Beast Warrior's Day Out

- Winner of "Funniest Comedy" and "Silliest and Sweetest" 2005

Beast Warriors' Day Out:

The Funfair

Writer's Note: This idea was Miss Special's younger brother's, and his enthusiasm for it inspired me to write it.

Every fan fiction writer has their own versions of the Beast Warriors in their heads. Sometimes, like during a writer's block or a writer's rush, the characters can get quite rowdy, demanding attention, complaining about how they were written and generally just getting fidgety. When such times occur, it is time to take them on a break. Such time had occurred for one writer in particular, and, upon suggestion of Nick, her best friend's inventive younger brother, she decided to take them to a funfair. Surely she could let them loose there and let them occupy themselves...

That was wishing for too much and she knew it. So she decided to make her problem someone else's and put Optimus Primal in charge. She'd given him some simple instructions: keep them under control, make sure no one stepped on any humans and watch that Rampage didn't eat anybody. Optimus would soon find out that was easier said than done.

Currently, the Maximal leader was shouting at Rattrap for growing impatient on his failure to find a good parking spot for the Ark (the transport for all the Maximals and Predacons for this trip) and attempting to park it on top of several cars.

"What?! Nobody's in 'em, and every human's got car insurance these days!" Rattrap protested as Optimus pushed him aside and took control of the ship. He managed to steer it away from the unsuspecting vehicles below. "That's no excuse Rattrap! We'd also have all the owners of those cars suing the energon out of us, and we're not exactly wealthy at the moment!"

Rattrap muttered something about, "at the moment..." but Optimus was too engrossed in landing the Ark in a field nearby the funfair. Finally, the grand ship was settled. It of course shouldn't have flown at all, but Sapphire, the writer, had taken care of that problem by exercising an illegal version of creative license.

All the bots poured out of the ship, rubbing their various aching joints from a rather bumpy ride. Rattrap hadn't flown a ship in a long time and he was out of practice. He'd never flown an Autobot ship before, so that didn't help matters.

"You," Megatron said as he stepped off the landing ramp and pointed an accusing hand at Rattrap, "are a terrible pilot."

Rattrap gasped in offence, then glared up at the purple tyrant. "You wanna repeat that, Megajerk?!" he said, balling his hands into fists. Optimus walked past him and picked up up by the shoulders as he did so, depositing him a safe distance away from Megatron. "None of that, Rattrap. We can't have chaos before we even ENTER the fun fair. Remember, this is supposed to be a fun trip for all of us."

Rattrap grumbled and dusted himself off, displeased with having been lifted and carried against his will. "Yeah, yeah."

The Predacons and Maximals proceeded to the entrance of the funfair. Optimus paid for all of them with money Sapphire had loaned them. The ticket lady gave them curious looks, but decided it'd be rude to comment on their peculiar sizes, shapes and colours. This was a funfair, after all. She'd seen her fair share of strangely dressed people entering it. Usually they worked in the circus that was a part of it.

Optimus grabbed several maps of the area and distributed them. "Now, this will be our central meeting place. We'll meet back here in three hours. Got that?" he addressed the assembled bots, some of who were clearly not listening.

There were a few mutters of acknowledgement, save for Cheetor's over-enthusiastic "Got ya, Bigbot!" Optimus smiled politely at him and said, "Good."

"Now remember to watch where you step. Humans are easily squashed and they don't pop back up after a cycle in a CR chamber. You break them and they generally stay broken."

Rampage snickered at the mental pictures Optimus's description created and Optimus turned on him with a warning finger. "Especially you! No eating any of them, either. Do you understand?"

"Oh I won't eat any of THEM," Rampage growled, giving Optimus a menacing look. Optimus chose to ignore it. He waved his hand dismissively and said, "Go have fun." The bots dispersed, some in pairs and some by themselves. Optimus decided he wanted to go on the banana ride first. It had caught his attention the moment he'd entered the funfair. He only regretted that the giant rocking banana wasn't edible.

---

Cheetor and Rattrap headed in the same direction. Both of them were eager to try the kart cars. "Hey ratface, wanna race me?" Cheetor asked his fellow transmetal. Rattrap blew a raspberry. "Race YOU? Oh please, kid. Don't humiliate yerself."

Cheetor pulled a face. "Hey! I'm just as fast in kart car as I am in cheetah mode!" he defended.

Rattrap gave him a sidelong glance. "Oh yeah? Well, we'll see about dat. Cuz ya know, you're talking to da master roadster extraordinaire."

Cheetor rolled his eyes. "You are SO full of yourself, RT."

"Well, what can I say? There's a lot about me I like," Rattrap said nonchalantly and smirked. Cheetor rolled his eyes again.

-----

Depth Charge was unimpressed with funfairs in general. This was not his idea of fun. Then again, Depth Charge hadn't even tried to have fun in a long time. It was quite possible he'd forgotten how. His first attempt at doing something funfair-ish had ended in disaster. He should have known better than to try eating some candy floss when he didn't have a conventional mouth.

Wiping his sticky mouthpiece with the back of his hand, he came upon the first of the major rides. He stared up at the enormous Ferris wheel and noted that the carriages were designed to house groups of six people...which meant they might be big enough to fit him, if he folded his fins. At first he was merely taking in the sight of the thing, without any intent on getting on, but then he got an idea and decided to go for it. From up there he would have a clear view of the whole funfair and he'd be able to see where everyone was, particularly Rampage. (He'd disappeared the moment Optimus took his eyes off him.) Sapphire had cruelly disabled his ability to track the crab with his personal computer, to prevent 'trouble', as she had put it, so he'd have to resort to good old-fashioned eyesight. Usually he'd just fly up to a high point and observe from there, but flying in funfairs was hazardous, as various roller coaster came up from out of nowhere, balloons were constantly drifting about and there was an air-show of miniature planes taking place as well.

