus. Optimus turned around. Chaos was coming right at them.

 

His normal weapons didn’t work. He reached for the one object he had he thought he might be able to trust in this world. He grabbed the hole he’d found earlier out of its storage compartment, yanked it wide, and held it up like a shield just as Chaos hit.

 

Chaos vanished. Optimus felt the hole vibrate in his hand as something hit the bottom. Without wasting a moment Optimus whipped it around, tossing a jumbled looking Chaos out in front of them.

 

“Rattrap! Now!”

 

Rattrap pointed at Chaos and sent it gliding toward Tarantulas, glass shards gyrating wildly and uselessly. Tarantulas flipped on Hoover at the last possible second and Chaos slipped inside. All of Hoover’s lights went on. Then, one by one, they began to blink off as Hoover digested its contents. Optimus saw Rattrap begin to slide forward toward it and grabbed on to him. He saw Rhinox slide forward, but he only had one hand. Then he felt himself slide forward. Tarantulas struggled to keep his device from sucking up the ground he was standing on. But the lights were steadily blinking off. Blink. Blink. Blink. Blink.

 

A bulb exploded. But it had already been off. Was that all right? Another one blew, and that was the only warning they had before Hoover burst at the seams. Tarantulas yelled and tried to protect his chest and spark from the whirlwind of glass that emerged.

 

Chaos rose away from him, all black and red. It’s shards were large and jagged and spun madly. It paused for a moment, as if deciding what to do next. Then it exploded.

 

 

Part 10:

Optimus woke up because there was a five hundred pound rhinoceros rabbit on his chest.

 

Rhinox looked fine. He himself felt surprisingly good for having been hit by high-speed Chaos-shrapnel and tossed through the air by an explosion. He wondered how far he’d been thrown. He didn’t recognize the place, a soft bluish area with semispherical bumps on the ground, but it might have just changed while he was asleep.

 

Optimus gently pushed Rhinox off of his chest. He didn’t bother getting up. If Tarantulas were there, he’d already be yelling, and Optimus had no idea how to find him or how to save the universe without the spider.

 

He stared at the sky. It was a very pretty night sky. There were two moons and the stars blinked on and off in changing patterns. He thought he could hear distant music. He would have lain there for a long time if Rhinox hadn’t started nuzzling him and making worried rabbit noises.

 

He pushed himself up and was startled to realize he had two arms to do it with. He stared at his right arm. When he had gone to sleep, it had been a stump, sheared off up to his shoulder. He flexed his fingers.

 

“How did that happen?” he wondered out loud.

 

“Things don’t need reasons anymore,” someone said.

 

Optimus turned. There was a woman standing a few feet away from him. She looked like Black Arachnia, only mottled many colors. And as he watched she changed further, smoothing out all Arachnia’s seams and sharp edges, dissolving the legs and claws.

 

“Who are you?” he asked.

 

“I’m it,” she said, slowly, as if she were picking the words one by one. “The thing. Why it changed.” Suddenly, she was screaming. “Why don’t you like it!”

 

“What?”

 

“Why doesn’t he like it?” she moaned, slumping so deeply she had to sit. “He asked for it!”

 

“Who?” Optimus was getting tired of asking questions and took a step forward. “Who are you?”

 

“I am white light!” she yelled, leaping up again and speaking with such intensity that Optimus almost took a step back. “I am colors! I am the power of dice and the secret of beauty. I am broken glass and confetti and wind and love and light!”

 

She began to glow as she spoke, painful white with flecks of color like in a prism. But as she finished all her energy fell away. She faded back to purple, held herself, and walked over to the patch of fur trees Optimus had seen before (So he had been thrown a ways during the last explosion.). She sat by one and rocked herself from side to side.

 

Optimus took a moment to digest this new information. This was strange, but Optimus felt capable of handling virtually anything. He glanced at Rhinox who stared blandly back at him. He walked over to the woman.

 

“Chaos?” he asked cautiously.

 

“Yes?” she looked up and her face fell. “Oh. It’s you.”

