WARNING: Extremely silly fan fic. NOT to be taken seriously.
Any Last Words?
Note: Due to some extremely unusual circumstances, rare luck and and a chain of events that could only have been co-incidence, Megatron actually managed to capture *all* the Maximals in one day, put them in a cage and begin to lower them into a lava pit. You may now continue to read the story.
The Maximals were all grouped together in a metal cage that was slowly being lowered into the hot lava below. Megatron had placed a camera nearby the lava pit to watch their demise. He was sitting safely inside the base enjoying an ice cream sundae and a bag of chips. He also had good audio on the Maximals so he could hear any last words and their screams of agony.
"Nothing quite like a live show," he said with a grin and lay back in his chair.
"Yessss."
-------
Back in the cage, the Maximals had given up trying to find a way out. It was no use.
"Yep. It's like I've always said. We're all gonna die," Rattrap sighed. For once the Maximals didn't glare at him.
Optimus was solemn.
"I am sorry it came to this. Well, in this last moment, I want to share something with you," he began.
"Please, don't start wid' da soppy speech, Pop Op! I'd really like ta die in peace!" Rattrap exclaimed.
Optimus frowned.
"And I would like to say that you're the best crew I ever could have worked with."
There was silence.
"Any last words?" Dinobot asked everyone.
There was a pause, before Rhinox suddenly spoke up.
"Yes. Seeing as we only have a few minutes, I don't think this is going to bother you for too long. I just have to get it off my chest."
"Go ahead, Rhinox," Cheetor said sadly.
Rhinox took a deep breath,
"I think you're all a bunch of mommy's boys who couldn't make it on your own if you tried! You would have been dead long ago if it wasn't for my long hours in front of the computer! Rhinox do this, Rhinox do that, oh Rhinox, save me! Rhinox, give me a sponge bath!"
At this last sentence the Maximals exchanged glances and Dinobot could have sworn Optimus was blushing.
Rhinox continued indignantly.
"You know, I didn't want to do that for the rest of my life! I rather fancied owning a hotel in the Bahamas," he said with a glazed look upon his face. He grunted and shook himself out of his daze.
"Anyway, that is all I wanted to say."
There was an uncomfortable silence that followed, but it was soon broken.
"Well, in that case, I have something to say too!" Cheetor erupted.
"I hate the way you always regard me as a kid! You don't even know what I did before I joined the Axalon! It just turns out that I look young for my age and have a wild spirit. I'm actually fifty and a professor of Cybertronian literature, but I found life so boring I thought I join the Axalon for a wild party! But wait, there's more! I've been secretly creating a garden of roses behind the Axalon to make our neighborhood more attractive! I think our decor is so dreary. There. I've said it!"
Everyone looked at Cheetor and Rattrap shrugged.
"Well, we're bein' honest today! Anyone got any more shocking histories ta tell?" he asked, wide-eyed.
There came a small sob from the back.
"I hate bananas! I only eat them to fit in with a group of apes I've been secretly seeing when everyone's working or on scout patrol!" Optimus yelled and then broke into tears.
Silverbolt's lip was trembling.
"I DO remember a past I had on Cybertron! The reason I like Blackarachnia is she's the only woman who ever had an interest in me! I was a failed chip 'n dale on Cybertron and reduced myself to a protoform when my career flopped. I donated myself to the mission hoping I'd wake up and never remember!" he confessed.
"That makes a lot of sense," Rattrap remarked.
Optimus, Silverbolt, Cheetor and Rhinox all turned and glared at Rattrap.
"We've revealed our secrets!" Optimus began, and looked through the bars briefly, "and we're only a few meters from the lava! I want to know what YOU did before the Axalon, before we throw in the towel!"
Rhinox nodded angrily.
"Yes! It's only fair!"
Rattrap held his hands up in defense.
"Hey, don't force me! Besides what are you going ta do about it if I don't fess up?" he challenged.
Rhinox paused.
"I'll fart!"
Rattrap's eyes went huge!
"I was a CCF wrestler by the name Dinky and I have two daughters - Molly and Sue!"
"I knew it!" Dinobot exploded.
All eyes fiercely turned on Dinobot.
"And what do you have to say for yourself, MR. Mysterious?" Silverbolt growled. Rhinox squatted maliciously.
"I...I..." Dinobot stuttered.
"Spit it out!" Optimus pressed.
"I was a car salesman and have an Ex wife by the name of Gertrude!" Dinobot cried and held his head in his hands.
There was silence.
"Whoa, didn't see dat comin'," Rattrap noted.
Cheetor looked through the bars.
"We're only a few millimeters from the lava!"
The Maximals were quiet for these last moments and squeezed their eyes shut before the final drop.
Suddenly, the cage jerked they all gasped and waited...and nothing happened. Instead, they heard insane laughter coming from a speaker attached to the wall.
"Heeeyy...how come we're not in the lava?" Cheetor asked.
Megatron's voice came over the speaker.
It was difficult to decipher what he was saying through all the crazy laughter, but they managed to catch this much.
"He. hee. ha haa. I've decided to let you go! Ha ha ha! It's far worse punishment ahyuck! *snort* to let you live with what you've...HAH! said now...than *snort* go out the easy way in a pit of..*chortle* lavA aha aha ahhhaaahaha!"
After which the cage was swung onto a rocky ledge and the door was opened.
"Have," Megatron continued between giggles, "A pleasant trip home! Mwa hah ha!"
The Maximals stepped out and looked at each other.
Optimus wiped away a tear and blew his nose on a hankie Dinobot had offered.
"I think it's best that we don't ever speak of this again."
There was a general murmur of agreement.
They slowly began the long walk home away from the fiery Predacon base.
As they disappeared into the distance, Megatron caught a few words.
"Her name was GERTRUDE?"
"Shut up, Vermin."