The large mantabot approached the Ferris wheel's queue. He shoved past everyone, earning himself cries of anger and causing several small children to cry. He eventually made it to the front of the queue in time for the next ride.

"Excuse me sir, but you should line up from the ba...." the ride master began but trailed when he saw the furious face Depth Charge was sporting. He stood aside and said: "Help yourself to a carriage."

Depth Charge crammed himself into one and heard the entire structure moan ominously. He considered getting off, but the gate closed and suddenly the carriage jolted as the wheel began to turn. He just managed to turn his head and watch as the humans below shrank in size as he rose up. He changed his gaze to the grounds before him and narrowed his optics as he began scanning for his archenemy.

---------

Megatron and Inferno had been wandering around aimlessly, looking for something interesting to do. So far, all they'd achieved was buying loads of candy, all of which was for Inferno, who had quite the sweet tooth. Megatron would have preferred to have ventured off alone, but he was not in charge today, so he put up with Inferno's following him around. At least the fire ant provided some company, and he'd prefer to hang around with him than any of those other twits.

Megatron sighed. "I really wish Miss Fire had thought of something else for us to do than this. Funfairs and the sort aren't my scene," he complained aloud to no-one in particular.

"The Royalty is displeased! Is there something I can do to solve your dilemma?" Inferno offered.

"I'm afraid there isn't, Inferno, no," Megatron grumbled in reply. Then something caught his eye. He looked over the stalls of candy and snacks and spotted what was clearly marked as "Haunted House Ride of Terror". He raised an eye-ridge. "So, the humans presume they can...'terrify' all who embark on that ride?" he mused to himself. Inferno followed his gaze and frowned, finding the notion of humans being scary just silly. There was nothing scary about them.

Megatron felt an unusual twinge of playfulness inside him and, on impulse, started towards the ride. "Well, we shall see how they intend on striking fear into our sparks. I have the utmost confidence that they won't succeed. Still, it could be interesting to see what humans find frightening." Various evil plots began to form in his mind. Inferno scratched his head, not quite catching onto Megatron's train of thought, and followed.

--------

Tigatron and Airazor had spotted several of their fellow bots on their travels through the fair. They had just passed Quickstrike, who was playing one of those "shoot the duck" games. So far, he'd blown up seven ducks and won a water pistol, three large teddy bears, two balls and a baseball cap. The man in charge of that particular stall had been looking most unhappy. Quickstrike, on the other hand, had been thrilled. "Ye-haw! Take that yeh yellow vamits! Ain't no duck out-swimming my pistol!"

Tigatron shook his head with a disapproving frown. Airazor shrugged. "Well, at least he's enjoying himself."

Tigatron turned to his female friend. "And aren't you having a good time?" he asked with concern.

Airazor smiled. "Of course I am! It's been great walking around, taking in the sights, munching on peanut brittle and talking to you. But you know what would make it extra special?" she asked, subtly striking an alluring pose.

Tigatron took the bait. "What would you like to do, Airazor?"

A bright grin lit up on her face and she pointed to something in the distance. "A ride on THAT!" she exclaimed enthusiastically. Tigatron looked at what she was gesturing at and managed to turn a whiter shade of pale. Before him was what looked like a giant yo-yo. Between two extremely tall pole-like structures was a circular cage and inside it were humans. The cage was being hurtled high into the air and then pulled back at speed by gravity. A simple concept, but it created a stomach-lurching ride all the same. He felt a tremble beginning in his knees.

"That?" he barely uttered.

Airazor nodded fervently. "Yes! It looks fantastic! Why don't we go?!"

Tigatron looked at the giant yo-yo, then at her expectant face, back at the ride, then, reluctantly, back at her face. He simply couldn't say no to her. "All right," he conceded with a weak smile. The next moment, he was being pulled along by an excited adrenaline-seeking femmebot. "Heh, this is gonna be such fun, Tigatron!" she cried above the blaring music of the bumper cars they passed. Neither noticed who was in the queue for that particular ride.

------------

Dinobot had scowled the moment a trip to the funfair had been suggested, and he was still scowling. He'd gone off on his own, sulking and glaring at small, screaming children that threatened to topple him as they ran through his legs. Eventually, he decided it safer to be in some sort of queue and away from the running little menaces. Currently he was queuing for the bumper car ride. He didn't expect to enjoy the ride, but he figured that by ploughing his electric vehicle into all who surrounded him, he'd burn off some steam.

In front of him hobbled a little old lady who was babysitting her two young grandchildren. Whenever the queue moved, there formed a significant gap between the elderly woman and the grandchildren in front of her, and Dinobot was stuck inching behind her. The person behind him wasn't much better, either. He was an obnoxious, scrawny man shouting away on his cellphone about the most mundane subjects. Dinobot was barely restraining himself from swivelling around and telling him to shut up.

"And you won't believe what he said, mom..." the man nattered away. Dinobot got a twitch in his left optic. The crowd started to move and he waited as the little old lady, predictably, moved along at the pace of a snail. Dinobot regretted joining the first queue he saw. This was a long one.

"This ride had better be worth the wait, or there will be Pit to pay," he grumbled irritably.

--------------

The kart race had been worth the wait for Cheetor and Rattrap. While neither of them were openly admitting it, as they were trying to keep cool, calm and collected demeanours as they raced each other around the corners, both were thoroughly enjoying themselves. They'd completed two races so far, each one winning one, and so to break the tie they were taking it to the wire on the third and final race. Currently, Rattrap was leading by half a car-length.

"Hoo-hoo! Would ya look whose in da lead again," Rattrap cheered above the roaring of the engines. There were others in the race, but they were all two laps behind and neither Rattrap nor Cheetor were paying any attention to them. As far as they were concerned, they were the only ones racing.

Cheetor growled in annoyance. "Well enjoy it while it lasts, because it's only temporary!" Cheetor cried and put the pedal to the metal. His car inched dangerously close to the rear end of Rattrap's silver and red vehicle.