 

She sighed and started tapping the ground with her finger. This produced tiny, delicate frogs.

 

“Why do you want it to be like before?” she asked mournfully. “It’s all just pain.”

 

“Like before,” Optimus repeated. “Do you mean before this morning?”

 

“It was awful!” Chaos leaned toward him. “There were rules everywhere. I couldn’t fly, just because I didn’t have wings! And there were those things! The things that happen after.”

 

“After what?”

 

“Anything. Those things that happen because you do other things.”

 

“Consequences?”

 

“Yes! I hate those! And sometimes they’re bad and they happened because of you and it’s all your fault. I hate them. I’m getting rid of them.”

 

Chaos waved her hand, as if abolishing cause and effect. For all Optimus knew, that could be exactly what she was doing. In fact, he realized, it was probably what she’d been doing all morning.

 

“Chaos,” Optimus said, kneeling so as to look her in optics. He used his leader voice. “You can’t…do this. You’re disrupting countless lives. Hurting people.”

 

“I didn’t hurt anyone,” Chaos snapped, swiveling away from Optimus. Optimus swiveled her back.

 

“You’ve single handedly eliminated all natural life on this planet,” Optimus pointed out, gesturing to the strange plain, filled with lumps and swirls that couldn’t possibly be called plants.

 

“They’re still here. Just different.” Chaos pointed at the furry pillar behind her. “That used to be an antelope.”

 

“I doubt the antelope wanted to become a…” Optimus examined the pillar for a moment. “Tree.”

 

“He’s fine with it,” Chaos said, jutting her chin out at Optimus. “Everyone’s fine with it except for you and him.”

 

“It’s dangerous, Chaos. The world makes no sense.”

 

“That’s the point.”

 

“I have no way of protecting my crew.”

 

“Okay,” Chaos said, holding up her hands as if to pause the situation. “We can have one rule. No one will die. Everyone will live forever.” Chaos waved her hand again.

 

Optimus stared at her. It had been a long day, but…wow.

 

“You can do that?”

 

“I guess,” she sighed. Then she looked up at him hopefully. “Is it good now?”

 

“No,” Optimus shook his head, telling himself as much as her. “No. It’s…”

 

Well, why wasn’t it good now? No one could die. Nothing made sense, but no one would die. He’d never hear gunfire and a scream he recognized and have to crush panic before it led to more of the same. He would never be standing in the control room at three in the morning, staring at the comm. link and praying in his head that he hadn’t sent Rattrap out on a mission he’d never come back from. He wouldn’t have to worry all the time.

 

He sat down heavily, beside Chaos. A bench grew for them. Chaos watched him, bright and hopeful.

 

“I need to think about this,” he said.

 

Chaos screamed. Optimus started in alarm, then he realized it was a sound of happiness. She burst off the bench and danced. It started light and tapping, just to express pleasure, but in moments she got caught up in it and it became wild and lunging and almost distressing to watch. Just as quickly she snapped back to him, leaping on the bench and leaning on his shoulder.

 

“Talk to him!” she whispered excitedly. “Tell him it’s good! Make him like it!”

 

“Calm down,” Optimus told her; worried she’d hurt herself. Wait, was that possible anymore? Yes it was. She’d only outlawed dying.

 

“Calm down,” he repeated. “I need some time to think.”

 

“Think!” Chaos leapt back off the bench and shattered against the ground. Optimus leapt up himself, but before he could do anything the broken pieces swirled up into the air and stared spinning again.

 

“Tell him to like it,” she said. The light, female voice was eerie now, coming from inside a whirl of broken glass. “He likes talking to you. I knew he would. I want him to like it. Call me when he does.”

 

And with that she took off into the sky.

 

Part 11:

 

Optimus found Rhinox, who had curled up inside the fur column cluster and gone to sleep. He blinked awake as soon as he felt Optimus’ shadow and waggled a casual ear at the larger bot. Optimus scratched his technical officer’s head and started walking.

