Beast Wars Anonymous:

Beast Wars and all related belong to Hasbro. The story, its original contents and ideas, and any original characters belong to the author and cannot be used or reprinted without the author's permission.

Author’s Note: Sorry to say, I'm at it again. Here's another one. Yah, I know, these three songs have absolutely nothing in common, and these stories don't really either, but hey, it was worth a shot. This song just really reminds me of Cheetor, and the way he acts. So don't blame me if it depicts him as an idiot, it's just the way I see him. Again, try an enjoy.

Page Administrator’s Note: To get the full effect of this story, it is highly recommended that you read it while listening to the song referred to herein.

Pretty Fly (For a White Guy)
by SongBird (songbird_25@hotmail.com)

Rattrap stared at the glowing walkman, trying to figure out what to make of it. The second he stopped walking to study it, it gave a loud beep and returned to it's dull metallic hue. The rodent shook it a couple of times, and even hit it, but it didn't glow, and made no noise, save for the songs playing softly. Shaking his head, and wondering if he just imagined it, the ratbot put it back in his pocket and continued walking.

"Shit!" Remembering that he was still supposed to be on monitor duty in the control room, Rattrap quickened his pace, hoping Optimus hadn't decided to check on him even though he already knew that he was in major trouble.

"I don't know what's come over me. Or for that matter, everyone else," Blackarachnia commented, stroking the crow's head. The small bird had followed her, and now seemed attatched to the black widow spider. The bird cawed in agreement. "I mean, what's up with Silverbolt and Cheetor? For one, I'm not even going out with Cheetor. Yeah, I flirted with him, but that means nothing. And they were singing. Singing!" she shook her head in disgust. She leaned back in her chair. "And Rattrap? I don't even like the smelly vermin!"

As if to say 'speak of the devil', Rattrap entered the control room. He stopped in his tracks when he saw the Predacon.

"Black...Blackarachnia?" he stuttered, "What are you doing here?"

She smiled, shrugging her shoulders. "Optimus was coming, and I guess I didn't want you to get in trouble, so I told him I'd take over for you. You know. Trying to do the Maximal thing to do and all," she smiled up at him. A bit nervous, he smiled back and sat next to her.

"Uh, thanks." The black widow spider smiled again.

"No problem." Reaching behind him he unhooked his headphones and placed his walkman on the table. The ratbot watched her, wondering just what had gotten into her.

"Stupid dumb Silvrebolt. It's all his fault!" Cheetor stomped down the hall, muttering to himself. "And Rattrap. It's his fault too! She'd be going out with me if it weren't for them!" He slammed his fist into the metal wall of the hallway. A sizeable impression was left when he brought his hand away. "Grr! I hate evreyone!" He continued muttering the rest of the way down the hall, every couple words being obscenities that one his age shouldn't say.

He passed a junction in the hallway. Turning, he changed his mind and went down it. "And singing! That song!" He shook his head at his own stupidity. As he reached the entrance to the control room, he stared in shock. Rattrap and Blackarachnia were sitting beside each other, chatting it up. And the Predacon was actually being nice to him. Growling to himself, he walked in. Wrapped up in their conversation, they didn't even notice Cheetor. He cleared his throat. But still, they ignored him. Glaring at them evilly, the catbot grabbed Rattrap's walkman and stomped away.

"Everyone report to the conference room. There will be a meeting." The ship's intercom buzzed. Rattrap looked up. He had been talking to Blackarachnia. Talking to her. And she didn't even insult him. Not even once. To tell the truth, the ratbot was quite confused. The Predacon's idea of having a conversation with him was to point out in detail everything that's wrong with him. But they were actually talking this time. Although he didn't understand it, Rattrap was still quite happy.

"Well, guess we'd better go," he said, almost sadly.

"Yeah, I guess we'd better." The spiderbot smiled winningly at him and walked away. Rattrap grinned to himself, then followed her.

When the two entered the conference room, Silverbolt growled. Cheetor sneered. The cat and dog were the only two who had seen Blackarachnia's little interest in Rattrap. And both wished they knew what was going on. Blackarachnia sat beside Rattrap, and even moved her chair closer to his. The other assembled bots also wished they knew what was going on. As far as they knew, Blackarachnia hated Rattrap. And now she was sitting all cozy with him? There were a few hushed murmurs and Optimus glared at them until they subsided.

"Okay. I don't know what's been going on lately, but whatever it is, someone better put an end to it. Everyone's been acting strange."

