I'll Make A Man Out Of You
By: Amber
Disclaimer: I don't own Beast Wars or I'll Make A Man Out Of You from Mulan.
Author's notes: Hope you enjoy, I tried not to make it a carbon copy of the original version from Mulan, oh, and about the scene with Silverbolt, it's just he seemed like the only one who was suitable for those lines.
~*~
The Predacons (from seasons 1 and 2) are sitting outside their base.
"Why are we here anyway?" BlackArachnia hissed, to the 'bot next to her.
"Wasssspinator not know," the wasp-bot replied.
"Boss-bot wanted us ta gather fer some new trainin' exercises" Quickstrike piped up.
"This better not be a waste of my time," Tarantulas added.
Suddenly Megatron walked out of the shadows of the Predacon, wearing a black wig with a similar style to BM Silverbolt's.
"What the slag is that?" BlackArachnia cried.
"I have no idea" the Predacon leader shrugged "The authoress said I had to wear it, as part of this parody."
~*~
"Right, Predacons," Megatron said, blinking as he turned to a container of quarter-staffs that had suddenly appeared beside him, then he coughed and started singing "Let's get down to business, to defeat the Huns."
Then he tossed staffs to the other Predacons, using the one he was holding to toss these models of the heads of Optimus Primal and Rhinox, made of clay into the air and smashed them.
"Wha....?" Terrorsaur's jaw dropped.
"I knew it, our 'mighty' leader has lost it," Tarantulas muttered.
Megatron glared at them, then continued his song "Did they send me daughters, when I asked for sons?"
BlackArachnia: "HEY, what's wrong with us fem-bots?!?"
Megatron: "You're the saddest bunch I ever met" *he somehow manages to somersault over to BlackArachnia, grabs her quarter-staff and glares at her.
Waspinator: *sulking* "There's no need to get personal."
Megatron: "But you can bet before we're through."
Quickstrike: *sarcastic tone* "Great, what else does he has planned fer us" *gets smacked around the head by Scorponok*
Megatron: "Mister, I'll make a man out of you"
BlackArachnia: "I'm happy being female, thank you very much."
Megatron: *glares at her* "Tranquil as a forest, but on fire within" *then he demonstrates shooting apples (with stickers of Rat-Trap's head stuck on them) flying through the air with arrows.
Inferno: "Fire? Does that mean we get to BURRRNNN something?"
Megatron: *bops the fire-ant on the head* "Once you find your center, you are sure to win."
Rampage: *mutters* "Oh, don't worry, as soon as I find 'my center' again, I will win" *falls over in agony as the 'squeeze' is put on the famous Spark-box*
Megatron then stands at the edge of a cliff with a bucket of water on his head and a quarter-staff in his hands, inviting the other Predacons to throw stones at him, he uses the staff to block them.
Suddenly Tarantulas and Rampage stagger up, carrying a boulder between them and hurl it at the Predacon leader.
Megatron "..............." then the boulder smashes him off the cliff-edge.
Scorponok "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" *he dashes to the edge of the cliff.
*In the background, Tarantulas, now on fire, just runs round in circles, screaming, having fallen victim to the wrath of Inferno as the rest of the Predacons do those big anime sweatdrops*
~*~
A couple of hours and a session in the C.R chamber later, Megatron glares daggers at Rampage and Tarantulas as he mutters something about getting revenge.
Megatron: "You're a spineless, pale, pathetic lot."
BlackArachnia, Tarantulas and Quickstrike: "HEY!"
Megatron: "And you haven't got a clue."
Waspinator: "Huh? Who Megatron talking about?"
Megatron: "Somehow I'll make a man out of you"
BlackArachnia "If he says that line one more time, I am outta here."
Megatron shows Quickstrike and BlackArachnia just how to pluck a fish straight out of a river with a karate chop. BlackArachnia does the same and she grabs the fuzor's foot, pulling him underwater with a smirk, then gingerly pushes his foot back down when she notices Megatron glaring at her.