 

The landscape didn’t even attempt to make sense anymore. The places they passed through felt like thrown together collages of color, shape and texture. It was often hard to walk because the ground sloshed, bent, and broke so much. The sky looked like a pastel oil spill.

 

“I suppose I should be thinking,” he commented to Rhinox.

 

He didn’t feel capable of thinking about Chaos’ offer. It was too big. No more dying? How was he supposed to respond to that?

 

It started raining. It was a little surprising to see something so normal come out of that psychedelic sky. They paused by a river of what appeared to be faces. Rattrap was sitting on the shore. He was still sitting cross-legged, still floating.

 

“Good evening,” Optimus said, out of habit.

 

“Hey,” Rattrap said, not moving. Optimus looked down at him in surprise.

 

“You’re talking?”

 

Rattrap brightened one optic. “You told me to.”

 

“Of course,” Optimus said, it was his more civil version of ‘whatever,’ and sat down. Rattrap closed his eyes again. Rhinox sat down on Optimus’ other side and watched the river murmur by with a curious expression.

 

“Don’t drink that,” Optimus told him, and then turned to Rattrap. The rest of the crew hadn’t noticed any change in the world, but Rattrap had been acting a whole ‘nother ballpark of strange and maybe he was different. “Do you understand what’s going on?”

 

Optimus was disappointed by the answer: “Somethin’s going on?”

 

“Never mind. Did you see where Tarantulas landed?”

 

“Nah. Do you want me to get him?”

 

“Sure.”

 

Rattrap vanished. In a moment, he reappeared with Tarantulas standing beside him.

 

Tarantulas was a wreck. He was in beast mode again, his robot mode was just too absurd for him to bear, hunched over, ears flat. His paws twitched, ridged and snapping together and apart like they dearly wanted to be pincers. He looked around wildly. The abrupt transportation had probably not done anything for his state of mind. When he saw Optimus he relaxed, marginally.

 

“It didn’t work,” Optimus mentioned. Probably unnecessarily.

 

“There’s no reason it should have. But there’s no reason it shouldn’t have. Hehehe.”

 

Tarantulas swayed on his feet. Optimus got up and helped the Predacon sit down by the river. Rhinox scooted over to give him room. Rattrap watched impassively.

 

“Months of research,” Tarantulas was babbling. “None of it applies. None of it matters. Everything’s just guesswork. Now. Forever. Hehehe.”

 

“I spoke to Chaos,” Optimus said.

 

“What?” Tarantulas snapped, sharp again for a moment, then he slipped back to bleary. “Oh. Why not? What did Chaos say?”

 

“She doesn’t like consequences,” Optimus remembered. “She’s trying to get rid of them. She, well, promised that no one would ever die if the world stays like this.”

 

“Impractical,” Tarantulas muttered. “There’d be rampant overpopulation.”

 

Not if everyone were a fire hydrant, Optimus thought.

 

“No consequences,” Tarantulas continued. “Then the world should be static.”

 

Optimus shook his head.

 

“It doesn’t have to be static,” he explained. “It doesn’t matter what you do if what happens next is always random.”

 

Optimus touched the river with his finger. One of the faces bit and held onto it. Then it turned into a ring.

 

“There’d be no reason,” Tarantulas muttered. “No way to build. Things would change but nothing would progress.”

 

Rhinox whimpered. Optimus reached over and pet him behind the ears.

 

“No point. No point at all. Hehehe.”

 

“At least you have your laugh back.”

 

“Hehehehehehehehe.”

 

Rhinox knocked Tarantulas over as he moved to sit by Optimus again. Tarantulas tipped calmly over and continued to chuckle on his side. Optimus scratched Rhinox. Rhinox nodded appreciatively, and then whimpered again.

 

“I wish you could talk,” Optimus told him.

 

“He can,” Rattrap said.

 

Optimus looked at him.

 

“He was talking all morning. He was wandering around the Ark, pushing buttons that made noises and frogs, and asking everyone why it didn’t work. Then he settled down on the bridge and didn’t move for a while. Then he started eating Black Arachnia’s decorations. That was just before you got up.”