The bots looked around at their neighbours, most knowing what Optimus meant, although some of the bots on long-range recon or patrol hadn't been around the base enough to know what the gorillabot was talking about. Cheetor rolled his optics and put in the headphones. Pressing the play button, he was suprised to hear that it was one of his tapes. Rattrap must have stolen it. The catbot growled to himself, thinking about the rodent. How dare he move in on Blackarachnia! It was bad enough that the dumb dog was after her, but Rattrap too? Cheetor curled his lip in content. But his sneer slowly became a smile as one of his favorite bands began to play over the headphones. Optimus was droning on and on about something, but all Cheetor could hear was the Offspring.

He looked around the room. All the other bots seemed to be paying attention, other than him. Beside him to the left was Dinobot, and to the right, Rhinox. BigBot was in the big chair at the front of the table. Across from him was Airazor, and on either side of her, Tigatron and Silverbolt. Beside Tigatron was Rattrap, and next to him Blackarachnia. Blackarachnia. The catbot took a moment to admire her. She was truly beautiful. The picture of perfection in the cat's eyes. She turned, as if feeling his optics on her. When seeing it was Cheetor, she smiled seductively. This confused the catbot to his very core. He thought she was now with Rattrap.

The Predacon turned her attention back to Optimus. The catbot sat there, forgetting his music, and thought about it. Maybe he was imaging things.

He felt a slight movement near his foot, but ignored it. The movement came again. Something was rubbing against his leg. Deciding to still ignore it, he turned his headphones lower and tried to concentrate on what Optimus was saying. But the thing kept on rubbing against him. He peeked under the table, just a quick glance. But he quickly snapped his head up when he saw what he was obviously making up. He looked up at Airazor, who smiled at him. He peeked under the table. He was right. Airazor was trying to play 'footsies' with him.

Cheetor left the meeting feeling much better than when he came in, but more confused than ever. He had done his best to ignore the falcon, but it was not easy with her rubbing her foot against him. And to make matters worse, the black widow had been blowing him kisses! He shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts. There were currently two femmes on the base, and they had both been flirting with him, at the same time! As this thought registered in his head, he began to walk differently. Slowly at first, but then growing with each step, his walk became a strut. He was pleased with himself. Very pleased with himself.

He decided to go for a walk, outside the base. Hey, with the way things are going today, he thought to himself, I'll find a stasis pod with a beautiful girl in it! This made him grin widely to himself. He rewound his tape. Now, he realized, the song went for him. He did not, however, think that this could not necessarily be a good thing. He hummed to himself as the control room elevator slowly ground to a stop and opened, letting him loose on the outside world.

He stopped rewinding, just in time for the beginning of his song. He smiled to himself and pressed play. His subconscious barely noted that the area surrounding the base seemed different. Optimus appeared beside him and started blabbing on about something he couldn't quite understand. He just smiled, made a hand gesture and walked away, singing. Airazor, Blackarachnia, and a few femmes he had never seen before were standing near a beautiful-looking car, the likes of which Cheetor had never seen before. Figuring that such a beautiful machine could only be his, he walked towards it. As he got closer, the femmes began to sing.

"Give it to me baby." He added his comment, with
"Ah ho, ah ho,"
"Give it to me baby."
"Ah ho, ah ho."
"GIVE it to me baby."
"Ah ho, ah ho. And all the girlies say I'm pretty fly for a white guy." Out of nowhere, Optimus began to count in Spanish, a human language. Cheetor opened the door to the car and got in. Finding the key in the ignition, he started it up. Out of nowhere, a human, appeared. The catbot stared in shock at Dexter Holland. As he drove the car away on what seemed to be paved street, he heard the red-headed human sing.

"You know it's kinda hard
Just to get a lot today
Our subject isn't cool
But he fakes it anyway" As he drove, Cheetor bobbed his head to the beat, which came seemingly out of nowhere.

"He may not have a clue
And he may not have style
But everything he lacks,
Well he makes up in denial." Cheetor smiled as he listened to the familiar lyrics, head-banging slightly as he drove his beatup-looking car.

"So don't debate, A player straight
You know he really doesn't get it anyway
He's gonna play the field, And keep it real
For you no way, For you no way
So if you don't rate, Just overcompensate
At least you'll know you can
Always go on Ricki Lake
The world needs wannabe's
Hey hey, So do that brand new thing." Cheetor stopped bobbing a split second to wonder what Ricki Lake was, but then he saw Blackarachnia and the other femmes on a porch that had appeared out of nowhere. He stopped the car in front of them and drummed his hands on the door of the car as they sang.