~*~
Quickstrike: *trying to dodge flaming arrows being shot by Inferno* "I'm....never....gonna....catch....my....breath" *passes out* X___X
Waspinator: *also trying to dodge flaming arrows* "Say good-bye to those who knew me" *trips, gets arrow in his rear end and shoots through the air, yelling in pain*
Terrorsaur: "Boy, was I a fool in school for cutting gym" *attempts to break a cement block with his head and smashes it off his neck*
Rat-Trap *watching the Predacons' antics on the Axalon monitors* "This guy's got 'em scared to death."
BlackArachnia: *plotting to kill Megatron for this* "Hope he doesn't see right through me."
Rampage: "Now I really wish that I knew how to swim" *standing at a set of poles leading across a fast-flowing river, while wearing inflatable arm-bands*
Depth Charge: *can be heard cracking up off-set*
Scorponok: "Be a man."
Megatron: "We must be swift as the coursing river."
BlackArachnia lights the fuse of a dragon-headed rocket and tries to aim it at a dummy of Optimus Primal, but Tarantulas purposely kicks her rocket off-balance and she grabs it desperately, but it goes off in her face.
The next thing Tarantulas knows, he is flying through the sky, tied to yet another of the dragon rockets by BlackArachnia's webbing.
Scorponok: "Be a man."
Megatron: "With all the force of a great typhoon."
Rampage: *lights the fuse of his dragon-headed rocket, then he points it at Megatron, but curses as Waspinator gets in the way*
Scorponok: "Be a man."
Inferno: *cuts in on Megatron's next lines* "With all the strength of a raging fire"*proceeds to set fire to Quickstrike who runs off, screaming like a girl*
BlackArachnia: *also cuts in* "Mysterious as the dark side of the moon" *whispers behind her hand* "This line suits me."
Megatron: "Time is racing toward us till the Huns arrive."
Terrorsaur: "What in the Pit is a 'Hun'?"
~*~
Megatron *blinking as he finds himself alone with "Coming of the Fuzors" Silverbolt, the one who thought he was a Predacon* "Heed my every order and you might survive."
Silverbolt: "Why should I? I suddenly realised you are a sparkless villain."
Megatron: *addressing Silverbolt* "You're unsuited for the rage of war."
Quickstrike: "Well, duh, what was yer first clue about that tin-horn?" *gets blasted to slag to Megatron*
Megatron: "So pack up, go home, you're through."
Silverbolt: "Alright, I am out of here" *spreads his wings and flies off*
Megatron: *yelling after him* "How could I make a man out of you?"
BlackArachnia: "You didn't, making a man of him was my job."
Scorponok: "Be a man."
~*~
Megatron: "We must be swift as the coursing river" * just watches Inferno forcing BlackArachnia to climb a pole with weights attached to her wrists*
Scorponok: "Be a man."
Megatron: "With all the force of a great typhoon."
*BlackArachnia is nearly at the top of the pole as Quickstrike, Silverbolt and Cheetor turn up one by one and watch her*
Scorponok: "Be a man."
Megatron: "With all the strength of a raging fire."
*BlackArachnia struggles on as her boyfriend and her two admirers begin rooting for her*
Megatron: "Mysterious as the dark side of the moon."
*BlackArachnia reaches the top of the pole as Quickstrike, Silverbolt and Cheetor cheer for her, then glare at each other and start fighting*
Scorponok: "Be a man."
Megatron: "We must be swift as the coursing river."
The Predacon commander and BlackArachnia do martial arts and she knocks him for six, he rubs his jaw while lying on the ground and looks really cheesed off.
Scorponok: "Be a man."
Quickstrike: *cartwheeling across the river poles* "With all the force of a great typhoon." *suddenly falls into the fast-flowing water* "HELPPPPP"
Scorponok: "Be a man."
Megatron: "With all the strength of a raging fire." *he watches Inferno run through a gauntlet of flaming arrows successfully*
Most of the Predacons *all looking worn out by the training* "Mysterious as the dark side of the moon" *they then use the tied-up Megatron's head to break cement blocks, Scorponok and Inferno lie to one side, suffering from the effects of Cyber-venom*
The End