 

Optimus looked down at Rhinox. Both he and Tarantulas were staring miserably into the river.

 

“They’re scientists,” Rattrap said, and then he closed his eyes again.

 

“The ground’s dissolving,” Tarantulas announced. “Hehehehe.”

 

Optimus looked around. The ground had been shifting under them even as they sat, but now it was falling away. No, melting into the sky. It was all becoming one colorful blob. The world used to deal in objects. Now it had broken down to shapes and colors, swirling and changing.

 

Optimus stood, though he had no idea what he could do. Fortunately, the ground stopped dissolving when it was a few meters away from the group. The river of faces was flowing up one side, like a reverse waterfall, across in front of them, and down the other. He could hear the faces screaming as they went over, like people on a roller coaster.

 

He felt the island of ground move beneath him, break free and start floating off into the swirls.

 

-

 

Part 12:

 

“It is the end of life as we know it. There’s nothing we can do. Go away.”

 

And then Tarantulas didn’t feel like talking anymore. He didn’t even feel like laughing anymore, which was what really bothered Optimus. He just sat on the side of the island, as far away from the Maximals as possible, and stared at the color-shape slosh.

 

Optimus didn’t feel like talking to Rattrap. He didn’t like the rat’s new attitude. And whether or not Rhinox could talk, he still didn’t, so Optimus paced back and forth across the island by himself, thinking.

 

He loved the idea of never having to actually worry about his team again. A world where no one would die. But more than that…

 

There are two kinds of really, quality soldier. The kind that fights for the excitement of the fight, and the kind that fights for peace. Optimus fought for peace. His skill with weapons was coincidental, and he would be happy, blissfully happy, to put them down forever and read for the rest of his life. He wanted to put them down, but never could, as long as there were these wars that needed fighting.

 

There would be peace. Throughout the universe, on a scale that could never be achieved in a world where rocks landed where you threw them. There would be no way to fight. There would be no reason to fight, nothing solid enough to fight over. And everyone would be insane anyway. There was something so strangely attractive about Chaos’ option.

 

But Rhinox couldn’t think. Optimus’ mind kept circling back to that. His friend was miserable. As was Tarantulas. As were, probably, all of the trees and lumps and swirls off where Cybertron used to be that used to be scientists. Or anyone that needed a world they could understand.

 

Optimus went over a lot of other reasons why Chaos should be stopped, but his mind kept coming back to the fact that his friend couldn’t think.

 

“It’s not fair,” he said quietly. He’d never been any good at making sacrifices.

 

He walked to the edge of the island and called out softly: “Chaos?”

 

Nothing happened for a while. Then a yellow piece of glass glided up to the edge of the island. Then a red one. Then a blue one. Eventually there was the customary rainbow mass, only holding very still. It changed into a transformer and floated just below ground level. She peeked up over the edge, saw Tarantulas, squeaked, and leapt behind Optimus. Only Rhinox reacted to the sound.

 

She peered around Optimus’ side and examined Tarantulas.

 

“He doesn’t look happy!” she said, glaring at Optimus.

 

“No,” Optimus said. “He’s not.”

 

“I thought he’d be happy if he was a kangaroo,” Chaos sounded crestfallen. “I like kangaroos. I thought he was sad because he was a spider.”

 

“I think he liked being a spider.”

 

“I wouldn’t like being a spider.”

 

“Not everyone is like you, Chaos,” Optimus said forcefully. Her simple failure to understand that might be the crux of their problem.

 

“Does he like it?” she asked, hopefully.

 

“No,” Optimus said, falling on an idea. “He wants you to change it back.”

 

“I don’t want to!” Chaos yelled, pushing herself away from Optimus. She was surprisingly strong and he staggered back. Her yell drew Tarantulas’ attention and Rattrap opened an optic.

 

“Sometimes we have to do things we don’t want to do,” Optimus said grimly, steadying himself. “Tarantulas, tell her she has to change it back.”

 

Tarantulas stared at him, then looked back at Chaos. He finally recognized what she was. His face was not prone to expression, but he managed to twist it into very deep loathing.