Rattrap's smile faded and was replaced by a steely look of determination. There were only two laps left of the race and he just HAD to beat Cheetor. He'd never hear the end of it if he didn't. He took the hairpin faster than he should have and nearly went off-track. It allowed Cheetor to get right up close and almost pass him. Rattrap defended his piece of race track as best as he could and was just able to force the catbot into submission. But Cheetor recovered his speed on the straight and before Rattrap could say cheese, the young Transmetal was side-by-side with him.

"Aw, slag," Rattrap muttered unhappily. The corner was approaching and only one car could take it at a time. It all depended on who reached it first and took the racing line. Neither 'bot taunted the other as they neared it, as both were too focused on their driving. At the last second, Cheetor managed to eke out a little distance between himself and Rattrap and turned into the corner before his rival did. But Rattrap was having none of it.

"Oh no ya don't!" Rattrap yelled and thrust his car's nose down the inside line in an attempt to force Cheetor onto the gravel. Cheetor saw the attempt and instead of sensibly trying to avoid touching, he rammed the side of his car into the imposing nosecone of his competitor.

Both immediately lost control of their vehicles and the kart cars spun, knocking into each other and forcing the other off into gravel trap. Their 'accident' caused two cars to brake and three others to slam into the braked ones. In effect, the two had caused a small pile-up which resulted in the race being halted. Neither of them actually cared, though. They were both too busy exchanging insults and waving fists as they clambered out of their damaged karts.

"You spotted buffoon! Why'd ya go an' do THAT?!" Rattrap shouted as he hopped up and down on one foot, while trying to pry his other from its wedged position under the brake pedal.

Cheetor threw his helmet onto the ground in anger. "ME?! You were the one who stuck your big fat nose into my way!"

"I had da inside line! You were supposed ta YIELD! Now a REAL racer woulda known that!" Rattrap defended. He suddenly pulled his foot free and toppled backwards, landing in the dirt on his rear. Cheetor folded his arms crossly and said: "A REAL racer wouldn't pull a stunt like that in a friendly competition."

Rattrap got to his feet, brushing dirt off his arms. "Friendly? Kid, it stopped bein' friendly when ya tried ta ground me at dat hairpin."

"That was your own mistake! I was simply taking advantage," Cheetor declared.

Rattrap snorted. "Whatever! Eh, I've had enough of dis fer one day. I'm gonna see what else is cookin'." The Transmetal rat turned away and left rather hastily. Usually Rattrap would never back out of a fight, but he could see a very irate race controller approaching them with the obvious intent on getting them to pay for the damage they'd caused. Poor Cheetor realized the stingy rat's motive too late.

Depth Charge was halfway up the Ferris wheel when it stopped again. It had stopped and started several times to allow people to get on. That was how the thing worked. As soon as one carriage was on the ground and emptied, it would fill up with new passengers. But he was making progress. Soon he'd be at the top and able to see all the funfair.

It was unfortunate for the manta that he had not looked down in a while, for below him, near the front of the queue for the Ferris wheel, was Rampage. The crab had spotted him boarding the Ferris wheel after he'd finished his meal. (So far no one had noticed the missing goat in the animal petting ring). He knew the raybot was not riding the wheel for kicks and figured out his plan almost immediately, so he thought it'd be entertaining to get on the wheel himself, so when Depth Charge got off and started on his way again, he'd be able to spy HIM. It would be even more delightful if the Maximal spotted him once he was right at the top of the wheel, pointing and laughing. The idea put him in a good mood and so he queued a little. He didn't want to cause a fuss and get the ray's attention too early on.

He was now at the front of the queue as the next family boarded a carriage. A few minutes later another one came down and emptied. The ride master turned to let him in and paled. "Not another one of you!" he barely uttered. He quickly stepped aside and gestured to the carriage. "Take it!"

Rampage walked causally over to it and squeezed in. The carriage lowered and just brushed the ground. The ride master looked at it worriedly, and then looked at him. Rampage gave him an impatient look and the ride master decided worrying for his own life was more important at that point in time. He got the wheel moving again.

Meanwhile, Depth Charge was just about to look down and see what was causing the delay when the wheel jerked again and started to move. It was making an awful racket doing so, though. He grunted in mild concern. Maybe getting on here wasn't such a good idea after all...

The wheel continued to turn at a far slower rate, groaning all the way. Depth Charge grew increasingly uncomfortable. Eventually, his carriage reached the top. He looked out across the fair grounds in search of his prey. The carriage only remained at the top for a minute, and in that time Depth Charge did not spot any sign of his quarry. It annoyed him extremely. The carriage began its descent when suddenly something loud snapped within the wheel, there was the noise of metal straining, something broke and suddenly the wheel was turning at a rapid rate. Depth Charge found his carriage plummeting towards the earth and he was too wedged in it to get out in time.

"Yaaaah!"

Fortunately, the ride master had gotten over his second scare of the day in time to deal with the third. He was quick to realize what had happened and shut the ride off just before Depth Charge's carriage met the ground. The cogs in the giant contraption were frozen in an emergency lock-down and the wheel jolted once, causing all its carriages to sway violently back and forth. People screamed and flailed in fear.

The ride master turned around and saw the person closest to the ground was Depth Charge. The manta looked at him, rather shocked, but before he could utter a word his carriage let out one final creak and snapped off, falling the half meter to the ground with a loud thump. Depth Charge grunted and shook his head in an effort to clear away his dizziness. The sudden fall had caused him to be a little disorientated. With a few muttered expletives, the manta worked his way out of the carriage and stood up. "What happened?!" he asked the dazed and worried-looking ride master.

The man merely pointed upwards. Depth Charge followed his gesture to a carriage near the top and gasped. There was Rampage, sitting hunched and looking guilty. The crabbot was trying in vain to make himself inconspicuous.

