Ask
Jazz!!!
(And Jazz)
Queen’s note: I own nothing but myself and my boys, the two Kratta.
It’s okay if you’ve never heard of them. Kratta are snake-like things with
three jaws (I THINK it’s three), they’re from Bionicle. On that matter I
don’t own Bionicle, or Transformers! Sometime later I’ll write my Bionicle
fics…if I can find a site that’ll let me post them, that is…
Queen’s added note: Many thanks and glomps and Ice cream to Flyby for being my beta reader on this!!!! She’s my hero!
HE’S THE KING OF MUSIC, THE MASTER OF DANCING…JAZZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(We see a basic Autobot room: a blue and white desk is to one side with a greenish computer.)
Jazz: HI! (Pops up behind the desk.) Welcome to the first episode of Ask Jazz!
IceQueen: (Is sitting behind the camera.) Don’t let this go to your head, hottie.
Sideswipe: (Is holding up the sound stick.) You’re not really helping.
IceQueen: Eh… (Shrugs.)
Jazz: (Grins.) Let’s get to the questions! (Opens his inbox.)
Inbox: You have 98,763,023,975 E-mail(s)!
Jazz: 0.0 SPAM!!!!!!!!!
IceQueen & Sideswipe: O.0 Ouch.
Jazz: (Some odd minutes later [like 20]…) HAH! I found one!
Sideswipe: Good for you.
IceQueen: (Tosses a fireball at Sideswipe.) Sudda’ up.
DEAR JAZZ,
WHY AREN'T YOU MENTIONED IN BEAST WARS?
Jazz: See below question for this.
DEAR
JAZZ,
WHAT DID YOU DO THAT GOT YOU BLACK LISTED?
Eeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrmmmmmmmmmmm..............
~FASH BACK!~
Jazz: 0.0 Dude! You want me ta be a BAT?!?!
HASBRO Guy 1: Yes. You like to make noise, yes?
HASBRO Guy 2: Bats are good at that.
Jazz: (Twitches.) o.0...NOISE?!?! It's MUSIC man!
HASBRO Guy 1: (Nods.) You keep thinking that.
Jazz: (Tells the two just WHERE they can go and WHAT they can do there to one another before leaving.)
HASBRO Guy 1: ........0.o
HASBRO Guy 2: .........o.0
Jazz: (Walks out into the parking lot and sees the two’s cars.) (Grins evilly.) ...Ehehehe!
~END FLASHBACK~
Jazz: ...I told the Dinobots (who were there too) dat there was energon goodies inside those two cars, and they should get them 'fore the Predacons did.
(The other two snicker, having seen the Dinobots tearing the cars up to find the goodies.)
DEAR JAZZ
SILVERBOLT’S WING MISSILES DON’T BLOW UP WHEN HE USED THEM AS SWORDS. WHY?
Jazz: (Blinks.) Which Silverbolt?
IceQueen: Beast Wars Silverbolt.
Jazz: How do you know that?
IceQueen: “Wing missiles.” Does G1 Silverbolt have those?
Jazz: Point. WELL! This guy ain’t the only one with missile/swords that I know of. It has somethin’ to do with energy codes transmitted inta his hands that basically say “DON’T BLOW UP!!!”
DEAR JAZZ,
IF YOU COULD, WOULD YOU HAVE JOINED THE BEAST WARS AS A MAXIMAL? WHY?
Jazz: NO! HASBRO has no STYLE man! I have half a mind ta tell Sunny that they're going to turn 'im hot pink just ta see 'em get stepped on. THAT would be funny!
Jazz: That and I would have to give up my alt. mode, lose almost ALL my height, AND lose my die cast armor! I mean, come ON! My alt. is a snazzy lil' Porsche 926 wit' a blue four blazin' on my chaise! Would YOU trade all that in for FUR?! (Mutters.) And I don’t like the idea of bein’ a BAT.
IceQueen: (Blinks.) I like bats.
Sideswipe: (Pokes IceQueen.) Comin’ from someone who thinks frogs are cute? You don’t count.
DEAR JAZZ,
WHERE DID BA GET HER TELEKINESIS POWER FROM IN MASTER BLASTER?
Jazz: It’s the Transmetal 2 Driver’s fault.