"Give it to me baby."
"Ah ho, ah ho."
"Give it to me baby."
"Ah ho, ah ho."
"GIVE it to me baby."
"Ah ho, ah ho," Cheetor nodded his head, knowing in his mind that he was the man. "and all the girlies say I'm pretty fly." The femmes looked at each other and added,

"For a white guy!" The catbot continued on his way. Again Dexter's harmonies could be heard.

"He needs some cool tunes,
Not just any will suffice
But they didn't have Ice Cube
So he bought Vanilla Ice" Stopping at a red light, Cheetor saw Depth Charge and Rampage. Revving his engine, he made his car shake.
"Now Crusing in his Pinto, He sees Homies as he pass

But if he looks twice
They're gonna kick his lily ass." As he drove off, the two enemies looked very angry. Seeing a group of people, he stopped his car. Getting out he saw a group of guys, Blackarachnia, and Airazor. Rattrap was in the middle of a semi-circle, brake dancing. Pushing Rattrap out of the way, Cheetor began dancing like a moron, thinking he was cool.

"So don't debate, A player straight
You know he really doesn't get it anyway
He's gonna play the field, And keep it real
For you no way, For you no way
So if you don't rate, Just overcompinsate
At least you'll know you can
always go on Ricki Lake
The world needs wannabe's
Hey, hey, So do that brand new thing." Blackarachnia and Airazor looked at each other, then along with the other femmes, picked the catbot up, carrying him away.

"Now he's getting a tattoo,
Yeah, he's gettin' ink done
He asked for a '13', But they drew a '31' " The femmes carried him to what seemed like a back yard, towards a large swimming pool.

"Friends say he's trying too hard
And he's not quite hip
But in his own mind
He's the, He's the dopest trip." The girls threw him in the pool, soaking him. When he turned around, however there were a bunch of girls in bikin's dancing. Grinning to himself, he listened to them sing.

"Give it to me baby."
"Ah ho, ah ho."
"Give it to me baby."
"Ah ho, ah ho."
"GIVE it to me baby."
"Ah ho, ah ho," now instead of the usual line, he counted in Spanish, as Optimus had done. Cheetor then found himself in a strange room by himself and decided to practice. So again, he danced like a moron as Dexter sang.

"So don't debate, A player straight
You know he doesn't really get it anyway
He's gonna play the field, And keep it real
For you no way, For you no way
So if you don't rate, just over compensate
At least you'll know you can
Always go on Ricki Lake
The world needs wannabe's
The world loves wannabe's
So let's get some more wannabe's
Hey, hey, And do that brand new thing." As the music died down, Cheetor looked around. Everyone was staring at him, and at the scenery that surrounded them all. Cheetor blushed a bit, then turned and went to the Axalon. The other bots followed in suite. Now everyone knew that something was going on. Human's don't just appear and disappear everyday. And the car, and all the other stuff that just appeared out of nowhere. And what about the way everyone was acting? Cheetor knew as well as everyone else that something was up, and he was bound and determined to find out what caused it. It had, after all, caused him considerable embarrassment. A low beep caused him to look down. He had nearly forgotten about Rattrap's walkman. He brought it out and turned it over in his hands. It beeped again and began to glow. Dully at first, then picking up in intensity.

Cheetor gasped. Blackarachnia, Rattrap, and Silverbolt came up behind him and stared in astonishment as the walkman began to tremble slightly. The catbot stood there, gaping at it and not knowing what to do. The little crow bobbed up beside Blackarachnia and perched on her shoulder. The black widow barely seemed to notice. Suddenly, as if from nowhere, there came a maniacal laugh.

"I knew it!" Rattrap exclaimed. "I knew something was up with that! I saw it do this earlier!" The laughter that came from nowhere began to laugh louder.

"Mwahahahahahahahahahaha! Fools! I am your superior! You shall bow down before me! Or face my wrath."

"Hey! We bow down to no one, right guys?" Blackarachnia stated. When her companions did not answer, she turned and saw them staring at the floor. She shook her head, muttering under her breath.

"Silence, female! Or face my wrath!"

"Who-who are you?" Cheetor managed to whisper.

"Your ruler!"

Blackarachnia rolled her optics. "Great. Another lunatic. I must be starting a collection."

"Fools! All of you! I guess I will have to show you my powers!" They heard a grumble, kind of like a very small earthquake. Cheetor dropped the walkman. The crow cawed and took flight. The catbot reached down to pick up the dropped walkman, but when he came close to it, it skittered out of his reach. The bot's stared in fascination as the walkman glowed brighter, then began to transform.

It transformed into a bot. A bot mere inches bigger than a walkman. It laughed at them insanely.