"So it was him! He got on the ride when he knew it would break it! That miserable, repulsive, vindictive---"

The ride master waited for Depth Charge to finish raging and then asked him if there was anything he could do to help, being that he was much larger and stronger than any human. Depth Charge calmed himself down and took a moment to asses the damage on the primitive ride. It became apparent what had broken and what needed to be done in order for the ride to move again.

"Yeah," he eventually sighed gruffly, "I can fix it. I just need some equipment. Trust me, I want all those people off this ride as soon as you do, particularly THAT guy!" he said, pointing accusingly at Rampage. The crabbot looked down at him at that moment and visibly groaned.

"Whatever you say," the ride master said, glad that he could get the Ferris wheel working without having to call in expensive repairmen.

---------------

Optimus was glad he hadn't eaten any bananas before he boarded the banana ride. He was feeling pretty queasy by the time it was over.

The Maximal leader walked a little crookedly towards Silverbolt and Blackarachnia. The couple were sitting on a bench overlooking the canal. They were sharing the bench with countless stuffed toy animals, which Optimus assumed had been won. He came up beside the fuzor and Silverbolt immediately stood to greet him.

"Hello Optimus! How're you enjoying the day so far?" he asked pleasantly.

"It's been all right, so far, although I don't suggest trying that banana ride with a full stomach," he told the Maximal.

"I'm not a big fan of such rides myself, sir," he said, nodding sympathetically.

Optimus spied Blackarachnia batting away a pink fluffy bear. The bear had obviously gotten on her nerves. "Why did you get all those stuffed toys?"

Blackarachnia answered before Silverbolt. "Bowser thought it'd be romantic to play a few games and win prizes for me. As you can see, he got carried away," she said, eyeing the collection of cute toys with mild disgust.

Silverbolt shrugged with a goofy grin. "What can I say? I was on a winning streak!"

"I can see," Optimus said. "Well, I'll leave you two be. I'd better go check up on the others and make sure they aren't getting into too much mischief."

"Good luck," Blackarachia muttered. She'd already spotted a dusty and slightly battered-looking Rattrap glancing nervously over his shoulder. She'd followed his glances and seen the car pile up he'd left in his wake.

Optimus moved away from the couple. Silverbolt turned to his beloved. "What do you feel like doing now, milady?"

Blackarchnia watched the boats moving sluggishly along the canal. She was thinking about what fast rides she could take Silverbolt on that wouldn't upset him. Silverbolt misinterpreted her gaze on the boats as a desire to ride one. "You wish to go on the love boats?" he asked suddenly.

Blackarachnia opened her mouth to say no, that was the last thing on her mind, but Silverbolt cut her off before she could get a word in. "Why, that's a splendid idea! Let us embark on this romantic little trip and be free from crowds and noise for a bit."

He took her hand and gathered up some of the stuffed toys with his free hand. He didn't seem to care for the rest as he led her away and towards the canal ride entrance. It was obvious he had been wanting to go on this ride for some time. Blackarachnia sighed and just followed him. There was no point in protesting. He'd just politely say, 'oh, very well then', pull that pathetic, disappointed face and sulk in silence for the rest of the day, and she couldn't stand that!

--------------

Dinobot could take it no longer. That idiot behind him was STILL yakking away on his accursed mobile phone, and the subjects were still absolute drivel!

When the man started talking about what he thought of a certain person's behaviour on some reality TV show, Dinobot decided it was time to tell him what to do and where to go. He turned around suddenly with a face of murder.

"Will you SAVE it! You have been blabbering away incessantly for the past quarter of a megacycle about things of such little worth that merely thinking about them is a waste of energy! You have selfishly ignored the fact that all in a ten meter radius can HEAR what you are saying, and that none of us WISH to hear it. So either you will shut up and turn that blasted thing off, or I will shut you both up personally!"

The man stared at him, white as a sheet, and dropped his phone. He continued to stare at him for a moment, visibly gulping. Then he turned tail and ran, screaming all the way. Dinobot's voice had been so loud and his expression so fearsome that when the others in the queue behind him saw him, that were equally as terrified. Suddenly, there was a clear space behind the veloceraptor-bot. He drew to his full height (he'd been bending to speak at face-level with the noisy man) and grunted, content. He turned back and found that there was only the old lady and her two petrified grandchildren ahead of him. An annoying sound behind him drew his attention. "Well if it isn't my favourite stinky iguana."

"Vermin," Dinobot growled, clenching his fist. He turned to face the approaching ratbot. Rattrap glanced around himself and then shot Dinobot an inquiring look. "What did ya do ta chase half da people away from dis place?" he asked.

Dinobot snorted and moved forward as the old lady and her little ones got onto some available bumper cars. "I merely expressed my dislike for public shows of stupidity," he replied vaguely.

Rattrap held back on several retorts to that answer because the bumper cars were now free for himself and Dinobot to get on. He grinned mischievously.

"I'm gettin' on dis ride too, ya know, and I am gonna smash you."

Dinobot laughed mirthlessly. "I highly doubt it!"

"Just givin ya a friendly warning, Lizard Lips. Take it or leave it."

Rattrap had an easier time getting into a bumper car than Dinobot. The latter had to cram his body into the largest one available, which wasn't terribly large to begin with. There was a brief wait and then power was restored to the cables and the cars burst into life. Dinobot immediately went on the attack, ramming his car hard into the side of Rattrap's. Rattrap yelped in surprise. He hadn't expected the raptor to come at him so quickly! He pushed forward and slammed into the green car of the little old lady. She swore something that even made Rattrap flinch. "Geez, lady! Da purpose of dis ride is ta hit one anotha'!"

Another hard knock from behind reminded Rattrap of his intent. He turned his car around and faced off with the ex-Predacon before him.

"All right Scales, you wanna play dirty? I can do that."