Sideswipe: That and she’s a kick aft femme
(Both males grin.)
DEAR JAZZ
WHY DIDN’T THE CREATORS MAKE ALL THE BEAST WARRIORS GO TRANSMETAL?
Jazz: Plot hole! XD That and they’re lazy…
DEAR JAZZ,
WHAT’S WITH MEGATRON MAKING CLONES OF DINOBOT? HE COULD HAVE ALWAYS USED SOMEONE ELSE’S DNA, LIKE SCORPINOK.
Jazz: He didn’t want more Scorpinoks kissing his—
Sideswipe: JAZZ! This is PG!
Jazz: Oops…
DEAR JAZZ,
WHY DIDN’T THEY SHOW THE LAST VOK SITE?
Jazz: Let’s see… (Roots around in his desk, pulling out some files and looking at one that’s marked “Classified.”) Huh, what do you know, Area 51 DOES have space ships there…
IceQueen: Wrong file Jazzman.
Sideswipe: You DO know that we’re live right??
Jazz: Errmm…now I do. (Shoves that file back and hunts around for another file and pulls it out.) “Classified Level Upsilon”??? 0.o? Riiight (Tosses that file back into his desk.) Hey, you two seen the files on the VOK?
IceQueen: I hate the VOK. Why would I want their files?
Sideswipe: Prowl took them. Said something ‘bout not letting you reveal somethin’.
Jazz: Drat.
DEAR JAZZ,
HEY JAZZ, THIS IS BUMBLEBEE. HAVE YOU SEEN QUEEN’S CHAMELEON KRATTA?? IT GOT AWAY FROM ME WHEN I WAS SHOWING IT TO RACHET… DO YOU THINK SHE’LL BE MAD AT ME?
Jazz: Seeing as the author is twitching over there… Yes, she’ll be mad at you. And no, I haven’t seen the bugger. That thing is ALWAYS getting away.
IceQueen: (Twitches.)
DEAR JAZZ,
WANT TO SAVE 30.0004% ON ALL PRESCRIPTION ENERGON?
THEN
CLICK HERE!!!!
Jazz:………….o.0! SPAM! (Dumps the junk e-mail from his computer.)
DEAR JAZZ,
WHAT’S IT LIKE TO BE EATEN BY UNICRON?
Jazz: As ‘Queen would say, “EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!” I NEVER want ta go through anything REMOTELY like that in my life!!!
DEAR JAZZ,
OUT OF ALL THE BOTS, WHO DID YOU GET ALONG WITH THE WORST?
Jazz: Umm... Autobot: Gears mostly. Don’t get me wrong, he’s okay, but man he just CAN’T see the good in ANYTHING! As for the Decepticons, I really don’t get along with any of them.
DEAR JAZZ,
WHO’S THE PERSON YOU LIKE TO POKE FUN AT THE MOST?
Jazz: I like ta poke fun at Redalert! He’s like, “WHAT’S THAT?!” and jumps up with his gun drawn when a mouse pokes its nose inta the next room over. XD He’ll never know HALF of the stuff I’ve pulled on him!
Inbox: You have 2,342 new e-mail(s) from ‘Redalert’!!
Jazz: 0.o!
DEAR JAZZ,
HEY MAN, IT’S BLASTER. ‘BEE AND RATCH’ CAN’T FIND THAT KRA-WHATEVER OF QUEEN’S, AND THEY ACCIDENTALLY LET THE OTHER KRA-SNAKE-THING LOOSE. CAN YOU BOYS AND THE ICE LADY HELP LOOK??
IceQueen: MY BOYS ARE LOOSE IN THE ARK?!?!?!?!?!!? 0.0 (Bolts, looking for the two Kratta.)
(Camera starts to fall when the author leaves, but Sideswipe caches it.)
Jazz: Well, that’s it for this episode! I’ll see all ya Transformers next week! (Gets up and trots off.)
Sideswipe: (Dumps the camera and sound stick on Jazz’s desk. As he leaves, a snake-like thing with three jaws crawls over the desk and up into an air vent.)
END (For now that is.)
~~
Queen’s notes: Thanks to Daniel Mcglynn for giving us questions!!! E-mail us more, everyone! Or put them in a review!! If you want Jazz to keep going with this you people and bots have to give the man questions!