"See my power? I was the one who made this all happen," it laughed again. "Now bow down before me!" Cheetor snickered. "Fool! You doubt me still?" he pulled out a miniature gun.

"What are you going to do?" the catbot sneered, "blind me with your laser-pointer?"

The small bot's optics began to glow. He pointed the blaster at Cheetor and fired. He was rewarded by a scream of pain. Cheetor's right hand had been burnt off; a scorched stump spouting mech-fluid was all that was left. "AHHHHH!"

The three bots stared at each other in shocked disbelief at Cheetor's severed hand. The miniature bot laughed insanely. Silverbolt turned his attention to the small bot. He recognized it from somewhere...it came back to him in an instant. He looked at Blackarachnia.

"Beloved. Does this creature not resemble an old Deceptacon cassette player? One that fought in the great war against our ancestors?" Blackarachnia blinked several times and studied the miniature Cybertronian.
"Yes, I suppose it does. What was it's name...ah, yes. Soundwave. I guess he does kind of look like him. But only, wasn't the Deceptacon...bigger?"

Silverbolt nodded his head.

"Yes, he would have to be. Maybe the anomaly that turned our comrades transmetal...shrunk him or something."

The tiny Decepticon craned its neck and looked up at them in distain. "Fools! Do you not think I can hear you? I do go by the name Soundwave, but that is none of your concern. Now bow! You Maximals try my patience."

Blackarachnia raised an optic ridge. "Oh, shut up. No one's going to listen to you."

"Yah. You're startin' ta get on my nerves," Rattrap added. Cheetor looked at the two, shocked.

"But-but-but...my hand!" he managed to stutter.

"Kiddo, I'm sorry 'bout your hand and all, but dere ain't no way in da Inferno dat I'm gonna bow ta no midgetbot." Soundwave's face turned red.

"That is it! You shall be punished for your actions!"

Blackarachnia did the first thing that popped into her head at such short notice. She stepped on him. There was a sickening crunch and a high-pitched moan. After she had finished grinding her heel, she lifted her foot. The miniature Decepticon glared at her, pure rage written across his compressed features. The black widow spider reached down and picked him up by the neck with one of her pincers and walked the few steps to a section of the wall that had a flat surface protruding from it. She pressed a small button and it opened up, revealing a sort of mailbox-like slot. Placing the squished walkman into the slot, she closed it and pressed a short sequence of buttons. A small green screen-like button glowed green, the flashed red. There was a metallic click and the whir of motors followed by a string of curses. The motor sound wound down, and with it the obscenities. The carburetor shut itself off automatically. Wiping her pincers on each other, Blackarachnia turned back to her companions.

"All taken care of, boys." And with that, she headed off to her room, Silverbolt following close behind after exchanging a glance with Cheetor and Rattrap. The cat and rat were left alone. Well, not entirely alone. The little crow was down the corridor a way.

Shaking his head, Cheetor bent down and retreived his severed hand. "You should go to the CR Chamber now," Rattrap commented. Cheetor rolled is optics.

"Naw, I'm gonna carry it around and show it to everyone." The crow did a little hop-skip and took flight, coming to land on the ratbot's shoulder. It gave a soft caw and peered at both of them. Cheetor chuckled. "Looks like you have a friend." Rattrap swatted at the small bird, attempting to scare it away. The crow cawed harshly, but refused to move. Cheetor's chuckle turned into a laugh. "Never mind, it looks like you got a little girlfriend." The crow seemed to blush slightly beneath its midnight-black feathers, but it was only slightly and unnoticeable. Rattrap, however, began to turn red with anger and again swatted at the bird. But this time he managed to hit it. Taking into account that it was unusually small, only inches larger than the walkman, the force of the blow caused it to smack against the wall and sink to the floor with a pitiful caw.

"Aw, great. You killed the poor thing," Cheetor scolded, but he was laughing so hard it caused him to fall to his knees. Rattrap's face softened, and he walked over to where the crumpled form of the crow lay.

"I'm sorry little fella'," he said soothingly as he reached towards the small bird. It lashed out, pecking him hard. "Damn thing! I'm gonna make little drumsticks for dinner!" The crow flew off quickly, but not before pecking the ratbot again. It flew through the control room and nearly ran into Dinobot as he was coming up the elevator. It zipped down, and then it was back in the wild.

It cawed angrily as it zipped through the trees near the Axilon. But as she cleared them, she could not help but smile to herself as the little crow soared out into the deep blue sky. Small fluffy white clouds twisted into hundreds of shapes. She could not help but chirp out melodiously as the wind ruffled her feathers. Ah, well, she thought as she soared higher and higher into the expanseless blue, there's always next time.