"You don't know any other way!" Dinobot stated and charged his car forward. The two bumper cars hit head-on, causing sparks to fly and a terrible noise. Dinobot reversed and swung back and to the side, trying to get a good angle so he could hit Rattrap on the upper right. He was knocked off course by a spotty teenager in a yellow car. Dinobot roared in frustration and the yellow car zipped away with an unnerved driver. Dinobot turned to ram into the rat again, only to find his opponent had taken advantage of his distraction. A second later, Rattrap's car connected with the nose of Dinobot's blue and gold one.

"OOF! Why you little--!"

"Hee-hee!!"

Dinobot sped forward, taking out three cars on his way. He miraculously made the car spin 180 degrees and then charged towards the cheeky rodent. Rattrap watched as the aggressive dinosaur-bot came at him, with a face of thunder. He also watched from the corner of his eye as one of the old lady's grandchildren steered her car towards the gap between them. She blocked Dinobot's path when it was too late for him to brake.

CRASH!

Dinobot hit the car so hard he pushed it into Rattrap's. The little girl screamed, pigtails flying and after her car whacked into Rattrap's, she burst into tears.

"I wanna get OFF!" she bawled and squealed.

Rattrap's car was now pinned against the wall by the little kid's, but it didn't make any difference because the ride was stalled while one of the attendants came to fetch the unhappy child. The attendant scooped up the child and gave both Dinobot and Rattrap scornful looks. "I know you're supposed to knock each other, but please, play less rough! There are children on this ride!"

"Yes, and they hit hardest," Dinobot remarked, shooting a glare at the yellow car. The attendant shook his head and walked away with the still-crying girl. He restarted the ride, but Rattrap decided he'd had enough. It wasn't like his car could move at the moment anyway. He hopped off and said: "Ya know, I've had da worst luck wid' cars t'day. I think I'm gonna go on da carousel next. At least no one will try and kill me dere!"

"Coward!" Dinobot hollered, raising a fist. He was interrupted when the second of the grandchildren sought vengeance on Dinobot for making his little sister cry. Dinobot's car was pushed nearly to the other side of the arena and he went roaring all the way.

Rattrap climbed the railing and walked away. "Sheesh! Dat guy really takes competition WAY too seriously."

---------

Tarantulas got thrills from many things, but rides and candyfloss weren't some of them. So instead he indulged in some of the fair's other attractions. Currently, he was wandering into a fortune teller's hut. There she sat, a classic wrinkled old woman with a low table and magic ball. Tarantulas seated himself opposite her.

"I hear you humans are gifted with powers to see into the future," Tarantulas said. "Not knowing an awful lot about your species, I'm not sure if this is true or not. I've asked around and received mixed answers, so I thought I'd come here and try you out for myself."

The fortune teller nodded. "I will remove any scepticism you might have. Now please be quiet while I concentrate." She placed her hands on the ball and closed her eyes, humming softly.

Tarantulas raised an eyeridge. Closed eyes and humming - that was it? What an unimpressive method. Well, he was here purely on a curious whim. Tarantulas knew a lot about the minds of bots, but he knew very little about the mental capabilities of human. As far as he was concerned, they were a stupid, ignorant race. Still, there were apparently a special few who were apart from the general oxygen thieves that plagued this planet.

The fortune teller's eyes suddenly opened and she stared hard into the ball, obviously seeing something that he could not.

"I see...much pain in your future. There is a figure of a man, a large man with wings, who...who..."

"Who what?!" Tarantulas asked, impatient but intrigued. The pain part had to be accurate; Tarantulas was forever experiencing pain in one form or another. He regarded himself as extremely unlucky.

"Who spits demons at you, demons who infest your soul and eat you alive, ultimately destroying you!" she ended gasping. She looked at him, aghast. Tarantulas stared at her. "Demons?"

"Yes...I'm sorry, there's nothing more to say," she said, the look of shock fading from her face as she reached for her money pot. "That will be five dollars, please," she said, holding up the pot. Tarantulas scowled. "Five dollars for telling me that I get possessed? Is there nothing else? Surely I accomplish something before that! I'm a smart bot!"

The fortune teller glanced past him and noted there were others in the queue. "Listen, bub, I hate to break it to you, but you're screwed, so if you wouldn't mind paying..."

Tarantulas's optics narrowed. He glared at her a moment, and then slowly brought up his arm and dropped a five dollar bill into the pot. The fortune teller smiled sweetly and put it aside, shouting "next!"

Tarantulas stood and walked off, severely miffed and muttering how her future was going to be pretty bleak too.

--------

There was a small science fair within the main fair, and that was where Rhinox had disappeared to. Several people had entered. The challenge was to make an invention with the tools and parts provided. Each contestant got a box full of objects to use and were given two hours to figure out what to do with them. While the others were busy making fairly simple contraptions with their fairly simple parts, Rhinox was slaving away on something entirely different. In retrospect, it wasn't fair to pit a highly-evolved Transformer against the inferior intellects of the humans. Still, it made for entertaining viewing. Crowds had accumulated around the "Invention Center" and people were randomly guessing what it was each of the contestants were making. The hours passed quickly and each 'scientist' was so engrossed in what he or she was doing, that no one noticed the amazing things Rhinox had done with his box of goods. This was the same Maximal who had built a machine that had extracted Optimus from an alien capsule, using only wires, metal and duct tape. He was extremely practical and industrious when the occasion called for him to be.

When the time came to reveal their inventions, the judges started from right to left. Rhinox was last in that order. The first person had managed to create a small blender, the second person a portable fan, the third an electric compass, the fourth a hair dryer that ran on water power, the fifth a torch and alarm clock in one and Rhinox, a helmet that had heat and movement sensors embedded within which attached to a visor that displayed readouts, which included wind speed, air temperature and randomly selected lottery numbers. Rhinox left the science fair with an extra thousand dollars and a gold medal. The gold medal he kept, but the thousand dollars he parted with shortly after, as Cheetor needed it to pay for the damage he and Rattrap caused during the kart race. Rhinox made a mental note not to be such a nice guy next time one of his comrades begged and pleaded and sobbed for his help. It would mean he'd get rich a lot faster.