 

“NO!” Chaos yelled, shattered, and streaked toward him.

 

She was on him before Optimus could so much as move, slashing, punching glass through him again and again. Tarantulas staggered back, over the edge of the island. Optimus did move fast enough to catch him, though the glass tore off one of his fingers and rent the rest.

 

Tarantulas was more hole than robot now, and his spark was exposed, tipping almost out of his chest, but he was still moving. He should have been in stasis lock. Pit, he should have been dead, but people didn’t die now.

 

Chaos continued off the side, wheeled around and fell toward them again. She was all blue and black now and water fell from her in thin streams as she flew. Optimus leapt out of the way. Rhinox pounced on her as she passed, trying to stomp her into the ground as he had before, but she turned to water under him, rose around him, and tossed him off into the swirling space.

 

“Rhinox!” Optimus yelled. He didn’t have time to do anything else; he had to dodge Chaos again. She was making tighter circle and he was a big target. Though she wasn’t really aiming for him, he just happened to be holding Tarantulas.

 

What was she trying to do? She couldn’t kill him, would she change that? Would she just tear him to pieces forever? He felt his arm open up as she brushed it. She wheeled around too close and fast to dodge. He suddenly remembered this situation. He dropped Tarantulas, whipped the hole out of its storage compartment, and held it up just before she hit. She disappeared.

 

This time, instead of spinning around and tossing her out, he closed the hole. He pushed the opening smaller and smaller, squeezing the hole thinner and thinner, until he could hardly see it anymore. But it was still there, Optimus’ fingers were too large and clumsy from damage to close it completely. A green tendril emerged from the tiny opening and he pushed it back in.

 

“Rattrap!” he yelled, tossing the hole to him. “Close that!”

 

Rattrap caught the hole with a point and floated it between his hands. It shrank, smaller and smaller and...nothing. Chaos was trapped inside a hole that didn’t exist anymore.

 

Rattrap suddenly couldn’t float. He landed in a sprawl and didn’t get back up into his default cross-legged sit.

 

“What the…” he started to say, and then he stopped talking because there was no air in outer space, which was where they apparently were.

 

Optimus grabbed Tarantulas, who was properly both a spider and unconscious from damage. Optimus crushed his chest closed to cover his spark and grabbed Rattrap, who was properly talking, probably complaining, albeit silently. Then he ignited his thrusters, which worked, and tore off to get Rhinox, who was floating a few meters away, properly not a rabbit. Then he turned toward earth, which was properly big and blue and green and floating below them. Planets were allowed to float. Yes.

 

//Hold on,// he told them over he comm. link, which also worked. //Re-entry may be a bit rough.//

 

//Ya THINK?// Rattrap asked, clinging to his shoulder. //You turn into a space ship now, metal monkey? ‘Cause I don’t come wit’ thermal shields and I got strict principles about not being melted inta gooey rat chunks. Or crushed inta tiny rat pieces. This is not in my contract AND we’re all gonna die.//

 

//Possibly.//

 

-

 

Epilogue:

 

They didn’t die. Optimus took the atmosphere slowly and while it felt like they’d turned into microwaves, no one melted. He landed at the Ark, tossed Tarantulas into a CR chamber, and assigned Rattrap and Rhinox to take inventory of the entire ships and make sure the frogs and jello and explosions hadn’t done anything that would alter the course of history.

 

He went out and found the rest of the Maximals. They were all, thankfully, still on the planet, through Black Arachnia was on the other side and it took a little footwork (wingwork?) to get her back. She seemed a little dazed and kept starting to ask a question, and then stopping herself. Cheetor actually did ask if, well, Optimus, did the world ever seem like it was, you know, upside down? Optimus said no and Cheetor was too embarrassed to ask anything else.

 

Silverbolt was extremely ill and Optimus had to carry him back. He had these disturbing hiccups that sounded like chuckling. Optimus took him directly to the med bay and had Rhinox look him over.