-----------

Depth Charge tapped his foot impatiently as the Ferris wheel turned at a painfully slow rate. He had just fixed it and was now waiting for the carriage that contained Rampage to come back to earth. After nearly ten minutes, the crab came into range.

Rampage decided it unwise to waste time trying to worm his way out of the carriage, so he flexed all his limbs and broke it instead. Pieces of metal went flying and people ducked for cover. The immortal Transformer stood before his mortal enemy and said: "So what?"

"If my fighting you to the death didn't endanger several hundred human lives at this very moment, X, I would have gutted you before you even got out of that carriage, do you hear me?" Depth Charge growled.

"How considerate of you, Fins," Rampage replied. "But I suspect you were planning on doing that anyway. That's why you boarded this ridiculous thing, is it not?"

"I was trying to find you so I could keep an eye on you. This is not the time or the place for a fight, but believe you me, I'm looking forward to the end of this day."

Rampage smirked. "I'll bet you are. Now, if you'll excuse me..." he made to push past the manta, but Depth Charge gripped his arm. "Oh no you don't. You're not leaving my sight. Primus knows what you get up to when no one's watching you."

"You're going to accompany me the rest of the day?" Rampage moaned. One look at Depth Charge's glowering face answered his question.

"Hmmm...very well," Rampage grumbled, although his mind was already working on ways to make such a task most unpleasant for the manta ray.

"You never had a choice, freak. Hey, wait up!" Depth Charge chased after Rampage as the crabbot strode forward, making his way towards the house of mirrors...

--------

Megatron did not like the metal bar that came down over his and Inferno's laps. It was supposedly there to prevent them from falling out, but Megatron was so cramped already he was having doubts he was going to be able to get out the conventional way.

The ride began and their coaster moved forward and into the darkness. Screams and eerie noises echoed through the building. Megatron wondered what it was that alarmed the humans so, and why they chose to deliberately alarm themselves.

The ride plunged into darkness and turned the corner. At first nothing happened, and then a blue-grey glow appeared on the ceiling. Holograms of partially transparent, sickly looking people floated above them. The coaster in front of them was filled with young teens and all of them gasped and yelped. "They're just holograms. They cannot harm you---ooooo!"

At that moment something sprang up in front of them. A model of a very dead-looking human lurched forward while a poor audio recording of a deep, evil laugh resounded. Megatron never got a good look at the thing, because Inferno, upon instinct, drew his flamethrower and set fire to it.

"Glargh! Who dares to attack the Royalty!" Inferno cried, looking around wildly. Megatron batted his hand down. "Oh shush, Inferno! I believe this is all part of the experience."

Inferno calmed down, but it didn't last. As they came around the next corner four more of the ghoulish looking models sprang forth, one from the right, one from in front of them and two from the left. This time, it was Inferno who got spooked.

"YAGH!" he pulled up his flame thrower and toasted all four of them in one swift half-circular movement. Sprinklers turned on above them and the flaming ghouls were retracted in the ground, smouldering lumps of ash. The ride continued. Megatron snatched away Inferno's flamethrower with a firm reprimand. "None of that! Don't you see? You're MEANT to be taken by surprise."

"I apologize Royalty. I thought they were trying to grab you."

"They couldn't pull me from this tiny seat if they tried," Megatron mumbled, trying to shift a little. The ride continued, this time going down a ramp and passing a green set which had skeletons and monsters doing some kind of supposedly intimidating dance around a lime fire. Discordant music was playing and the same scratchy recordings of deep laughs and high-pitched screams filled the air.

"I must recommend this ride to Rampage," Megatron thought aloud.

"Why, do you think he'd enjoy it?" Inferno queried.

"No, I was thinking he could get a summer job working in here."

The teens ahead shrieked as fake bats fell from the roof, hanging on strings. Inferno's hands clenched and twitched, and Megatron subtly moved the flamethrower over and away from Inferno.

"So far this ride has not frightened me in the least. I do not understand why humans find their dead to be so terrifying. Honestly, it's not like they can hurt them!"

The ride started to move upwards and the coaster made clinks and bangs as it climbed the rickety tracks. Holograms swirled around them, making sad, moaning noises. Megatron scowled at them. "Boo to you too!"

The ride stopped suddenly and Megatron peered down into the darkness. Suddenly it lurched forward and sped down the tracks at quite a speed. People on the coasters behind them screamed, yelled, laughed and cried out. Megatron continued scowling, unflinching, as the ride met even ground and jolted him once again. Sprays of water, lit by coloured lights, splashed his form. Inferno protested loudly to being wet.

"I agree. No water was mentioned on this pathetic excuse for a thrill," Megatron uttered. Suddenly, all the lights dimmed and they were in total darkness. Things came out of nowhere and started brushing their faces and gripping lightly at their upper arms. The females shrieked and the males snorted and laughed.

"Eh-EH! WHO?!" Megatron could see Inferno by his bright glowing red eyes. The fire ant was looking around crossly for the source of the offending things that touched him. He reached out and grabbed something. There was a loud snap and a few sparks of electricity.

"Royalty! I got one!"

Megatron groaned. "Put it away, will you? Or else we'll have to pay for it!"

Finally, the ride emerged into light again. Megatron turned to look at his minion and found him to be clutching at a stick that ended in thin rubber feathers. Inferno tossed it aside as the ride came to a halt.

The bars moved upwards. "That was most unimpressive," Megatron complained. He began to strain to get out. He pushed and heaved, still talking. "In fact - grrrrnngh - I think I will - hrrrrr - complain to whoever -ooooooh - built this thing. Ah!" He had worked his way free. He stepped out of the ride, as did Inferno. "Yes, I shall give them tips on how to improve their ride, to cause REAL screams of terror."

"I am certain you could have achieved much better had you been in charge, Royalty," Inferno said. Megaton nodded once at the comment.

"Come, Inferno. Let us find the office to this place and cause a fuss."

Inferno was more than happy to do that.

--------

The ride that Airazor and Tigatron had got on had also just ended. The cage door to the metal ball they were in opened and Airazor stepped out, punching the air and exclaiming how much fun she had had. "WOW! That was so awesome! The thrill of going UP so fast and then down even faster was amazing! It made my spark jump."

"And my stomach..." Tigatron got out a lot more tentatively, cheeks tinged with green. He held his stomach and keeled over slightly. Airazor didn't seem to notice.

"When it first went up I could see all the fair grounds, it was so high. You know for such a simple ride it really was a lot of fun. Though it's certainly not for the faint hearted."

"You're telling me..."

"It's given me such an adrenaline rush. I wanna try all the fast rides in this place. What say you, Tigatron?" she turned to him with a bright smile.

"I'll answer that question after I've found a dustbin," he said and hurried off.

"A dustbin...? But why are you--ewwww," she looked away. Fortunately a dustbin had been close by for poor, sick Tigatron. When he was done ridding himself of the giant pretzel he'd eaten earlier, he came back to Airazor. She looked at him apologetically.

"Sorry. I didn't realize you were feeling so bad. I guess we can skip the Twisty Turvy and the Ultra-Velocity roller coasters."

"I appreciate it," he said, smiling weakly. Just then he spotted a rather frantic-looking Optimus with his hands on his head.

"It appears our leader is in distress. Let us go an ask him how we can help," Tigatron said, indicating the fretting Maximal ahead of them. The two came up to him. Optimus turned at the sound of their voices and a brief look of relief came over him. "Oh thank goodness I found you two! Have you seen any of the others?" he asked them.

They both shook their head. "Not recently, no," Tigatron said. "Is it time to go already?"

Optimus checked his internal clock. "We've still half an hour. I'm looking for everyone because when I checked at the ticket office to get answers as to why my ticket doesn't qualify me for the small rides," he gestured over to the kiddies section. Airazor immediately spotted a small sign stating "you have to be this height or shorter to enter these rides". She withheld a chortle. "I heard two staff members in the background complaining about how, since 'our type' entered the funfair, there's been all sorts of mischief."

"What kind of mischief?" Tigatron asked.

"Well, Cheetor apparently caused a pile up at the kart races, Dinobot destroyed two bumper cars, the local fortune teller was found stuck to the railway tracks of the kid's choo-choo by a sticky "web-like" substance and there was apparently some pandemonium at the Ferris wheel."

"Oh my gosh, did they get to the fortune teller on time?!" Airazor gasped.

"Yes. Fortunately the choo-choo goes very slowly. I have my strong suspicions as to who PUT her there in the first place."

Tigatron nodded. "So do I. I see why you wish to round everyone up. We will go and find others and get them to the meeting place."

Optimus put a hand on the tiger's shoulder briefly and said: "Thank you!" He turned away from them and headed off in no particular direction, keeping his eyes open for any more of his fellow Transformers.

Airazor sighed and shook her head. "Poor Optimus. He's going to get it for every bit of trouble that's caused here. I'm glad I don't have his job."

"So am I," Tigatron agreed. The two set off to find the others.

-------------

Silverbolt snuggled up to Blackarachnia as their swan-shaped boat passed through some hanging roses. Trees bent lowly on either side of the canal, causing a sort of green and brown tunnel. Thin rays of sunlight penetrated the canopy and sparkled on the surface of the water. Very delicate, soft romantic music was playing. Silverbolt thought it magical. Blackarachnia was less impressed.

"Hah, isn't this relaxing, milady?" Silverbolt sighed happily. Blackarachnia nodded absently.

"It is not often we have quiet moments to ourselves," he went on. "Our lives are so chaotic and busy, and while I am not one who likes to complain, I must admit that I do appreciate the silence, especially if it is shared with a beautiful duchess such as yourself."

"Oh, boy, you are SAPPY," Blackarachnia told him, rolling her eyes but still smiling a small smile.

Silverbolt grinned. "Perhaps, but it is the way I am."

The boat came into a clearing in the canal, where the trees were only sparse on either bank. It gave them the opportunity to see into the fairgrounds again. At first everything seemed normal, but then Blackarchnia spotted Quickstrike being taken away by two security guards, kicking up a fuss all the way.

"The game said shoot the pop-up people! It never said nothin' about not using live ammo!"

Blackarachnia sighed and frowned. "Do you see that? Quickstrike's been arrested already."

"And it appears someone else is on the wanted list," Silverbolt said with a grim expression. He pointed at a stall behind which Tarantulas was hiding. Two policemen passed on the other side and then stopped. Tarantulas peered around the side and noted that they were thinking about coming his way. In a panic, he dashed to a nearby puppet-stall and pushed inside. A moment later the puppeteer was thrown out with a piece of blue web over her mouth. Silverbolt gasped. "How awful!"

Not one, not two, but eight puppets appeared suddenly, all having arguments with each other. Blackarachnia sighed dramatically. "Oh brother. He's doing a show!"

The pair watched as Tarantulas made the puppets viciously attack each other, scaring the audience of small children.

Just then, Silverbolt's comm. rattled on. "Optimus to Silverbolt. For Primus's sake, tell me you copy!"

"Silverbolt here."

There was a muffled sound of exclamation, and then: "Finally! You're the first person I've contacted whose had their comm. link active, other than Rhinox. Anyway, I'm rounding everyone up. There's been far too much monkey business since we went our separate ways, if you'll excuse the expression."

"I'm beginning to see signs of this, yes," Silverbolt agreed. "Do you want us to go to the meeting area?"

"Yes, and tell anyone you see to go there too. Optimus out."

The couple exchanged glances.