 

Optimus saw a few Predacons while he was out. He shot at them to hurry them back to their base. They could sort themselves out. Depth Charge wasn’t answering his comm.. He could sort himself out.

 

Tarantulas was gone by the time Optimus got back with Silverbolt. Optimus wasn’t surprised; he hadn’t locked the CR chamber, anyway. He spent the rest of the day keeping everyone doing busywork separate from everyone else. He made sure that he was the only one they had extensive contact with and gave them funny looks whenever they mentioned exploding frogs.

 

In the evening, the Predacons attacked and everything was back to normal.

 

-

 

How do you dig someone out of a hole that doesn’t exist?

You just have to dig, don’t you? No hole exists until it’s dug.

 

Optimus was digging a hole.

 

He was digging it in the jungle near where the Axalon used to be. It was fairly deep now and he was getting a little discouraged. This was a silly idea and silly ideas didn’t work anymore.

 

He tried making it perfectly round, using his hand to measure. He smoothed the sides. He tried to make the bottom flat, through that was hard. He stepped away, counted to ten, and looked into it again. It was empty. What exactly did he expect? It was a hole that existed, after all, there was no reason she’d be in it, and things needed reasons now a days.

 

Anyway, she was in a special kind of hole. A hole that could move. That kind of hole didn’t exist anymore, which was what he needed, but meant he couldn’t get to it. It only existed near her.

 

Well, if she were in it, it would be near her. All he had to do was find the hole that didn’t exist. When did a hole not exist? In ground where a hole hasn’t been dug. Yes, but that ground isn’t particularly not a hole. It’s also not a garden or a compost heap or mud. Where could you find a fully dug hole that didn’t exist?

 

Optimus had an idea and he very, very carefully didn’t think too hard about it because he felt sure that if he did it wouldn’t work.

 

If the hole she is in is near here, he thought at he world, as if reality were open to being reasoned with. Then holes should act like they do near her.

 

He picked at the edge of his hole. At first it crumbled in his fingers, but then he caught something that felt like taught fishing line. He held it and pulled up. The hole peeled off the ground. He flipped it like a pancake, laid it back on the ground and took a step back.

 

That hole didn’t exist until just now, He said.

 

He stepped forward and looked down. Chaos looked up at him. Then she looked away. She rubbed her arm and looked down at herself.

 

“I didn’t think you’d hurt me if I looked like this,” she said.

 

“Are you hurt?” Optimus asked, kneeling over the hole.

 

“I was just in a hole for ages.”

 

“Do you want to come out?”

 

“…yes.”

 

“Do you promise to stop wrecking the universe?”

 

Chaos moaned angrily and kicked the side of her hole.

 

“That didn’t sound like ‘yes.’”

 

“The universe stinks.”

 

“I don’t think you’ve given it enough of a chance. Now you have two options, you can stay in there or you can come out and play by the rules.”

 

Chaos didn’t respond for a while. Then she said something very softly.

 

“What was that?” Optimus asked.

 

“I want to come out.”

 

“Good.”

 

Chaos started to float up. Optimus stopped her with a look.

 

“That’s not possible,” Optimus told her, reaching down to pick her up and deposit her on the ground beside him. “You shouldn’t do things that aren’t possible.”

 

“How do I know what’s possible?”

 

“Watch other people. And things. See what they do and what they don’t. If you’re confused, you can ask me.”

 

“Can I fly?”

 

“Only if you have wings.”

 

Chaos grew wings.

 

“All right,” Optimus said slowly. “I don’t think anything on this planet has wings quite like that. First of all, they shouldn’t glow.”

 

“But what if it’s dark?”

 

“Then you find light. Now you should decide what you want to look like and not change it anymore.” Optimus paused to consider how to do this. She could come from a stasis pod, a damaged stasis pod with a jangled CPU. “We should probably start with your beast mode.”

 

“Beast mode!” Chaos exclaimed, like something had just lit up in her mind. “Where’s my kangaroo?”

 

Optimus sighed. “We’ll deal with that later. Now, what do you want to be?”