"Well I guess that cuts our romantic little trip off, then. Shame," Blackarachnia said without much feeling. She leapt off the boat and easily made it to the shore. Silverbolt sighed and took to the air. "A shame indeed. But duty calls!"

The two abandoned their swan boat, causing the attendant at the end of the ride to get very confused and panicky and initiate a search for the missing couple. They'd never know about the divers that were dispatched to find them.

--------

Rampage was pleased there there wasn't a queue for the house of mirrors, and so he walked straight in. Depth Charge came to the entrance of the house a few seconds later, but it was all the time the crab needed.

"X! Don't you go losing yourself--huh?!"

Depth Charge blinked as he stepped inside. The entire place was filled with rows of mirrors. Each of them distorted his form in some way or another. Depth Charge saw taller, shorter, fatter, thinner and crooked versions of himself. He scowled, and they all scowled back.

"X! Where are you?!" he called crossly. A cackle met his ears.

"Why I'm right behind you!"

Depth Chare swivelled around and saw about seventeen Rampages, all of different shapes and sizes. All of them were wearing infuriating grins.

"Which one of you uglies is the real one?" Depth Charge glared at all of them to be sure he at least gave Rampage a dirty look, wherever he was.

"This one," Rampage said, pointing to himself and laughing because, of course, all his reflections pointed to themselves as well.

"Stop messing me around! Now I want you to approach me very slowly, got it?" Depth Charge demanded.

"Well then, tell me which one are YOU? There are about twenty Depth Charge's making demands in here."

Depth Charge was about ready to draw his weapon and blow up all the mirrors, but managed to restrain the violent urge.

"I'm going to make my way back to the exit, and you will meet me there, all right?" Depth Charge said irritably.

"Aw, but I've just entered this place! It'd be a waste of my ticket if I didn't explore it fully." The reflections turned away.

"No, no you come back here!" Instinctively, Depth Charge grabbed at one of the Rampages and his hand hit glass. The mirror shook and then toppled and fell. The mantabot cringed at the noise.

The turning Rampages paused and looked over their shoulders and one voice said: "Oh dear, Fins! That's seven years bad luck."

"You're bad luck!" Depth Charge growled in annoyance. He turned around and bumped another mirror, but managed to catch it before it fell.

"Did you scare yourself? Easily done, I must admit," Rampage chuckled.

"I am going to break you in half when we get out of here," Depth Charge informed him, pointing at one of the reflections. He found his own reflection looking back at him in the background. He grinned and turned around slowly. Standing behind him was Rampage.

"Thought you could sneak up on me?" he asked the crabbot. Rampage folded his arms and gave him a condescending look. "Well go on then, apprehend me."

Depth Charge froze, wondering why his enemy was giving in so easily. He reached forward slowly, thinking he was in fact going to touch another reflection. His hand came into contact with Rampage's mouth, which opened and bit.

"OUCH!"

He drew back his hand in pain and Rampage laughed. Depth Charge smacked him upside the head. "That's it! You're coming with me."

Rampage smirked and said "Which one?"

There was a yell of frustration and the sound of several mirrors shattering.

-----------------

Finally, all the Maximals and Predacons got the message and were at the meeting place, amazingly only ten minutes later than the agreed time. Optimus looked positively exhausted by that time, however. The bedraggled and weary-looking Maximal leader addressed his audience.

"Okay, it looks like we're all here. And now that we are, we're all going straight home before anyone causes anymore trouble!"

"People caused trouble?" Tarantulas asked curiously. Optimus gave him a baleful look. "Oh don't you play coy! I heard all about your little railway stunt. I'm going to make sure Sapphire hears about it, too."

Tarantulas feigned innocence. "Railway incident? Whatever do you mean?"

Optimus glared at him. "You know well what I mean. You and several others caused a lot of chaos here. I had to pay the security guards all of what cash I had on me to get Quickstrike out of custody. The Ferris wheel was broken, there was a kart car pile up, two bumper cars were wrecked," at this point he shot Dinobot a dirty look. The scratched and dented ex-Predacon snorted and returned the look. "And apparently one of the animals went missing at the petting zoo."

There was silence at the mention of the last thing and Optimus scanned the faces of all the bots before him. His gaze rested on his biggest suspect. Rampage caught the look and took offence. "What are you looking at me for?! I was nowhere near that petting zoo. Ask Mr. 28 Years of Bad Luck here," he said, gesturing to Depth Charge who was busy pulling out a piece of glass from his foot.

Optimus sighed and rubbed his temples. "Whatever. Let's go."

The procession of beastly robots headed off and out of the park. Optimus overheard several conversations, but listened in on Megatron and Inferno's.

"Honestly, I don't know how these humans' brains function. There was absolutely nothing wrong with my suggestions! If it's fear they want, then pits of live snakes, flying daggers and randomly falling axes should do the trick wonderfully."

"Agreed, Royalty! The humans are indeed narrow-minded," Inferno stated.

Optimus decided he didn't want to listen in on any more conversations and walked ahead of the crowd. When he came to the ship, the doors opened automatically. He was the first to enter the Ark.

Sitting at the console and looking miserable was Waspinator. "It'zz about time!" the wasp complained.

"I'm sorry Waspinator, but someone had to guard the Ark while we were gone, and you drew the short straw," Optimus said as he made his way to the controls. No way was he letting Rattrap drive again.

"Waspinator ALWAYS getz slag assignments," the waspbot griped.

Optimus waited for everyone to be seated before he started up the ship and set its course for home.

Rhinox was co-piloting beside him. The scientist noted the weary expression on his friend's face.

"Don't worry Optimus. You tried your best. I'll vouch for that."

Optimus nodded tiredly. "Thanks, but I'm telling you, the next time someone asks me to take care of that lot on an outing..." he trailed, unable to think of a terrible enough threat. Rhinox just smiled and nodded. He gave the engines a boost and the Ark sped off, leaving the funfair far behind.